


In the Eyes

by SecretlyMe



Series: SuSan [2]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Attempted Murder, F/M, How Do I Tag, I'm Sorry, Kids, Major Original Character(s), Off-screen Relationship(s), Original Character Death(s), Original Character(s), Relationship(s), Sad Ending, Surprise Ending, Suspense, Unhappy Ending, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-03
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-03-28 20:02:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 102,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3868018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecretlyMe/pseuds/SecretlyMe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>4 years ago, I was SS, a well known killer of NYC. My boyfriend, Raph, changed that. Together, we made a family, and all was well… until something happened to him. With my family torn and my boyfriend someone else, I change back to my old ways... To kill the one I love...<br/>Second Piece to SS</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Return

Chapter 1 The Return  
  
Leo's POV  
  
_Dear Leo,_

_How is it in South America? Are the forests as plush as they're said to be? Are you being eaten alive by bugs, or is it the other way around?_

_Sorry if this letter is sloppy, I'm still in the "Alone Time" with Raph, and we have stopped for an hour to eat. I won't go into specifics, because I'm pretty sure you already know what's happening..._

_Anyway, write back if you can._

_Love, Liz_

It all started innocently two years ago. The first letter she sent was all fun and games, like things had been for a while after Shredder. As I swam the pipe leading to the main sewer system, running all the corridors I could use to get home through my head, I ran the letters through my head again. It was an ungodly time of the night, so I don't know what I was going to run into at home. Judging by the fact that New York was still standing, things couldn't be that bad.

_Dear Leo,_

_Sorry for not writing for 2 months. I have a problem, morning sickness. For the past 2 weeks, I wake up every morning to sickness, and I whisk myself away to the bathroom before I puke on the floor. Any ideas?_

_I asked Don about it, and he told me to lift my shirt. I didn't get it halfway before he put his hand on my lower stomach. He murmured something, wrote it down, and locked me in his lab. Right now, that's where I am. He's talking to the family, probably asking Raph some questions._

_Is it possible for me to get pregnant by a turtle? The hard bump in my stomach says so, but I want your opinion._

_Also, I can't decide to be shocked, happy, or scared about being pregnant. I guess you remembered what my doctor said almost 5 years ago, how I should take it easy unless I didn't want kids anymore. I had accepted the fact that I wouldn't be able to have kids anymore, but now, cradling the small bump holding a child, old emotions are surfacing._

_Write back as soon as possible,_

_Sincerely, Liz_

I of course responded to her letters, and I should have traveled home then when she told me that, but instead I decided to stay in the Amazon. Doing my 'training', which I couldn't say worked or not. I feel like it didn't, but who knows, maybe something did get through. I know I'm a year late from my due date back home though. I would have thought something really bad happened, but I kept getting letters from Liz.

_Donnie did an Ultrasound because I was growing too fast. He found (at least) 2 kids growing at a fast rate. He said they should be 10 inches in length, but they're 15 or 16 inches. The last time he did an ultrasound (2 months ago), they were 4 and a half inches. This fast development is hitting hard. I can hardly keep solid food down, stand up, or use the bathroom._

_A plus side, they respond to my calling and Raph's. Raph is by my side night and day, and he smiles when the babies kick his hand or head when he or I speak._

_We've been thinking about names. How does Antebellum or Alaya sound? Or Rose, that one Raph thought up and liked the sound of. If they're boys, we were thinking Hitoshi or Michael, but that's mostly because we can't think of boy names. Any ideas?_

_Love, Liz_

I started my walk down the pipelines, following the path home. My body was tired and my brain was frayed, but I kept putting one foot in front of the other. I was on a mission, and falling asleep now wasn't an option for me.

At the rate she was growing, she was done at six months, instead of nine. With a growth like that, it was honest to god truly a miracle she lived. I admit, part of the reason I didn't go back sooner was the idea that she was dead. If she'd died, then my brothers would be grieving, especially if the kids were Raph's. I couldn't deal with a grief like that after leaving them as happy as could be, so I stayed behind, afraid to go home. The only reason why I was going home now, walking through the pipeline, was because I knew she was alive. The only reason I knew was because of the last letter she sent me, two weeks ago.

_Leo,_

_Sorry for not writing for so long. I've been extremely busy this past year. About a week after I sent you the last letter, I went into labor. 6 months into pregnancy and I was already in labor? It gave us a little scare, but the kids were ready. They grew fast, given their heritage. You should have seen the look in Donnie's and Raph's eyes when the first one came out. Priceless!_

_Anyway, please come home soon. We miss you, and the home is kinda empty without you. Come home and see your new nephews and niece. There is one in particular that I think you would love._

_Liz_

At the door, still soaked and slightly cold, I paused. Who would I see first? I don't think I could handle Master Splinter right now. He could be the only one awake at 4 in the morning.

Then I heard it. A cry. A baby's cry. It was exceptionally faint, but years of training paid off. There was a baby's cry that grew louder, than a whispering voice. A female voice that faded in the distance. Liz was up.

Of course she was. She is always up at night, being SS and all. Then again, she had dropped that job two years ago, unless she had picked it up again. She was probably up because of the baby. Maybe the baby was sick? Her letter didn't say a lot, just briefing me over what was happening at home.

The cry steeled my nerves, and I undid the lock, slipping silently into the house. I was hit with memories. So many of them. Smells brought back tastes, which brought back images and faces. The faces brought voices, which brought emotion from me. Emotion made me pause, and the door closed loudly behind me.

I heard a hiccup, a shushing sound, and then complete silence. I shifted through the room, listening for anything that could be odd. I got to the couch without problem, and I watched the couch get bathed in old shows. On it was a sleeping turtle with an orange mask, snoring faintly. Mikey. I stepped closer to him, bringing the blanket over the back of the couch on him. I stood back up, looking for anything else that moved.

A silver figure moved in the light, too silent to be heard, too fluid to really be seen. I wouldn't have seen it had I not known Liz was a 'Light Ninja', hiding in the dark and light. I'd seen her do it before, move like liquid along shadows and sunlight. It was a scary feature that brought tingles down my spine even 2 years later.

Liz slipped down the stairs, using the faint glow of the TV to hide from my view. I searched valiantly, but ended up getting surprised all the same. Liz, dressed in a white nightgown, appeared in front of me, smiling. I jumped back at her appearance, causing her to laugh lightly. I tried to glare, truly, but I was too happy to see her. Alive and well and glowing. She looked happier than I'd ever seen her. Her hair was a dark dirty blonde with highlights, and brushed her mid-back. Her green eyes shined against her lightly tanned skin, which contrasted her innocently white nightgown. A nightgown that barely skimmed her knees, covered with a little white jacket for cold nights. Her scarred eye was exposed with confidence that she didn't have two years ago, the pink line bright against her white teeth.

"Liz." I breathed, stepping closer to her. She welcomes my hug, not a flinch or a shiver passing through her. Liz wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me to her tightly. My arms found perch around her waist, my head a spot on her shoulder.

"Leo. I see you got my letter."

**A/n: Don't kill me for kiddies... Hillo everyone, and thanks for coming around for round 2 of SS. For those who are new to the story, there is a whole other story leading up to this, and unless you don't want some confusion, I would recommend going to read it. For those who are returning, thanks. It means a lot.**


	2. Catching Up

Chapter 2 Catching Up

"So, what happened after I was gone?"

"Uh, well, nothing really," Liz said, cupping her cup of tea gingerly. I looked down at my hands, brushing my thumb along the crack in the china. It was the most delicate thing I had held in two years, and I was a little afraid to drink the green tea inside. The idea of drinking it made my mouth water, but the idea of breaking the cup because I had forgotten how to hold china stopped me. "It won't break. You're holding it too carefully, I'd be more afraid of you dropping it than breaking it."

"Watching me, are you?" I asked, looking up at Liz. She smiled unabashedly, shrugging. Her eyes watched me, searching over my face.

"I haven't seen you in two years. I'm studying you before you decide to leave again." I chuckled, but my heart wasn't in it. I had failed my family. I let my fear of not being good enough overcome that fact that my family needed me. It was only luck nothing happened to them.

"I won't be leaving anytime soon." Liz smiled brighter, sipping at her tea. I looked down at my cup, and chanced lifting it to take a drink. My hand shook a little while I lifted my cup, and I steadied my hand by force. I took a sip of the hot liquid, and I felt my nerves relax instantly at the familiar flavor.

"You got a ring on a finger. I didn't know you guys would tie the knot." Liz looked at her hand with curiosity, and proceeded to shrug.

"We didn't." I frowned at her, waving my pinky finger to mention the ring that she couldn't have not seen. Liz waved her finger right back at me, making the red gem shine. "They were promise rings. Almost like marriage, but there weren't vows, and there isn't any legal papers to it."

I laughed, shaking my head at her. "Rings?"

"Yeah, Raph has one too. Same color gem. I can only imagine what the jewer thought when April asked for a size 21 ring. Maybe you'll see it when Raph comes home."

"Raph is out?" I asked. I attempted to look out the kitchen door, which was closed. I thought Raph was asleep while Liz was just doing a midnight stroll for her kids. It was still dangerous outside, but I guess I should have expected Raph to go topside still. He went out as often as he could when we first started patrols, I should have guess he wouldn't stop now. "Is he still Night... Watcher?"

Liz shook her head and said, "No. We both dropped our jobs three years ago, and neither of us have touched it since. Especially after the kids came. We weren't willing to throw our necks into the wind because they need us. Raph goes over to Casey's every so so often to hang out. Tonight was just one of those nights."

"You sure? Maybe he's cheatin'?" I teased. Liz's face dropped in surprise. I thought I had caught her off guard, but I remembered one of the letters she sent me. ' _They think I cheated on Raph._ ' "Oh, I'm-"

"No, it's fine. Raph isn't cheating. How likely is it that he meet someone else who would do the do with him?"

I shrugged, "Haley?"

Liz laughed, tossing her head back a little. "No, she's got her eyes on someone else."

I was thoroughly surprised, though it was another thing I shouldn't have been surprised about. Haley was nineteen, and last I heard about her was that she had her own apartment. Everyone was moving on with their life, and I was busy swinging vines. I should stop being surprised.

"Who?" I asked. Liz shrugged. Her smile told me she knew who it was, but she wasn't going to tell me. Stupid girly things.

"Ok then... What about the others? Don and Mikey, are they still alive?"

"Yeah, they're alive and kicking. Mikey is still insane, but he leaves that insanity for the kids. Don is good, we aren't exactly on good terms anymore. Not like we were in the best already, but we're worse now."

I didn't have to ask why on that. Her letters didn't ever give a lot, but it gave enough. Don didn't trust Liz about whose kids she was holding. She went out occasionally, and then she suddenly got pregnant in the one in a thousand chance already, and she pulls the one in a billion chance they were Raph's. I could see why Don would think so, but I believed Liz. I didn't know why, but I didn't question it.

"Um..." There was a very obvious thing I wanted. I wanted to see the kids Liz talked about. What are their names? What do they look like? How many were there? Turtles had 24-70 eggs, humans had one on average, though two was in the climbing. What was the middle ground for that? Thirty? "How did everything go with... the pregnancy?"

"I was wondering when you were going to ask," Liz said. She stood up slowly, lifting her nightgown up. She had short on underneath, which I was a little happy about. I instinctively stood up when I saw the damage on her stomach and I realized my fear of Liz dying wasn't that far off. The stretch marks she had were walks in the park compared to the long angry red scar across her abdomen. The scars and stretches were weird against her taut stomach, which told me she still trained as hard as she could.

"Shell," I breathed, watching how the marks moved with her breathing. I looked up into Liz's eyes, and she stared back at me with comfort.

"Not too good, as you can tell. This little slice here," Liz followed the angry mark on her stomach with her finger, "Was Don cutting into my stomach in an emergency C-Section. I don't remember it, no surprise there. Most of the big things that happen in my life I don't remember. Apparently I was knocked into unconsciousness because of how much pain I was in."

I rounded the table, getting closer to the retired murderer. I raised my hand to brush along the scars on her stomach, and paused before I touched. Liz looked up at me, and I noticed she looked a lot smaller to me now. I had grown, I wonder how much. Liz had also grown, maybe not physically, but mentally and emotionally. I knew there were going to be changes, but Liz had resisted change for the longest time. It made me wonder how much the others had changed.

"Afraid to touch? I won't break." Liz murmured. She looks at her stomach, "It also doesn't hurt. Don is getting something concocted to help with the scars and stretch marks, because they look worse than they feel."

I ran my thumb over the long cut, feeling the scar tissue under the slice. It wasn't a lot, it was just still healing. I looked down at my hand, careful of where I put the pressure. Her skin stretched under my finger a little from losing some of its elasticity not too long ago, but I could tell that she was already working on making it better.

"How many?" I asked.

"Three." Liz shrugged. I looked up at Liz in surprise.

"Three?!" I asked. I looked out the kitchen again. I couldn't see past the door, but I really wanted to run and find them. It was sometime in the early morning, there was no way they were still awake. They were also babies, so maybe they were awake at ungodly hours. "Can we?"

Liz stepped away from me and let her night gown drop back into place. She shrugged and picked up her cup of tea. I was excited to see the kids, and Liz was going to drink her tea as slowly as possible. I glared at her without malice as she finished her tea. "Really?"

She smiled at me as she set her empty cup on the table. "Let's go."

**A/n: Anyone wanna take a guess on what the kiddies will look like or their names?**


	3. Kids

Chapter 3 Kids

"Now we are going to have to be quiet when we go into this room." I looked at the door to Liz's old room before she and Raph started sleeping in the same bed. It wasn't the biggest room in the lair, and there were a couple others large rooms we used for storage, but this was the closest room to the rest of the house and it didn't have a lock on it.

"Why do we need to be quiet?" I whispered, watching Liz open the door slowly. She peeked into the room slowly, looking around for a few seconds before relaxing.

"Kat has really good hearing and she's a light sleeper." Liz murmured, stepping into the room. I walked in after her as quietly as I could, a little terrified of making a noise.

The room was broken into three spots and each spot had a color code. Black, white, and turquoise. I rocked on my heels at the color differences, and I found it a little weird that they had colors already. Weren't they a year old at most, how did they already have colors?

"You look confused." Liz murmured, walking slowly to one of the cribs. They were toddler cribs, not baby cribs. They were standard design, and through the bars I could see little green bodies. The breath in my body suddenly left and I couldn't get it back. The little bodies in the cribs couldn't be larger than my arm, and they were all a varied color of green. None of them looked human, but they didn't look like us either.

I walked slowly to the nearest crib, my knees a little weak as I walked. It was on the white side of the room, and the olive green skinned child in it was curled in a mass of white and grey blanket. The child was laying into his/her side, teetering on the edge of the shell on his back. It was smaller than my shell, more receded into the back, but it was still wider than the body. Four tiny fingers were curled in the blanket, grasping at it with a subconscious grip.

"Austin, or Eliaph." Liz murmured, creeping up to my side. I looked over at Liz, a questioning look in my eyes. "We're letting them choose if they want to be called by their first or middle names. Mikey calls him Ozzy, which he seems to enjoy a lot."

"Ozzy," I murmured, tasting the name. The child turned to its stomach, showing the full expansion of his shell. I smiled at the boy, reaching my hand in the crib to brush the back of his shell. It was hard under my callused fingers, but the plates in the shell were less pronounced than my brothers.

"He's the oldest, and he's taken a liking to Don's toys. Usually tearing them apart or smashing them." Liz chuckled, and I laughed quietly with her.

"Don must be happy about that," I whispered. "Who's Kat?"

Liz looked over at me and smiled brightly. I looked at her in a confused manner, wondering why she was grinning at the name.

"I think you'll really like her." She whispered, walking to the black side of the room. I was struck with the idea of SS, but Liz had put that job to rest three years ago. Black was probably the color Kat chose.

"Her first name is Alaya, but she doesn't like it, so we call her by her middle name, Katherine, or Kat." Liz explained, waving her hand down to the baby inside the dark crib. Her skin color was skewed by all the black, and I thought she was a rather dark green skinned baby until I reached a hand down to press against the back of her hand. We were the same grass green color I noted as she turned her hand and wrapped her three fingers around my one of mine. Her body was much more turtle than her other two siblings, her shell was large and her plastron was a hard plate of bone. She had our three fingers and our shell and body shape.

"Kat," I murmured, trying to pull my finger out of her grip. I stopped when she grabbed tighter, fear spiking me as I thought I had just woke her up. Small eyes fluttered and Liz tsked. Brown eyes stared back at me, far more intelligent than her age should have been.

Kat blinked a couple times, and I was frozen in fear that she would start crying. Kat's face flitted through several different emotions, moving so fast I was left wondering what she was trying to feel. She opened her small mouth, and she took a deep breath.

"Ma..." She breathed, her eyes still on mine. I paused, looking closer at the baby. When did babies start talking? When did turtle babies start talking?

"Does she know who I am?" I asked, watching the child blink at me rapidly. Her hand flexed around my fingers, and then she let go. I was still tense that she would start to cry, but Liz looked completely at ease. She reached her hand into the crib and brushed her finger softly along Kat's cheek. Kat's eyes moved away from me briefly to look at Liz, and then they moved back over to me.

"Kat, that's Leo. Your Tarzan uncle." Kat did look any better about me being there, and Liz looked over at me. "Oh, Leo, remove your mask."

I reached up slowly, pulling the mask off slowly. As soon as the color blue was out of the baby's line of sight she relaxed. Her mouth curled into a little smile, the teeth behind her lips poking through. I felt a little naked without the mask, but that smile was worth it.

"There we go," Liz murmured, brushing her finger along the baby's cheek again. Kat looked over at Liz again, her eyes much more clear of sleep. "That's Leo."

Kat looked back at me, and turned her head. "Leo."

I shook on my feet, surprised she'd said my name so clearly. Kat smiled again, and raised her hand for me. "Leo."

I brought my hand towards the kid, letting her grab my finger again. She pulled it towards her, and she attempted to bite my finger. She stopped when I tried to pull away. I said softly yet sternly, "Hey, Kat, no biting."

Kat did a face like she was pouting, but the baby couldn't frown for long.

"Ah jeez, she won't be going to sleep with you here. She's excited meeting someone new." Liz muttered. She leaned down and picked up Kat. Kat started at the sudden movement, letting go of my finger to grip at Liz's arm. Liz put Kat's head on her shoulder and wrapped the baby in her blanket to keep her warm. Kat reached up and wrapped her hands into Liz's hair to hold on.

"Sorry?" I said but it came out as a question. Liz smiled at me, walking over to me. She looked at the small body in her arms, and made a motion with her eyes to ask if I wanted to hold her. "Ah, I've never held a baby, I wouldn't even know how too..."

"They aren't like the other babies. They grow a little faster, and their mental capabilities rivals a three year old rather than a one year old." She reassured. I don't know why their mental and physical growth had anything to do with me being able to hold one, but Liz wasn't giving me much of a choice. She took the last step towards me, and I lifted my arms up to take Kat when she handed her to me. Kat fought a little for Liz's hair, but Liz was able to softly get her hair out of the baby's grip.

I held the baby awkwardly in one of my arms, her head awkward in the crease of my elbow. I didn't require two arms to hold her like Liz did, so my other arm was just kind of dangling with my mask. Liz frowned at me, reaching forward to shuffle Kat down a little more. She adjusted the baby's head so it was more comfortable for her and she tucked the blanket tighter around.

"There."

"I have no idea how to move," I hissed at her. Liz covered her mouth as she tried not to laugh, and I glared at her. She didn't try stopping herself, and since I was holding something I'd never even seen up close before, I couldn't tackle her. "Liz, I'm serious, help."

"Relax Tarzan," She chuckled. "She'll let you know if you hurt her. Just take a deep breath and relax those muscles in your arm. Rocks aren't good to sleep on, I would know."

I paused before I looked down into the brown eyes of Kat. She was staring up at me with wide eyes, her tiny hands wringing her blanket. "H-h-hi Kat. I'm Leonardo, your older uncle. I'm back from the Amazon, and I've got some stories to tell you guys."

Kat's eyes watched me like she understood me. I wouldn't know if she could unless she talked, but she had gotten my name the first time she tried, so either she'd said it before or she was older mentally. I looked over at the curious eyes of Liz and then back down to Kat. Oh shell it was weird talking to a baby turtle.

"Uh," I hummed, at a loss of what to do. I didn't know what to say to a baby, I barely knew what to say to Liz. At least Liz could talk back, Kat probably couldn't even do her "T's" yet because she didn't have the teeth. In a last ditch attempt of trying not to fail at holding my... niece, I raised my other hand up and presented it to Kat. Kat took instant interest in my mask wrapped tightly around my fingers, grabbing at the worn blue material in earnest. She tugged my mask closer to her face, looking over the blue material curiously. She looked up at me and back at the mask, going back and forth repeatedly, trying to make the connection.

Suddenly, surprisingly, she wrapped a tail of the mask around her eyes. I watched her uncover her face and look at me expectantly before she did it again. She held it to her head, wrapping it around it to imitate a blindfold. No, she was imitating a mask. She knew it was my mask. She uncovered her face again, smiling up at me expectantly.

"Yeah, it's my mask. It goes around my head," I told her. Kat cocked her head like she was curious, and raised the tail of the bandana up to me. "You want me to put it on?"

Without waiting for a response, I tried to use my free arm and put the mask on. It worked, and Kat was studying me like I was a foreign object to her again. She reached up and grabbed the tail of the mask again, but she didn't pull on it.

"See, she's smart," Liz remarked. "Well, they are all smart. Kat there shows some similar qualities to you though, so I thought you would like her."

"What qualities?" I asked, looking up at Liz. Kat didn't get annoyed when I moved into a more comfortable position, in fact, she curled into the hard palate of my chest, playing with the tail of my mask. I don't know if it was the color or the fact it was my mask, but she was very avid about it.

"She's the first one in line, and whatever your brothers throw at them as toddler training, she's the first to get it and she teaches her siblings how to do it. She's also very protective of her siblings, which I think all four of you have, but the way she shows it is almost a leader-like quality. I don't know, she reminds us of you when the other two are awake."

There was a third I'd forgotten about because of the surprise of Kat waking up. I looked over at the turquoise side of the room, curious to see the last baby.

Without really asking Liz I walked slowly to the last crib. Inside was a small head of blond surrounded by a turquoise blanket and dark green skin. The three fingered hand was grasping at one of the bars of the crib, and he/she was breathing rapidly. Dreaming, he/she was dreaming.

"Who is this one?" I asked. Liz walked over to the other side of the crib, reaching down to brush the short hair out of his face. Would he have hair growing up? Why was it blond?

"Hitoshi, or Mike, short for Michael. He prefers his first name though. The youngest, and the only one with hair, though Don says that as their skin hardens it's unlikely he'll retain it." She murmurs. I look over Hitoshi, putting the name next to the face.

"Did he choose the bluish turquoise, or did you in memory of Hitoshi?" I asked. Liz looked surprised I'd said it, as if she had completely forgotten Hitoshi was blue in her mind.

"He chose it. I had absolutely no say in what colors they liked most. If I had a say, do you really think I would let my daughter dress herself in black over there?" Liz joked, pointing at Kat's crib. I chuckled, shaking my head at Liz.


	4. Brothers

Chapter 4 Brothers

After the time of which it took to lay Kat back down, which took a lot longer than one would think it would, Liz showed me back downstairs. I knew the area like I knew the back of my katanas, but I liked walking slower and taking in the smells and sights. Liz led me back to the kitchen and to our abandoned teas. She opened the doorway and froze completely, staring at whatever was inside. I didn't have to try to see who she was looking at, because he was huge. Don.

He was towering over me, which was a feat. He had leaned into his form, his muscles smaller but I doubt that made him less strong. Even if it did, pure height and brains would make him impossible to touch. His mask was new, fresher than last time I saw it which meant he had changed it. Strangest yet was the bandage around his bicep, like he was cut.

"Look who's up at night," Liz murmured, leaning against the door frame casually, but I could see the tenseness in her body. Don didn't look up from whatever he was creating, but he did retort back at Liz.

"You know why I'm up. I should ask you why you're up." Don muttered, turning around from whatever he was doing. I saw the large liter sized coffee mug in his hand, and my question was answered.

His eyes instantly landed on me, and his jaw went a little slack.

"Showing Leo around," Liz murmured, turning her body so she was hugging the door frame instead of leaning on it. She must have known what Don was going to do because Donnie dropped his mug on the counter and bolted towards me. I opened my arms wide to accept my brother's hug, and the taller terrapin knocked me off my feet with the force of his impact. We tumbled to the ground, rolling around as we chuckled at each other.

"Leo! You're back, when did you get back?" Don asked, getting the upper hand and pressing me into the ground by my shoulders. I looked up at the sharper features of my brother, watching his eyes light up with a smile.

"Um, an hour ago? Liz was showing me the kids." I said, reaching up to grab what arm I could. Don's eyes twitched a little at the mention of Liz, but he didn't say anything. That little twitch told me a lot though. Their relationship wasn't just distrust and fights, it was damaged. They probably couldn't look each other face to face. If I had to guess, the bandage on his bicep was the cause of Liz.

"Did you like them?" Don asked, letting me sit back up. As soon as I was sitting though he dove in and hugged my torso. I placed my hands on his shell, letting him lay there without doing much.

"Yes. From what I saw of them, yes I did like them." I said. Don chuckled, looking up at me.

"Good, because I'm not letting go of Ozzy. He's pulling apart my machines now, but that means he'll know how to put them back together in the future. It'll be nice having someone understand me." I chuckled, rubbing Don's head as he let go of me.

He shuffled himself back to his feet before lending a hand down to help me. I took his hand, a happy feeling filling me at the familiarity of doing this. I stood up, trying to beat his height, but it was obvious he was at least three inches taller than me.

"I'm going to go to bed, let the four of you have your fun. Tell Raph I've already introduced Leo to the kiddies." Liz tossed over her shoulder, walking by us. She brushed her hand along Don's bandaged arm, which I found more than just weird if they couldn't even look at each other, but Don relaxed a little at her touch. She brushed her hand on my forearm as a way of saying goodnight, and Don and I waved her off. Don didn't look at her while he did it, but at least he acknowledged her.

"You've changed. Physically, I mean." I murmured. Don focused back on me, his eyes warming up. He shrugged, slouching a little so he was closer to my height.

"I'm going to guess and say we all stopped growing around eighteen. Sounds about right for the three of us." He murmured, sliding out his phone. I looked at the phone, watching him send a text to Raph. 'Get home quick. Big news.' He was keeping my arrival a secret, this'll be fun.

"Where is Raph? Liz said he was at Casey's?" I asked. Don looked at me sharply, and then over my shoulder at the direction Liz had left. "Donnie?"

"I don't know where he is, but he isn't at Casey's." Don said, his voice hush. I tensed, watching the nervousness in his face. He looked at me before rubbing the back of his neck. "Ah, shell, I don't want to put anything on your shoulders as soon as you get home... I've been keeping it secret from Liz, under orders of Raph. I feel like I'm lying to her, and I can't look at her because I feel like I'll break if I do."

That was why he didn't look at her but he still relaxed around her. It wasn't a damaged relationship, it was a breaking relationship surrounded in lies and distrust. Somehow that worse, and when word did get out, they would be even worse off.

"If he isn't at Casey's, is he Night Watcher?" I asked. Don shook his head.

"No, there would be news report on him. Raph goes out, it used to be once or twice a month, but now it's once a week. It's apparently been going on for about a year, and he clued me in six months ago when he was gone for a day without any memory of it. He doesn't want to worry Liz because she was just starting to let her past go and he wants her to be carefree for a little longer."

"There is no way that Liz could ever be carefree. She worries about us, she probably worries about the kids. She's got a thousand murders on her head, plus a bounty set by the freaking FBI."

"I know that, god dammit," Don hissed. The little curse he let out shocked me a little, and his eyes were a fire. He took a deep breath and deflated.

"I'm up at night for when Raph gets home to ask him questions. Where he's been, what is the last thing he remembers, and where did he wake up. I can get in contact with him during the episodes, but he isn't any better than."

"Does Mikey know?" I asked, looking over at the couch. On cue my youngest brother shuffled, stretching his arms above his head. He yawned loudly, rolling his way off the couch. I flinched at the sound of him hitting the ground, but Mikey didn't seem affected. He pushed himself up, rubbing his eyes as he turned towards us.

"No." Don murmured, and I got his hidden message. Don't tell, keep secret, confront Raph after the big  _Welcome back_.

"Mikey! Look whose home!" Don shouted, wrapping me up and spinning around for a good measure. It took me a moment to realize Don was genuine when he spun me around, and I was back to smiling. Mikey opened his tired eyes to look over at us.

"Well it looks like Leo's back," Mikey mumbled. He yawned again, except halfway through he froze. He looked over at us, and his eyes focused on me. "Leo's back!"

Mikey dodged for us, but unlike Don when he knocked me down, Mikey wasn't large enough to knock me over. I hugged Mikey back, rocking with him when he spun me. "Leo's home! Does Liz know?"

"Yes, Mikey, she was the first one to see me." I said, shaking myself around to try to dislodge his grip. Once I realized Mikey wasn't going to letting me go for a while I stopped, letting my brother try to squeeze the life out of me.

"How about Raph?" Mikey asked. "Master Splinter? Have you seen our new editions? Well they aren't exactly new, they're a year old..." Mikey trailed off, looking up at me.

"I sent a text to Raph to get his butt home soon, Master Splinter is asleep and I don't think waking him up is smart for now. We'll surprise him tomorrow morning, Leo walks in for breakfast as if he wasn't gone for two years." Don joked, patting my shoulder.

"Liz showed me the kids earlier." I said. Mikey finally dined to let me go, gripping my shoulders to stare at me.

Mikey was the shortest out of us all, and he stayed that way. His features though, were much more beakish than the rest of us. His nose was slightly more pointed like a turtle than I remembered it being, and physically he ended up with decent sized muscle. He had more than I did, but I didn't train for brute force, I trained for speed. His blue eyes had some maturity to them, right underneath the thousand tons of childishness in him.

"Did you like them?" He asked expectantly.

"Yes," I assured. Mikey jumped a little in place, reminding me of when we were children. He let go of me and headed to the kitchen, tossing over his shoulder about cooking a breakfast. I shared a knowing look with Don.

"Some things never change." I commented. Don laughed, shaking his head. "Is my room still made?"

"Yeah, none of us have touched it. Well, Haley puffs it up occasionally, but beyond her no one touched it." Haley, I forgot about the Hafu in all the sudden excitement. I should find a way to get into contact with her. Maybe drop by her house suddenly for fun.

"Cool. I need some sleep, I've spent the last day and a half traveling back to America." Don nods his head understandingly. I stayed in place for a moment, wondering if I should say anything else. "Um, if Raph comes home, tell him he's alright to annoy me."

"Will do, Fearless." Don said, using the affectionate name I'd had since we were nine. I smiled at Don, relaxing some more.

"See you, Brainy."

I walked slowly towards my room, remembering the cold teas Liz and I had left on the table. I cringed at the thought of leaving dirty stuff out, but I guess Mikey had it covered tonight. I would make it up to him by buying a pizza I guess.

I opened the door to my room, expecting it to creak from disuse. I was relieved when it didn't. I took the first few steps into my room, looking around slowly. It hadn't changed at all. I at least expected dust to accumulate after two years, but Haley must have made sure that didn't happen.

With a great sigh I fell into my bed, rolling myself into my blanket like a caterpillar. As soon as I was in a comfortable position I let sleep claim me. It didn't take very long.


	5. Hide-n-Seek

Chapter 5 Hide-n-Seek

I didn't expect Raph to show up at six o'clock a.m. at my bedside, but I don't think he would have kept quiet the whole time. If anything, he might have been angry at me for being gone so long, in fact I expected one of my family members to be mad at me. After Liz, Don, and Mikey showed only happiness, the number of people possibly mad was dwindling. I could count on Raph being somewhat annoyed at me and ready to show it, so when I woke up at... Seven in the evening, I was surprised he hadn't annoyed me yet.

"Shell," I grumbled, rubbing my eyes tiredly. I'd slept the whole day away, who knows what my brothers had been doing. Probably having fun with the kids, or maybe they were training.

I shuffled my way out of bed, fixing it up before I left the room. The lair, I noticed instantly, was quiet. There weren't any shouts or laughs, and there wasn't the sound of feet moving. I walked down the stairs slowly, looking around for a sign of anyone there.

With sudden ferocity Mikey barreled out of the kitchen, laughing at whatever he had in his arms. Whatever was in his arms was struggling, kicking at him as it giggled. A slip of the turquoise bandana answered which of the baby turtles it was.

"Uncle, uncle!" The person in his arms cried out, trying to push Mikey off him. Mikey sat up, attacking the tiny body's sides. Hitoshi started laughing, squirming his way out of Mikey's reach.

"Where are the others?" Mikey asked in a mock interrogation voice, grabbing the boy's ankle and pulling him back. Hitoshi slapping at Mikey's hands.

"No! I'm unda sibling code! I won' tella soul." Hitoshi said, jumping to his feet and running straight at me. He crashed into my legs before falling backwards. He skidded on shell a little, which I knew from experience could be painful. Hitoshi looked up at me, his hazel eyes expecting someone else, but he froze completely once he got to my face. I could feel the instant surprise and shock at seeing me, and he skittered away from me.

I raised my hands up, showing the 'I mean no harm sign'. Hitoshi did pause, but he wasn't going to get any closer to me. I whispered, "Hi Hitoshi."

"Uncle Mikey, who..." Hitoshi asked, not taking his eyes off me as he addressed Mikey.

"Uh, Hitoshi," Mikey murmured, picking up the boy into the crook of his elbow. Mikey brushed his short blond hair back to tame it as he walked over to me. "This is your uncle Leo. Leo, Hitoshi."

"Uncle Leeo," Hitoshi drawled my name. I look at Mikey, well aware the baby turtle was watching me closely.

"What are you doing?"

Mikey smiled brightly, situating Hitoshi so he could toss him up into the air. Hitoshi shouted, a laugh behind his shout of fear. "Playing hide-n-seek with the kids. It's the beginnings of their training. They're learning how to hide from the trained eye. Hitoshi here is the first one I caught."

Mikey caught the kid and looked at him seriously. "Now where are the others?"

Hitoshi shook his head violently, his short blond hair moving like it was in a hurricane. "No! Sibling code! Sibling code!"

I looked over Mikey when I saw something move and I saw a small body dive into the kitchen quickly like they were given an order. I fought a smile, and looked back at Hitoshi and Mikey.

"Sibling code huh? You got caught on purpose." I told Hitoshi. The tiny turtle looked at me, his eye ridges shooting high into his forehead at my comment. Mikey looked at me with a curious eye, and then back to Hitoshi. "You get caught so your siblings could hide in a different place while Mikey had his back turned."

"Son of a shell," Mikey huffed, watching the little turtle's cheeks flush. Mikey put Hitoshi down and turned around to see if any of the others were still moving. They weren't, I had just barely seen one of them so the other one had either stayed in his or her spot or were better at hiding. "Where did they go?"

"I don't know." I fibbed easily. "I just saw one of them run while you tossed Hitoshi."

Hitoshi watched me with curious eyes, his mouth a little ajar. I smiled at the baby, winking at him to let him know I was playing Mikey. Hitoshi smiled, trying to wink back at me but he just ended up blinking rapidly.

"Where did they run too?" Mikey asked. He grabbed my shoulders and shook me. "Tell me Leo."

"I saw one of them run that way," I waved towards the dojo and kitchen, making Mikey guess which one I was talking about. He looked at me suspiciously before stalking his way to the dojo. He was suddenly quieter than before, and he left Hitoshi with me.

"How did you know?" Hitoshi asked, his tongue fumbling a little with words he knew but was still learning to say. I looked down at him, and took in him as a whole. He was small like a baby, a baby that was learning to walk. I would have thought he didn't know how to if I hadn't seen him run. He was also talking better than most toddlers did twice his age, and it made me wonder just how turtle they were if they were aging faster.

"Saw one of your siblings run for the kitchen when you shouted Sibling Code twice." Hitoshi smiled sheepishly, his hands fidgeting in his nervousness of being near a stranger.

"That's smart. You got a code word." I murmured. I actually didn't know if they did, maybe the kid took the bet that he or she was safe to run and took it just as Hitoshi shouted. If not, Hitoshi would look at me weird, if they did, Hitoshi would probably look even more embarrassed at getting caught.

"It was Ozzy's idea. Shout sibling code twice whe' we get Uncle Mikey's atten... attent..."

"Attention?" I asked. Hitoshi nodded. I smiled, shaking my head at Hitoshi. "Ozzy is smart."

"Ozzy is smart, bu' Janie is bes' at hiding."

"What about you?" I asked. "Are you always the first to get caught?"

Hitoshi shook his head, smiling brightly. "Nu-uh. Ozzy and I trade places. Ozzy can climb real-ly well, and he usually hides on top of tha-" Hitoshi stopped, realizing he was giving away his siblings hiding spots. "Hides in high places. If Uncle Mikey gets too close to Janie, he'll jump on him."

I chuckled, patting Hitoshi's head experimentally. Hitoshi didn't hide or shy away from me, which was good. I think I was more awkward around him than he was about me. As kids, you trust easy, especially if one of your other family members is trusting of them.

"What about you?" I asked. Hitoshi shrugged, his fidgeting coming back. I looked at him, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't think I'm good at anything. Janie is bes' at hiding, Ozzy can climb real-ly well, and I..." He paused, thinking.

"I got nothing." He shrugged and smiled with his growing teeth. He didn't look hurt at the idea, but I could see that what he was thinking would eventually turn into possible jealousy and anger.

"You have something. You just can't see it." I assured. Hitoshi looked at me surprised and cocked his head. There was a squeal that made me cringe and Hitoshi giggled.

"Ozzy was found." Hitoshi said knowingly. Mikey came out of the kitchen with a quiet, white masked turtle. Ozzy pouted in Mikey's arms, cradled there like he was a baby. Well, he was, he was just a more intelligent baby. His eyes looked over at his sibling and then up at me. His eyes lit up with curiosity and he leaped from Mikey's arms. Mikey grappled for the kid, but Ozzy dodged his arms with ease.

He bounded up to me, tilting his head this way and that as he studied me. "Hmm, who are ya?"

He had a lilt to his voice and I chuckled at the Brooklyn accent he had. It was mixed with the fact he probably do T's to the best of his abilities, so he was going to be fun to listen too someday. I crouched down to his level, his curious blue eyes watched me, and he tilted his head when I was eye level.

Ozzy looked over at Mikey, his green eyes sharp and very analyzing. Hitoshi placed a hand on his brother's shoulder, and Ozzy looked over at Hitoshi. "That's Uncle Leeo. The one dad talks about all tha time."

"I have one more tot to find, so I'm going to leave you three to your devices," Mikey murmured, stepping away slowly. I waved him off, watching Ozzy looking at me like I was a hero brought to life.

"I'm Leo. Your uncle." Ozzy still looked curious at me, but his eyes sparked with recognition with the name. He looked over at Hitoshi before looking at me again.

"I'm Austin. Or Ozzy. I prefer Ozzy." He said a little quick. I smiled again, nodding at him. Mikey shrugged at me from behind Ozzy and slipped away to find the last one. Kat, who was the best hider.

"Nice to meet you Ozzy." I said. Ozzy smiled, his tiny teeth gleaming back at me as they poked through his gums. He looked over at Hitoshi, and then jutted his head towards the couch in the living room.

"Janie is under the couch." He whispered.

I looked over at the couch, kneeling down to see if I could see her. The whites of a pair of brown eyes stared back at me, and I jumped a little to see Kat was and had been staring at me this whole time. She moved her arm slowly, putting one of her small fingers in front of her lips to say shush. I was left a little confused as to how she fit under the couch with a shell on her, but I figured it didn't matter. She had obviously hid there before if Ozzy knew without looking. I sat back up, prepared to listen to the creepy female turtle in black and not give her position away.

Just as I sat back up Mikey came out of the kitchen, mumbling to himself as he looked around. He looked over at the three of us, a suspicious look in his eyes before he drifted by me to check upstairs. As soon as Mikey was out of sight, Kat shimmied her way out from under the couch and made her way over to us. She looked very secure in her stance, much unlike last night when I held her in my arms. She walked up to us, smiling at each of her siblings happily.

"Hey Uncle Leo." She murmured.

"Hey Kat."

There was a few seconds of silence before Mikey comes back down the stairs. He stopped when he saw Kat, and the shouted theatrically that he had failed.  
  
**A/n: Hey everyone who reads this and plans to read more... The updates might be a little longer in between, though I'll try not too. And the reason because is my... sister (not by blood) and her child died during birth... and I'm taking it pretty hard. Sorry for the** **inconvenience...**


	6. Missing

Chapter 6 Missing

It turns out that the Hide-n-seek game they played is played after they eat. It's to get some of their excitement out before bed. It was also to test their hiding abilities under excitement and pressure. I admitted that was actually really smart, and when Liz came down to put said kids to bed, they followed her with a yawn.

I went to the kitchen to find something to munch on. In the room was Mikey, reheating a box of pizza. He smiled when he saw me, his blue eyes lighting up like I made his life. I did, and it caused me some pain to realize how big of an affect my disappearance affected my family. I hadn't seen Master Splinter or Raph yet, which were both a little irksome. I would have thought Raph would put the kids to bed with Liz, but a feeling in the pit of my stomach said that Raph wasn't here. Did he come home, or did he leave for Casey's before I got up? Was he trying to avoid me?

"Hey Leo, want some Pizza?" Mikey asked, sitting in the closest chair to my left. I smiled at my brother, taking the pizza he offered. Mikey smiled widely, bouncing his head back and forth as he took a big bite from his pizza.

"Thanks." I murmured, taking a bite from the food. Flavors of all kind assaulted my tongue, and I nearly groaned as I had the tastiest food I'd eaten in two years.

"It's great to see you back, Leo. It was lonely without you here." Mikey said. I knew he didn't mean harm, but I felt a pinch in my stomach. I'd failed my family out of my own fear of failure. Failure wasn't the worse thing out here, and no one was perfect. I should have come home when I was supposed to, instead of having my whole family think I was dead.

"It's great to be back," I murmured happily. Someone went down the stairs, and there was a shuffle. I heard a loud slam that made me jump but Mikey just sighed heavily. "What was that?"

Mikey swallowed what was in his mouth before he answer. "Don and Liz. It's another one of their fights."

"What causes them?" I asked, standing up to go check it out. Mikey lashed for my arm and grabbed me, tugging me back into my seat. Mikey paused as he thought.

"A lot of things. Don thought Liz cheated on Raph, which put distrust in Don that has never really left. After we realized they were Raph's, Liz felt hurt by Don Accusations. That hurt turns into anger rather quickly because Liz is Liz. So Liz gets mad at Don rather quickly, and Don gets mad at Liz for some reason I don't know."

Don gets mad at Liz for some reason. It was probably because he was keeping the biggest secret from her. Raph wasn't going to Casey's, and Don was under an order to not tell. Liz trusted him to tell her if something was wrong with Raph, and he couldn't so he was avoiding her. When she confronted him he would feel the urge to spill, but instead he would fight back. Don was never the best at keeping secrets if he knew it could hurt us.

"Where is he?" Liz voice shouted out loud enough for us.

There was a couple moments of silence as Donnie murmured, and there was another loud thump. I wanted to get up and go see what was happening, but Mikey's arm was still on my shoulder. I asked, "Where is who?"

"Raph," Mikey muttered. "He didn't return home from Casey's."

I froze up, my back tensing. Oh no, he didn't return home from wherever he had gone. "Did Don get a text from him?"

"Nope. Don went out earlier to follow the tracker in Raph's phone. He just now got back, and its obvious things didn't go well."

"You think I'm not worried as well! He's my brother!" Don's voice trailed in. "All I found was his phone in an abandoned building on the outskirts of town."

There was silence which made me on edge. After a few more moments I shrugged Mikey off and left the kitchen. I entered the main room quietly, looking around for the two of them. I was rather surprised when I found Don hugging Liz. Their relationship was officially baffling me; distrust, anger, and hurt, they couldn't even look at each other on a normal basis apparently, but they could still hug and give comfort.

"Look, I'll call Casey again. Maybe he was asleep when Raph dropped by. April might have seen him." Donnie murmured, pushing Liz away to look into her face. Liz stared back, the foot difference between them forcing her neck back rather far. She looked stoic, and Don's Bo was on the ground next to them. So there was a fight, but neither of them were hurt.

Don looked over at me and he smiled. "Leo, I thought I'd imagined you back."

Liz turned around to look at me, and she relaxed her shoulders a little. "Yeah, I'm still here. Something wrong?"

"Raph's been missing for about a day and a half. It's not the first time, but it is the first time that he didn't have his phone on him." Don grabbed something from his belt and showed me Raph's phone. No phone meant no contact. No contact meant we were completely in the dark about my brother's whereabouts. Not knowing where Raph was meant many things, most of them bad.

"Oh, do we need to set up a patrol?" I asked.

"Leonardo," Master Splinter's voice echoed. I winced, turning slowly on my heel to face him. Master Splinter had more grey than brown hairs now, but he still looked as lively as ever, if not more than last time. He smiled at my appearance, but the little flicks in his tail said he was nervous. "It's good to see you."

"Master Splinter," I murmured, taking several steps towards him until I was at a respectable distance to kneel in front of him. "Sensei."

"Michelangelo said you had returned. I'm happy to see you home." Master Splinter murmured, taking the last few steps to lay his hand on my shoulder. I bowed my head a little more, the guilt of not coming home sooner appearing here in front of Master Splinter.

"I'm sorry I didn't come back sooner-"

"There is no need. You needed your time, and it is the past. It only matters that your home safe, wiser than when you left." I wasn't sure I was wiser than when I left, or if I was a better leader than when I left. I just know I came home with more problems than when I left.

"Thank you Sensei." Master Splinter let go of my shoulder, letting me stand up.

"Now, that is a no to patrol." Master Splinter said.

"What?" The four of us asked, surprised he would say it.

"Whatever took your brother could take the three of you." He said.

"There was one Raph, there are three of us, not adding Liz. Whatever took Raph wouldn't be able to take us." Donnie said.

"You don't know what took Raphael. You don't know where Raphael is. You don't even know if it was a someone. There will be no patrol, because that puts the three of you at risk." He ended his sentence on an angry note, silencing my brothers and me.

"I'll go out." Liz murmured, and all of our eyes focused on her. "Alone. There's no reason for anyone to want me beyond having me dead. Raph is a phenomena to the rest of the world, people want him to experiment with. I'm a retired murderer. If I'm caught, my capture will be on the news. You guys can then come get me."

There was a couple seconds of silence, and Master Splinter opened his mouth. Liz stopped him before he could speak, "You're not going to be able to stop me. Your sons have to listen to you, but I don't. If you threaten me, I'll take the threat. It doesn't matter to me, what does matter is that Raph is back home with his brothers."

"I was not going to stop you. I was going to ask how you expected to find one turtle in all of New York City."

"Cameras. Mini cameras. I'll put them in the places I know Raph goes to the most."

"That could be thousands of cameras. There isn't enough time in the day to see every minute of it." Don said instantly. Liz shrugged.

"Motion and heat sensors. Cameras are off until something triggers the sensors, then they turn on and get whatever caused them." Don pursed his mouth appreciatively, and I was a little surprised at her intellect.

"Sounds good to me." Mikey said. I shrugged, putting in my vote. "I'm good. Donnie? Master Splinter?"

Master Splinter placed his ears back on his head as he thought. "Donatello, would it work?"

"Well of course it will work." Donnie said. "Yeah, it will take a while to get everything set up, but it's a good start."

"If we need more help, I can get ahold of April, Casey, and Haley." Liz assured. I breathed quietly. That's right, I needed to see them too. They didn't know I was back yet. "Haley will be by tomorrow, we'll tell her then."

"Very well," Master Splinter said. "You do what you do, but the rest of you will stay in this lair and not leave."

"Hai, Sensei." Don, Mikey, and I said. Liz kept her eyes on Master Splinter until he left. She relaxed once his tail was gone, and she took a deep breath.

"You really want to do this?" I asked her. She looked at me surprised.

"Of course. I just have to go fish my Silver Foot suit out of the closet. I was really hoping I never had to wear it again."

I smiled, and Don placed a hand on her shoulder awkwardly. Liz let it sit for a second before she shrugged it off. She walked up the stairs without another word, leaving my brothers and me alone.


	7. Morning Conversations

Chapter 7 Morning Conversations  
  
Liz's POV  
  
Over the next week when I woke up from sleeping, I fought the urge to reach across the bed for the cool body I had never failed to find next to me these last three years. The first time it happened I had thought that Raph had just gotten up before me. It wasn't the rarest thing to happen, just usually Raph wasn't up before me. Maybe on that morning he'd gone to use the restroom and I'd woken up while he was still gone. Safe to say that fantasy was ruined quickly, because Don had come in to see if Raph was here with me. When I said no, a stricken look crossed his face, and he'd told me that Raph wasn't anywhere. Raph hadn't returned last night.  
  
The second night I didn't have a great time getting to sleep, but I did eventually. When I woke up to an Ozzy crying in my subconscious, something I had learned was actually mother instincts, I reached my arm across the bed to grip Raph's arm. Let him know I was about to get up so I didn't bother him from moving. When I touched a cold blanket and not hard skin I opened my eyes. The empty bed reminded me what the situation was, and I felt the collapsed chest feeling that I knew to be sadness. I shuffled out of the bed and got to the Baby Room just as Ozzy started up.  
  
The third night I had a full, albeit restless, sleep. I woke up at what would be considered a normal time at five thirty in the morning, before Don, Mikey, Raph, Splinter, and I did training. I started reaching for Raph when I realized that he wasn't there. Raph's weight pushed the bed down, and unconsciously I had learned to not roll into him when the bed bent under him. The bridge of his shell was like concrete, and when I wasn't a little careful I could get a scratch from it. Feeling that the bed was flat save for where I was, and that Raph had been missing for three days, I halted my hand. I didn't want to reach for the man who saved my life numerous times, only to feel he wasn't there.  
  
The rest of the week I woke up at different times of the night for various reasons, as was usual now. Those times I woke up though, I refrained from reaching a simple foot, because I was afraid I would feel the soft sheet rather than the hard skin. It always turned out true when I opened my eyes, and I would drift to Raph's side of the bed. There would be no proof he lived there save his mask wrapped around an old dumbbell. It was an old mask that I'd given him after taking the one before it. He had a newer one on, wherever he was.  
  
Today wasn't much different from the last week. I woke up chilly, which was a bit weird because we were a week into May. I woke up a little early, a little nagging feeling telling me one of the kiddies were waking up. I wasn't keen on getting up quickly though, because I wasn't prepared to turn around and see the empty bed again. There wasn't any quiet breathing or dents in the bed, but my hand was already outstretched to his side, and I already knew he wasn't there. I just didn't want to see it.  
  
Eventually I was forced to succumb to the nagging in my head, and I rolled into my arm. Little snippets of emotions and memories zapped through my head. Rolling over, pushing myself past the bridge of his shell to either lay on his carapace or plastron. If I ended up on his carapace I would tickle him awake, if I ended up on his plastron I would watch him sleep until I felt like kissing him awake. The first one ended up in a tickle fight with me pinned to the bed helpless to any of his advances, while the latter ended up with a happy, soft chur or some pleasure that definitely left both of us awake.  
  
I rolled over his side without pausing, and I was on my feet and moving for the door before I could dwell too much on how cold his side was. I paused at the door, staring down at myself to see how dressed I was. Sweat pants, tank top. Presentable, but through my tank top I could see the bumpy scar across my abdomen. It wasn't so much as a horrendous thing I hated, but I didn't like looking at it. It was a scar I didn't remember, because I had been unconscious at the time of getting it. It was also just another scar on my body that probably would have never been there had I been more careful. Raph liked it, strangely enough. Well, maybe not liked it, but he paid attention to it anytime I didn't have a shirt on.  
  
I turned around to find that small jacket Haley had gotten me. It wasn't my favorite color in the book, clocking in at off white, but it was soft and warm, and it covered me nicely. Shrugging the clothing on, I finally left the room, heading for the Kiddies Room. I hesitated at the door though, because I could hear a few people downstairs. Leo, which wasn't so surprising considering the time of the morning, and Haley. I could have sworn I heard a child laugh though.  
  
I opened the door, mindful that it creaked halfway through opening. Before it creaked though, I slipped through the door, sliding in quietly. I looked at the three beds, a spike of realization going through me as I realized that three of them were already up. All three beds were empty, and none of them were in the room. I turned sharply on my heel and left the room, closing the door behind me softly.  
  
I tipped myself over the edge of the staircase when I reached it, falling the ten feet. I took the shock of the fall into the balls of my feel, mindful of not jostling myself. Following the sounds of Haley's laughter and the smell of pancakes, I walked into the kitchen.  
  
The sight that greeted me was really nice to see.  
  
Leo was planted solidly in  a seat, letting Kat and Hitoshi sit on his legs so he could keep a grip on them to make sure they didn't fall as they ate their pancakes. He had his arms wrapped around their fronts, clasping his hands loosely around each other. Kat and Hitoshi would elbow each other occasionally when they got eager with eating the tiny pancakes and would give each other sharp glares. They didn't do anything beyond that because Leo was there, and Raph had gotten it into their heads that Leo was fearless with anything.  
  
Leo was talking to Haley, who sat across from him. She held Ozzy easily as he tried to make a standing pancake building out of his food. I cringed inwardly when I realized how messy his hands were, because Ozzy was a serious sweet tooth. That was going to be fun to clean up later.  
  
Haley was officially an orphan at nineteen. Her father died a year ago to a drunk driving accident. He was being driven home via taxi, and said taxi was T-boned traveling at ninety miles per hour. Haley got her own apartment about a mile from here, while her younger sister, Kayle, now lived with her oldest brother, Toson.  
  
She was dressed down in her suit. She didn't work for anything, she picked up a little night job. That night job closely resembles SS, I was her inspiration actually, but she didn't kill them. She beat them until they couldn't walk, and the plopped them in front of the police station. Her outfit consisted of a pure black uniform that closely resembled the Foot Ninja uniform. There was some armor on her, courtesy of Don who wanted to make sure she wasn't killed in battle. Rib, chest, shoulder, and neck protection. That was all she would wear, nothing involving leg gear. She said it slowed her down, and while I had never worn armor myself, I had to agree with her. The metal she wore was apparently able to withstand a car crash, and the metal never bent, no matter how hard any of the brothers hit it.  
  
Her long black hair cascaded around her pale face, hiding in her black suit. Her pale green eyes shined happily as she talked to Leo, and her hands unconsciously reached for Ozzy's anytime he tried to put the syrup anywhere but the table and plate. Both of them looked at me when I walked in though.  
  
"Liz," Haley said cheerily, waving me over. I walked in slowly, looking around for the source of the food. Leo couldn't cook, and Haley didn't know how to work the stove. "Hey Mikey, Liz is awake."  
  
Ah, of course, Mikey could cook.  
  
"Leo," I murmured, rounding the table to sit down at one of the empty chairs. Leo looked over at me expectantly, dodging Hitoshi's hand when he swung an arm. I stared pointedly at the two of them, which Kat saw instantly. She leveled herself and nudged Hitoshi. Hitoshi looked up at her and then at me. His smile didn't leave his face, but he instantly calmed himself. Leo sighed in relief as the two of them calmed down and ate at least a little more civilized.  
  
"Thanks," He murmured to me. I smiled, shaking my head a little at him.  
  
"They won't hurt you. Just tell them to calm down." I told him. Leo nodded, filing another piece of info on how to handle them into his brain. "Now, why are they up at five in the morning?"  
  
Haley curled her lips in to stop herself from laughing as Leo grimaced. Ozzy looked up from him leaning tower of pancakes to see what we were talking about.  
  
"The three devils decided to jump on me in my sleep. I tried to make them go to sleep, but they refused to stay in their beds and refused to let circulation through my arms and leg until I let them stay up. Mikey was up because Haley was here. They tried to get the three of them to sleep, but they were too excited to sleep. Mikey thought food would make them fall asleep."  
  
I raised an eyebrow at Haley and she instantly stopped her chuckling. I reached over the table for the syrup, waving it a little. "So you gave them half a bottle of syrup?" Leo ducked his head embarrassed. He understood how bad that sounded.  
  
"Sugar doesn't keep kids awake. You know that Liz." Haley murmured.  
  
"I wasn't saying that, though I was hinting it at Leo," I responded. "We only have one bottle, and some people use too much syrup."  
  
Ozzy looked down at his goop of a food and knocked his tower down. He picked up one of the drenched pieces of pancakes and took a bite. I set the bottle down, looking farther into the kitchen to Mikey. Unneeded nerves rushed through me, all the thoughts of that stove could hurt the kids if they got too close to it. I knew they would never happen, but I was always paranoid about their safety. It probably didn't help that Raph was missing.  
  
"I'll bring you guys more." Haley said easily, readjusting Ozzy into a more comfortable place around her stomach armor.  
  
"Got anyone tonight?" I asked. Haley shrugged, but her smile told me what I needed.  
  
"Still can't believe you took up Liz's job." Leo muttered. Haley glared at him and I heard a thump under the table. Leo didn't outwardly show that it happened, but he did laugh.  
  
"I don't kill people," She said hotly. She then sniffed out, "I just maim them."  
  
I chuckled, looking over at Mikey when he walked towards me. He placed a plate of pancakes in front of me, and after mild confusion, I realized they were for me. I looked at the three kids and two adults at the table, watching the kids closely. The three of them can eat without our help, it was just that they were too small to sit at the table without falling over. I guess we could get them high chairs, but they were growing at an accelerated rate. They were a year and a half old and could already hold decent conversations and could do the work of a five year old. Don gave the estimate that by their second birthday they would be an inch taller, mentally equivalent to a seven year old, and would be able to start their basics to training.  
  
I took up my fork and knife, cutting at the already buttered pancakes before pouring syrup on them. I kept an eye on how much I used, and kept my hand from any of the sticky syrup around the nozzle of the bottle as Mikey sat down across from me. He took Hitoshi from Leo, pulling the plate with him. Leo sighed in relief at having one less kid to worry about and relaxed a little more in his seat.  
  
"What did I miss?" He asked, propping Hitoshi on his knee comfortably. Hitoshi looked a little startled at the change in height to his plate and shuffled himself higher to continue eating.  
  
"Liz just got up, you made food for her, Leo accused me of murdering people, and I just kicked Leo." Haley said easily. Mikey chuckled at her, his eyes sliding to the stoic Leo.  
  
"I didn't feel it." He said calmly.  
  
Haley smiled at Leo coyly, leaning forwards like she was telling a secret. "Give me one training session and I'll make sure you feel that."  
  
Leo's faced dropped its stoic enterprise to opt for a surprised look. I bite my lip, watching the two of them interact.  
  
"You're on," He said as he grabbed Kat's hand when she offered him the last bite to her waffle. "No, you finish your meal. You need to grow, but I'm finished growing."  
  
"Technically you aren't finished growing until 25," Don murmured as he walked into the kitchen. Mikey jumped, turning his head to look at his tallest brother.  
  
On instinct more than actually thinking about it I tensed up at the sight of Donnie. His eyes were downcast to the object in his hands, and he wasn't paying attention to the rest of us. I knew he wouldn't do anything towards me, even without the kids in the vicinity, and any physical fighting happened when we got mad. The instinct to tense comes from the ages of 12 to 17, where I was always on the edge to fight. Don was the only one who brought it out of me, but it stems from the fact that we had a bad relationship. Bad relationship means trust issues. Trust issues means random tensing in his presence.  
  
"I'm trying to get her to finish her food." Leo hissed at his brother. Don glanced up with a chuckle, watching Leo dodge Kat's fork attack. "No. Finish your food."  
  
"Well you have fun with that." Don chuckled, walking around the table to my side. I tensed a little more, trying to not move my body. Anything going on between Donnie and I didn't need to be shown in front of the kids.  
  
Don leaned next to me, showing me the gadget in his hands. It was a camera, a tiny one that would fit on a guppy. Maybe I was underestimating its size next to Don's hands, but it looked tiny and very fragile. I could barely make out the green and orange wire looping on its sides. Don got comfortable next to me, so close to me I could feel the cold coming off his body.  
  
"This is what the cameras look like. I have ten of them complete and working," He murmured. I held my hand out, letting Don drop it into my palm. I had underestimated its size in his hands. It was larger, about the size of Duracell D battery, and weighed about as much as one. "We need to pick where he goes the most for now, while I make more."  
  
"This is incredible, Don." I murmured, turning the tiny camera in my hands. Don let out a breathy laugh, looking at the ground for a second before looking back up at me. He shuffled down into a more comfortable position, looking at the camera with me. "What are the two wires for?"  
  
"The Orange is for heat sensors, while the green is for motion sensor." Don murmured. "I couldn't find a spot inside the camera without causing a possible tangle, so they get to stick out."  
  
"Wouldn't that mean she would have to place them high up?" Haley asked. We both look over at her, and then I looked at Don. He shrugged.  
  
"Well, yeah. I thought that was the plan all along. Unless you want to just get his feet the whole time." I smiled, shaking my head and looking back down at the camera. Ten of them, I needed to find ten places he used the most. That shouldn't be hard. But what if Raph was trying to hide from us, he wouldn't go to those places. No, why would he hide from his family? Hiding or running away is the last thing on his mind.  
  
The paranoia of not knowing where he was, was finally getting to me. That wasn't good, I knew how this path went. Fear I did something wrong, or his brothers did something wrong. Maybe he wasn't happy here, and decided to leave. Maybe he needed a break. That whole mumbo jumbo. It would eat at us all until we got an answer, and even then we would still wonder if he'd lied to us.  
  
"What's the first place?" I asked. Don looked up as he thought, trying to remember where we decided.  
  
"The King's Theater." Don said.  
  
"Like Flatbush Avenue, King's Theater? Why does Raph go there? It's bustling with activity." Mikey mentioned. I shrugged, though I did have an answer.  
  
"He likes it at night. It's shaped just so he can hide but be close enough to the ground to listen to city noise." Mikey looked thoughtful for a moment. I looked back at Don, handing the camera back to him. "Want me to head out tonight?"  
  
Don fingered the camera, looking over it for flaws. "Yeah. We can choose a couple other places. I have ten to use. Also, since I can't leave with you, you'll need a headphone set. I'll need to tell you how to put these babies up and working."  
  
"Babies?" Ozzy asked. Don looked over at him before he smiled. He stood up, taking two steps to Haley. He pocketed the tiny camera before lifting Ozzy in the air. Ozzy raised his hands up to keep the syrup off Don, but his legs wiggled a little to find some leverage. He hooked on Don's biceps, and let Don turn him around so he can sit on his shoulder.  
  
"Yeah. Let's go get your hands washed so I can show you them." Don said, walking Ozzy out of the kitchen to clean him in the bathroom.  
  
Haley sighed, waving at Ozzy as he left. She took Ozzy's plate up, grabbing Kat's empty one as she rounded the table. Leo stuttered in his seat, torn between helping Haley out and holding Kat. When Kat started wiggling to be let down, he placed her down gently before bolting deeper into the kitchen to help the Hafu.  
  
"It's like he's trying to get noticed." Mikey muttered. Hitoshi looked up at Mikey, and Mikey looked back down at Hitoshi. "You wanna go play?"  
  
Hitoshi shook his head, leaning back to snuggle into the hard plastron of Mikey's chest. He let out a little yawn, curling into a little ball of green. Mikey watched Hitoshi with an amused smile, rubbing the top of his head. "The blondie is sleepy."  
  
"Shush," Hitoshi grumbled. "I'm jus' going to close my eyes."  
  
We sat there for a few moments, the only noise happening was my eating. I watched as Hitoshi tried to not succumb to sleep as Mikey fought between laughing and attempting to hum. I inquired, "You'll take him back to his room?"  
  
"Yeppers," Mikey whispered, trying to be quiet to get Hitoshi to fall asleep. As soon as I noticed Hitoshi was tapping his fingers against Mikey's arm though, I knew he wasn't going to be going to sleep. Tired as he was, he was anxious to go and play. He was probably waiting for me to finish so we could run together. Make sure I didn't feel left out, which was really sweet of him.  
  
After a few minutes of silence, a miracle really, Mikey asked, "He's not falling asleep, is he?"  
  
I smiled, shaking my head slowly as I tried not to laugh. Mikey sighed, pushing Hitoshi forwards. Hitoshi's eyes opened like lightning, and he looked up at Mikey. Mikey stopped him before he could say anything, "Ah ah. We need to get you cleaned."  
  
"But mama-"  
  
"No buts mister." Mikey shushed, standing up with one fluid motion. "We are cleaning you up. You can come back for mom afterwards."  
  
Mikey winked at me and left the room, holding Hitoshi high in the air above his head. Hitoshi tried kicking for Mikey's head, but Mikey dodged them with ease.  
  
Finally left to my own devices I set the fork and knife down. I pushed the plate away from me, no longer having to feign hunger. The pancakes were delicious, honestly, but I wasn't in the mood to eat. Really, I wanted to lay down and pretend it was a dream I hadn't seen Raph in a week. I wanted to pretend the itchy feeling in my fingers wasn't actually happening. I wanted to go out and search for Raph until I found him, even if it took me a month. I couldn't do that though, I had our kids to look after. They needed me, they needed at least one parent around. The brothers were great and fatherly in their own way, but the kids would start getting sad and start questioning. With one of us here, they were at least ok for a little while longer as we tried to figure out what was happening.  
  
I sat back in my chair, rubbing my face slowly. I sighed heavily, Raph's face running behind my closed eyes. I smiled softly, focusing a little on the image.  
  
Quietly, to myself, I asked, "Where are you Raphael?"


	8. Problem Solved

Chapter 8 Problem Solved

"Ok Don, I'm on the roof."

"Alright, look around before doing anything," Don said to the headset.

"I know that much, Don." Liz grumbled. Don chuckled, eyes fixed on the screen while Liz looked around.

"Ok, find a spot high up, and let me see it." He says. The camera jolted up and down when Liz nodded, and she starts creeping along the roof of the theater, testing the floor while looking up high.

I shuffled closer to the screen, letting my presence be known to both of them. The microphone Don sat in front of should be sensitive enough for Liz to hear me.

"Donnie, did you leave?" She asked.

"No, Leo came in to spectate," Don said, looking over at me.

Liz huffed a little, "As if there needed to be more pressure on me finding a place."

It struck me once again how they talked versus how they acted towards each other. They talked without a worry and like they were great friends, but in person, they are stiff and on constant alert with each other. There was also the sheer fact that they act so much different from two years ago. I wondered if I acted that much different from two years ago. I sure felt different, and my home was very different, but did I act different?

"No need to be nervous, I'm just here to ask you two a question." I murmured. Don looked at me with a curious and confused look. Liz went as far as to take the camera band off her head to show her face to stare.

"This couldn't happen when we're both in the lair and one of us isn't in danger?" She asked. She turned the camera around, placing it back around her head.

"Well, I guess it could. But in the event of you two starting a fight, distance is best." I muttered.

"O...kay," Don said, looking a little bewildered suddenly.

"What is your guy's relationship? You two hate each other one moment, and the next are acting like best friends, and then the next you guys are fight, and then you're planning the best way to find Raph."

Liz chuckled at what I said, freaking chuckled, and Donnie actually looked a little amused.

"You really want the truth Leo?" Liz asked. I furrowed my brows at the way she said it.

"Yes."

"I'm cheating on Raph with Donnie."

Donnie started choking instantly, turning to the camera to probably yell at her. Liz's snickering told me she was joking, and I had to face the fact that for a moment I thought she was serious. I mentally slapped myself for thinking she might not have been joking. Of course she was, she was loyal to Raph. She was in love with him. Why would she go to anyone, especially one of Raph's brothers, for an affair?

"Liz!" Donnie shouted. Liz continued snickering, climbing her way up for a high spot.

"Hush Don, he knows I'm joking." She chuckled.

"Still," Donnie muttered.

"Fine. Leo, Donnie is a bit bipolar about me. He loves me like a sister, and he is well aware I am going to lay my life on the line before I let anyone touch a scale on you guys. He also knows that I know he would do the exact same thing with me."

"The bipolar part comes from the first time we saw her right after she got amnesia." Don comes in.

First time we saw her after amnesia... Shell, that was... "That was nearly four years ago. How are you still holding a grudge against her?"

"He's not," Liz piped in.

"Well, she's half correct. I'm not holding a grudge against her, especially since I know that 16 year old Liz and 20 year old Liz are complete opposites. I do remember and hold a grudge that the only reason she stopped is because of Raph, so if he hadn't been there that night, the rest of us would have been turtle soup, and she wouldn't have cared. But because Raph was there and kissed a memory into her, the rest of us lived."

My mind spun as I tried to figure out what they were getting at. He was holding a grudge, but he wasn't. Liz knew why he didn't like her, and he knew why he didn't like her, and they weren't trying to fix it? Why was he holding that one night so close to his conscious?

"Fast forwards a couple months to that night when the Newscaster got two actors to play SS and Night Watcher and have them kiss," Liz starts. "And Donnie thought I was cheating on Raph."

"That was cleared up seconds later when Raph told us he was Night Watcher. His suit in right outside this room in the living room." I said instantly, jumping to the offensive side.

"Well yeah, and I was fine after that. But I always had the suspicion that maybe she was cheating. Because Liz's face looked a little too shocked and surprised. And then Liz got pregnant."

It clicked halfway in my head. Those things when piled together made for a good argument. Donnie was smart though, he would see the logic and that would be that. Why was he holding them?

To answer my unvoiced question, Liz summed it up for me, "Donnie was apprehensive of me before my amnesia because I was a volatile murderer. While searching for me after you kicked me out, he got this image in his head that I might be an okay person. Then when you guys saw me again, I nearly killed two of you. He held that grudge for a long time. The bite left a month or two later though, and he almost started to accept me again. Then the theatrical thing with Night Watcher and thinking I cheated and killing someone to stop that rumor hit home for him. Another stick in the ditch. Afterwards, our relationship got much better. And then I got pregnant."

"You see, Leo, it's not that I hate her or dislike her, I do love her as my sister and trust her completely. Just, apparently every time our relationship starts to get better, another thing comes out that makes me question her. Because of that, we stay tight lip and on edge around each other. Those fights we have usually come from when we're talking about trying to fix it again, and things escalate too fast." Donnie said easily.

Liz piped in, "I'll admit I have anger issues and I don't get a good fight often anymore, so I take ahold of those fights, and we just have fun. After our anger is out we're usually in his room patching each other up. Most of our distrust towards each other is because we never know when we're going to fight, and we don't want the kids seeing it."

That was totally not what I was expecting when I came here. I expected a fight, or cursing, or a much harsher reality than the one I was given. What they said though, made complete sense. I thought perhaps I would have to fix something, but no, they had it all figured out. They knew what they were doing.

"Hey Liz, I think we blew Leo's mind," Donnie commented. Liz snickered quietly.

"Sorry Leo. Hey Don, is this a good place?" Liz asked. Don turned away from me, and I knew my time was done.

I turned around and walked out of his room. I went down the stairs, watching the ground carefully should a small body decide to come crashing into me. I made it successfully to the bottom without being tripped, and not a single one of the kinds in the room. That's... strange. After they got used to me they smothered me every chance they got. Usually when I walked down stairs nowadays, I have at least one of them hugging my leg and talking as fast as their lisps let them.

Cautiously, I made my way to the couch, watching out for the tiny tots. I made it to the couch and successfully sat down without a single thing going wrong. I started thinking where they could be, and it wasn't until I looked at the clock did I realize it. Oh, they're asleep.

I shook my head, unbelieving of myself and how I had forgotten such a detail. I looked at the many TV's, wondering if I should chance it and watch. It sounded like such a mundane idea, and went against my idea of training. But it sounded like a good way to not think after learning why Don and Liz fought, and that there was no way for me to really help.

Someone toppled sideways over the edge of the couch, and a mass of black hair landed in my lap. I jumped a little, startled at the sudden appearance of Haley. I looked down at the Hafu who was smiling cheekily back up at me.

"Scared you," She exclaimed. I narrowed my eyes for a second, wondering if I should push her off of my leg or let her head stay there. She looked comfortable to just lay there, watching me watch her.

Eventually I huffed and looked away. "Did not."

"I did too," She shot right back. I smiled at her for a second before turning on the TV.

"You'll never have proof."

Haley's eyes widened and her smile dropped. I chuckled a little at her face. She muttered, "I will always have the memory. And I know you did. You just won't admit it."

"Mmhmm," I hummed, not giving her the response she wanted. Haley's eyes narrowed venomously, and she crossed her arms over her chest.

"You're a bore," She huffed. I coughed, covering my mouth and turning away from Haley. She looked up at me, but she didn't sit up to let me move.

"You're a tease," I eventually coughed back.

Haley stared at me a little while longer before turning on her side, looking at the multiple TV's and away from me. I got the feeling I did something wrong suddenly, and tried to stop my coughing. She didn't move of course, but she didn't look back at me.

"Haley?" I asked eventually. Haley hummed, but she didn't give me any other acknowledgement. Carefully, unaware of what I was supposed to do, I placed my free hand on her head, just as a hand for comfort. I'd seen Casey do it for April and Raph for Liz and vice versa, so it did something hopefully. Haley's shoulders actually relaxed at the touch, but she still didn't turn around. That was fine by me.

I sighed, looking back up at the TV screen and away from the Hafu. I twitched my hand in her hair, feeling its silkiness without having to move much. Haley shuffled a little higher on my leg, getting into a better position to relax in. I lifted my hand so she could move comfortably, fighting from tensing my muscles as she moved. Haley had gotten bolder over the two years. She talked stronger, she was more innuendous, and wasn't afraid to touch us. This was a new level of comfort she hadn't displayed yet, though. Did she do this with the others? In the two weeks I'd been, I'd never seen her do it. Was it just me?

"I feel like I did something wrong," I murmured to her. Haley actually looked back at me in surprise. Her pale green eyes were wide, baring everything she felt in that moment.

"Why do you say that?" She asked, turning again to face me. I moved my hand down, placing it on her shoulder for safe keeping. I stared at her for a few seconds, wondering where the feeling came from as I studied her face. Her face was narrower from losing baby fat, and it was becoming obvious that she had the great characteristics of both sides of her heritage. Her pale green eyes from her mom went along really well with her pen straight, Japanese black hair. Her small, almost flat nose was proportioned perfectly to her slightly full lips. Her skin was the perfect blend of pale and tan. As if she needed better qualities, she was the incredible blend of being smart, fun, childish, and mature all wrapped in one. I have yet to have a dull moment with her so far, and she fought much better than she did two years ago. Whoever had her fancy, as Liz has hinted at, was really lucky to have someone like her.

"You turned away from me and started ignoring me, I just felt like I did something wrong." I said.

Haley pressed her hand on my thigh, lifting herself up to stare at me straight. The warmth of her hand seeped into my skin, and I was suddenly aware just how comfortable she was with touching us. She knew Raph and Liz, I don't think they spare the adult eyes from their cuddling. She must know her hand was placed a little high.

"Oh no, you didn't do anything wrong, Leo," She assured. "I was doing exactly what you said I did, teasing you by depriving you of my answer."

Oh, of course I was going to figure that out. Actually, I probably should have. That sounded like something she'd do.

"Oh," Was all I managed to say. Haley smiled, shaking her head like she was ashamed to know me. She took the controller from me and turned to lay her head on my leg again. I carefully placed my hand on her shoulder, grabbing a piece of her hair to roll through my fingers as she flipped through the channels.


	9. Nightmares

Chapter 9 Nightmares

I stumbled through the alley, one hand on the wall to keep me balanced and the other around my stomach in a feeble attempt to not throw up. My head was in agony, and my eyes felt like they were  _crawling_. Where was I? Where was home? What day was it?

I ran into a garbage bin I didn't see and stumbled back to my shell. I groaned, grabbing my head tightly between my hands, not even a little worried about a bruised shell. It was like my brain was trying to explode from my head. My stomach was trying to leave my body. I needed to get to Donnie.

I grappled at the wall, lifting myself up slowly. I was a ninja, and mutant turtle ninja, I was used to pain. I had trained for years to fight under any kind of environment, a sick stomach and a headache shouldn't be so crippling to me. Oh Donnie do I have a story to tell you when I get home, and I think it's time we tell the family what's going on. I thought we could handle it, but it's getting worse. I woke up at dusk on the outskirts of a sea port, which meant I was out for at  _least_ an entire day and a half, and I don't remember any of it. Liz was going to skitter around me and check every square inch to make sure I wasn't hurt. Truthfully, that was exactly what I needed.

I looked along the ground slowly, looking for a manhole cover. I hadn't been able to find my shell cell, which meant I lost it, painfully enough. Damn it, if I had my shell cell I could have called one of them to bring me Advil, or walk me home. I could barely see because of the  _crawling_  sensation. It was like something was trying to worm their way to front by going through my eyeball. I was going to have Donnie check for parasites or maggots when I got home. The idea of bugs scared me, but the idea of having bugs  _in_  me was so much worse.

I found a manhole cover, which was a miracle in and of itself. I looked at my hand grabbing the wall, not wanting to let go of the support, but I'm going to have to to get home. I wiggled my middle finger, feeling the now familiar warm metal around it. The red gem glimmered in what light there was, and simply looking at it stopped my stomach's churning and stopped my headache a little. I smiled a little at the red gem, standing straighter and feeling much clearer in the head than I had since I woke up. I had a family to get home to, brothers, a loving girlfriend, and kids. I have kids. Three of them. I shook my head a little, chancing it to let go of the wall.

I made it three steps before my head pierced with absolute agony. I felt my knees crash into the ground before I realized I had fallen. To keep myself from screaming I bit my hand, and I tried to focus on that rather than the pulsing pain in my head. I looked the two feet in front of me at the manhole, and I stretched for it. I hooked my finger under it, pushing all of my strength to move it. I heard the metal grate against the ground as I moved a few inches before my vision went black.

I stared around the blackness, trying to find something, anything, in the darkness. I stood up slowly, expecting at any moment to feel nauseous or have a headache. I took a few experimental steps and nearly tripped over myself. I was walking, but I couldn't feel the ground. I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't see, I couldn't feel, I bet if I tried to smell I couldn't. I was robbed of all senses, except maybe hearing...

"Hello," I called out experimentally. I was relieved I could still hear, and I calmed only slightly. That is, until I got a response.

"Hello, Raphael."

I stood ramrod straight, looking around the blackness. I spun in circles a few times, trying to see him. Try to find him before he found me.

"Where are ya!" I shouted, every muscle in my body tense. I looked around again before I saw a little light. I looked at it, a small part of me relieved I could still see. It was like looking through a TV in a movie theatre; You're detached from it, but it's the only light you see, so you focus on it. I walked closer to the light, but no matter how close I got, it never got any bigger.

I was watching through someone's eyes as they stood up from their spot on the ground. It looked eerily familiar, and when the person looked down, I saw a manhole moved just a little. The sick feeling returned when I saw green hands,  _my_  green hands. They flexed and moved like I was inspecting them, but I wasn't.

"Taking over for a little while. Relax, you're going to be there a long time," Shredder's voice echoed in this black room.

0o0

"Is that where you want it, Don?" I asked, hooking the last loop into the wall. I pulled my hands away slowly, watching the tiny camera to make sure it didn't fall. It stayed exactly where I left it, and I waited for Don to give me the ok before I turned away.

"Yes, perfect. I can see everything in that room. Good job, Liz."

I couldn't help the smile that took over my face and I felt my spirits rise a little. Another camera out to watch for Raph. That was good news in all of our books.

"Got any more cameras for tonight?" I asked, turning around to pack my bag of equipment.

"None. You can come back home." He said. I sighed, heaving the dead weight to my shoulder.

I made my way for the window, ducking out without looking back. I scaled the fire escape swiftly, avoiding the windows that ran along it in case some druggy was in one of them. I ran into one accidentally when putting up a camera two days ago, and let's just say my face is still very well remembered and very well feared. I had to duck in early and return home a few hours too soon or risk getting caught by the three helicopters and countless police cars sent out for me. Seriously though, major overkill on the helicopters. It's not like I've murdered anyone recently. I call 3 years sober.

I took off on the rooftops, a tuneless hum courtesy of Don playing in my ears. I was 3 years sober of my last kill, and I thought it seriously had been that easy to drop it. Now though, with the constant itch in my fingers to use my sword hanging above the door back home on someone, I realize that I hadn't kicked it. I hadn't even realized it was a drug I needed to kick, because Raph was my antidote, and I'd never been without him. And without him, I could feel the urge growing. I guess I was dependant on Raph in that respect, and I don't know if that is good or bad. I should tell Master Splinter or Don about it before I actually did something to someone.

Along the lines of wanting to kill something, I was starting to feel empty inside, like I was missing something, and in that place was the constant feeling of anger. It was a nostalgic feeling actually, which was the scary part. It was probably who I was before I met the turtles. Constantly on edge and angry. I knew I was becoming unstable, and I needed to get myself grounded.

I dropped down a manhole, sliding the hundred pound plate back into place.

"Are you humming Katy Perry?" I asked Don.

Don instantly stopped humming, clearing his throat. "No."

I chuckled, covering my mouth lightly to stop from laughing too loud. I could feel Don trying to glare through the camera, but that couldn't dampen my laugh.

"You were! I didn't think you listened to her."

"I don't, Haley just kept playing her when dancing with the kids."

"And your soundproof room let you hear it?" I asked. Don hissed at me, making me laugh again.

"She started playing while I was eating with Leo. I couldn't leave him alone with her, he doesn't know how to say no." He defended.

"You keep telling yourself that." I murmured.

I pulled the required pipe to open the door, looking both ways to make sure no one was nearby before I walked in. I heard shuffling in my headphones as Don got up. I dropped the bag to the ground, removing the camera from around my head. Don came down the stairs, meeting me in the livingroom.

I chuckled at the expense of Don yet again, because Ozzy was sleeping in the gap between his head and bridge of his shell. His legs were dangling around Donnie's shoulder and his hands were unconsciously grabbing at his plastron plates.

Don glared at me playfully, taking the bag from me. I wrapped the camera up, watching Don move around with Ozzy on his shoulders.

"Want me to take him?" I asked, raising my hands to take Ozzy at Don's word. Don shook his head slowly.

"No, I'm happy with him there. I'll take him in later. You can go sleep."

I nodded, walking by Don. I brushed my hand across his arm as I went, silently giving him a goodnight.

I made my way upstairs, fingering the camera headband. I pulled off the headphones around my head, shouldering the door to my room opened.

I should probably tell Don about the itch in my fingers, and the familiar emptiness inside me. Or tell Master Splinter, before I did something I would regret.

I set about getting dressed for bed, getting the combination of a baggy red t-shirt meant for an adult male and grey shorts. I set the camera and headphone on the nightstand next to Raph's old mask. I dressed out of my silver suit with muscle memory, and slipped into my night outfit mechanically.

I guess it wasn't that I would regret killing someone. I know I wouldn't regret killing someone, and that would be the problem. I wouldn't feel bad for taking someone's life, I would only feel bad because I went against my family to do it. There was more reason to tell someone before they looked at me with sadness. There was only one reason I didn't though.

I left the room, heading towards the closest door to mine. I opened the door to the black room, slipping in just before the door creaked. Inside the room was Leo, which was not completely a surprise since he did this often. He was standing over Jane's toddler crib, his arm extended inside so she could grab his finger in her sleep. I smiled softly at them, heading over to Hitoshi's side. I leaned on the edge of the crib, staring down at my youngest son.

I smiled at him, watching him sleep peacefully. I watched his rhythmic breathing, feeling the tingles in my fingers receding as I watched him sleep. I reached my hand into the crib, running my fingers softly through his hair.

"Thank you," Leo whispered.

I didn't look back at him. He'd said into often enough now that I knew what he meant. He did it everytime he got a moment like this to just watch the kids. It brought him happiness, and on some levels peace, to see the kids. He was mesmerized by them, just as they were with him.

As I watched Hitoshi, I could feel the stress leave my body, and I felt at ease again. My hands no longer tingled, and the emptiness was eased. My son. The three miracle children.

"You're welcome," I murmured.

0o0

"Yahtzee!" I heard my dad yell. I opened my eyes slowly, blinking at the sun in my face. I pulled my head back from the window it was resting on, staring outside it for a moment, confused as to where I was. The train I was in was speeding between the mountains, leaving the giant rock wall just outside the window a blur of red and brown.

My little brothers groan entered the air as my dad laughed triumphantly. I looked away from the window and around the carriage my family was staying in for the next day. We were heading for Oregon to visit my grandmother for Christmas, and we decided train would be a fun way to go. My dad and brother were passing time with Yahtzee, and my mom was picking at her arm in the seat across from me.

"Hey, you're awake. How was sleep?" Mom asked. I watched her, feeling my lip tremble as I stared at her, alive and completely healthy. I knew what this was, this was the worst moment of my life. The last time I saw my family alive and together, and in just a few seconds, there was going to be the sound of a train.

I wanted to warn them, tell them to buckle down, warn the person steering the train to stop. I knew I couldn't though, I'd had this nightmare on repeat, reliving that day, for years now. I'd never been able to break the cycle, so I just stared at my mom, dazed that she was alive, and the sounds of my father and brother laughing as they tossed dice back and forth. So, instead of doing what I wanted most, I closed my eyes again, waiting for things to repeat.

"Full hou-" My brothers crow was stopped at the sound of a train whistle. It was too far away from ours, which meant there was another train on the track. It was a one way ticket to Oregon, and our train had been the first to leave the station, so the train was going in the opposite direction we were. It was going to be a head on collision between two giant slabs of rock.

"Katie, was that ours, or..." My step dad's voice trailed off. My mom stood up and looked out the window, even if I hadn't seen her do it, I knew she did.

"No. Tyler, get Tim-"

The sounds of a crunching metal came from in front of us, and I knew it was the collision of the two trains. My mom jumped for me as my dad grabbed Timothy, my brother. I felt my mom's hands moved over me frantically, buckling me into my seat and tightening the straps so I didn't go flying. The sounds of the carriages ahead of ours were deafening, and I couldn't discern the words my mother was screaming.

She cloaked her body over mine, using herself as a meat shield that wouldn't work. There was two seconds of freefall, and then a neck breaking jerk as our carriage collided with the one in front of us. The railings squealed as they were torn apart, the windows shatters as we hit the mountain wall, I heard the tearing as some of the seats were uprooted from their spots, and my mom's comforting weight disappeared.

As the carriage behind us hit, pipes from inside the train flew around, and the sharp broken piece of one of them cut through my left eye. Intense burning pain shot through my face, and I reached my hands up to grab my left eye. There was a loud whining sound as wall of the train scraped the mountain wall. Seconds later, I screamed as a pipe shoved through me. I could feel it stabbing down and then immediately shoving up as the pipe bent. My body shook from the force of not caving in or opening my eyes.

Glass scrapped me, the sheer force of being moved so violently bruising my arms, legs, and head. I sat there shaking for several second after we stopped moved, not wanting to open my eyes. I knew what I was going to see, and I didn't want to again. I didn't want to see my family dead. But the only way to get out of this nightmare was to look.

I uncovered my face slowly, blinking the blood out of my eyes fervently. I first looked down, staring at the pipe sticking out of my stomach. The sharp point of it stuck up, and a small drip of my blood slid down it. I took a deep breath, steeling myself before I looked. I blinked the blood out again, my eye sending lashes of pain throughout my body. Blinking hurt, but I had to do it to get the blood out.

I looked over at my family, expecting what I had seen for years now. Instead though, what I saw was so much worse. My heart completely stopped, and breathing became hard. It was the brothers, not my family. Leo, Mikey, Don, and Raph.

Leo and Mikey were where my father should have been, crushed between two train seats. I could barely see the head of Mikey, which was bleeding in the very noticeable fracture. Leo's body was hidden, but his hand was sticking out between the two seats crushed together, completely motionless and with blood slowly falling from the tips of his fingers.

Don was in the place my mom should have been. Half of his body was sticking out of a window, his stomach stuck in glass shards. His legs were scratched beyond reason and had glass and pipes and metal pieces sticking out of them. His upper half was outside the window, but I knew what happened to him. His back and possibly his spine was shredded beyond belief because it had been scraped against the wall outside. Not only that, his entire upper half would be crushed between the two hard walls.

That left one brother, Raph... I looked down at the isle, and where my brother should have been was Raph. His body had glass on it, he was covered in cuts inches long. His right arm was bending at an awkward angle, his fibula sticking out like bleach against the bloody ground and green skin. His head was bleeding profusely where I knew would be the spiderweb hairline fracture. I sat frozen, the pain in my body completely gone at the sight of the brothers. I watched Raph's chest as it moved slowly. Still breathing, still alive.

I moved forwards, trying to get to the still breathing Raph. I was prepared to watch my brother die again, as it had happen so many times before, but I refuse to watch Raph die. The pipe in my body twisted painfully, but I didn't care about that pain. Something was holding me back though, and I couldn't get to him.

"Raph!" I cried out, reaching my hand for him. His eyes opened just a sliver, and I saw them move to try and find me. I cursed the pipe, looking down at it to see if I could pull it out. It was then I noticed the seat belt under it. A shattering reality hit me. Every time I relived this, I always forgot I had a seat belt on. That was why I couldn't get out, I was buckled down. Not this time though.

I reached my shaky hands down, fumbling to get the buckle undone. This wasn't my memory. My memory had me reaching for Timothy until I went unconscious from pain. I was changing it this time, I would help Raph. Even if it would end up with him still dead, at least I would get to hold him one last time before he died.

I got the buckle undone finally and looked at Raph again. His eyes were closed, but he was still barely breathing. "Raphael!"

I pushed forwards, and a pain unlike anything else moved through me as the pipe forced its way out of me. I felt the skin in back tearing, but I didn't care. I fell forwards, the pipe leaving me with a wet sound. My arms shook, and I bit my lip to stop myself from screaming. I crawled forwards, reaching for Raph.

I needed to stop the bleeding in his head. I looked down at my shirt, gripping the edges of it. I tore it over my head, closing my eyes as I peeled it over my head.

I opened my eyes to a new scenery. I was in our room. Raph was over at his weapon rack, fingering his sais as I got ready for the day. I looked down at the heavy grey shirt I wore when I slept, and and the red shirt on the bed. I looked down at my stomach, fingering the pipe scar carefully. Dream, right, just a dream.

"Ouch," Raph hissed. I looked up at him at the noise. Raph looked at his finger, which had a bead of blood on the tip of his finger from where he nicked it. He put his finger in his mouth, smiling at me around the finger.

"You ok there?" I asked. Raph nodded, pulling his finger out to look at the damage. It really wasn't that bad, just a nick, nothing to worry about. I still felt a terrible feeling rising in me though.

"Yeah. Happens all the time," He assured. He went back to playing with his sais, completely forgetting he had just nicked himself. I stood there watching him, hoping he was actually ok. I couldn't be sure, but it looked like he was nicking his hands more and more. More and more bead of blood showed up in random places on his hands, but he didn't notice. When the beads of blood started dripping into a puddle on the ground though, I stepped towards him, prepared to stop him.

That was when he sliced his palm deeply. I cringed for him, but Raph didn't even seem to notice there was anything there.

"Raph," I said, trying to grab his attention. He hummed but did pay any mind as he completely sliced down his other palm. The combined blood made an immediate small puddle. "Raph!"

I took the three steps needed to get to him, tossing my shirt to the side to grab his hands and stop him. He needed to get to Donnie, those cuts were serious.

Just as I reached him, I slipped on the blood on the ground. I fell back, my shoulder blade hitting the ground harshly. I hissed, laying flat on my back. I blinked a couple times, wondering if Raph saw me fall. When I opened my eyes though, I wasn't staring at Raph, I was staring at Shredder. The Shredder I last saw when we battled him, and he was holding katana to my neck.

"I think it's time for your... final punishment." He comments. I knew what that meant, even as he brushed the scars on my neck with his katana. He was going to pull out the gun and shoot me. Maybe I could stop him...

Instantly the brothers started moving for us, because if Shredder was going to cut my neck without a threat, then there was no stopping them. I brought my hand up to say stop, and instantly Don and Mikey stumbled in their movements. Raph made it a couple more seconds before Mikey held him back. Leo paused close to Karai, and I was able to see the white in his eyes. He wasn't looking to happy about this predicament, and I wondered if this was the first time he couldn't save someone.

"You are brave," Shredder appraises, and my attention was put back on him. The malice left his face, and his hand drifted into his kimono. I closed my eyes, laying my head on the ground as I resigned myself. That's right, I could stop this if I wanted too. "To stand for four creatures that will never have a life above the sewers."

"But that bravery was in vain." Shredder pulled out the gun, and I flinched as I waited for the pain. There wasn't one shot, but four, and none of them hit me. A cold feeling slithered down my stomach, and I opened my eyes. Shredder's gun was pointed up, away from me. I followed where his hand pointed, and my eyes landed on the brothers.

All four of them had bloody wounds in their throats, and the blood was slowly falling down their chests. Mikey's mouth gaped as he tried to talk, and his blue eyes were welling with tears as he blinked repetitively. He dropped his nunchucks, reaching up to grab his throat and removed the obstacle stopping him.

Leo swallowed a little, his chest shaking as he tried to breath. Shock was stopping him from comprehending what was happening, and it wasn't going to be long when he collapsed. Seconds later he started coughing violently as his body tried to dislodge the problem. Of course it wasn't going to dislodge, and he fell forwards, grabbing his chest. He covered his mouth, coughing the blood into his green hand.

Donnie was much slower on the uptake. He let go of his bo staff and reached his hand up. With careful fingers he touched the hole in his neck. He pulled his hand back, staring at the blood. His lips moved as he mouthed the word blood, and I could see his brain trying to comprehend what was happening. His mouth made an O when he figured it out, and he dropped to his knees, staring at his bloody hand as he waited for unconsciousness to take over.

Raph coughed a few times, and when he realized he could breath, he stopped trying. He looked at Shredder, at me, at the Foot Ninjas around him, and then at me again. His eyes conveyed what he couldn't say, and I felt absolute misery as I realized I was the reason they were dying. He tried to breath through his nose, and when that failed, he closed his eyes. His muscles bunched in anger as his body started rebelling against the fact he could breath. The blood was running past his knees before he started moving, prepared to take as many people out as he could before he went down.

I looked up at Shredder as he angled the gun at me. I was completely ready to take the bullet this time, and when he leveled it at my face, I was glad he was going to end it quick.

He fired, and I was jostled awake. I sat up in my bed, gripping my head as I tried to calm down. There was someone next to me in the bed, but right then, I didn't care to know who it was.

"Hey hey, Liz," I heard Mikey ask. I opened my eyes, blinking through the tears falling down. My stomach was ready to leave my body in any means necessary, and I could stop shaking. Mikey grabbed my shoulder, shaking me softly. "Liz?"

I pulled my hands away from my head, looking over at Mikey carefully. He was there, alive and healthy. No blood, or death, and his blue eyes were worried. He didn't have his mask on, so he had been asleep until now.

"How bad was it?" He asked me, not needing me to tell him it was a nightmare. I felt my lower lip tremble as I tried to figure out what to say.

"Why are you here?" I asked, because it was all I could say. Mikey looked taken back a little, and looked at the door. He looked back over at me.

"I heard you saying Raph's name like you were in pain, so I came in to check on you. Do you want to talk about it?" He asked.

I shook my head, leaning towards him. I wrapped my arms as far around him as I could, hugging him to me. Mikey rocked a little at the movement, but he was fine with it. He rocked me backwards, laying me back in bed. He slid in awkwardly next to me, letting me hug him as I shook.

"It was much worse than just Raph... It was all four of you... Dead..." I whispered. Mikey tried looking at me but was unsuccessful. Instead, he wrapped an arm around me, holding me to him.

"You don't need to say anymore," He whispered. I nodded, laying my head on his shoulder carefully. I didn't say anymore, and with Mikey there, as fidgeting as he was, I was able to fall back asleep, even if I didn't want too.


	10. Murder

Chapter 10 Murder

"Give me a reason to trust you," Don asked me.

I paused a few seconds, completely at a loss to what he just asked. We were talking about where to put the cameras next, spanning over a map of New York City. We had 20 out and about, and Don had created another 12. I was getting ready to head out, and Don decided to lay that on me at this exact moment.

"Say what now?" I asked, turning to look at him. Don stood a foot and a half taller than me, which if you've met him, is really intimidating. Especially with his arms crossed over his chest and with his eyes like sharp metal on you.

"I haven't asked it in a long time, give me a reason to trust you." He said. I relaxed a little, letting out a deep sigh. Oh, this again. Jesus Donnie...

"Have you seen the kids upstairs?" I asked as an answer. Don smiled softly, and shrugged.

"Give me another reason." He said. I narrowed my eyes, squinting at him playfully. Donnie returned the look, but was still serious all the same.

"You really want me to say it now? Why not after I put up another 5 cameras?" I asked, turning back to my bag. I packed the last of the clear tape and taperwire, zipping the bag up. I shuffled the bag to my back, looking up at Donnie again. His face was still steely, so he wasn't planning on letting me leave till I gave him an answer.

"Instead of questioning me, why should I trust you?" I asked. Donnie looked rather taken aback by what I said, and then proceeded to rub the back of his neck as he thought.

I had thought it would be easy, something quick and a snap of a finger. Donnie was like that, it wasn't often one of us got him off guard. Especially with something we tease each other over so often. Why should I trust you? Well, I saved your ass about three times already, I got tortured for you, I went against everything I was taught to live with you guys, and I have successfully managed to never lie to you. Why should I trust you?

"I haven't killed you yet," Donnie murmured. I looked at him like he was deranged, and he lifted his hands in defense.

"That's it? Not, oh I don't know, I've saved your ass, I helped your wounds instead of making them worse? Or better yet, I have never lied to you." I said. Donnie looked thoroughly miffed on the last one I said. I looked at him confused for a moment. "Don? Did you?"

"No," He said quickly. He schooled himself. "No, I haven't..." He trailed off, not continuing the sentence.

"Don-"

"Have any of you guys seen Leo?" Haley asked. I looked away from the nervous terrapin and over at the annoying Hafu.

"You should keep a better eye on your boyfriend." I muttered. Haley stopped where she stood, and turned slowly on her heel to look at me. Her eyes narrowed and her jaw tightened.

"He's not my boyfriend," She said surely. I smiled at her crookedly.

"Yet," I backed her. Her eyes narrowed even more, and she made her way over to me. I grabbed my head cam and microphone, ducking my way past her and for the door. "Talk later, Don."

"You will stay quiet about that!" Haley shouted at me. I ducked out the door, snickering as I made my way through the sewer and to the next place where we set up the camera.

_Later_

Leo's POV

I'd decided to watch over Don's shoulder as he helped Liz over the camera, for two main reasons. One being Ozzy was sleeping on his shoulders and I was ready to take him at Don's word, the other being I was curious to see how he and Liz interacted. I realize that they were two peas and a pod with each other, but it was still weird how stiff they were. As I watched Liz work though, I remembered one of the reasons they were stiff around each other.

"Are you ever going to tell her?" I asked. Don looked over at me, muting his microphone so we could talk without her hearing.

"If we're lucky, no." He said, knowing what I was talking about.

"If we're lucky? You mean if you are. She's out there stringing her neck out, don't you think that little piece of info would be good?"

"It isn't exactly important." He said harshly, and went silent when Ozzy shuffled. He said quieter, "Raph didn't remember anything, which could be something, but that doesn't mean I have a sufficient reason as to why he went silent and disappeared. It would just be unneeded nerves for her."

"What if he got amnesia of his whole life? Forgot us and where we lived?" I asked. Don sighed heavily.

"He would have been found already if that was the case. Whatever happened, he or whoever has him knows how to hide."

"You should still tell her, before she finds out another way," I murmured. Don looked at me silently, and then behind him at the screen.

"How would she find out? Unless Raph told her, but he isn't exactly here…" Don whispered.

"I could." I said stiffly. Don looked at me sharply, almost like he dared me too.

"What would that do? Hurt Liz, hurt our relationship. Cause even more nerves than needed. She doesn't need to know." He said it in such a way that it was like a fact everyone knew. A fact that was equal to that of course everyone knew we had blood in us. Of course everyone knew about birds. Of course she doesn't need to know the man she's trusts is hiding a secret from her about the man she's been dating for four years.

"Why are you holding onto that idea so adamantly?" I asked hotly.

"Because…" Don trailed off. He sat back in his chair slowly. "Raph was terrified of her knowing. He wanted her to stay happy and a little more naïve to the world a little longer. He wanted her to relax and be her age, and not have to worry about anything. He was going to tell her, but a month turned to three, which turned to six. It became so routine for us we forgot there was even a problem. And now that this is happening, I feel like I'm the wrong person to tell her."

I rocked on my heels, analyzing what he said. That sounded like something Raph would try for. He'd always tried to make Liz forget her past, if even for a little while. But of course, she's Liz, murderer extraordinaire, and has seen more in 8 years than most see in a lifetime. Peace and happiness weren't two things she had at any one time, and if she did, it wasn't for a long time.

"He must have known she wouldn't be able to stay like that." I said.

Don nodded, "He did. But any time was good, and I have to be on his side. Liz now to what it could be, she's lucky. She's just worried something happened to him, and that she can get him back if she tries hard enough. If she knew that this could quite possibly have been going on for nearly a year, she would feel…"

"Betrayed, and like she was left in the dark, and angry." I finished for him. Don nodded again, and looked at the screen again. His back stiffened at whatever was on screen, and I looked at it.

Her camera was jostling around, like she was moving fast. But it wasn't running or falling, it was a duck-dodge kinda movement. Like she was fighting.

"What… Leo, get Ozzy out of here! I gotta stop her." Donnie shouted. I moved forward like I was burned, carefully taking the toddler from his shoulders. I cradled Ozzy like a baby, a position I had finally gotten used to, and took off for his room. I moved as silently and unsettlingly as possible. I creaked the door open, sliding inside and to his crib as quiet as possible.

I took a few seconds to place Ozzy comfortably in his bed, taking care to remove his white mask and cover him with a blanket so he didn't get cold. I folded the mask over the bars, and stared down at the still asleep Ozzy for just a few moments longer. And then I was gone, heading back to Donnie's.

I skidded into his room, watching my brother stand shakily over his computer, holding it with shaky hands. His computer screen was red, like there was… blood.

"What did she do?" I asked, even though I already had a clear guess.

Don looked at me shakily, his jaw slack but his eyes a blazing fire of pure anger. It was scary to see, and I was glad I got Ozzy out of here in time. A sinking feeling went through my stomach, and I didn't want to hear the answer. I knew what she did. The blood on his screen said it all, and his panic from before said volumes.

"She… killed someone."

0o0

"Oh come now Raphael, let me sneak a peek at your memories. That's all I'm asking," Shredder said again.

I covered my non-existent ears harder, trying to block the voice that completely surrounded me. Not being able to feel, taste, or smell anything was getting to me. It was this constant weight of nothingness. I could walk, I could talk, I could hear, I could see, but I couldn't do anything to stop him.

I think one of the largest problems was that I didn't know how he did it. I have no idea how he sees my memories, or how to get control over my own body back. I have resorted to sitting and covering my ears to try and block out his voice. I think of happy memories, and if I think long enough, I can get control over my body for a certain amount of time, but those times are getting shorter and shorter. Shredder was getting stronger…

"No!" I shouted once again, opening my eyes to see out the TV screen called my own eyes.

Shredder was prowling over a woman as she walked to work. She couldn't be older than 35, and she had some big top job if her $200 outfit said anything. Shredder was following after her on the rooftops, and for a moment I was incredibly lost as to why he was following her.

"If you don't, I might have to use some persuasion," He cooed.

The woman took a turn down an alley to cut across traffic and get to her workplace quicker. Shredder looked up at the just barely rising sun, and then tossed himself over the edge of the building. He landed harshly on the ground, and grunted as he took the force through him legs.

The woman jumped and turned around to look at what at made the noise. The second she saw me I could see the adrenaline rush through her body; her pulse skyrocketed, and her fight or flight instinct kicked in. Of course, she chose flight. Shredder moved faster than humanly possible though, and had her against a wall by her throat in seconds.

The woman dropped her case she was carrying, and grabbed the green hand holding her throat. She clawed at it, and she kicked, but her nails weren't strong enough to cause damage, and her point-toe shoes did nothing against the muscle of my thigh. Her brown eyes stared at me like a trapped, wild animal, and I could see her gasping for breath to speak.

I jumped to my feet, wobbling at feeling nothing, and charged for the screen. I couldn't reach it, I already knew. I'd ran for hours trying to get to it, but I never could. The only time I got out was when something made me feel strongly. Such as happiness, or anger.

"Ah, I'll let her go if you just give me some of your memories. I'm not asking for every instance you were that Traitor's Fuck boy because that might scar me, I'm asking for your early childhood. Just you growing up. Before you met me."

I paused, watching the woman's brown eyes watched me, ceasing her attacks on my hand when she realized it was fruitless. She whimpered, and started making small pleas to let her go, and that she had a 3 year old daughter at home.

Daughter… Kat…

"Let her go." I said harshly.

"Let me in." He crooned.

I stood there for a few moments, imaging that woman's life. What this would do to her. I knew what Shredder was planning on doing, my body was responding to what he wants already. It was one thing to kill someone, but it was another to rape them. That was what he was planning to do, and if I let him in, she'd get to continue living her life, and imagine me as a dirty homeless man who had a bout of insanity…

"Ok," I croaked.

Like he was zapped, Shredder let go of the woman. She went sprawling on the ground, her expensive pants getting its dose of dust, oil, and piss on it. She sat there, looking up at me with absolute terror. Shredder didn't let her look long, he ran for the nearest wall and scaled it, tossing himself over the edge and on a run for cover.

I fell back down, sitting there and holding my head again. I closed my eyes and tried to meditate, like Leo always talked about me trying. Maybe it would help me, center me. Maybe I'd find a miracle in the state of mind that would get me control over my body again. I doubted it, but who knows, I'd take anything now.

How was Leo? I hope he's not hanging from vines but swinging from them, as much as I am annoyed he hasn't come back. What was in the amazon that was so much more important than his family? Maybe he found a girl there. No, Leo wouldn't do that to his family. It's always been family before himself, a girl wouldn't change that.

"And here I thought that all the fights between you two would stop you from thinking about him." Shredder muttered.

"He's my brother," I whispered, like that answered it all. To me, it really did.

"So the great leader left for the amazon and abandoned his family," Shredder commented.

I jumped to my feet again, looking around for him. I knew I wouldn't find him, too much time trying and searching never gave me answers or proof. I could walk blind and find more stuff.

"It's not like tha'! I'm sure he has a reason for stayin' so long." I shuffled my feet, nearly tripping in the process. "If anythin', he probably stayed there ta become an even "better leader" for us. Twice the time an' all tha'."

"You don't really believe that," He noted dully. I glared at the blackness, and sighed heavily.

"Do I really have ta deal with ya askin' all these questions?" I asked.

"You mistake me for a bad person. Really, I wanted to be your friend and ally, but it was your brother who decided to make me your enemy."

"Actually, we would have rather coexisted than be an enemy to ya. I remember ya sayin' something like,  _If ya aren't with me, you are against me_."

Shredder got noticeably angry for a moment. His vision narrowed, and I heard him growl before he stopped. He calmed himself down, slipping silently into his hiding spot in some abandoned crook in the sewer.

"The memories?" He asked, suddenly done with our conversation.

I fell back on my shell, not worried about hurting it because I couldn't. I'd tried countless times. Some way to hurt myself and cause pain on my actually body. Never actually worked, and any wound I did dealt on myself disappeared soon after.

"Have a whack at it. I'm goin' ta meditate." I grumbled.

Huh, Leo would be proud.


	11. Euphoria

Chapter 11 Euphoria

I hadn't felt so euphoric in a while. It felt like a thousand needles stung my hands, and my brain pulsed from the amount of adrenaline shooting through my system. My chin had the first spray of anxiety sweat, and my heart was trying to beat out of my chest. I shook where I stood, staring down at the blood slowly spreading along the ground. My hands trembled around my weapon of choice, and faintly I could hear Donnie yelling at me through the headphones. I could feel the blood over my forehead starting to dry, and the saliva in my mouth was disappearing at a rapid rate.

What had I done... Who did I... What would her family think? What had caused me to take the dagger and slash her across the throat...

Running home, running over buildings, cry for help, followed the noise, fought her to distract her from shooting a man in a drug deal gone wrong, threw white powder at me, shot at me... I attacked... I dropped the dagger in my hand, hearing the weapon of choice clatter on the ground and echo menacingly. I stumbled back, and only the wall stopped me from falling.

I killed her... I murdered her shamelessly... Her blood was literally on my hands. The sound of Donnie screaming at me told me I shouldn't go home, and I didn't want too. I had failed my family. I had failed myself. I felt tremors shake me violently, and my body felt cold. My eyes zeroed in on the dagger, the one I had had for so long. The hilt had been worn down from use, but it still gleamed like it was brand new. I had sharpened it recently.

I was left staring at the dagger in shock, feeling my body tremor like I was cold and my mouth only got drier. I had to get out of the alley. If the man came back, he or I would be screwed. I couldn't go home, not now. Donnie was still trying to get me to talk, and I could feel my euphoria only increasing. It was like a drug fix, and I wondered if the murder made me feel this way. Maybe it had been my drug, but I quit cold turkey for the turtles. Oh no, the turtles... What was Donnie saying to me? What would Mikey and Leo think? How would the kids react? What would Raph do if he found out...

I stood up shakily, looking up and around quickly, trying to find something to do. My vision swam from the movement, and I lilted where I stood. This wasn't my normal state.. Was I going into shock? A, B, C, D, E, F, G, Haley! I could go to Haley! She wouldn't mind me stopping by.

I juggling my way up the fire escape, well aware of how cold the metal felt under my fingers, and the sweat in my palms made me even more nervous I'd fall. As I took off in a dead sprint for Haley's apartment, and took my first leap of faith over a building, I felt a sense of well-being, that everything was going to be alright, take over me. My body grew warmer, and frankly, I was surprised I was moving so fast.

I skidded my way over Haley's roof, and suddenly wondered if she was even home. She picked up a job similar to mine, except she didn't kill. She just beat them up until they couldn't walk and then dropped them off at the nearest police station, and all she left on the was a cut in the left forearm that said AV, initials for A Vigilante. So original of her... That was what she called herself, and that was true, but the News just called her the Safer SS. I was her model and inspiration, but she was no SS. She'd told me she had nightmares of meeting my guise before she got to know me, because we both know that I would have killed her.

"Haley!" I shouted upon entering her window. She kept it open for the turtle's or myself, though mainly she just hoped Leo would come in and sweep her off her feet. Teenage dream of hers that I liked to tease.

There was a clatter from what I knew to be her kitchen, and she shouted a moment at me. I jittered in her living room, trying to stop the trembling in my legs and slow my pulse down. Neither were working, but it was a good thing to focus on.

Haley entered the room with a towel, dabbing at her shirt, which was wet from water. She had on some weird flower shirt that gave me a headache and a pair of black jeans. Her hair was pulled back and out of her face in a ponytail, which allowed me to see her reaction completely when she saw me. The towel in her hands fell to the floor limply, and her jaw followed soon after. Her eyes raked over me like she was trying to figure out if I was a mirage or not. With the flip of a switch though, she was animate.

"What the hell happened? Why do you you have blood on your face? What is this white powder? Were you hurt?" She walked over the me with a viction, and grabbed my arm to drag me into her bathroom.

"Well, I was putting up a camera to catch Raph, not going to well, and I was heading back when I heard a shout. And I slithered my way to the noise like a snake, heehee, and jumped in on a drug trade. Drug bust now. And this chick had a gun on a guy, and she had this  _huge_  bag of white powder in her hand, and the guy looked like a sorry ass. I'm guessing he didn't get all the required money to do the trade. And she had her gun out and pointed at him. And so naturally, I wanted to save him and jumped her. And the guy ran like a he was on fire. And she and I fought, and she decided to throw the powder on me-"

"Did you inhale any?" She asked sharply.

"Don't interrupt me," I hissed before continuing, "She threw the powder on me, which I think was meant to blind me, and then she started shooting at me. And I jumped forward, bouncing and dodging her moved before I got behind her, grabbed her head and pulled it back. I was just going to choke her into unconsciousness, I swear, but then she turned the gun into my side and tried to fire, and to protect myself I brought the dagger up to hold against her throat and stop her. But she swung out, and the dagger sliced her neck, and her blood sprayed, and I think I got her windpipe because she fell like a dead log. And then I was frantic, because I had just killed someone, and I didn't know what to do, and I feel really happy that I did it, which is weird because that shouldn't happen, and I started counting because I thought maybe I was going into shock and then I remembered-"

"Liz!" Haley shouted. I winced at the sudden noise, and looked over at her.

"Are you  _crazy_? You could wake the neighbors." I told her scandalized.

"Sit." She ordered, not listening to me.

I looked around for something to sit and, and plopped myself down on the toilet. Haley came over to me with a brown rag, and removed the headphones from my head. My ears felt instantly cold, and I realized then that Donnie had stopped yelling. Where had he gone?

Haley grabbed my chin and made me look up at her. I glared at her, crossing my arms over her chest. She rubbed the rag over my cheek, and I jerked away.

"Sit still!" She hissed. I froze like a rock, watching her closely.

"Uh oh, Hafu is mad. You don't want the Hafu mad." I muttered, watching her wash my face off. The corners of her lips quirked up, and she shook her head a little.

"I also don't want to have a high friend in my bathroom, but that isn't happening either." She muttered back. I closed my eyes as she washed over them, jumping my legs up and down to try and stay still.

"I wonder what Leo would think if he saw you get mad." I wondered aloud. Haley went silent, which I took as a sign to continue. "Who knows, he might find it hot."

"Liz," She spluttered, drawing back a little.

"What? I bet he would. A leader like him, he probably wants someone to get angry and feisty or take charge of him in something. Or maybe he'd like to take control. Think you could handle that?" I asked her.

Her cheeks turned a rosy color, and she leaned back down to wash my forehead. I hummed, tapping my fingers against my shaking legs. "Will you ever tell him?"

"I don't know," She answered easily, walking over to the sink to wash the rag. I opened my eyes and watched her. She washed the rag vigorously, trying to get it cleaned quicker to wash me up faster.

"I never took you to be shy for something that should be fairly easy," I murmured. Haley stopped her washing it the rag, and stared at me through the mirror.

"It was easy for you. You never had to say anything, Raph just shoved you against a wall and kissed you. Leo won't do that. He probably doesn't even notice my advances, and some of them were rather obvious..."

"He doesn't think anyone could like him. I bet he's still surprised I love Raph. He probably takes your excuses for advances as you just being bolder and older." I said easily, leaning back on the porcelain.

Haley went back to washing the rag and walked back over to me. I sat up straight again, sighing heavily.

"Excuses for advances. What would you have me do?" She asked, half curious and half angered.

"Well you could just flat out tell him," I said without a second thought. Her glare told me that was not an option, and I moved on. "Or in a moment of desperation just kiss him. Or wait till Christmas and kiss him under the mistletoe... Or go into a sparring match, and somewhere along the way the atmosphere will change and that'll be your moment. Or just show him that locket you wear with his picture inside."

"Sparring match sounds good actually," She said, rubbing my neck with the rag softly.

I hummed in agreement, smiling at the ceiling as it moved in and out of focus. "Not the locket idea?"

"That's a private item I used in a time of loneliness. I'd rather he didn't see it," She murmured.

I opened my mouth to retort with god knows what when I heard a heavy thud. It made Haley jump and whirl around, jumping into a stance of protection. I peered around her hip and into her dining room, looking out for whoever it was that intruded. I felt the tingles in my hand return, and I balled them into fists. No more killing tonight.

"Where is she?" Donnie's voice rang out.

Haley tensed and looked back at me. I shrugged and stood up, trying to slide past her to get to Donnie. She held me back though, and I looked at her, trying to convey silently that I needed to get to him. Her eyes told me danger, but it was Donnie, what would he do? He wouldn't kill me.

"In here," I called out, my stomach doing little flip flops as I made noise. I felt completely at ease with everything, but my stomach was still jumping like something was wrong. What did I listen too?

Donnie appeared in the doorway in an instance, and as soon as I saw the spitfire in his eyes I realized I should have listened to my stomach. He wasn't happy with me, and suddenly I was a lot happier that he's weapon was a bo and not a sword.

He took one look at me and walked at me at a rapid pace. In the cramped bathroom, there wasn't much I could do, and I jumped back trying to get away from him. I tripped over the edge of the bathtub and and tumbled in. I felt a stab of pain in my tailbone, and rolled to my side to get it off the ground. Donnie paused over me, watching me closely. I saw a look of shock take over his features, and he kneeled down to get close to me. He reached out to touch my arm, but I drew farther back. I didn't know if he wanted to hurt me or not, but I was going down with a fight if he did. Donnie though, stopped moving towards me and instead just studied me.

"Ah shell, you're higher than a cloud right now, aren't you?" He asked me. I drew back at such a question, suddenly wondering what he was on.

"I'm not high." I stated clearly.

"Dilated pupils, pulse is quick, you're restless, and your legs have tremors. How do you feel?" He asked.

"I feel completely at ease even though I should probably be worried for my life," I stated dully. "And I feel really freaking happy. Like really happy, which considering what I just did, that shouldn't be what I'm feeling. But I just feel really happy. And jumpy... And like I need to talk about everything. Like Haley and her feelings for-"

"Cutting in here," Haley said hastily. "What do we do about her? What did she take? Is she going to be ok?"

"We need to get her water and get her in bed. She can sleep it off." He sighed out. He stood up, turning around to the door.

"Hey Leo, there's no worry of her trying to escape. She's too high off her rocker to even try."

"That's a bit harsh. I too can escape," I huffed out, crossing my arms. Haley chuckled and Donnie shook his head.

"Come on Liz, we got to get you home." He mumbled, reaching down to grab me. I didn't react fast enough to bump off his hand, and he pulled me up carefully. I stumbled into him as my tailbone lit up with fire, and grit my teeth. I shoved away from him and back into the wall.

"No, I can't go home." I shouted. The crushing weight of failing overtook me again, and I curled my hands into my chest. Donnie looked at me flabbergasted, his hand still grasping for my arm.

"Why not?" He asked.

"Because I killed someone. I failed you guys. I failed myself. How can I go back with that?" I asked him. "Why aren't you yelling at me? Why do you want me home?"

Donnie's jaw grated as he thought of a way to answer, and I saw Haley fidget behind him. She looked like she wanted to say something, but she was holding back. And behind her I saw Leo, watching us curiously. Eventually, Donnie managed to talk.

"Liz, you're not in the best state of mind to talk right now. Wait until you've sobered up before we talk. I swear then I'll be yelling at you." He said, half humored and half serious. I studied him, or at least I tried. The fuzziness and pounding pulse in my temples made it hard to focus. What I actually wanted to do right now was run, just run for free. Or maybe play with the kids for hours. Or climb a mountain. Something other than stand still.

"Come on, Liz, you need water and sleep." He murmured.

"What I really need is the Donnie I know to blow up on me. I fucked up, I know I did. And I can't live with myself after it, so how can you live with me?"

"You need-" He started

"Answer that one question, and I'll go with you without a fight." I stopped him.

Donnie sighed heavily, looking up like the ceiling would give him answers. "I don't know what happened, so I can't judge you just yet."

"Bullshit." I hissed.

"Leo and I were talking, I wasn't looking at the screen. I didn't know you got sent to snowy mountain high, and I don't even know why you killed whoever you killed, let alone if you meant too... And until I know the details, you're coming home with us. You need help right now, I don't know how you got the meth in your system or if you ingested it or not. I need to watch you for the next 24 hours."

I puffed out my chest for a moment before I deflated. I think he answered my question, which means I have to go home without a fight.

"You will yell at me when I'm over this. I'm expecting a fight." I huffed, sliding past him as quickly as I could. Somewhere along the way my center of balance tripped and I found myself falling face first to the cold ground. Before I hit it though, Don had me wrapped into his side, keeping me steady and walking me out of the apartment.

"Tremors in your legs, you won't be walking." He murmured lowly, like he was cataloging what was happening. I thought about fighting, but his grip on me lifted me a foot of the ground, and it felt like flying. I kinda liked that feeling. I swung my legs softly back and forth, feeling like I was walking on air.

"Do you need me to stay?" I heard Leo ask. I looked around Donnie's arm at Leo and Haley, watching the two of them move. Haley looked noticeably nervous, and I caught her eye and gave a grin just before Don ducked out. I turned back to face the direction we were going, humming and swinging my legs at the feeling of flying.

"Where's Mikey?" I asked.

"Watching the kids," Donnie replied easily. He dropped in the gap of two buildings and into a manhole. This one was right outside our house, and I wondered how he got here so fast.

"Where's Splinter?" I asked.

"Watching Mikey." Don said humoredly.

"Smart," I said without much thought. Donnie chuckled a little as he ducked me into the lair.

Without much hesitance he ran his way to my room and dropped me on my bed. I felt my body bounce on the padding, and it brought the happy feeling back in full force. That was fun. I sat up and started bouncing myself up and down in the bed, trying to twist my body to jump onto my knees.

"Uh, Liz?" Don questioned.

"Yes?"

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"Well I'm bouncing of course. It's really fun. Wanna join?" I asked him. Donnie looked at me like I was deranged and shook his head.

"Lay down, I'll be back with water."

I stopped bouncing, watching Donnie as he left. I contemplated between listening and not listening, and eventually just fell back on the bed and waited for Donnie to arrive with some water.


	12. Humanity

Chapter 12 Humanity

"You'd think that after so many years, you'd be able to avoid having pure powdered meth thrown at your face." Mikey murmured humorously.

"You'd think that after so many years you'd stop sounding so annoying," I mumbled, hiding my face in the pillow. I could feel Mikey's shoulders drop and I almost said sorry, but the shivers and headache mingled with sound was not good. Especially someone loud like Mikey.

"Don't take it personally, Mikey, she's got a headache and is irritable. She'll be like this until the drug leaves her system." Don said from wherever he was in my room.

"I'm assuming you can help either of those symptoms?" I asked.

"Repeat again with your face out of the pillow," Don said easily. I heard him move over and Mikey moved out of the way for him. I heard a cup get placed in the table by to the bed, and I knew he had lucked out and gotten me necessary neurotics for pain.

I pulled my face away from the pillow and looked at the glass of water he brought. Two red pills were beside to it, which I eventually clicked to mean Advil.

"I was assuming you could help with the symptoms. I was correct." I said, pushing myself up on unsteady arms. I took the two red pills and glass and downed them happily. I set the cup back on my nightstand and layed down again, accepting the cushion gladly.

"Of course I can. I've never dealt with meth before, but I had plans made should any of my brothers get a faceful." Donnie said.

"I must be the unpleasant surprise for you." I muttered.

"Better you than my brothers. We have no idea what the drug could do to our systems. You on the other hand are human, it's rather easy to figure out what would happen."

"I feel the love," I said. Donnie laughed a little.

"We had a round the clock watch on you. Mikey just happened to be on his turn when you woke up."

"How'd did you get here so quick?" I asked.

"Well he heard your breathing speed up before you were fully conscious and shouted for me."

I huffed, peeking over at Mikey. He looked rather at ease in his chair by the door, though he did look a little exhausted. For a moment I realized that the three brothers, and Splinter probably, had taken turns to watch me to make sure that I hadn't had died in my sleep because of whatever the meth would do.

"Thanks for watching me..." I trailed off.

"No problem," Mikey said, standing up from his seat. "Now I get to sleep the evening away. Or make dinner."

I nodded at the youngest of the brothers and he ducked out of the door. With him went the cozy atmosphere.

I tensed suddenly, realizing that I was alone with Donnie. He wouldn't hurt me or at least I don't think he will. Donnie was the calmest of his brothers, if he ever got angry, he was going to be verbal, not physical. He had a night to calm down, so it can't be that bad. Then again, I did murder someone last night.

Thinking of killing someone left my hands itch again. I fisted them under the pillow, scratching at my palms to try to stop it. I pushed myself up and to the side, sitting on the edge of my bed and staring at a standing Donnie. I felt a stab of pain in my tailbone which I was a little confused about. Did I hit it on something last night? I wringed my hands together, wondering how this was going to go.

"I'm not going to lash out," Don sighed out. I pulled back a little, wondering where he got that idea.

"Your height doesn't help your statement." I muttered.

Donnie went over to the chair by the door and dragged it over. He sat down and faced me bodily, and while he was still a hulking mass of six foot eight, it did help me.

"What happened?" Don asked.

"Well, If I remember when your side went silent," He moved a little uncomfortably. " I was putting up a camera, just going through the motions, and I was heading back when I heard a shout from an alley away from me. I made my way over to see if I could help at all, maybe stop something gone wrong. I wasn't going to kill anyone though."

I stopped, trying to convey through my eyes that that was the truth. Don nodded, letting me know he understood and I could continue.

"Turns out it was a drug trade gone wrong. This chick and a dude trading this huge bag of powder meth. From the looks of it, the guy was supposed to get the money, but he didn't, so she wasn't happy. She had a gun pointed at his head. And without much thought, I jumped in. My distraction let the guy run free, which was what I wanted. Now I went after the girl, wanting to knock her out and remove all drugs from her. Let her boss handle her afterwards."

I took a shaky breath, trying to remember what went down after. It happened so fast...

"She threw the meth at me, which I think was meant to blind me. I heard her gun ring out and I started dodging her bullets. My training payed off and I got behind her. I grabbed her hair and pulled it back, locking her head in my grip. I had planned to choke her into unconsciousness. Instead, she turned the gun around and tried shooting my side. I managed to dodge the bullet, but the gun powder and after smoke got me. I can feel it now."

I pulled the blanket off me to show the ruined remains of my suit. Donnie was up instantly and moved forwards to see the wound. He moved carefully around the rash like scabs and swelling skin.

"We'll need to clean that." He said, moving some of my tattered suit out of the way to see how big the afflicted area was.

"You can do it after yelling at me." I said.

Donnie moved back to the chair, giving my space to let me breathe and talk, but I could tell that half of his attention was now on my.

"So, she turned the gun into my side and fired. I saw it before it happened and moved out of the blast range, and to make her stop I brought the dagger up to hold against her throat. But she moved forwards, trying to get out of my grip and the dagger sliced her neck..." I paused, remembering the moment. "And her blood sprayed. I hit something major because she fell quickly. And that was that."

Don pondered what I said for a few minutes before he shrugged. "Alright."

It took a second for that to register, and when it did I looked at him incredulously. He stared back evenly, looking completely at ease.

"Alright? You're ok with it? I killed someone." I asked.

"I'm not ok with it, but from what I see, it wasn't your fault. You didn't mean too." He answered.

"I still killed someone. Where's the anger? You wanted to murder me last night."

"And then I saw you were higher than cloud nine and rethought."

"So if I hadn't been drugged you would have had me against the wall by your bo? That sounds logical."

"Are you trying to pick a fight with me?" He snapped.

"Yes!" I said without much forethought. My answer made him pause, and I took the moment.

"I want you to get mad at me. I'm mad at me. Even if it wasn't my fault, it still is. I should have been able to stop her from moving or the dagger from cutting her. I shouldn't have even had the dagger on me. I shouldn't have investigated the shouting, it's not my job anymore. Accidentally killing someone isn't worth the meth I have in my system or the after blast of a gunshot in my side or the headache I have right now. Get mad at me for putting myself in harm's way where I shouldn't have. Pin me to the wall or ground in your anger, fight me."

Donnie stayed where he was, just watching me get angry at myself. I watched him, hoping he'd get mad or eventually say something. He just sat there, watching me. The blood in my brain started to get loud and my hands started to burn. My vision got blurry and before I realized I had moved, I made my way out of my room and down the stairs. As far as I was concerned, Donnie didn't stop me.

I made my way through the sewers, trying to scratch the itch out of my palms before I made it topside. It wasn't working as I knew it wouldn't. Only two things made the itch go away. Killing, and Raph. When I felt the itch in my hands, Raph always knew, and he'd walk over to me and grab my hands. He'd run his thumbs over my palms and I'd look up into his eyes. He would smile at me softly in that way that told me he knew what was happening, and the itch would disappear. Raph was missing though. There was no green savior with a red mask to help me this time.

"Liz."

I paused in my step, staring at the sticky ground. Someone, a family member, was following me. I turned on my heel sharply, staring at Mikey. He was a few paces behind me, and I realized he had followed me out and I had been tracking me this whole time. I hadn't heard him though.

"Mike-"

"You're going out to kill again, aren't you?" He asked. His face looked saddened, his shoulders were drooping, and his eyes looked solemn. I opened my mouth to speak, and my bottom lip quivers. Eventually I could get noise out.

"Yes." I whispered.

Mikey took a deep breath, and for a moment I thought he was going to yell at me. I guess I did deserve it, and Mikey had all the reason too. I did storm out on Donnie after yelling, and he didn't know the story from last night, unless Haley told him or Donnie did over the course of a few seconds. I got doped on meth, I was and probably still am covered in blood. I murdered someone period. And I was wounded.

"Why?" He asked. He took a step towards me as he said it, like I was a live bomb he needed to stop. He held his palms up showing he was unarmed, and that move alone made me feel more volatile.

"I..." I looked over his stomach, feeling my stomach bubble with nerves. "I need to help someone... It's an itch in my hands. It only stops when I..." I trailed off, showing him my hands and hoping he understood.

"Or when you're with Raph," Mikey said knowingly.

I hesitated, watching the jokester I'd know for four years and wondering if this was a joke of his or not. I didn't think it was obvious. We never showed those transactions in front of the family. As far as they were concerned, I was ok. Or I thought so at least.

"What?" I asked. Mikey smiled softly and stepped closer to me. I stumbled away a little, but he was still close.

"I didn't see it, I'm sure none of us saw it, but Raph kept you grounded. All these years I thought you helped Raph. Gave him a purpose, a reason to try. A reason for him to believe he wasn't loveless or a mutant freak. And I guess in many ways, you did."

I deflated a little, stuck staring at Mikey's serene face. He stepped closer once again, but I didn't move away. "Mikey..."

Mikey closed the gap, grabbing my shoulders loosely. I wasn't going to be moving anymore, but his hands were keeping me grounded.

"Raph saved you. He gave you a purpose other than to kill people. He gave you a reason to stay alive. And now, without him, you're starting to forget what is worth dying for. What is worth living about."

"Saving people, that's worth dying for." I said.

Mikey shook his head, sliding his hands down my arms to grip my hands. I gripped his fingers tightly, the callousness on his pads giving my fingers something to feel.

"Saving people isn't worth dying for," He said easily. "The police, FBI, SWAT Team, they all risk their lives, and some of them die."

Mikey smiled, exactly what I didn't expect him to do.

"They are only a branch of people though, and it's in their oath to lay their lives down, but only if necessary," Mikey's face softened. "There are also doctors, social workers, judges, security guards, detectives. They save people, but they don't risk dying to do it."

He lifted my hands until they were in front of us, and I saw just how much my hands were trembling. Mine weren't the only one's though. Mikey, the goofball, always smiling, never afraid Mikey, his hands were shaking as well. Just his fingers, but I could see it. In an unpracticed but well-known way, he lined my fingers with his; index to middle, ring to pinky, and thumb alone, and held my hands. I stared at his hands, Different in what way?different in color and shape and size from the only other hand I ever held, but I could feel the meaning in it.

"What is worth dying for is your family. The people you love, not the people you don't know." He murmured.

I felt my eyes get itchy, and I started to blink rapidly to stay the tears. Mikey's face blurred a little, and I could feel the little wells at the corner of my eyes. I gripped at Mikey's hands back, and I could feel the itching in them disappear. Mikey breathed shakily.

"Raph was your humanity, and without him you're falling apart. You have to realize the others who love you and others you love."

"Mi-key," I whispered, hearing the hick in my voice.

Mikey tugged me towards him, letting go of my hands and hugging me tightly as a few tears fell. I fell against the plates of his chest, bracing myself against them before dissolving in his grip. I wrapped my arms as far as I could around him and grabbed the bridge of his shell, pulling myself closer to him.

"Don't fall back on what you hated just because you're angry or lost. Think about who you love." He whispered.

I stood in his hug, breathing hard and holding tight, and like a light was flipped, I felt like I could breathe again. I sucked at the air quietly, breathing in like I had held my breath just a little too long. The pain in my chest lifted, and so did the stress of hiding my urges. Mikey knew anyway. Somehow, that giant ball of fluff who knew how to joke better than he knew how to fight, and prided himself in not thinking or over concentrating like his brothers, knew me enough to understand me.

"Thank you," I breathed out.

"No problem," He said back.

He released me slowly, keeping a grip on my forearms to make sure I didn't topple over. I looked up at the turtle in orange, and smiled a little. It probably looked terrible, but he smiled back with one of his bright ones. He turned his body back to the lair as a way of asking me to come back. I shook my head and looked behind me.

"I won't kill anyone but there's something I need to do," I looked back at him. "I'll be home later."

"Not too late, we still have to clean your side," He said, halfway humorous.

I laughed a little, moving my arm out of the way to see my side. It pulsed with pain, but it wasn't anything I couldn't walk around with for another hour. I didn't expect to be long, I just had a dagger I needed to find before the police found the body, assuming they hadn't already. I'd been asleep for an entire day, and a random drug cartel gone wrong wasn't top priority for the media. They were still doing reruns of Night Watcher and SS, and still asking the big question on where SS went. This murder was going to be swept under the rug.

"Alright. I'll be out and back before the Boogeyman hour comes," I joked.

Mikey laughed a little and let go of my hands. I took a few steps away, flexing my hands. I was delighted to not feel the tingle in them, and it showed in my mood.

"You better be." Mikey said.

He turned from me and walked away, back the way we both came. I sighed heavily, looking down at my hands and flexing them. It really was gone.

I turned around and started walking again, speed walking my way to the surface to get the dagger I had left.


	13. The Devil Within

Chapter 13 The Devil Within

I dropped into the alley from last night, careful to keep to the shadows and walls until I knew there was no one there. The body of the girl from last night was still here, which means no one had called in the murder. The bag of powder from last night was gone though, and any of the powder that had been on the ground when it was thrown at me had been washed away. Which meant that someone had been here, but took care of all the evidence but the body. For some reason, that was a little more corrupt than if they had taken the body and not the rest of the evidence.

I scanned the rest of the alley and listened for anyone in a nearby radius from me. I gave the necessary count to twenty before I walked out and over to the girl. I peered down at her, taking in what I had missed the night before. The sun had done a job on her, and the smell was bubbling all around her. Her brown hair spilled around her head and matter with the blood under her, creating a twisted halo. Her eyes were closed, which I took as a blessing because I couldn't imagine staring into her glassy eyes. Her neck was half twisted, and torn open. Only half of her neck was cut, but the damage was obvious. Her twist had landed her on my dagger, and if the bloodloss hadn't gotten her, the cut between her top two vertebrae would have. I covered my face and turned away, looking around for my dagger so I could get out of here and hopefully phone in this poor person who had met the end of my dagger.

My dagger hadn't been moved from the place I had dropped it, which was a relief. I didn't want to go looking for it in a city like this. If it hadn't been here, I would have just left it. Not like I couldn't get another one, just this one was one Hitoshi had given to me, and I had found it again after surprising some Purple Dragons after my amnesia. It held a sentimental value for me.

I walked over to the dagger and reached down, groaning lowly in pain as it twitched my side. I grabbed the dagger and placed it in it's respectful spot at my hip and turned to leave.

I stopped when I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, and a slow crawl went down my spine. I held my breath and froze, looking around slowly trying to find what was watching me, and why I hadn't sensed it sooner.

I looked around the dark alleyway, staring at the shadows for whatever was staring back. Probably just a hungry cat or dog that found me as a threat. Maybe there was actually someone there, waiting for me to come back, because they knew I would come back. Maybe that was why the dagger was left, to lure me in and make me put my guard down.

I saw two little glimmers in the dark, two eyes reflecting light. They were too large to be a cat or dog, and too high off the ground to be any other animal, and much too quiet. Through the gleam I could see undoubted hatred and triumph, and I froze at the sight of them. Fight or flight kicked in and I realized I'd have to flee. Those were the eyes of someone who wanted to kill me, and I couldn't return that favor.

"Took me long enough ta find ya," He growled, standing up from his position. The top of his head breached the light, and I saw the all to familiar dark green skin.

"Raph?" I asked, surprised by my pure luck to find him. I looked over at the body and realized what he must think. I killed someone, and he didn't know the story.

"Not quite, but yes." He said. He stepped out of the shadows, and the whole figure of my missing boyfriend appeared. His face was shaded so I couldn't see it, and his body was tense like he was fighting back anger. His hands were in fists and shaking a little. The sais on his hips showed prominently and viciously. He faced me like I was prey, and my surprise and happiness of finding him diminished. Something wasn't right.

"Not quite?" I asked shakily.

"You'll find out soon enough." He said cryptically.

I watched him helplessly, confused to hell and back on what he meant. Not quite Raph, what the hell does that mean?

Raph started walking aimlessly back and forth, thinking of how to talk. As he walked, I inched my way closer to a wall, prepared to run should I need too. Adrenaline kicked in, and my side suddenly didn't feel so painful. Blood pounded in my head, and my hands started shaking, ready for whatever he'd do.

"He's awfully loyal to you, I'll have you know," Raph said, gesturing to himself. My confusion increased, but I didn't say anything. His loyalty... "I know you train your pupils well, but you made this mutant your puppy."

"What makes you think that?" I asked, watching Raph's body pace in front of me slowly, but agitatedly. Raph paused, looking over at me.

"As myself, I can quell urges, but as a mutated turtle with a high libido, it is not as easy. I tried to help him out, honestly, because it makes me... hot and bothered as well." The way he said it made a chilly feeling slip down my spine. The part of me that thought this was some weird prank or trick disappeared. Raph would never talk about or even hint at what I think he was saying. Which meant something else was, someone else was. "But he doesn't want too. Practically tears me apart anytime I go near another human being, male or female. Doesn't matter the age, weight, hair color, skin color, or the amount willingness, not that any of them were, he refuses to touch them. I finally got this idea," He waves his pointer finger up to imitate eureka.

"That maybe, just maybe, he was only willing to have sex with you."

I closed my eyes in mild horror as he confirmed my fear. I tried to swallow the hard lump in my throat at the thought that whatever was controlling Raph's body was trying to commit rape. Raph didn't want to, and fought to not do it. Apparently he had been successful on each attempt. Something slipped like cold water through my body as his words processed completely. He said Raph would only have sex with me. That didn't mean...

A heavy and very angry presence got closer to me, and I jumped back to try and get away from him. Faster than I could move, two painfully tight hands wrapped around my wrists and dangled me in the air. I opened my eyes, staring at his face, shrouded in the dark. His teeth gleamed as he snarled at me, and this close I could tell his mask was missing.

I used the suspension to my advantage and swung my legs up in the air, kicking him squarely in the chest with as much force as I could without hurting Raph. He stumbled back from the force, but he did not let me go. He swung me around, leaving me feeling a little sick and with a whiplash on top of my side aching from it all. The brick wall hit my back hard, knocking the breath out of me and making black stars float behind my eyelids.

My hands were forced over my head with one of Raph's larger hands, holding me in the air as his other parted my legs. He slid between them, stopping me from kicking him off. I twisted my arms to the point it hurt, trying to find a weak spot in it. When I realized that one was pointless I went on to try and buck him off at least enough for me to slip a foot and get some leverage.

Raph chuckled, watching me struggle fruitlessly. I knew it, but I never just laid down and took it. I had to keep fighting. It was my job. To my family, to my friends, to the people I saved.

"You've grown slow." He murmured, and he gripped my chin between his thumb and forefinger. He forced my face to stare at him, and pressed his mouth to mine harshly. It was the worst mock of a kiss I had ever seen or felt, and my teeth dug into my upper lip painfully from the sheer force.

I pushed my chest towards him, caving my spine in to put distance between our faces. It worked, but I don't think I was the cause of it. He simply moved his mouth downwards, and bit at my neck, hard. The hand holding my chin let go once he had his head lodged in just a way I couldn't no longer move it down or risk cutting off my circulation. I felt one of his thumbs brush along the scar on my neck, like he was brushing a memory. Even though I could cut circulation, I tried to bend my head down to bite him. Cause some pain, cause something, but his head was large and I couldn't do it.

His free hand moved down through the valley of my chest. He continued his journey until he got to the hem of my suit. I bit my lip, looking up at the black sky. I could taste blood from my upper lip, but I could tell that there was going to be other blood soon. His nails scratched my skin as he moved my shirt up, but he stopped moving when he felt a nail catch on the scar across my stomach.

"What's this? Got into a bad fight didn't you?" He asked, following the scar across my torso. I twisted my hands again, trying to find a weak point. Raph instantly tightened his hands, and a piercing pain came from my neck. I cried out before I could stop myself, and I bit my lip to stop myself from crying out again. He bit me, the better part of the juncture of my neck and shoulder was now caught in his mouth, and he was biting down in a warning.

"No," I meeked out. How Did I help other people if I couldn't even help myself? I couldn't even fight off my boyfriend of four years, and I knew every weak point on his body. How did I fight people I never met or knew anything about? I had helped so many men and women out of this situation of rape, and yet I was about to get raped by the man I trusted most.

He didn't say anything else, but I could feel his hands shaking. The one pushing my shirt up felt like it was having a seizure, and the one's holding my hands back felt loose. I twisted my hands again, not wanting to get bit anymore but I wanted to get out. I guess a bloody shoulder was the least of my worries. I twisted my wrists hard enough I heard my wrist pop, but his grip didn't relent.

I felt one of his large fingers slip under the wire of my bra, moving my breast around softly compared to the rest of his actions. I squirmed away, managing to hook my feet into the spot where his shell met his side, and I pushed with all my might. Raph jostled backwards a foot, his mouth tearing from my shoulder enough that I think he pulled skin. His arms though, were long, and the foot and a half distance I put between us didn't stop his hands.

At a foot difference, I stared Raph in the face. I pressed my feet firmly against his chest, bunching my legs to push again if he tried coming near me. He smiled maliciously, his eyes hooded a little. I was seriously hoping it was a trick of the light, but I could almost swear I saw some red on his teeth.

"Oh, feisty. His memories don't do you justice." He murmured, licking his bottom lip. "No matter, I can work with that."

"Raph," I whispered, trying to see if I could pull him out. Every other case had apparently worked, I just hope this one did too.

"He's not here at the moment, sorry."

"Where is he?" I asked.

The man in Raph's body reached his hand towards my face, and he ran his index down my jaw before he pinched my chin. He was silent as he thought, and he sighed through his nose like it pained him to say what he said next.

"Well he's there. He's just unable to take over for me. He's so tired in here, he should really just give up," He sighed.

"Raph will never give up," I hissed, shaking his hand from my face. He pulled back, studying me for a moment.

"I know. That's why I need to break him, and you play a part in that." He whispered.

His hand disappeared for a second, and come back with a sai in hand. I looked at the sharpened point, watching it dance dangerously close to my stomach. He trailed it over my clothes slowly, like he was wondering what to do first.

"You're rather bipolar. First you're going to rape me, and now you're just going to cut me up?" I asked, testing my wrists more.

His eyes, color hidden from the shadows, looked at me. The sai moved up my body, and over where he bite me. I bit my already bleeding lip as he dug the tip of the sai it what I now know is an open wound. It stung like fire, and I tried to move away from it. In retaliation he scraped sideways, and pressed on another spot. I felt the blood trickle down, and he pulled the sai away to attach his mouth to the spot.

He sucked on the spot hard, and I whimpered at the radiating pain. He let go with a smacking sound, and pulled back to look at me again.

"Contrary, I plan to do both. So far it's going good," He murmured. He watched me for a moment, and I felt a stabbing pain down my left arm.

I pulled my arm away from the pain, looking at what he had done. He had caused a cut down the length of my forearm. It wasn't bleeding hard, but it was noticeable. The sai pressed against my jaw, and it pushed my face to look at Raph's face.

He pushed against my legs, and pushed them against my chest. His face got unnecessarily close, and for against moment I thought he was going to kiss me.

"You should hear him. He's screaming," He whispered.

I heard a tearing sound from below us, and it didn't take a genius to know what he did.

"Why him?" I asked, testing my wrists one more time. I felt a gap, and I had to work fast to get this to work.

The man in Raph's body smirked cruelly, and I felt the sai dig into my ribs. With a heave, I tore my arms in different directions. My left arm got free, and I took the precious milliseconds to grab my dagger from its sheath in my boot.

Raph jumped back as I slashed the dagger across his chest. He let go of me, and I dropped to my knees. I spun off to the side, trying to get some ground under my feet before he came at me.

I jumped to my feet, raising my arm up as I spun around. I caught his downwards blow, catching his wrist on my forearm. I hissed at the pain it caused my arm. I turned into him, prepared to cut him. He surprised me by tossing me over his shoulder, stopping me from doing any damage to him.

I landed on my back, feeling the breath leave me from force of hitting the ground. I didn't get my bearings back before he was on me. He pressed the sai against my neck, and ran his other arm over my torso, holding me down.

As he pressed harder on my neck, I realized he was going to cut my neck. Flashes of the brothers showed in my head, and then the kids. I found Raph, but it wasn't Raph. Who would he attack next? Donnie when he went looking for me? Leo when he went to Haley's to see if I was there? What would the kids think now that both of their parents were missing?

I felt the sai get its first trickle of blood, and then the man roared, "No!"

He practically threw himself from me, and and I saw the opportunity and took it. I jumped to my feet and held the dagger at Raph's back. His entire body shook, and he was grasping his head like it caused him intense pain.

"Raph..." I trailed off.

"Run," He yelled me, not looking at me. I took a step back in shock. It was Raph, but I couldn't stay, no matter how much is wanted too. He looked at me, and I finally saw his eyes.

They were gold, but I could see blue trying to fight it's way to the front. The blue shocked me, because they were like electricity, and crackled like fire.

"I said run, Liz!" He said once again. I jumped to action, turning and running for the nearest fire escape. I had to get home, and who knew how far I would get.


	14. Change in Plans

Chapter 14 Change In Plans

She ran from me. Of course she did, I was half monster, stuck with a demon inside my head who knew every thought I had, and now he knew what my greatest weakness was.

"Well that was interesting to watch," Shredder mused.

I glared at the wall before me, trying to hold on just long enough that Liz can get home without Shredder being able to follow her. She needed to be able to tell the family and have them stop trying to locate me. I didn't know how they were trying to find me, but by the look of Liz's reaction of seeing me, they had been trying hard.

"What do you plan to do?" He asked.

I clicked my tongue to the roof of my mouth, tasting my freedom for what time I had. It felt like heaven being able to feel my senses again. To taste, even if it was blood, to feel, and to smell. I had no idea how vital those senses were, and while it was heaven now, I knew that Shredder would get control soon and I'd be back in my hell in my own mind.

"What can I do?" I asked aloud, and talking felt like the stress of the world left me.

Shredder chuckled, "Nothing."

My eyes started crawling and I gripped my head, shaking it with my hands, trying to keep a grip. I didn't want to go back, not to that hole where I couldn't do anything except try to keep Shredder out of my head as I watch him ruin my life day by day. At least Liz knew I was alive and something was wrong, though whether she realized what yet was a big problem. She might try and find me again, because that was something that she would do.

Feeling absolute nothingness came back, and I realized I had lost the battle. Again. The amount of time between each time I could control my own body was getting fewer and fewer, and it didn't take a genius to know what that means. I was losing a battle. It made me wonder if one day I would no longer be able to take control, and what would happen to me then? Would I fade? Would I live the rest of my life looking out of Shredder's eyes, watching the life I could have had pass me by. I knew what Shredder wanted to do, he'd told me his plan often, because he knew I couldn't stop him. I was surprised I'd lasted as long as I had this time.

"So why ask me?" I asked aloud again. I opened my eyes to the blackness, shifting my nonexistent weight to get a balance back. I took to sitting down again, wrapping my arms around my legs. They couldn't go all the way around because of my muscle, so I gripped my knees and balanced on my shell and butt, careful to curl my tail in safely.

"Because I have one," He said evilly.

I stiffened, watching him move across the rooftops. I didn't want to know, but I knew he wanted me to know. He was just waiting for me to say something.

"What?" I asked begrudgingly.

"I'm not going to find her, I'm going to draw her out."

0o0

I slammed my hand against the pipe to get me into my home, dragging it down and pressing my shoulder into the door. It swung open at the same speed it always did, even if i wanted to make it move faster.

"Donnie!" I shouted, stumbling into the home. As soon as I heard the door behind me close I felt safe and collapsed to my knees. I heard a patting sound as a pair of feet ran over to me. It was too light to be one of the brothers, and as soon as I saw the feet I knew who it was.

"Kat," I murmured, looking up at her. She stared back with wide eyes, and I could see them flick over my wounds. Her hands clenched and unclenched with indecision and confusion at the sight of blood, which she'd only ever seen in the dojo. I opened my mouth to try to assure her I was fine, but honestly I wasn't.

"Get Uncle Don," I said instead. Kat looked into my eyes for a moment and then turned to do what I said.

"Ozzy, Hotoshi, watch mom." She said as she ran as fast as she could up the stairs and to Don's room.

The two boys jumped from their hiding spot behind the couch, listening to Kat and rushing up to me. Hitoshi paused when he saw my shoulder, and he stumbled and skidded to a halt a few steps away from me. Ozzy on the other hand ran to my safe side and wrapped my arm around his shoulders, no doubt something he'd seen the adults do several times. He stood up straight, and while he wasn't tall enough or strong enough to do much, I did lean on him a little to get some weight off my side.

"Mama..." Hitoshi whispered. The shake in his voice shook me, and I ignored the pain to reach out for Hitoshi.

"I'm alright, love." I said, reaching forward to grab his hand. He didn't move, but I could feel his fingers grip me tightly. "It's just a few cuts, your uncle's will have me fixed by morning. Which reminds me, why are you three up?" I asked.

"Hide and Seek. Uncle Don had just left to count when you came in." Ozzy huffed out, sounding winded. Instantly I released some of my weight off him, and while he tried to pull me down again, I could tell he was relieved.

"Liz?" Donnie asked, jumping the railing to get to me as quick as he could. Kat was left at the top of the stairs, and she ran as fast as she could without tripping on them.

Ozzy handed my arm to Don when he reached for me, and Don wasted no time picking me up gingerly, trying to be mindful of all my wounds but he couldn't avoid all of them. I hissed as his arm brushed my still untreated side.

"What did you do?" He asked, taking large strides up across the room and up the stairs. I could hear the little steps of the kids trying to follow, but 5 foot difference put a lot of space between them.

"Raph." I choked out. Don hesitated in his next step, looking down at me with apprehensive eyes. I could see what he was asked, was I mad?

He elbowed his way into my room, setting me against the bed as carefully as he could. I shooed him off, letting him get whatever he needed. In the time it took for him to get the materials, I stripped my top off, fingering the stained, torn material before tossing it across the room. There goes the last Silver Suit I had. Looks like I'll need to dig for the SS uniform. I leaned back against the bed, cupping my shoulder and looking at it.

A bite mark too large for any human to fit, and too blunt for any animal in New York City to create, encased my shoulder. I tipped my head back a little, seeing how far down my shoulder blade it'd gotten. From the looks of it, he wasn't trying to catch the largest area, he made the bite small but wide, creating a large pinch. I was correct in my assessment that his teeth had dug in and ripped it up. Skin fell over where it had originally been placed, and blood swelled under them. I touched one of them, and my arm shot with pain. The blood that had bubbled under it poured out, falling into the hollow of my clavicle.

"What happened?" Don asked. I jumped, the movement aggravating my stomach. I winced, but kept my noises to myself.

"I went to the alley to get my dagger back. And Raph... something was wrong. It was Raph's body and voice, but it wasn't him..."

"Robot?" Don asked.

I shook my head, laying back at the touch of Don's hand to my good shoulder. I cramped a little at feeling the blood touch the pillows, but I couldn't do much to stop it. I laid still as Don assessed what was most serious, and eventually he chose my side. He grabbed a gauze cloth and what I knew to be hydrogen peroxide. I chanced a glance at my side, and realized he'd probably have to rub the area with a rag to get the forming scabs up and make sure no gunpowder was in it. Some areas looked puffy, which was the tale tell sign of a beginning infection.

I placed my head down, staring at the ceiling. I balled my hands in the covers, making fists with them in preparation for what I knew was going to come. Donnie didn't say anything to prepare me, because honestly we've done this too many times for there to be a warning.

I closed my eyes as blinding fire attacked my ribs. My lungs expelled all of their air to get away from the pain, leaving me silently gasping and groaning. I could feel my body trying to turn away, but Don's hand got my hip and kept me in place. Distantly, like watching it from outside my body, I was aware he moved the cloth around, moving my skin and the grime around to get to all the needed places.

"What'd he say?" Don asked. I peeked out of my eyelids, taking a shaky breath as I thought.

"He said he wasn't Raph, but we'd find out soon enough who he was... He said Raph was loyal to me, wouldn't let him... rape other people to quell his libido."

Don looked up at my face, a speculating look in his eye. I stared back with what I could muster past the burning and bubbling in my side, trying to tell him I spoke the truth through my eyes. Eventually he sighed and moved the cloth away to stare at my side. I could still feel the bubbles and it ached, but I guess he was pleased with what he saw because he put the cloth down.

A second later I felt liquid trickle over it and the place exploded with pain again. Don had his arm on my chest before I could move, and I looked down to see he was pouring the hydrogen peroxide on the wound directly.

"You fucker,"I gasped out, laying back.

"It'll be better for both of us in the long run." He responded. "Now it's just the waiting game."

"Little warning next time." I said, relaxing as he pulled the chemical away from my side. Don's little lip quirk told me all I needed to know.

"What'd he do to you?" He asked, serious mode back on.

"Isn't it obvious?" I asked sourly. I'd taken my top off for a reason.

"Cut down your arm and bite mark on your shoulder?" Don asked. I blinked owlishly at him for a few seconds, wondering if he was joking or if he'd missed the one on my neck.

I tipped my head back, making a full show of letting him know I wanted him to look at the column of my neck. Tipping my head this far back made the cut sting, and I realized it was sticky. Don sat still for a moment, looking at my throat with confusion. There was a few seconds of silence and I almost just told him when he jumped up away from me before shoving forward and getting closer.

"He tried to slit your throat?!" Don shouted, the need to keep quiet suddenly dampened by his worry. I winced at the loudness, which I knew now meant that he got someone's attention.

"Tried is your key word. How does it look?" I asked. Don looked like he wanted to murder something and take care of me, and I was aware of the muscles in his bicep twitching.

"Are you sure it was Raph? He wouldn't..."

"I'm positive. I got to see him full face, and we talked a little. He had me against the wall for a good few minutes, so I got a feel of him -and I know what he feels like, and when he tried to get my throat, I think the threat on my life got Raph out and he jumped back. Told me to run."

"So Raph is still in there?" Don asked, setting up a bandage before he grabbed my arm and lifted it above my body. I stared at the cut going down my arm, watching the faintest trickle of blood seep out of its starting point. The elevation made my arm feel heavy, and I could feel the pulse through it. Don made work at washing it up, wiping the blood away to see how bad it was.

I shrugged to answer his question, remembering what the person in Raph said.  _He's there. He's just unable to take over for me._  Raph could get control of whoever had him, but something really had to push him. Something Raph vehemently hated. I think Raph came out when I was about to get my throat cut, because he roared and jumped back, and his eyes...

"I think." I murmured.

I stared at the white ceiling, ignoring Don and his cleaning ritual for my arm. Something kept nagging at me, tugging at my eyes to remember. I had seen something important. Raph's eyes. They were hazel, but I saw blue on their edges. Like something was fighting to get back to the front.

"Are we going to continue doing the cameras?" Don asked.

I swallowed, focusing back into reality and not memory. I looked at my arm, which Don was wrapping in a bandage.

"I don't think so," I said, and my throat pinched to say it. Don looked at me sharply, and I could see his bubble of argument rising. "I don't think they're working. The person knows we're doing something, and he's trying to keep us from finding him. He lets himself be found when he wants to be. Tonight was proof of it. He was there, waiting for me to come and get my dagger. It wasn't a chance meeting, it was planned."

"So we should give up the search for Raph? Are you mad?" Don asked.

I sat up sharply, ignoring my stomach and shoulder protesting. Don didn't move farther back, so I had to crane my neck to stare at him.

"It's not like I want too. Do you realize how much worse tonight could have gone? The guy tried to rape me, because Raph is "loyal" to me and no one else. These teeth marks, that was one of the things he tried to get me to stay down. You wanna know what else he did? Pinned my arms above my head, so tight, my wrist still hurts. The inside of my lip is cut because of the force of his kiss. The bottom of my pants are ripped open. Seriously Don, I'd rather still be out there finding him, but I'd much rather be alive than dead. I'm more use that way."

Don stays standing for only a few seconds more before he deflates, sitting on the bed beside me. His eyes drift to my shoulder, where very obvious Raph sized teeth marks were. His eyes slipped sideways to my throat, where he stared at the thin slice like it could give him all the answers.

"So what? We just stop trying to find him?" Don asked, still angered but calmed. A spot in the back of my mind realized that this was possibly our next big break. The one we both expected. We were overdue for one anyway. Something that made us even farther apart, more stiff around each other.

"No. We still have to look for him. Raph is still in there, we just need to get him out. There has to be some way."

"So we're back to square one?" He asked. I sighed, leaning back against the wall. I didn't want to say it, but we are. With this new piece of info, we are now back to home base.

"It looks like it." I murmured. Don looked at the door, and then back to me.

"Do you think he could get in?"

"If he wanted to, he would have tried already."

"Not if Raph isn't giving him the info."

"What makes you think Raph is giving him any info?" I asked.

"Bribery. They're sharing one body, so they must also be mentally linked. The person wants you dead, and it's not a secret where we live when it comes to Raph. Maybe he won't give the information willingly, maybe eventually the guy can just take without asking."

"So my days are numbered no matter what. Great." I said sarcastically.

"Not if we change the code on the door."

"If he finds out where we live, he'll find out where April, Casey, and Haley live. He can bribe us out that way. Raph knows I'd take a hit for my friends."

Don paused, thinking.

"Send them to Casey's grandmothers? Get them out of New York City." He asked.

"I'd love to see that one go down with them..." I muttered.

"Leo can talk to them. I'm pretty sure he could convince them eventually. From the looks of it we have a little while."

"So that's it then? We're shutting Raph out?" Leo asked as he opened the door. Don and I both look over at him, and notice Mikey is peering over his shoulder. Around the ankles are the kids, trying to hide but listen simultaneously.

"Until further notice, can we do anything else?" I asked.

Leo's gaze was hard, and for a moment I realized that out of all of us, Leo might feel the most guilt and pain. He'd been gone far longer than planned, and Raph did take it hard. Now that he's back, he wants to make amends, and the person who needs them most is Raph. With Raph gone and no clear sign of getting him back, Leo must be going crazy with guilt about not getting home sooner. It was slowly eating him, and now it was definitely going to kill him.

Leo tries to swallow, and fails miserably.

"I-I'll... Call April."


	15. Haley

Chapter 15 Haley

"If you guys think I'm going to leave, you do not know me." Haley said, a spitfire in her pale eyes.

"Even for your safety?" I asked, watching her pace the room in her black uniform.

"I have family here, Leo! I'm not leaving them!" She told me.

"Take them with you?" I questioned.

Haley looked at me with something akin to surprise and confusion. "Yes, because a college and hospital will understand that they need leave for an unmeasured amount of time for no reason."

I rubbed the back of my neck sheepishly, looking over at Don for help. Don shrugged, a sign that he wasn't going to help me reason with the new vigilante of New York City. I glared at him to let him know how helpful he was being, and he shrugged again.

"So what are you going to do?" I asked.

Haley paused, puffing her cheeks out as she thought.

"What I already do. Live my life, fight crime my way, look out for my family, stop by every so often. If I see him, I'll give a call." She stated.

"You're an idiot if you think you can grab your phone before he gets to you." Liz murmured. I glanced over at her on the couch where she was huddled in a blanket. Hitoshi was curled into her side, resting his head on her arm and effectively holding her in place as he lay in her lap. She didn't really mind it, she was brushing his hair with her fingers to keep him asleep while the rest of us talked. Her neck had a bandage across the front, a deadly reminder of what could have happened. The arm brushing Hitoshi's hair had a wrapping around the forearm, another sign of how bad it got. I felt a pang of regret for not being there for her, even though I had been forbade to go out. I should have pulled a Raph and left with her anyways. Maybe then she would be as hurt.

"You doubt me?" Haley asked almost humorously.

"Yes," Liz said, a tone of finality in it. I was as surprised as Haley looked at her simple answer, and the Hafu slouched a little. "Raph never gave his all with you, and now whoever has taken over is faster, much stronger, and set on killing and not training. You're not even close to the skill set required to move, let alone breathe near him."

"You could be nicer about it," Haley mumbled.

"I need you to realize the severity of this situation as soon as possible. Staying here in New York City, you are risking your life."

"I already risk my life every night!" Haley shouted. Liz placed her hand over where Hitoshi's ears would be, and Haley got quieter. "If you have forgotten, I'm you, on a nicer scale."

"The people you fight aren't dangerous. They have weapons, they have motive, but you can beat them. I've seen you in action enough times to know you can take down pretty much anyone. This though, is out of your league. It'd be like fighting Shredder. You won't survive." Liz ended on a hard note, her eyes conveying her anger while her voice remained mostly calm.

"Well I can't leave. I have family here." Haley said.

"Fair enough..." Liz gave in. "You can't leave because of them. At least quit your job until it's handled though. Keep yourself safe."

Haley puffed out, and I realized this would be another thing she'd fight on. She wasn't giving up her job as a vigilante for her life. Now who does that remind me of...

"No."

"Spice..." Liz moaned.

"She was trained by you, you really think she'll give up her job that easily?" I asked. Liz glared at me, but she saw the reasoning.

"Don't be me. You've got your life to live." Liz said, looking back over at Haley. Haley looked at me, her eyebrow raised in amusement.

"I'm going to continue saving lives. If I see Raph, I won't engage, I'll run the other way and call." She said.

"He won't let himself be seen. Every thing he does is planned. He might actually be the cause of one of those crimes you try to stop."

"I'll be trigger happy than." Haley muttered. "Look, you're not going to stop me. Nothing ever stopped you or Raph from doing your jobs until it put the one's you cared about in danger. Me continuing to do my job won't hurt anyone just yet. When it does, I'll stop."

"You idiot..." Liz muttered, leaning her head against the couch and closing her eyes. "That will be the death of you."

"Or save me. We don't know. As of two days ago Raph was still missing. As of yesterday Raph wants to be missing."

Don got up and left abruptly, going up the stairs and away from the spat between Haley and Liz. I debated between staying and going, but Haley and Liz were cooling off, and I wanted to talk to Don. I puffed my cheeks out for a moment, looking between the three figures, and then followed Don. He went to his room, and left the door open so I knew he was inviting me. I walked in a little, closing the door behind me and leaning against it.

"Are you going to tell her now?" The sentence was getting repetitious, as was its answer. I wondered why I asked it sometimes, like maybe Don would finally give the correct answer, which he should have given months ago. Even before I was here.

"Why should I?" Don asked back. I halted at the reply, because it was different from all his other answers. I looked at the back of his head as he went about his business of cleaning his station up and getting things organized. Mechanic tools put back in their box, which went under the table. Papers organized and stacked, placed next to his computer, right behind his coffee. He moved a bandage off to the side, his hand lingering on it as he tried to figure out where to put it. Eventually he just let go.

"Because she just about lost her life tonight to the very guy you're keeping the secret for," I hissed. "And three nights ago she got drugged and shot at for being at the wrong place. I can't see why you're still holding it back."

"If it affects you so greatly, why don't you tell her?" Don asked. He dropped his hands against the table and leaned against it.

I walked over to him, abandoning my station at his door.

"Because it's not my place, nor my secret." I reached for one of the bandage rolls he'd left out from fixing Liz, lifting it up high for his eyes to see it. His eyes latched onto the roll, massively smaller than it had been just two days prior. "Eventually, this roll is going to run out, and when it does, I hope it saves the person it wraps. Judging on her wounds, she won't survive next time she sees him."

Don's hands balled into fists and his eyes flashed violently. He shoved my hand away from his face, and the bandage flew from my hand and bounced against the wall, only to bounce back against Don's chest and to the table again. I brought my hand to my side, looking over his shoulder at the wall.

"What do you think she'd do if I told her?" He asked, voice quiet.

I focused on him, surprised at the sound of his voice. It was soft, almost scared. His eyes were downcast, and his hands were moving mechanically to put all the stuff away, but he had his attention on me.

"Well first, beat you as much as she could on the spot or as soon as she was ready too," I half joked. Don didn't even twitch his lips, and I got more serious. "Probably resent you. Ask you lots of questions... She's not really one for grudges, is she? She'd probably, eventually, forgive you. From there, she'd try to make plans with you to fix it."

"It's our next rift," He murmured. I furrowed my brows at his, trying to figure out what he meant. Rather quickly I realized he meant their relationship and how there always seemed to be something else that came between them. "It's our next break."

"The damage is already done," I said. "You can lessen the blow by telling her soon."

"There isn't much else to hit with. No one else knows besides you, me, and whoever is in Raph, so no one can tell her before me. All that can really hurt is time."

"So you're going to tell her?" I asked, hopeful. This was a much better outcome than I was expecting when I started with that question.

"I don't know..." He said, and I deflated. He sighed, "When. I don't know when I'll tell her. In the state she's in, now isn't a good time. I don't know how soon to tell her though."

"The next time she can get on her feet?" I questioned. Don packed the last item and closed the lid on the box. He turned to face me, face drawn and eyes sour. I'd never really seen him so defeated. Donnie always had another route, or a Plan B, C, D, E, etc. Why was this time different? Was the break that was happening so harmful that it left him confused on what to do?

"It's not her physically I'm talking about. If she really wanted, she'd be out and in the dojo tomorrow, no matter her wounds. I'm talking about her mentally." He paused for a moment, and made a face like what he wanted to say was bad tasting. "He nearly... raped her. Molested, abused, bit her, got so close to killing her she has a cut on her throat. All while she was able to look at the face of the one guy she trusted most and knew everything about her. That had to leave something in her mind."

"It's too late for her to heal mentally, at least in a timely manner to help Raph. We'd need him to fix some of the damage."

"So I should tell her as soon as possible then, huh?" He asked. I stood a little straighter, turning to look at the door.

"Personally, yes." I said. Donnie sighed and deflated a little, finally giving in to what I'd been trying to tell him for weeks.

"Ok... So, how did April and Casey take to leaving the city? I haven't heard about them. Haley's answer is kind of obvious."

"April and Casey, after a lot of talking, listened. They won't go as far as we wanted, but they are headed out. Somewhere along the lines of Raph now being stronger and more hostile got to them. Casey tried to say he could take him on if need be, but shut up when I said that Raph never tried his hardest on him."

"That was easy," Don remarked. "I expected a lot more of a fight."

"Oh they are, they're coming over after packing to interrogate us. Judging on whatever we say, they'll stay or leave."

"That sounds more like them." He chuckled. I smiled back.

0o0

I watched the sky on my back, head craned just a little so I could see out the window of my own eyes. There was so much smog it looked like cloud coverage, and the night was never pitch dark because the city lights refracted from the clouds. The area around us was dark and dim, but light enough I could see all my appendages being used by someone else. He was doing something to my sais, dripping a chemical over them before setting them aside to dry, only to repeat the process.

"I was wondering..." Shredder started aloud, my voice intruding on the outside though it wasn't me talking. "Who got the final blow on me?"

"It was Haley," I muttered, the image of her appearing in my mind. Long black hair, pale green eyes, pale tan skin, Japanese nose but American lips. A spitfire of a girl that didn't understand the word no. Burn scars along her arms and legs from the fire that took her home.

Shredder assessed the image I had given him, humming as he looked her over.

"Friend of yours? How did you come across her?" He asked.

He picked up one of my sais again, dripping the chemical over the metal once more before laying it on a rack. My fingers itched to grab it, but I knew I would just tire myself out, and I won't be able to take over again for a longer time. Better to wait until I was actually needed to save someone's life (again), than to try suicide in an attempt to kill Shredder and probably fail.

"She was one of ta people Liz trained, back under yer care." I said smugly, watching his moves falter. His anger flared and his fists balled together, and I wondered distantly if I'd made a mistake saying that.

"You mean there was mutiny among my ninjas?" He asked angrily. I picked myself up, looking around carefully. I struck a larger chord than I thought.

"Just her. She was the only one." I replied, looking around slowly. The area was buzzing, and even though I couldn't feel anything, it still felt very real. Like my arm was touching it.

"Where does she live?" He asked. Instantly I tensed, locking down my mind, practically willing myself to forget where she lived. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know-

"I don' know." I said, crouching my body at the ready for an attack. He'd never attacked me before, I wasn't even sure he could. I was inside my own mind, I wasn't a physical substance, as much as I didn't want to say it. He'd probably go through me.

"I'm asking nicely Raphael. Where is she?" He asked.

"I don' know." I said again. Forget it, forget it, forget it.

Shredder surged inwards, and the area around me vibrated so hard I could see the blackness moving. I covered my ears and shut my eyes, leaning in on myself to try and stop whatever he was trying. Seemingly without permission, the image of Haley's apartment appeared in mind, as well as how to get there. Next came what her place looked like, where she spent the most time, and what Haley looked like on a daily basis.

"Thank you," Shredder said, much calmer than he had been just a few seconds prior. I stood up straight, looking for wherever he came from so I could hit him.

"No! Ya do not do that! Ya... Fuck ya Shredder!" I shouted so loud my voice scratched and I could have sworn I heard an echo. Shredder chuckled, sprinkling the chemical onto the blade yet again.

"Oh, potty mouth. Watch yourself, Raphael. I did ask nicely." He admonished.

"Ya don' take what isn't yers! Tha' includes memories, ya poltergeist!" I shouted, looking around in the black once again. I stopped, remember it was impossible. I'd walked one direction for severals days to no end, and I ran just as long to no end either. I was in a vast expansion of nothing.

I collapsed, sitting down again, and looked out the screen to what he was doing. He was calm again, chuckling away as he poisoned my weapons. I felt a crushing feeling of defeat suddenly, and I leaned forward until my head touched where the floor should be. I felt my eyes pinch, and breathing got difficult.

"What are ya goin' ta do?" I asked, gasping for air. I wasn't able to stop him. He just took it. Not even a week ago I could have thrown him out. I was falling apart, losing to Shredder, and it was happening slowly. Eventually he'd get to know all my secrets, all my locations. Where April and Casey were, where the lair was, that I had  _kids_. He was going to have a field day with that one. How long before I became the poltergeist...

"Well originally I want to kill the people who betrayed me. I had thought it was just Liz, because that one was for obvious reasons. Then I realized that after her I was going after your family, and I wanted to know who killed me. I wanted to congratulate whoever it was. I thought it was your leader, Leonardo, who I was facing last before my demise. I wanted to give him a chance to fight for his life after watching his friends, father, and brothers die, and then to see if he'd kill you. Now though, knowing it wasn't even Leonardo, which would have been a worthy kill, but a Foot Ninja all of fifteen years old, I want to get her. She'll be my first victim in this plan, and I want to get her where she least expects it."

The tears spilt over, and I hid my face behind my arms, shielding me from seeing what Shredder was doing. I tried to keep my breathing at a normal level so he wouldn't notice the crying, because that was the last thing he needed to see, just how much this was affecting me. It would only fuel him to try and be more cruel. I had outed Haley, and now she was going to pay for it, whether it be tonight or next week. After her it was Liz. Then he was going to pluck my family off, one by one. And I had to watch it all from my own mind, with my own hands.


	16. Family, Falling

Chapter 16 Family, Falling

"Yahtzee!" I heard my dad crow. I opened my eyes slowly, blinking at the sun in my face. I pulled my head back from the window I had been leaning against, staring outside at the rock wall we were traveling by. The train sped between two mountains, a single track all that made us move. There were snow patches which I barely got to see before we zoomed.

My little brother's groan entered the air as my father laughed triumphantly, handing the rattling cup to Timothy. I looked away from the window and around the carriage my family was staying in for the next day. It had several seats which we could sit in, or recline back to make a bed we slept in. We were heading for Oregon to visit my grandmother for Christmas, and we decided train would be a fun way to go. My dad and brother were passing time with Yahtzee, and my mom was picking at her arm in the seat across from me.

"Hey, you're awake. How was sleep?" Mom asked me. I watched her move around a little, getting her arm in the light again to continue picking at it. I frowned at her, shuffling a little to get comfortable, and I closed my eyes again, waiting for what I knew was about to happen.

"Full hou-" My brother's shout was drowned out by the sound of a train whistle. It was too far away to be ours, which meant another train on the track. It was a one way ticket to Oregon, and our train had been the first to leave the station, so the train was going in the opposite direction we were. It was going to be a head on collision between two giant slabs of rock. The results would be devastating.

"Katie, was that ours, or..." My dad's voice trailed off. My mom stood up and looked out the window, even if I hadn't seen her do it, I knew she did. She was going to see the snow wall, nothing else, but she already knew.

"No. Tyler, get Tim-"

The sounds of a crunching metal came from far ahead of us, and I knew it was the collision of the two trains. My mom jumped for me as my dad grabbed Timothy. I felt my mom's hands moved over me frantically, buckling me into my seat and tightening the straps so I didn't go flying. The sounds of the carriages ahead of ours were deafening, and I couldn't discern the words my mother was screaming.

She cloaked her body over mine, using herself as a meat shield. There was two seconds of freefall, and then a neck breaking jerk as our carriage collided with the one before us. The railings squealed as they were torn apart, the windows shatters as we hit the mountain wall, I heard the tearing as some of the seats were uprooted from their spots, and my mom's comforting weight disappeared.

As the carriage behind us hit, pipes from inside the train flew around, and the sharp broken piece of one of them cut through my left eye. Intense burning pain shot through my face, and I reached my hands up to grab my left eye. A loud whining sound rang out as side of the train scraped the mountain wall. Seconds later, I screamed as a pipe shoved through me. I could feel it stabbing down and then immediately shoving up as the pipe bent. My body shook from the force of not caving in or opening my eyes.

Glass scrapped me, the sheer force of moving so violently bruising my arms, legs, and head. I sat there shaking for several second after we stopped moved, not wanting to open my eyes. I knew what I was going to see, and I didn't want to again. I didn't want to see my family dead, but the only way to get out of this nightmare was to look.

I uncovered my face slowly, blinking the blood out of my eyes fervently. I first looked down, staring at the pipe sticking out of my stomach. The sharp point of it stuck up, and a small drip of my blood slid down it. I took a deep breath, steeling myself before I looked. I blinked the blood out again, my eye sending lashes of pain throughout my body. Blinking hurt, but I had to do it to get the blood out.

I looked over at my family, expecting what I had seen for years now. Instead though, I saw a worser dream, the one that hadn't plagued me in several weeks. My heart stopped, and breathing became hard. It was the brothers again. Leo, Mikey, Don, and Raph.

Leo and Raph were where my father should have been, crushed between two train seats. I could barely see the head of Raph, which was bleeding in the very noticeable fracture. Leo's body was hidden, but his hand was sticking out between the two seats crushed together, motionless and with blood slowly falling from the tips of his fingers.

Mikey was in the place my mom should have been. Half of his body was sticking out of a window, his stomach stuck in glass shards. His legs were scratched beyond reason and had glass and pipes and metal pieces sticking out of them. His upper half was outside the window, but I knew what happened to him. His back and possibly his spine was shredded beyond belief because it had been scraped against the wall outside. Not only that, his entire upper half would be crushed between the two hard walls.

That left one brother, Don. I looked down at the aisle, and where my brother should have been was Don. His body had glass on it, he was covered in cuts inches long. His right arm was bending at an awkward angle, his fibula sticking out like bleach against the bloody ground and green skin. His head was bleeding profusely where I knew would be the spiderweb hairline fracture. I sat frozen, the pain in my body gone at the sight of the brothers. I watched Don's chest as it moved slowly. Still breathing, still alive.

I moved forwards, trying to get to the still breathing Don. I was prepared to watch my brother die again, as it had happened so many times before, but I refuse to watch Don die in this dream. I was going to try to save him.

The pipe in my body twisted painfully, but I didn't care about that pain. I needed to get to Don, he was the last of the brothers I could save. Something was holding me back though, and I couldn't get to him. I fussed for a moment, trying to remember why. Oh yeah, the belt buckle.

"Don!" I cried out, reaching for him with one hand as I reached down to get the buckle undone. His eyes opened just a sliver, and I saw them move to try to find me. For a moment I wondered if the blow had left him blind, which was why he was searching, but I stopped thinking when I got the buckle undone.

"Donatello!" I shouted, watching his eyes close in pain. He took a shaky breath though.

I pushed forwards, and a pain unlike anything else moved through me as the pipe forced its way out of me. I felt the skin in the back tearing, but I didn't care. I fell forwards, the pipe leaving me with a wet sound. My arms shook, and I bit my lip to stop myself from crying out. I crawled forwards, reaching for Don.

I gripped his arm, going for his wrist to find a pulse. All the while leaning up to look at his head. I looked over the fracture, wondering if putting pressure would help it or not. The pulse under my fingers pumped steadily, and I took some comfort in that as I wondered what I could use to help the bleeding. Removing my shirt might make me change dreams.

A hand gripped mine, making me jump. I looked down and saw Don had grabbed my wrist. I shook a little, trailing my eyes up to see if his were open.

"You're bleeding," He mumbled, his hand reaching for my stomach to assess the damage. I looked down at my stomach, pulling back my shirt to see the damage. I could see clear through at what I think was my torched kidney, and the very bottom part of my stomach. I pushed my shirt down, not wanting to see it. Don's eyes looked up, and I could see the brown through the thin slits.

"I'm fine. You're dying," I murmured, reaching for him. Don smiled lopsidedly, like he was drunk, and rested his head against my palm.

"I'm dying no faster than you are," He whispered, closing his eyes.

I wanted to tell him about the fracture, because he was definitely dying faster than I was with that, but I couldn't bring myself too. This already was more than I could ever do. I didn't want it to fade, or to suddenly have him die on me. So instead, I leaned forward, hurting myself as I did it, and pressed my head against his chest plate. If this was the last moments I had with Don, at least let them be with us on good terms. I laid there, breathing him in for just a few moments before I closed my eyes.

"Liz, wake up."

I jerked, opening my eyes and staring up at Don. For a moment I questioned if I was still dreaming and Don was the center focus of my dreams or not, but then a pulsing pain in my side lit up. I winced, reaching for my side to hold it.

"Ow..." I whispered, trying to breathe past the pain. Looks like the pain meds wore off, or maybe an infection set in.

"Why are you here?" I asked, moving with Don so he could lift my shirt up. He glanced up at me and then down at his hands. I looked down at them, and saw one of them was holding antibiotics.

"Your temperature spiked. From the looks of it, the wound in your side ended up getting infected after all." He murmured. He set the antibiotic down on the bed and reached for my side. With precise movements, he removed the skin tape from around the edges, and peeled back the bandage.

The wound had scabbed around the edges, and the beginnings of more studier scabs had formed where the larger blast had been. One spot wasn't healing though, and instead was turning a yellow color, and the skin by it was growing a very irritated red.

"So much for luck," I grumbled, leaning back in the bed. Don leaned down, getting at an eye level with it. I heard the sound of a bandage unwrapping, and I knew he was going for a clean bandage. His fingers prodded at the skin around it, checking for any other irritation before he reached below him and grabbed something from the ground. I looked over to see what he had grabbed, and groaned rather loudly at the hydrogen peroxide.

"Is there anything better than that stuff? It burns." I grouched. Don looked at me like I'd told a funny joke, and carried on getting the peroxide on a rag.

"Unless you want to go hop in a shower with me and wash the scabs off, this is the quickest way," He murmured. He placed a hand on my stomach, holding me in place and holding the towel over my side. "Ready?"

"I'm almost tempted to say the shower is the better idea," I grumbled, fisting the bed. What a wonderful way to wake up... "Yeah."

He put more weight on me, and then pressed the rag into my side. The parts that had scabbed over didn't hurt at all, so the pain radius was smaller, but much more focused on the infection. I bit my lip, using Don's grip on me to ground me. My fists in the shit wound up tighter, so tight my knuckles hurt.

"What woke you up?" Don asked, looking up at me. I looked back, questioning him with my gaze. "I had just come in. You woke up before I could say anything, and you woke up with a jerk. So what woke you up? I'm trying to distract you from what I'm doing, give me something."

Oh I see, he was trying to get me to talk. Not focus on the pain. I can do that.

"I had a nightmare," I said, and my voice sounded pained to my ears. Don's eyes conveyed for me to continue, and I took a breath.

"It was the train crash... I get to relive it every now and again, watch my family die all repeat. This time, it's the second time, the dream changed halfway through. It wasn't my family I got to open my eyes to dead, it was you guys..." Don paused, looking up at me with troubled eyes. "Raph and Leo are where my dad was, and I can see the top of Raph's head crushed, and Leo's arm hangs between the console, blood dripping down it. Mikey was the place my mother was, half of his body outside the carriage half inside. His upper body was crushed between the train wall and the mountain side. You were where my brother was, laying on the ground with a spiderweb fracture in your head, already halfway dead, but at least alive."

"I try to get out of my seat, but the pipe is holding me back. This is where memory and dream split. I look down, and I notice I have the belt buckle on. I unhook the buckle, and I force myself off the pipe, and it tears my back open, but I want to get to the last remaining, living brother. And so I do..." I paused, blinking rapidly. "And I get to hold your arm, and we shared a few words. I can't help you, because the fracture is too large, and you're dying from the inside. You worried about my stomach, but I don't care. I got to live, and you wouldn't..."

I closed my eyes, taking slow breaths to try to calm myself. Don moved, and I thought he had moved away to get the next item, but instead I felt his presence grow above me, and then his arms were wrapping under me, picking me up by the shoulders to place his arms under my shoulders. He made sure to avoid my side, but he placed his head on the bandage on my shoulder. I could feel his breath through my shirt, and I realized then what he was doing. He was hugging me.

"Donnie?" I asked, opening my eyes to peer down at his head. Distantly, in the back of my head, I realized this was probably the first time I'd seen the top of his head. The rest of me though, was beyond confused. Was he trying to give me comfort, or give himself comfort? What he trying to let me know he was there? Was there something going on I didn't know about? Was Donnie fighting some demons of his own I didn't know about?

I made a move to sit up, and instantly Donnie moved to get away. Quickly, I gripped the sides of his bridge, holding him in place while I sat up. My side got aggravated, and the rag fell down some, but I managed to sit. I wrapped my arms behind Donnie's, hugging him and letting him know it was okay. Donnie stood frozen for a moment before he returned the hug again, this time holding me tighter. He sat on the edge of the bed, and I had to adjust my arms to the new position.

"What are we?" He asked.

"Family, I believe." I answered honestly. "What do you think we are?"

"Falling apart," He breathed. I blinked a few times. That didn't fit the question... But that was what he was feeling.

"We've known this for a long time, Don." I murmured. He shook his head faintly.

"Our next break. It's happening now." He said.

I scooted closer to him, wrapping my arms a little tighter around him and place my head against his chest plate. I was officially to close for him to rest his head on my shoulder, so he switched to resting his head on mine.

"You mean the whole deal with Raph... I see it too." Don took a shaky breath, and I could imagine his eyes closing.

"Yeah... Do you think this time it'll be less of a blow? Because we see it coming." He asked.

"Maybe? Probably. We're more prepared for it."

"That's good." He breathed, and I got the distinct feeling I was missing something.

"All of this because of the nightmare I had?" I asked, looking up some. Don vibrated, like he was chuckling.

"No. Other causes, like Leo and I talked, I realized some stuff, you got hurt. The nightmare just pushed me. You looked in pain."

"Do I look better now?" I asked, a little humorous.

"Much better, but than again I can't see you." He joked. I pinched his arm lightly, and he jumped. "What'd I say?"

I pulled back some, releasing him enough that I could lean back and see his face without being uncomfortably close. Don looked at me questioningly, and I guess I had the same face because he shook his head.

"Are we ok?" I asked. Don pondered it for a moment, and I felt his arms tighten around me for a split second before he let go. It took longer for me to let, but I don't think he minded.

"I think so," He answered.

He helped lean me back onto the bed, getting me comfortable before he returned to my side. He put more peroxide on the rag, placed his arm across my stomach, and then placed it. It still stung, and I still hissed at the pain, but it was at least better than last time, and it disappeared quicker. I relaxed back into the bed, and let Don finish his cleaning.

He moved on to the bandage silently, though I noticed he placed it on my thigh and moved stuff around before he laid it over my side. I glanced down with a questioning look, watching him tape the gauze and bandage down.

"What did you do to the bandage?" I asked. Don tilted his head different directions, making sure the bandage was down tight and that air couldn't in. He patted it down a few more times and then stood up. I turned my body, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed.

"I put the ointment on the bandage before putting it on you. Here," He offered his hand and a glass of water. I took them items, fingering the two pills he gave me. "Antibiotics. Hopefully attacking from the outside and inside will get rid of it quicker."

"You want me to heal quick?" I asked, taking the pills without a fuss. Don shrugged, but his smile said yes.

"Of course. I want you to be able to kick my shell the next time we fight."

"Here I thought you didn't want your butt kicked." I teased. I leaned forwards, hefting my weight before I stood. Don held his arms out, ready for me to fall should I do exactly that. I didn't thankfully, and i jostled my weight to test my side.

"What time is it?" I asked, looking around for a clock.

"Five." Don answered.

"How did you know my temperature spiked?" I asked, crossing the room to my dresser. I contemplated whether to kick Don out or not while changing. In one hand, he's everything before, probably way too many times. On another, he might be awkward.

"I do routinely check ups on you at night. I'll continue to do them until you're out of the infection stage and into the scabbing stage." He said with a tone that told me there was no room to argue.

I sighed, "There goes me masturbating at two a.m."

Don's cheeks turned a darker shade of green, and I grinned darkly. He coughed, walking over towards the door.

"Ok, well, I'm going to go. You can do whatever you want. I will see you later." He coughed out, leaving the room without a second look. I shook my head, turning towards my bed where he left all his equipment.

"I knew that'd get you to leave."


	17. Much Talk, No Action

Chapter 17 Much Talk, No Action

"What are ya gettin' out of watchin' her?" I asked, watching Haley through the window of her apartment.

"Her routine. Unlike you, I don't go in headfirst to everything. I follow a plan."

"Ya have been watchin' her for two days. Don' ya think she's gonna get suspicious?"

I looked out the screen at Haley, across the building from us, as she sat on her couch and talked to someone on the phone. Frankly this whole scene was right out of a cheesy horror movie, villain watches the unsuspecting teen he's going to murder soon, and she's oblivious to it all. She just sat in her PJ's, in her livingroom, food on the table and phone in hand.

"Why would she? I've given no indication I'm here. I am also trained in ninjutsu, hiding is in my nature." He replied. He wasn't wrong, he'd managed to stay in the exact same position for the last three hours, hasn't even moved a muscle. Save for his eyes. My eyes...

"Knowin' what ya did ta Liz," I said bitterly, remembering that scene well, "Everyone who can talk ta my brothers knows about ya. Haley probably has some idea about ya, an' is on the lookout."

"She hasn't gone searching for me yet. I remember you saying she was a spitfire who didn't know how to say no." He said. "You think she would try to find me."

"Not if Liz talked ta her," I muttered. Honestly, if Liz had talked to her, Haley was looking out for me, but wasn't going to talk to me. She'd probably run the other direction to get my brothers, which is what she should be doing. I'm a...

Haley set the phone down and curled into her spot on the couch, holding the locket she keeps around her neck up close. She twirled it in her hands before turning it this way and that. I looked around instead of focusing on her, a sick feeling in my stomach at watching Shredder hunt his prey. The sun was starting to go down, which meant Haley was just waiting until it was dark enough to go out and be a vigilante. I wonder if Shredder would strike than. Would he go while she's in her home, or on the streets when she's looking to save someone? While she's asleep, or would he cause one of the crimes she'll try to stop?

"I wonder how Liz is," Shredder mused, sounding genuine. "I mean, I didn't leave her in the best of... appearances."

I balled my fists, wanting to punch him, not for the first or last time, but knowing I couldn't. I'd tried before.

"She's strong. She'll get through it." I said, not a doubt in my mind about it.

"Do you think she'll be better at fight me the second time?" He questioned. "She was slow, could barely lift her fist before I had her by the throat."

"I don' know. Ya trained her, how was she in those?" I asked right back. Honestly, Liz probably will get better. As soon as she's healed she's going to go into the dojo and train, maybe make Don and Mikey help her. It'll be all speed and full force for her. She'll want them to break her only to see if she could stand up again.

"She was slow to learn. At first at least. As soon as she learned that speed was what she needed to rely on, she learned very very quickly." He said, a tone of praise in his voice for a moment. It disappeared soon after. "If she remembers anything from me, perhaps she will."

"Is that why ya placed her at third command so soon into gettin' her? Wha was it, three months?" I asked, realizing I could ask the burning questions I'd always wondered. I leaned forwards, perking my ears to hear what he had to say.

"No. I wanted her to trust me. She had so much possibility, but so little trust," He said, a tone of distaste present. "I had hoped placing her in such a position would make her trust me faster. Assuming she survived."

"Ya mean the fight with us?" I asked. It seemed a bit presumptuous of him to know we were going to be patrolling there. Unless he had Foot soldiers watching us patrol and we didn't know about it.

"No. You guys most likely saved her life. That memory of yours proved insightful, albeit disgusting. Finally makes sense how all five of you survived. What'd I originally meant to happen was to have her be attacked with Foot Soldiers, only twenty, and then I would come out. If she could fight me for at least five minutes, she would have the placement. If not, depending on how long she stood, she either was killed or put back into training."

I gritted my teeth, remembering that night well. So much stuff suddenly made sense about that night now.

"What did ya think when she walked in with our masks bloody an' only a cut on her leg?" I asked.

"That either I had made the greatest ally, or something went down I wasn't aware of."

"Must have been real mad ta learn it was the latter," I mumbled.

"You have no idea," He said darkly.

0o0

"I've noticed he's become more clingy," Leo said, looking over at me on the couch. Hitoshi was wrapped in a blanket in the crook of my arm, hand wrapped around my stomach carefully and his four fingered hand grasping at my shirt as he slept. I was now running my fingers freely through his short hair, though my arm was at an awkward angle to do it.

I looked away from the TV, looking over across at Leo. He was leaning on his arm on the armrest, leg curled under him, and his eyes trained on the TV. I smiled at his relaxed position, affectionately remembering how he'd hated the idea of just sitting two years ago.

"I don't mind it," I murmured, looking down at my youngest son. His mask was askewed, halfway up his head but trapped down by his hair. His mouth was opened just enough that he could breathe through it, and the faintest of sounds could be heard from it.

"He's fairly young to have a concept of death," Leo stated.

"I don't think they're old enough to have a concept of it. They know that blood means someone's hurt though, and the more blood, the more damage."

"Think he realized he could have lost you?" Leo asked, looking over at us.

"That I do think," I responded.

"So now he wants to spend as much time as he can with you," Leo murmured, like it made sense. "What about Ozzy and Kat, they seem fine by it all."

"If I had to guess, they didn't see what Hitoshi saw. Ozzy's first reaction was to make sure I stayed up, something he'd seen us all do in the dojo when we get exhausted or hurt. Don took me pretty quickly, and Ozzy has a lot of faith in him. Kat freaked, and while she moved and listened, if I had to bet, it's eating at her. Hitoshi just froze. He might feel guilt for not helping actually." I ended thoughtfully.

"Or trying to prove something." Leo said.

"Prove something?" I asked. Leo shrugged, but turned his body towards me. A universal sign of "Leo wants to talk".

"When I first met him in the game of Hide-n-Seek, he said Ozzy was good at climbing and Kat was good at hiding, but he wasn't good at anything. I think that mentality doesn't just stem into the game."

"You think he feels that way about a lot of things between his siblings?" I asked, wrapping my arm around Hitoshi to hold him tighter. I felt a feeling rise in me, though I wasn't sure what it was specifically.

"I think he might. My brothers and I had it too. Donnie wasn't good at fighting, he was too thin, but he found his peace in brains. Mikey was never as serious, couldn't sit straight, but he found peace in his humor. Raph had anger issues, and you know the lifelong spat between him and I, but both of those things got better over time." I nodded slowly, looking down at my youngest kid.

"So this might not be just a guilt thing, but his way of making peace with himself?" I asked. That didn't add right.

"I don't think this is his way of making peace, it's not a permanent resolve. I do think this is him realizing he's not like his siblings. He's missing what they have."

"He's not missing anything they have," I said, my voice raising just a little. I paused, calming myself before I tried again. "He's got everything they have. Kat might be able to hide, and Ozzy can climb, but he's great at... He's actually really good at moving. They move around, try to keep hiding. If Hitoshi isn't the one letting himself be caught, then he's the one moving like a shadow."

"You hesitated." Leo murmured. I glared at him, but he didn't make any move back.

I stayed where I was a few moments before deflating a little. I relaxed my grip on Hitoshi and he shuffled a little, getting back into a comfortable position.

"Does that mean I failed as a parent, if I wasn't able to protect him from this mental state?" I asked. Leo paused only momentarily before he reaching over and placing his hand on my shoulder.

"No, it doesn't. Not at all, Liz. You can fix it," Leo assured. "Master Splinter did it with us."

"What did he do?" I smiled, looking over Leo's shoulder at where Splinter likes to hide now. 'One bunch of turtles was enough', he'd said once the three could walk. It was chuckle worthy.

"He let us discover ourselves, and when we found a passion, he encouraged us, even if he didn't like it too much like with Mikey." I chuckled at his attempt, and Leo smiled back.

"So I have to let Hitoshi discover himself?"

"And whatever he enjoys, encourage it. Even if it's something like dumpster diving like with Don." I laughed again, and Leo let me go. I went back to brushing Hitoshi's hair, trying to let it sink in that Hitoshi didn't feel equal. Don't hover, let him live, don't hover, let him learn. He'll come to you when he needs you. Don't give him a reason to hide.

"How long have you wanted to say that?" I asked.

"Not until a few days ago. When I first noticed it I realized what was happening, but I didn't think it was a big deal."

"But now you do?" I asked.

"No, now I think you should know before it gets to be a problem. And I wanted to know how you felt and what you'd do." He responded easily.

"Looking out for him?" I asked, reaching my arm over to nudge him. Leo flashed a grin at me.

"Definitely."

We grew quiet and went back to our peaceful quiet.

"Do you think he'll get over it soon?" Leo asked suddenly, glancing over to Hitoshi so I knew who he meant. I gave him a questioning look still. "You know, this falling asleep on you and staying by your side as often as possible. It's only been a few days I realize, but still, do you think he'll be ok soon?"

"If nothing else happens, he should be ok soon. Skittish, but he'll start sleeping in his bed again."

Leo laughed a little like something was funny to him, looking over to the TV. I raised an eyebrow at him, wondering what he could be thinking of to make him laugh.

"When does something never happen to us?" He mused. I frowned, thinking about the last two years before he came home. Nothing happened to us over that time. Well... besides the kids, that was a grueling six months... The rest was fine. Before that we had a year to ourselves. That was a lot of getting used to each other and healing. He was right though, nothing ever didn't happen to them.

"Good point," I said. So what was the next thing going to be?


	18. Red Mask

Chapter 18 Red Mask

"Again," Master Splinter shouted. I rolled my neck, spreading my stance to balance myself. I pressed my hand against my side, testing it for weak points. Don gave me a look asking if it was ok, and waited for me to nod before he charged.

I sighed, trying to figure out where he was coming from before he got there. He was sweeping his bo along the ground, going for an upwards strike. I bunched my legs, waiting for him to be close enough for me to move. At eight feet I jumped forwards, and Don raised his bo to catch me. I reached below me, grabbing his staff and using it as momentum to push me up and over. Don only swung part way, but that was enough to get me safely over. I held my katana across my body as I landed, and spun around before I tried to think. I raised to katana above, catching Don's immediate down blow. In a counter, Donnie dropped, swinging his legs out to get me.

I jumped, but not fast enough, and the balls of my feet got the blow. I fell sideways, and turned my body to the side so I could spin on the blow and have it pick me up. Hip hop moves, thank you Mikey. I got back on my feet as Don finished his circle, and raised my katana outwards to catch his bo. I swung into the force, getting close enough he could no longer use his weapon.

"Well guess who ended up being right in the end?" Haley said as she entered the dojo.

I spun all the way to Don's chest where I grabbed the side of his plastron, pulling one way as I kicked his legs out the other. Don fell as his feet were removed from the ground, and I went down with him to hold him to the ground. Don rocked on his shell, holding his arms out to balance himself. We looked at each other momentarily before looking over at Haley.

"Is there someone in specific you wanted to talk to about being right?" I asked, falling back on my butt. Don sat up, curling his legs under him next to me. He nudged my shoulder, silently asking how it was. I shrugged, which I hope he took to mean it was ok but hurts. His hand reached up and touched the shoulder, judging my reactions as I looked at Haley.

Haley was in her Work Outfit, all black with armor, hair stilled pulled back in a ponytail and sweat on her forehead. Her eyes were alight with excitement and trepidation, and while she fidgeted, something told me she had nerves wracking her.

"Mainly all you," She said, looking at the five of us in the room. "Are the kids nearby?"

"They should be in bed for the next thirty minutes, almost breakfast and all." I muttered.

"Ok good, because Raph was at my house."

She must have expected us to blow up, she had too. Leo was on his feet just seconds before Mikey was, and while Leo stood in place looking ready to move should he need to fight, Mikey raced over to Haley to check over her. Don had his bo in one hand and was picking me up by my safe arm before I was fully prepared to move.

"Are you ok?"

"Were you hurt?"

"Did you see him?"

"What happened?"

Haley brushed Mikey off, and I stumbled a moment at my sudden change. Don kept an arm on me, but I could tell he was itching to check on Haley. He probably remembered what Raph did to me. Haley looked fine though.

"I'm fine guys," She brushed off. "I wasn't in the house when he was there. That's what I meant by I was right. My job ended up saving me."

"You could have been murdered by whoever is in Raph's body tonight, and you're gloating about being right," I hissed. Haley looked over at me, her mouth opened for a few seconds before it clamped close.

"I wasn't though," She muttered.

"You aren't going to stay there, now that he's found you?" Leo asked, worried.

"We can offer our place." Mikey said, "It won't be the first time we have."

"What? No I'm not staying here," Haley shot out. Her eyes shot at Leo before it moved away. "I'm going to my brothers place, he's already got a bed for me."

I had to grin at Haley for her sharp look away, which she saw and subtly glared at me.

"How do you know he was at your place if you didn't see him?" Splinter asked.

Haley reached into her chest pocket and revealed Raph's bandana. I stared at the red cloth, feeling a longing explode in my chest and my palms itched for a familiar hand.

"Found this wrapped around my ferret." She said.

None of us moved, and I'm pretty sure I stopped breathing. Haley looked over the five of us, just as still despite her excitement just a few moments ago.

Master Splinter moved forwards, going up to Haley and grabbing Raph's mask. Haley released it, and she curled her hand into her chest. She looked down, nodding to Splinter before she looked over at me. Master Splinter followed her gaze, and they landed on me. I could see what the looks were trying to tell, a mix of remorse and compassion. I looked at them both with surprise, wondering why they'd direct those emotions towards me. I looked the rest of the brothers, wondering what they were doing. Mikey was looking at me with curiosity, but Leo was looking between the two groups. I looked over my shoulder at Don, who still had a grip on my elbow. His kept his head straight, not looking at me, though I saw his eyes twitch.

I shook his arm off, walking out of the dojo.

I made my way out of the lair, down through the sewers and to the main power system where the noise blocked my mind. I wasn't going to go above ground, I wasn't strong enough nor prepared for what I might find, plus it was past dawn. I stopped on the edge of the tunnel, looking down at the swirling mass of water that led to who knows where at the bottom. There, surrounded by waterfalls of sewer water and giant drain, I sat down. I leaned against the wall, watching the water swirl from several stories up, and just sat there. I pressed my nails softly against my palms, wondering if they'd start itching again. They didn't, but it was worth still questioning.

About an hour later when I felt better about what I had been faced with, I got up and walked back. I trailed my hand along the wall, letting the brick rub at my fingers so when I pulled them away they vibrated. I didn't let them get annoyed though, because then they'd be sensitive for the day. I got to the lair twenty minutes later, all ten fingers vibrating as well as one palm, and listened for what was happening as I went in.

Mikey, Leo, Haley, and Master Splinter were in the kitchen, and I could hear the three kids eating enthusiastically. Don wasn't with them though, and for a moment the picture created in my head confused me. Soon after I realized that that'd be too many people there, and then I had to wonder where he'd be.

I walked away from the dining room and up the stairs, taking a turn for Don's room instead of my own. I tried to be as quiet as possible on my walk over, only for one reason or another, but was surprised that his door was open. Maybe he was expecting me to walk in. Was I obvious?

I slipped through his door, looking around the room for where he could be. He was at his computer, going through some programming on his computer as he played with something that looked like a bracelet. I crept, closer, and once at his back I wondered what I should do. I could say something, or tap his shoulder, or maybe...

I leaned forwards, raising my arms up to throw them over his shell and shoulders. I raised my body up a little, lining my chest with his upper carapace and resting my head on the bridge, looking over his shoulder. Don jumped a little, obviously not expecting me to make such a move.

"You smell like sewage," He said. I shrug against him, wringing my hands together in front of his chest to keep me in place. I shuffle a little, removing the ache in my shoulder from the position.

"I'm surprised you can still smell sewage. You've lived here you're whole life." I teased.

"Well I don't usually have it hugging me around the shoulders," He shrugged. I smiled at him, chuckling a little. Don kept quiet, but I could feel his shoulders shaking subtly.

"I didn't realize I smelled that bad. Perhaps I'll go change." I said, but I didn't get up. Something kept me in place.

"I guess that answers my question on if you went topside." He said, setting aside a one sized Phillips for another. He spun the bracelet shaped object, looking on the inside.

"I just went to the main power system for an hour." I responded, watching him work.

"Not a place to go for quiet." He murmured.

"I didn't want quiet."

We sat silently for a moment, and I shifted again to ease my shoulder. Don turned his head to look at me, and I leaned back to stare at him. His eyes flicked to my shoulder, silently asking if it hurt. I sighed, pulling back so he could move. He stood up, walking over to the door to close it so I could have privacy. There wasn't much to hide anymore, but I enjoyed the sentiment.

"Why did they look at me like that?" I asked, leaning on his table, moving my shirt sideways so he could see it. Don walked over, towering over me by a foot. I didn't bother craning my neck to see his, I just looked straight at his chest plates. It wasn't worth the neck pain.

"I don't know." He murmured.

"Was I expected to drop to my knees realizing Raph was gone? Or cry? Or... be pitied." I said the word with something close to a spat. Don paused on reaching for my shoulder, glancing at me a moment before continuing. He removed the bandage, fingering the scabs gently to test their resistance and pain.

I made a noise every time he found a sore spot, and I know he took that into a mental catalog. I waited for a response, if I was going to get one, because I knew that struck something in him.

"I don't expect that's what they thought was going to happen. I think, in that moment, they thought you were the one who might take it the worst, and waited for it."

"What'd they do after I left?" I asked. I made a noise as he moved one of the scabs that were starting to peel, and he stopped his onslaught on it immediately.

"Stand in an awkward silence. Master Splinter wanted to go find you, but he didn't know where you went or if it was safe. I was the first to leave, so anything after that, I don't know." He said.

I tapped my foot a little, feeling him test the last of the bite marks left in my shoulder. He sighed quietly, moving away to grab a new shoulder bandage and came back. I held my hands out together, palms up, and Don froze. He looked at them confused, trying to figure out why I did it. He looked between me and the bandages, and then placed them in my palms, waiting to see what'd I do with them. I just held them, and grinned at him.

"I'm your table." I said smartly. Don's jaw dropped in even more confusion, and then it clicked. I saw it in his eyes, and a moment later he was laughing. He stepped away and turned his head, covering his mouth to full blown laugh for a few seconds. He came back chuckling, but he had enough grip to work. I was shaking with laughter, but tried to keep quiet and unmoving.

"You're the shakiest table I've ever had," He chuckles, prepping the bandage for placement. He stepped away again, grabbing two items. One a spray to clean my shoulder, and the other Neosporin.

"That has got to be a feat," I laughed back. I turned my head, holding my breath as he sprayed my shoulder. He blew on it to dry it quicker, and goosebumps ran down my arm. Next I felt the barest pressure of his finger as he ran the Neosporin over the scabs, trying to coat them but not scrap them with his finger. I offered the bandage up, and Don took it, rubbing the excess ointment on the bandage. He pressed it to my shoulder, lining it up.

"Hold it." He murmured. I reached up and took the place his hand was just in without fuss, keeping my head turned so he had more space. He started placing the skin tape down. "Do you need to train while you're still healing?"

"Maybe not, but I want to get faster, because maybe the camera idea isn't all dead, we just have to think differently, and I've met him once now, he might try to find me again. I mean, he was at Spice's place earlier tonight."

It clicked.

"Oh my god he was at Haley's place tonight." I said again, realizing just how close she'd been to dying. She could have been in my place tonight. Would Raph have been able to fight out of him again?

"It was actually really lucky Haley was out doing her job when he was there. And got back to her place after dawn." Don said. He pulled away, looking at his work. I pulled my hand away, letting him see it better.

"Why would he go when she was gone?" I asked. Don picked up his bandages, putting them away, but he kept the Neosporin out. I pulled my shirt back up, putting it in place gingerly.

"Maybe he's not as well coordinated as we thought," Don murmured. "How's your side?"

"Sore." I muttered. "Maybe. He was a bit too perfect and well coordinated when I ran in with him. Knew exactly what he was doing."

"Maybe he's an on the spot planner and not a thought out one. Let me see, I won't change the bandage." He commanded. I huffed, wondering if saying no would be worth it.

"He's rather smart for an on the spot planner if that's the case." I said, lifting my shirt up. Don dropped to a knee, peeling the bandage back carefully.

"Can you think of another reason why he went to her place when she wasn't there?" He asked. He looked up at to me, conveying through his eyes that he already had an idea.

"A test?" I asked. Don reached for the Neosporin, putting little dabs here and there.

"Or a warning." He murmured, patting the bandage back down.

"A ruse." I replied thoughtfully.

"Putting us in a safeguard." Don said, standing up easily.

"A note." I said, dropping my shirt.

"A threat."

"It could be any of those things."

"Now which one would match with this?" Don asked, pulling Raph's mask out from behind him somewhere. I stared at the red mask, surprised by the sudden bright color against Don's hand.

"It's not a safeguard or test. He wouldn't leave a souvenir of something simple." I said. I wanted to touch it, but instead tore my eyes away from it to look at Don.

"He gave us something important. Raph's identity." Don murmured, and his eyes had a haunted look to them I'd never seen before. Like regret, or guilt, or maybe misery?

"So it's a note?" I asked hesitantly.

"I think he's trying to say multiple things. Raph's disappearing." Don breathed, watching me with quiet eyes. I took a shaky breath, giving in a reaching for the mask. Don went half the distance and wrapped it around my hand.

It was many things. It was a note, it was a threat, it was a warning. Raph's identity was disappearing? Raph was disappearing. Whoever was in Raph's body was getting strong, Raph was losing ability to take over. How much longer did we have? Was there something we were missing in this whole thing?

"I take it there should be a family meeting?" I asked.

Don was slow to nod, but when he did, it told me there was a lot more than this to talk about at the family meeting. For some reason, that sent a shiver down my spine. I gripped the red mask tighter, holding it to my chest like a baby.

"Should the kids be up for it?" I asked, a low tone of steeliness in my voice. Don's face didn't waver, but his shoulders drooped a little.

"I wouldn't recommend it." He said truthfully. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath.

"Ok. We'll wait until tonight." I said, opening my eyes again to gauge his reaction. Don nodded in agreement, his eyes hard.


	19. Family Meeting

Chapter 19 Family Meeting

"So I take it there's a reason we put the kids to bed early and are now all gathered in the Dojo like we're about to have a fight to the death?" Mikey asked, half humorous, half serious.

"Family meeting," Don started. Mikey let out a short burst of laughter.

"Oh, so I was right, fight to the death," He chuckled, leaning against the wall.

"What is the reason for the family meeting, Donatello?" Splinter asked, glaring at Mikey for a second. Don looked down at Splinter and then over at me. I sighed, raising my hand up a little to show the red mask. I'd studied it before we got here; no blood, and only a few new tears that looked like it was caught on several things. There's also no message written on it, as Don had though there might be around lunch time.

Splinter looked at the mask, his brow furrowed a little and tail flicking.

"We think whoever is in Raph wanted to tell us something," Don said.

"What would that something be?" Mikey asked, getting a little closer. "And why are we in the dojo for this meeting?"

"Because there's more than one thing we need to talk about apparently," I murmured, looking at Don. He kept his eyes on Splinter, but I could tell he saw me in his peripheral. Leo, on the other side of the room, looked up with surprise at my admission, looked at Don and me, and then his stance tightened just a fraction. So he knows what Don wants to say?

"We think he's telling us that Raph is losing the inner battle. Losing his identity," Don said, pointing at the mask as he said identity.

The room froze a little, and Splinter's ears wilted a little, laying farther back. "Oh my son..."

"Wait, so what does that mean? Are we going to lose Raph? Or is he going to be amnesiac like Liz was?" Mikey asked.

"We don't know actually. Judging on what happened with Haley, Raph is losing control his own mind along with his body. He might still be there, but he'd just be a thing, he wouldn't have control." Don said.

"When Raph came out during our fight, he was already struggling to keep it together. Shaking harder than a leaf, panicked, and his eyes looked like something was trying to wiggle its way to the front again. He still looked like he remembered everything though." I backed.

"So eventually Raph will not be able fight back." Mikey said somberly.

"Do you think he's conscious through the whole thing?" Splinter asked. Don looked over at me for this one, and I took a deep breath.

"Yeah. He knows what's happening. When he came out, he didn't hesitate to move or talk, and he shouted 'No' as he moved. He knows who's in him, he knows what that person does, and he tries to stop any times the person tries to harm someone." I gritted my jaw. "He does it every time the person tries to rape someone."

There's silence, and that word carried heavy in the air. I picked at the hem of my shirt, willing myself not to remember such an instance for myself. In an instance like this, that wasn't what we needed. We needed answers, not panic.

"Does this mean Raph's days are numbered?" Leo asked, stepping away from the wall to get closer to us. In a tone that bordered worried and authoritative, he said, "Donnie, does it?"

Don's eyes closed momentarily, and I raised my hand up to press against his forearm, an attempt to comfort him. Leo's eyes looked at the spot of touching, and then between us. There's a confused look in his eyes, but it disappeared as soon as it came. Don's arm leaned into my touch, but that was the only sign he gave me he felt it.

"Yeah," Don sighed, opening his eyes. "His days are numbered."

"Well, how much time do we have to fix it?" Mikey asked.

"We should have a few weeks, maybe a month or two." Don responded.

"You don't say maybe with your calculations, Donatello." Splinter said, picking up on Don's purposeful choice of words. Don's breath was a little shaky with his reply.

"I don't know if he's losing at an exponential rate, or at a steady pace. If he's losing more and more at an increased rate by the day, it's weeks. If he's losing steadily with no increase, it's months." Don said.

"And you said should for weeks, not months. You're expecting an exponential increase?" I asked. Don looked down at me, eyes studying.

"I'm expecting the worst, but I'm hoping for the best." He said eventually.

"Master Splinter, does this mean we can go topside again? Maybe kidnap Raph." Mikey asked. Now that's an idea I hadn't thought of.

All eyes turned on to Splinter, who dropped his shoulders as he thought.

"What was he like? How did he fight?" Splinter asked me.

I paused, blinking a few times, surprised at his sudden question. How did he fight?

"I don't know. There wasn't much fight to begin with. We talked for the first part, and then... he moved faster than humanly possible, and had me against the wall before I could try to fight back. The only reason why I got out was because he was paying more attention on causing me pain than he did making sure I stayed in place. Once I got out, it was a matter of fighting faster than I could think, which I haven't had to do in years."

"Did you get close to him?" Splinter asked.

"Only a split second, and the small fight we did have lasted only a few seconds longer. I tried to get in to cut him, but he tossed me over his shoulder before I got close enough." I answered.

"So it was like... fighting Shredder?" Leo asked. I rocked on my heels, seeing the connection as soon as Leo said it. It was kinda like fighting Shredder. Speed and skill and force. Move so fast your enemy doesn't have time to breathe.

"Yeah," I said, surprised. "It was like fighting Shredder."

"I say..." Splinter started, looking thoroughly put upon with whatever his answer might be. "That since we now know that is wasn't someone who kidnapped Raph, but someone inside Raph, you can go topside."

The brothers made moves to celebrate, but Splinter clicked his cane against the ground. The brothers froze in the varying states of celebration; Mikey halfway to a fist bump in the air, Leo halfway to jumping in a small burst, and Don making his first moves to spin in a circle. I looked at the comical moves they'd froze in, and looked over at Splinter, who was torn between smiling and sighing.

"Only if the three of you, or four," He directed it at me, "Are together."

The brothers stayed in their varying degrees of funny positions, looking at each other and me.

"We can live with that," Don said eventually, and I had to laugh as the went through with their moves. I actually had to step away from Don to keep from getting hit, but the grins would have been worth the hit if it had happened.

"So we get to kidnap Raph?" Mikey asked.

"We'd need a containment for him first. Faster and stronger than we already are, we'd need something twice as strong." Don started.

"Sensei, do we need to train for this?" Leo asked Splinter.

"You'll definitely need to, Leo," I muttered.

Splinter studied me for a moment, and then nodded. Leo's face went from excited to thinking instantly, and he crossed his arms to figure out the training plan.

"How would we find him?" Mikey asked.

"Liz said the camera plan wasn't all out the window," Don answered, and they both looked over at me.

"We'd need to place them in places we wouldn't normally." I responded, smiling despite myself. They're excitement was easily contagious, and they hadn't been excited in a while.

"That won't be hard. Can we remove the cameras already placed? Or should those stay?" Don asked, stepping towards me, hands raised like he wanted to grab something, and face open with eyes sparking.

"What does that big brain of yours say, Don?" I asked. Don paused, looking up for a moment. His eyes moved back and forth as he ran numbers through his head, and he mouthed words I couldn't hear. Mikey looked like he could have, because he got more and more confused by the second listening to him.

"Leave some of them up. The one's we thought he'd be at most often need to be taken down. Whoever is in Raph won't go to his hot spots." Don said finally, and Mikey sighed in relief, finally understand something.

"So that's how many cameras?" Mikey asked. "Because I heard the number six hundred somewhere in there."

"We didn't put up six hundred..."

"Six hundredth street Mikey, and it should be about forty cameras." Don answered. "What's the smallest number we can go out in?"

"All of you together, until you get training. Then you can go out in pairs of two." Splinter said in a tone of finality. Don shrugged and then looked at Mikey.

"Wait that means I have to teach him to unhook a camera?" Don asked, something akin to horror in his voice.

"Or don't let him touch them," I said. Don looked at me, eyes dull.

"He's too curious not too." Don said, jutting his thumb at a nodding Mikey.

"I'll keep him busy? We can wrestle while you and Leo take out the cameras." I answered. Mikey smiled widely and Don shook his head.

"It's your sanity." He shrugged. "You're still wounded though, I was just rebandaging them this morning."

"Prolonged healing time versus having to make more cameras? One will possibly save Raph quicker, and I'm not unfamiliar with pain or prolonged healing time." I said.

"Students," Splinter called out. Mikey, Don, and I looked over at Splinter, giving him our full attention at one word.

"Yes, Master Splinter?" Mikey asked.

"If I remember, Elizabeth said there's more to talk about after Raphael." He said calmly.  
Just like that, the mood got somber. It was like the very light left the room, because Don suddenly look very, very uncomfortable and guilty, and Leo looked three ways to worried and fully prepared to stop a fight. Mikey looked around the room, and made a move like he was pulling on his plastron.

"Did it get cold in here all a sudden?" He asked.

"Ya know Mikey, I could say the exact same thing," I murmured, turning my body to face both of the strung up turtles. I didn't know which one to focus on more, though I had a feeling Don might be the one who's got the secret to tell. Leo was his backup.

"The topic is still on Raph, but it's something different... sort of..." Don said, sounding very unsure of himself.

I raised an eyebrow at him, looking at Leo and hoping for pointers. His face was straight, and while he looked at me for a moment, his look said nothing. I looked back at Don, and he looked a little pained.

"Sort of?" I asked.

"Yeah," He said, reaching up to rub his neck. "It was before any of this happened."

Don's shell cell rang. Mikey bounced, Don jumped a little, I jostled, Splinter didn't look even a little phased, and Leo had his hands on his Katana before he realized it was Don's phone. Don reached for the cell in his belt, pulling it out to look at the caller ID. His brows furrowed a moment, and then turned it to show us.

"It's Haley."

"What does Spice want?" I asked. Don shrugged.

"I don't know, should I answer?"

"It's a family meeting Donatello, if it's urgent, she'll call again." Splinter murmured. Don looked torn between answering it and not, but before he could the call ended. He sighed, setting the phone back in his belt.

"So, what happened before any of this?" Leo asked, voice normal but stance not.

"It'd be about eight months before any of this happened, Raph came to me one night."

This time it was Leo's phone that went off. Leo had it out of his belt and open to answer before it could finish its first ring. He looked at all of us, looking at his phone, and then hit answer call, then speaker.

"Hello?" He asked.

"Leo," Haley said, and her voice put us on instant edge. Immediately I wanted to grab a weapon and find her, and I could see I wasn't the only one on board with the idea. She sounded pained, and like the very attempt to breathe was hard for her. "I need help."

"What happened? Where are you?" Leo asked.

"An alley somewhere," Haley said. There's a shuffling, and we heard her pained breathing. "And... it was a safeguard. He... the show up at my house was a safeguard."

Don and I shared a look, both knowing what that meant immediately. It had been a safeguard. We'd assumed it was a note, but it was a safeguard. What if it was both? A note and a safeguard. That said a lot more about the person. They were very smart.

"Look, I'm hurt really bad, and my armor is keeping me from stopping the blood properly. It's already hard to breathe... and I need help. Please help..." She begged, moving some more.

"Yeah, we're on our way," Leo said, and he made hand movements to Don and Mikey. They both looked confused for a moment before they bolted, doing whatever the hand command said. "Stay on the line with me, we need to keep you conscious. How bad is it?"

"Leo, it's... it's bad. Really really bad." She wheezed.

I moved along the wall, grabbing one of Leo's katanas to use. I slipped the strap over my body, studying my choice of clothes before shrugging. Not the best but at least they didn't restrict movement. I tightened the belt several times over, slowly growing annoyed with how Leo had a shell suddenly.

"Ok," Leo looked at the door, where Don and Mikey were standing. Mikey had his weapons on him and his cell out, probably finding Haley. Don had a med-kit on his belt, and he was putting some final bandages inside. They both Leo a thumbs up, and Leo looked over at me. I tightened the belt one more time and game a thumbs up.

"We're on our way Haley."


	20. It's Shredder

Chapter 20 It's Shredder

"Make a left here," Mikey shouted, turning sharply. Leo took the sudden change in direction rather nicely, while Don and I skidded a little in our change. Mikey ran ahead, jumping the apartment rooftop without really seeing it.

"Two more buildings and..." Mikey paused on the edge, looking at his cell. He looked at us, and pointed down, "Here."

Leo tossed himself over the building without another word, falling the however many feet to where Haley's cell let out it's frequency. Don followed hot on his heels, and Mikey motioned for me to go next. I surveyed the area quickly as I went over the edge, looking out for the man who did this.

It wasn't a large drop for us, twenty feet max. I jumped from fire escape to fire escape though, because a straight drop could cause some ankle problems, and that wasn't what we needed. Don and Leo were hovering over Haley, crouching over her actually. Their hands were frantically moving around, attacking her armor to remove it. I found it a little weird that they'd be frantic to remove something that could be removed with a button on her chest, one that only took two fingers to press down.

"Liz, we need your hands. The armor is warped." Don started as I jumped the last fire escape. Mikey landed next me around the same time I touched the ground, not having to be as careful with his bones as I did. We both rushed forward, leaning over their shoulders to see what the damage was.

Haley didn't have any blood on her, save for her side that was leaking blood through her fingers, and she didn't look like she was in a fight. Ambush? She had her hand against her side at an awkward angle, probably moved for Don and Leo, who were trying to physically rip the armor meant to withstand a train crash. The armor was warped, folded in tightly on the chest, which was why she sounded like she was having trouble breathing and talking. It also happened to be folded in on the button, which was why Don and Leo were trying to rip it, their fingers were to big to get to the button.

"One of you move, I need to get in to get the button," I said, pushing forwards. Leo jumped back, and Don moved to where he had been, changing his game to help Haley with the bleeding.

I dropped to Don had just been, leaning over Haley. The angle wouldn't be strong enough with her laying against the wall.

"Don, we need to move her down, I can't get the angle." I said as I grabbed Haley and pulled her down carefully. Haley lifted herself a little, and wiggled her body down as Don helped me. She laid against the ground, and I saw the rest of her back and hair get soaked with the blood already on the ground. I scooched in, feeling my sweat pants soak up the blood, and the ground got sticky. I leaned over her body, testing which fingers could get into the warped armor. Luckily, all could if I pushed hard enough.

I pushed my thumbs through the metal, ignoring the grind of my bones, and pressed down. I felt the button unlatch, and the armor loosened, but it didn't come off like it's supposed too. Don saw it instantly, and grabbed both sides of the warped metal and pulled. Haley groaned as the armor tore, and bits of it scratched her suit open. Instead of pulling back now that she was safe from the armor, I wrapped one arm around her torso and the other around her neck, pulling her up as carefully as I could.

At a safe distance Don pulled the armor out from under her, and I placed her back on the ground. I stepped back, standing and stumbling momentarily. A lot more of my pants was wet than I had originally guessed, and it weighed on them.

"Liz, come with me, we need to scout the area in case he's still nearby. Mikey, stay with Don and watch his back. See if you can find a manhole in this alley. Don-"

"I'm already trying Leo, don't tell me to hurry up." Don grumbled out, pulling at the holes the armor had caused in Haley's suit. The fabric gave way under his strength, and we saw the wound.

It was a stab wound, and while her entire stomach was splotched red, it was very obvious that the stab was on her left side, right under the ribs, in the stomach. The hole itself wasn't large, it could be easily stitched, the problem would be if any vital organs were hit.

"Liz," Leo said. I turned around, nodding to Leo. He pointed up, telling me which way we would go. I sighed, taking a running start for wall. I scaled it for as long as I could, and when I couldn't, I used the fire escape to jump the rest of the way. I flipped over the edge, hand on my borrowed Katana and ready to move on first sound. I nearly attacked Leo when he landed next to me, but I knew what he sounded like. I also realized that whoever was in Raph didn't even make a sound. Well that was a thought out plan.

"How far are we going?" I asked.

"Surrounding buildings. If I can't hear Mikey breathing, we're too far." He said, half joking. I glared at him, but quirked my lip up with it.

I stood up, eyes scanning the surrounding area carefully. Leo stood up next to me, looking the opposite direction.

"Think it was a hit and run?" I asked.

"Does he strike you as someone who hits and runs?" Leo asked back, jumping this building to check the opposite building.

"Ya know, he strikes me as someone who'd do that just to strike fear." I answered. I walked to the edge of the building, looking down at the road. For an instant, fear spiked me as I imagined he'd be right there staring up at me with malice in his eyes, his teeth still gleaming with my blood. My shoulder ached with sudden pain, and I grabbed it as I looked at the abandoned alley with only three fire escapes and an assortment of garbage.

"Think it's another note of his?" He asked. I turned back, scanning the area one more time. Nothing.

"I don't know what it is. If Haley can tell us stuff, it's a note." I responded.

"Guys! Come back, we have to get going." Don shouted.

Leo and I turned in the direction of the rest of the group, and at our own speeds we jumped over the edge. I landed several seconds after Leo, and looked at Don. He was holding Haley bridal style, and the girl looked paler than her complexion usually was. Her clothes, stomach, and hair were bloodied, and her side wrapped with a bandage that was already soaking through. Mikey was holding her armor and weapons, and both looked rather pale green for the situation.

"That bad?" I asked. Mikey walked over to a manhole he had managed to find, taking off the top. He gestured for Don to go first, and Don walked up to the manhole, curling Haley in a little more, before he dropped down. I walked over to the hole, staring down to make sure Don wasn't in the way.

"I don't think we really have the half of it, Liz," Mikey murmured, very somber compared to his normal personality. I looked at him carefully, placing a hand on his shoulder before I jumped down.

As soon as my feet were on the ground I jumped out of the way, sliding in next to Don and Haley. Don was talking to Haley, who looked to be at least attempting to pay attention.

"Haley, we're going to need you to talk on the way home. Make sure you're still conscious and lucid." Don told her.

"Ok," She breathed. She blinked a few times, walking her mind up. "What do I talk about?"

"What happened?" Leo asked. Mikey slid in next to us, and now it was a matter of getting home safely. Don started walking, his pace fast and strides long. Frankly, I was left jogging a little, but I didn't feel to bad about it, because Mikey was too.

"Liz was correct," Haley started, and she looked around Don's arm at me. "Sorry for not listening."

"It's ok, Spice," I puffed out.

"I'm still sorry. I should have listened. Stop the job, at least for a temporary amount of time, or at least have been more careful before jumping in on a fight that was just a ruse." She disappeared from my view, probably resting her head on Don.

"Anyway, I heard a shout, and it sounded like someone was slamming into bricks, so I dropped down, trying to help whoever it was. When I got there though, it was empty. I thought that maybe I'd fallen in the wrong alley, and turned around to go up and try to find the person, and he was right there. I didn't even have time to take a breath from shock before he put his arms on either side of my armor and squeezed... It made noises before it caved in. It gave him space to get me with his sai. The whole thing couldn't have been more than a few seconds..." Haley trailed off, and Don moved her a little to wake her up. She started up again.  
"I fell against him from shock, and the person I fell against was Raph. He pushed me against the wall, apologizing and begging for me to stay alive... He grabbed my phone and put it in my hands, all the while explaining to me what had happened and who was in him... And then he left."

"What did he tell you?" Don asked, looking down at her. "Haley, stay awake. What did he say?"

"He... He said it was Shredder. Shredder was somehow inside him, controlling him, and the plans he had for us... Raph didn't go into specifics, but he said Shredder wanted payback for what Liz did. To him, to the Foot Clan. Wanted to cause her pain, hurt her, and then hurt all you..." She took a deep breath.

"Leo, get the door open." Don ordered, pausing in front of said door. Leo didn't hesitate to do as his brother ordered.

Shredder... it was Shredder. Did that mean he had help? He was dead, how could he do it alone? He was dead, how could he do it at all! It was pulled right out of a supernatural show. Shredder back, inside Raph. He couldn't have done it alone. He had to have someone help him. Who's dumb enough, or loyal enough to help Shredder!

Don raced into the home, heading for the dojo instead of his own room. I followed behind curiously, wondering why he'd head that way. All his equipment was in his room.

It wasn't though, it had all been transferred to the dojo. I saw Splinter in the corner, watching us and ready to help, and I realized Don must have shared a word with him somewhere somehow before we left.

Don set Haley on the ground, laying her out and grabbing a pair of scissors from close by. He started snipping at her clothes, trying to get to her side. That's right, possible internal bleeding. We don't know what was stabbed, only that she was.

"Don, what do we do?" Don turned to look at us, and I saw the barest amount of blood on his upper plastron. I could only image what the lower looked like.

"Liz, come over here and find Propofol, Morphine, and two syringes in its bag. Leo, go into that box and get stitching equipment and a scalpel. Mikey, go get hot water, boil it."

Propofol, because I knew what that was. I did know what Morphine was, it was a pain sedative. If I had to guess, the Propofol was a knockout drug? Was Don doing surgery?

I raced over to the bag Don had pointed out for me, opening it and reaching in carefully. He said syringes, meaning needles, meaning I wanted to be very careful. I picked around through his wide range of glass bottles with faded names, and a small part of me wondered where he even got these. The other part was all for looking for exactly what Don asked. Benzocaine, Nubain, Oxycodone, Morphine (grabbed that), Ibuprofen, Propofol. I grabbed that too, and then checked another pocket for the syringes. I found them in the next pocket. There wasn't many of them to begin with, maybe five of them, but Don said two, so I grabbed two. I turned to Don, who was peeling away the bandage carefully. I walked over to him, and handed him the supplies.

He handed me the Morphine and a syringe, and made work with what he was doing. "Fill the syringe up to the one." He told me. I looked down at the syringe, looking around for something to clean my hands before I did it. Don, out of the blue, handed me germx.

"We are losing blood here," He said aloud. Like we didn't know already.

Splinter left the room and came back with a rag, which he promptly pressed against Haley's side. She gasped and jolted, and I heard the sound of bubbling that told me it was hydrogen peroxide. I rubbed my hands dry with the germx, and then worked fast to get the syringe out of the bag and into the bottle. I pulled until it touched the one, and then carefully pulled it out. I knew the next part, I pointed the needle up, and squeezed gently, getting any air out of the syringe.

Splinter pulled the rag away, and Don took the Morphine from me. He leaned down to Haley's side, pressing the syringe in quickly, and injected. Haley whimpered as it entered her bloodstream and wound, but didn't make much other noise. Don's next move was to get the next syringe in her arm, and administered what I was still guessing as the knockout drug.

"Leo-"

"I got the stuff Don," He said, coming up next Don. He knelt beside Don, laying the stuff out. I stayed on the other side, watching Haley slowly knock out. She looked less pained already, and her eyes were fluttering.

"Don," She breathed. Don looked over at her immediately, watching her as she looked back.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"Call my brothers? I mean after this. They'll want to know." She murmured.

"I will Haley, as soon as we're done." He said soothingly, and then a little louder. "Mikey?"

"One hot tub coming right up," He said, entering the room slowly and carefully, his gloved hands wrapped around a steaming pot. He came up beside Don, setting the boiling water a safe distance away that Don could work. Don's immediate action was to drop the needles into the boiling water, and the top of the scalpel.

"Haley, how are you feeling?" He asked. We all looked down at the now sleeping Haley.

"Out like a light," He said, pressing against her side with his fingers. She didn't flinch in her sleep, which meant she didn't feel anything.

He pulled the scalpel out, handing it to Splinter who ran hydrogen peroxide over it and wiped it down before handing it to Don.

"Ok, you three, out. If I need you, I'll call, but right now you'll just be in the way," Don said, already leaning in to wash at Haley's side to see the wound.

I wanted to object, but really, what could I say? I didn't know anything that could help, and Don was about to cut into Haley to check her organs. We really would get in the way.

I stood up with Mikey and Leo, and the three of us left the room somberly. Leo was about the only one not covered in blood, though I couldn't figure out why Mikey had any on his hands anyway. After we closed the door to the dojo, we all stood in the living room area, a little lost on what to do.

"Do you guys really think it's Shredder in Raph?" Mikey asked us. Leo and I looked at each other, lost to talk and wanting to deny, but really could we?

"Would Raph lie to us?" Leo asked. We all knew the answer immediately though. No, he wouldn't. Which meant it really was Shredder.

"How did he..." Mikey trailed off.

"I have an idea," I started. Both looked at me, Leo curious and Mikey lost. Mikey's look killed me a little inside, and I wilted a little. "But it involves finding Karai."

Leo's face darkened immediately. Seconds later I remembered that Raph had told me they were friendly with each other, and that Leo might have, at one point, held a flame for her. She had also helped us last we saw her, so I could see why he would react in such way. Mikey on the other hand, looked a little more confused.

"What would... Oh, she might know why Shredder's in him. You think she had a part in it?" Mikey asked.

"If she did, I already have an idea on where she might be." I growled out.

"Where's that?" Leo asked, looking ready to leave already.

"Shredder's old Tower."

"We can't leave now though, Donnie might need us." Mikey reasoned. That's right, Don might need us.

"We can wait until Haley's in a more stable position. For now... I'm going to go change." I murmured, motioning to my soiled clothes.

"Yeah, I have blood to wash off as well," Mikey said, motioning to his hands. Leo looked between the two of us, and shrugged.

"I'll go check on the kids."

We headed in our separate directions: Mikey to the kitchen, me to the bathroom, and Leo to the Kid's Room. I made quick work of putting my clothes under cold water, trying wash the blood out. While they soaked with soap, I showered. The plan was already forming in my head for when I got out. I was going to the Tower alone. Finding Karai alone. Mikey and Leo would try to stop me from doing what I was planning, I already knew it.

I made my mind up as I watched the blood fall down the drain, fingering the bite marks on my shoulder carefully. I'd have to wear my SS uniform, and take Leo's katanas again. I'd have to be quick, Don might call for all three of us at one point. How much time would that give me? Several organs worth of time. God knows what he'd find though. I also had to sneak past Mikey in the kitchen, Splinter in the dojo, and Leo's all hearing ears. The doors would make noise though, so as soon as they opened I had to run. I had to hide in the shadows. This was looking to have more downsides on simply trying to get out... What about once I got out?

I raced to my room in a towel, going through my wardrobe for the long since used SS uniform. I laid it out on the bed, admiring it for a few moments before making quick work of putting it on. With each tug of the material, my heart started racing faster and faster. I was going to do this. I was.

I pressed open the door, looking around quickly before jumping up, hiding along the shadows in the ceiling. Only at the door did I pause. Did I want too? What if I ran into Shredder? Could I fight him off? I was still wounded, fighting Karai could already be a challenge. What if they were together? If they were together, we would have seen an increase in Foot activity already, so that couldn't be it.

I shut down my brain from the thoughts and switched on a side I hadn't used in a while. The side of me more set on instinct and hiding, and less on standing and making noise. I took a deep breath, quieting it on the exhale, and dropped from the ceiling. With speed I hope was fast enough, I opened the door, and was out of them and running before they were fully open.


	21. The Missing Pieces

**A/n: I had to break this chapter into two pieces because of how long it is. So you get two chapters today!**

Chapter 21 The Missing Pieces Part 1

I watched Karai move about her business, which consisted of pacing the abandoned building. In the two years since I had last seen her, she hadn't really changed. She was the spitting image of before, like she'd just walked through a portal. She still had on her signature black Foot Ninja outfit, which left me partially wondering why she was still wearing it. The Foot ninjas were disbanded, or at least we thought they were. Maybe she was trying to get them together again.

"Please tell me you had nothing to do with Shredder coming back." I said as a start, flexing my wrist a little. They ached to get action which I wasn't even sure was going to happen. Miraculously, my shoulder and side didn't hurt me one bit, even though I did just scale a skyscraper. The most I was was a little winded, but far from finished.

Karai jumped, whirling on her heel and removing her katana from its sheath before she even saw me. Her eyes looked for me, but she wouldn't find me, not unless I wanted her too. I flexed my wrist again, wondering if she'd see it. I was happily pleased she didn't. I was still trained enough to hide.

"Do you want the truth or the lie?" She asked, flexing her fingers around the hilt of her blade in worry. She took small steps, looking all around the room, looking for me. I wouldn't be able to talk without her finding my location, so I walked out.

"The lie," I murmured, stepping out of the shadows. Her eyes landed on me instantly, and she turned her body stiffly towards me. She mimicked my hand hold on Leo's katana, parallel to me.

"I had nothing to do with Shredder coming back." She said easily, and then smiled lopsidedly at me. She looked tired, like she hadn't had a good amount of sleep in months, let alone in the last twenty four hours. Whatever her age had been before, she looked several years older now. Time was not good for her.

I closed my eyes, groaning at her. "Karai..."

"How do you even know he's back?" She asked, her voice accusing.

I shrugged, balancing Leo's katana on the back of my hand. It felt good to have a weapon back in my hands. Energy coursed through me, walking up long since used muscles. Old instincts were coming back, and I felt better about this whole coming alone.

"Shredder decided to take over the man I've been sleeping next to for the last four years." I shrugged again. "That isn't something one doesn't notice."

Karai laughed, looking around the room slowly. The place was abandoned, and Foot activity diminished after Shredder's death. I don't think anyone was even near the vicinity, let alone someone who could help her.

"Took you long enough to find me then," She said smugly. I stopped moving for a moment, watching her closely. Took me long enough... I went looking for her earlier tonight, after Haley showed up in bad shape.

"How long has Shredder been inside Raph?" I asked her, suddenly apprehensive. Karai laughed again, looking down at her hand smugly. A creeping feeling went down my spine, and I suddenly had a feeling I didn't want to know. Whatever time it was, it was too long.

I used the time she looked down to cross the distance, pushing Karai back with my sword. Either she was rusty or really didn't expect me to be so forward, but either way she fell back, knocked off her equilibrium. We tumbled down, and Karai had to instantly release her weapon and grab mine or risk beheading. Both hands on the blade, holding it in an attempt to not cut her hands but simultaneously hold my katana at least two inches from her neck. She wasn't succeeding a lot, and we both saw that.

"Still as patient as ever I see," She muttered, flexing her hand gripping the sharp blade. I saw the barest hint of red out of the corner of my eye, and I smiled at her and her unsuccessful attempt at saving her skin.

"Honey, you better get talking. I've been patient enough, but something just tickles me the wrong way. Oh, what is it?" She swung her leg up, kneeing my bad side. I moved with it and really wanted to wince, but I didn't get off. I put more weight on the katana, so now if she moved she was risking it touching her neck. "Oh yeah. Your Master is in my boyfriend's body."

"Get off me!" She growled, pushing me. I bounced with her, not moving in any way that would give her space, and she growled.

"Ah ah. I promise to let you up, just give me answers."

She hesitated, and then seemed to agree with my terms. She stopped on her onslaught and relaxed a little in her legs. Her eyes still screamed bloody murder, but she was going to talk.

"Shredder has been controlling your turtle for about a year," She said. I felt my arms go numb at the number for a second, and then I shook it off. I was right though, I didn't want to hear the number, and it was too long of a time. "You had to have noticed, at least in the last nine months. Raphael would be having memory loss, and it would have become more and more often as time went by."

I looked at her, helplessly confused. That never happened...

Karai smiled, "Ah, he was hiding it from you, lying probably. That's not a good thing in a relationship."

"It never happened." I snapped, glaring at her. She held her fingers up but kept her palms on my katana.

"He must have left the house." She said, her voice sounding like she was a teen giving a smart ass answer to her teacher.

It clicked immediately after that. Raph had been visiting Casey for football games and other whatnot. When it had started, I thought it was a little weird, because Casey always came to the lair for those, not the other way around. As time went on, it happened more often, and I'd forgotten it was so weird. Some of those times though, Casey hadn't even realized Raph had been over. Those were the times April would step in and say that Casey hadn't, but she had. And all that started happening about eight months ago...

"Why Raph?" I asked, feeling a little troubled on the inside for a different reason other than the one I was faced with, though what I couldn't see yet. Karai shrugged.

"You'll have to ask next time you see Master Shredder. I thought he was going to take over a politician or something else that can walk outside."

"How did you do it?" I asked. What was nagging me...

"Took a dip inside of Master Shredder's old books. Mythologies mostly. One of them caught my eye, a little Japanese, a little supernatural, and something just compelled me to try it out. Little while later, I did the voodoo hoodoo, and out popped a little blue ball."

"Is there a way to get Raph back?" I asked.

She shook her head a bit too easily, "Not one I can think of."

I narrowed my eyes at her and pressed harder on her throat. "I am not in the mood Karai, spill it, or I'll find another way to save him."

"Wait- there's one." She shouted. Her voice echoed despairingly in the empty room, and I stopped my onslaught. Karai grated her jaw, eyes all sorts of bloody murder. It didn't phase me, I was the one that had her on the floor. Her life was at my hands, and she knew my record. I didn't play well with criminals and strangers, she just so managed to put my family and friends in danger.

"Go on," I said. Karai swallowed thickly.

"You can get him back... If he were to experience something that caused intense emotions in Raphael..." She whispered.

Her saying 'emotions' made my internal problem click. The family meeting, Don was going to talk about Raph. How eight months ago he... Don knew. Leo knew. That's what he was going to say. Don knew Raph was having memory problems, and they both kept it secret. Did anyone else know? Master Splinter, Mikey, Haley? Casey and April did, or else they wouldn't have been where he went too every time. Why would they keep it secret...

On the outside, at least I hoped, I looked at her lost, trying to figure out what stood for intense emotions. Shredder hurt me and that caused Raph to come out. Shredder mortally wounded Haley and Raph came out. Apparently every time Shredder tried to quell the body's sexual urges and force himself on a person Raph could fight his way out and stop him. The realization of how much Raph had to go through and how much emotional turmoil he has to have before he comes out hit me. How much would he have to have before Shredder could leave him?

"How intensive of an emotion before Shredder leaves?" I asked, and my voice did not just crack.

Karai smirked almost evilly, "Oh you know, watching-someone-he-loves-dearly-die intense."

I paused, watching her. Don knew about this. If she was lying, who knows what could be true; but what she said made sense, and I'd seen it happen before. Don knew and didn't tell me when Raph disappeared. She also didn't have a reason to lie when her life was on the line. That explained why he couldn't look at me. She was a slug, but she was a smart slug. Don had planned on telling us tonight.

That had to count for something. He was eventually going to say something. Would it have changed anything if he'd said it sooner? I don't know, maybe if they'd dined to tell me while I could have still helped Raph, we wouldn't be here.

I loosened my position on top of her, and I saw Karai's face show relief at being spared. She took a deep breath, and I felt her relax under me. I also relaxed, sitting back on her hip bones. The electricity in the air diminished, while the electricity in me increased.

"Thank you Karai," I said Karai nodded at me, and I nodded back.

In a single motion, I lifted my body up and pressed the katana down. It clicked against the ground below her with little resistance, and her head rolled to her cheek, her fingers clipped at the second knuckle. The blood started immediately after, and I stood up before it could touch my clothes. Didn't need to wash my body twice in one night, I think my hair was still damp from the first time.

I looked down at her body, and didn't really feel anything. I didn't feel good or bad. There wasn't an itch in my hands to begin with, but I could tell that had there been, this wouldn't have sedated it. This felt more like a chore I was supposed to do a month ago than an actual murder, even if her blood was starting to create a halo around her body. So much for a rebirth of the Foot Clan.

"You can get up now," I muttered, walking away and out the window I'd come from.


	22. The Missing Pieces Part 2

Chapter 22 The Missing Pieces Part 2

I left the remnants of Shredder's Tower, heading down and into the sewers, prowling the tunnels to my home. Now it wasn't even a conscious thought, my every move was dead set on speed and quietness. I didn't even startle the rats I walked by, and they always ran the opposite direction when I was near.

My return home was as quiet, even though three very mad looking terrapins waiting for me. There wasn't a chance of me escaping even if the doors had opened quietly, because the three of them were waiting for me, their arms crossed, fingers itching for their weapons should I try to get past them or leave again, and each one of them had a glare set on their face when I entered. I took two steps in, dodged the closing doors, and then froze.

We stared at each other, one small human versus three very tall, very strong turtles with armor for chest and back. Leo looked the angriest, Don looked both curious and severely peeved, and Mikey... Well I'd never actually seen that look on his face before.

"Here," I said as a start, grabbing the katanas from my back and tossing them to Leo. His hand shot out to grab them, even though nothing else about him moved. I then reached up and unhooked my mask, tossing it aside. I put my hands up by shoulders, showing them I wasn't going to do anything. "How's Haley?"

"Critical. Dagger?" Leo asked, setting the Katanas on the ground, but his steely eyes never left me. I patted my side, wondering if it was there.

"Didn't take it." I answered, looking to see which of them was most trigger itchy. If I had to guess, this is where team training came into play for them, Mikey and Don weren't going to attack without Leo's command. If Raph had been here, he'd have had all my focus. He didn't listen to anyone on a good day.

"What'd you do?" He asked, and was Donnie always that tall?

Donnie, that's right.

"Got your answers for you," I said, suddenly a lot more angry and a lot less intimidated by their size. My eyes zeroed in on Don's, and his look of surprise was worth Mikey and Leo reaching for their weapons when I walked towards him.

"You knew," I growled, pointing a finger at him. Mikey looked between us confused, and his reach for his weapons dropped. Leo's though, got closer to his katanas. "You knew Raph was having memory loss, was going out weekly and having no clue where he was, that something was wrong, but you didn't tell anyone. Except Leo." I turned my glare on Leo, and his stance tightened.

"Liz, don't make it a fight." He cautioned.

"You know me Leo. If I wanted a fight, you're not going to stop me." I said back. His jaw tightened.

"I will defend Donnie though," He said, and his tone bordered threatening. I raised an eyebrow in challenge.

"What is going on here?" Mikey shouted, catching all our attentions.

I looked at the youngest of the brothers, and a part of me regained a sense of normalcy. That's right, I wasn't the only one out of the loop. Mikey knew as much as I did until I threatened it out of Karai. Part of my anger ebbed away. It didn't stay away, as soon as I saw Don again it increased, but at least my head was a little better.

"Donnie here was keeping secrets." I murmured. Don swallowed a few times before his voice worked.

"Raph made me promise not to say anything." He dejected.

"And you didn't think to say anything when Raph was missing after a week, let alone in this last month?" I asked.

"I'm still out of the loop here guys," Mikey motioned to himself.

"Up until a week ago, we thought Raph was still missing. The only reason we knew different was because Shredder tried to kill you. Afterwards, I wanted you to be at least a little capable at kicking my butt before I told you. That just so happened to be earlier tonight."

"Oh I can definitely kick your butt tonight," I growled.

"Liz-"

"No, stay out of it, Leo." I snapped, holding my hand up to him. I grated my jaw, looking at Don carefully. He didn't look scared, or guilty, or angry, or much of anything really. He just looked ready. "I could fight him, but I'm not going to tonight. I think we have different things to talk about. A fight won't solve anything."

"It'd solve your anger." Don said helpfully.

"So would a fair fight where we wouldn't break stuff." I ground out, pointing at the living room, still glaring at Don. I tore my eyes from him, turning to Leo.

"I went to find Karai, alone," I said when he opened his mouth. "And got the answers we needed."

"How could you trust her?" He asked.

"I had her pinned to the ground, katana at her throat, threatening her life, and what she said made sense. Said being we can get Raph back, only if he were to experience intense enough emotions." I answered.

"Intense how?" Mikey asked. I sighed, closing my eyes slowly and rubbing them.

"Like, watching someone you love die intense." I mumbled. The three of them went silent, and I debated opening my eyes to see their reaction.

"What kind of loved one?" Don asked. My eyes flew open, and I looked at Don carefully.

"Woah, this isn't going to come down to who commits suicide in front of him does it?" I asked, noticing the strange resolve on his face.

"I sure hope not. Nobody in this house is dying." Leo said, his voice final. I wanted to point out that Raph wasn't in the house, but I think Leo realized that.

"Just what happened that I'm not aware of?" Mikey asked, changing the subject to one more important.

"Apparently Shredder's been in Raph for a year now. The first signs would have showed up nine months ago. Donnie here has known for eight months, and kept it a secret the entire time." I said, keeping my voice monotone. I don't know what Don was expected to happen, but a spark in his eyes went out, like he had expected a weight to lift once it was out in the open, but it didn't. A softer part of me wondered what keeping the secret had done to him.

"He knew? You knew?" Mikey asked Don, and then turned around to Leo. "You knew?"

"Yes, we knew." Leo said, watching me with caution even though I didn't pose a threat. Seriously, if I punched Don, my hand was more likely to break than his face was. Why did he think I tossed the katanas at him? I was trying to stop the fight before it happened.

"Why didn't anyone tell us? We're family, man, if three of us know, all of us should know." He said. Leo jutted his head at Don, but his eyes told a different story. One that was filled with regret rather than angry.

"I told Don that it was his secret to tell, not mine." He murmured. The regret made sense then. He probably wished he'd told us instead of letting Don. I wonder how long he's wanted to tell us. Probably longer than Don has.

Don's eyes fluttered closed, and he inhaled shakily, so much so his shoulders shook. Watching him collapse internally shook something in me, something that made me realize that the secret had done damage. Keeping it from me, Mikey, maybe even Splinter. It did eat at him, and this scenario was probably the one he'd expected, but hoped wouldn't happen. I wondered if his mention of fighting me was his way of saying he'd take that over this, whatever this was. This staring down of anger and betrayal from me, and guilt and hope for some relief for him. He mouthed a word out, and I had to repeat it in my head several times before I could figure it out. Break.

I was going to hit myself for it later, but right now I had an ache in my chest to help him, and maybe I needed it as well. I don't think we've full on did it ever in our relationship, even at our best. I took two long strides (for me) to Don, and while he might have heard me, he didn't have time to move. Of course, my arms would never be long enough to go all the way around his torso, but than again, I don't think anyone's arms would be long enough. I wrapped my arms around him, pressing my forehead against his chest plate and reaching for a marginal to grab on too.

"Don't think I'm not mad, I am still very very livid at you, and I expect many fights soon, but right now..." I trailed off, hoping Don got it.

Don's arms wrapped around me slowly, and I was aware his arms could probably circle around me completely, comfortably, while I couldn't even get mine halfway around him once comfortably. Don took another shaky breath, and his grip on me tightened. Definitely something we'd never done before, it was like hugging a stranger in a way.

"Thanks. I look forward to the fights," He murmured.

"I will never understand the relationship between you two," Leo commented, sounding both exasperated and amused and still angry.

"You learn to try not too," Mikey said, sounding peeved but at least back to his normal self a little. "I don't think even they understand their relationship. They're murdering each other one moment, I turn my back for a second, and when I look back they're fixing each other's wounds. Hugs are new though."

I pulled away, craning my neck almost painfully to look at his face. "We are talking, alone, later."

Don shook his head with a very very small smile, an attempt at his own brand of lighting up, but I read it in his eyes, he was not ok yet.

"What happened with Karai?" He asked. I sighed.

"I did ask a few other questions, how she did it, maybe why Shredder chose Raph, but I was in between talking to her and wanting to yell at you, so I don't remember those details as well I should. They weren't as big, just her talking about supernatural and mythology and how she decided to try 'hoodoo voodoo' for some reason. The main thing I found was that Raph has to experience something intense, death of a loved one intense, to get rid of Shredder."

"I'm guessing the talk of a possible suicide mission is in our future?" Mikey asked.

"Looks like it Mikey," Leo murmured. "What'd you do with Karai? Will she be a problem?"

"If missing eight fingers and a very important connection from head to body can be considered a problem, than yes." I said as nonchalantly as I could. They still blew up.

"You mean you-"

"Elizabeth!"

"Why did you do it?"

"Please tell me it was in defense."

"We could have gotten more out of her!"

I waited until they shut up, looking at my nails as they got over their initial anger. "I know, I did a bad. Beat me for it later. Or play dirty in the next training session. Deed is done, she can't hurt anyone anymore. Which is probably a good thing, she was wearing her Foot outfit when I found her in Shredder's Tower."

"Why do you sound suspiciously calm about it?" Leo asked. I glanced up, wondering what would be the right and wrong thing to say.

"Consider it as me taking out the trash." I responded. "How's Haley? I left her here still in bad shape."

If Don could look more depressed, he did at the mention of her. My mind immediately assumed the worst, and I looked at the dojo.

"She's not in there's, she's in my room," Leo said, helping my thoughts a little. I relaxed, looking over at Leo.

"How critical?" I asked.

"Shredder got the lining of her stomach. While not extremely dangerous, she needs to be under 24 hour surveillance for a while. Until it has healed some. Our main concern is if her stomach acids can cut through the stitching done." Don answered.

"How long is a while, do we need to go out and get supplies? Who's watching her?" I asked.

"Master Splinter is watching her right now. We were down here waiting for you." Don muttered. "And a few weeks, at least. We might need to go hunting for more. It depends on the affects it has on her. Right now I have her on morphine and ibuprofen. Depending on how fast she heals, the antibiotic will be needed."

"Good thing I'm pretty much healed than," I mumbled.

"You didn't aggravate them while fighting Karai?" Don asked, stepping towards me in case he needed to see them. I shrugged him off, stepping away a few feet to make sure he didn't try to look at them.

"There wasn't much of a fight. We were talking, she looked at her hand, and I charged. The rest of the talk was with her on her back, and me threatening her. She did knee my in the side, but it's not bad. Thanks for checking on me though, Doctor." I said, hoping he heard the tone that said 'Beat it.'

"I'm not liking the image I'm getting in my head about how you beheaded her," Leo growled.

"You don't have too. I told you, deed is done. How it's done doesn't matter anymore. If you're mad about it, I'll find you in the Dojo." I growled back. "Now if you three don't mind, I have an ex-pupil to find."

I made to walk by them, but as I passed, Leo's hand shot out and grabbed my bicep. I froze, waiting for what he planned on doing. He wasn't gripping tight, but he wasn't holding on loosely either. A grip like that with Leo, it could literally be anything.

"We were worried about you, Liz," He murmured. I paused, feeling a dunking feeling come over my body, like sudden ice water was dumped on me. I shivered a little.

"Sorry," I answered, feeling sincere about it. "Really, I am."

"So why did you do it?" Mikey asked.

"A mix of anger, misery, love, and urgency can make you do terrible things." I answered, looking beyond them and at the far wall.

"Was there an itch?" He asked. I balled my hands, scratching my palms. No, there wasn't. There hadn't been any since Mikey talked to me nearly two weeks ago.

"No, there wasn't." I murmured, digging my nails into my palms. "It was just a cold blooded kill from a cold blooded killer who thought it was long due to clock Karai out."

"You aren't a cold blooded killer anymore." Leo said, a viction to his voice.

"Flip a news channel on. Somewhere in the next 24 hours they'll mention me. And this would be my second murder in the last two weeks. I'm on my way to being a serial killer again."

Leo's grip on my arm did tighten, enough so that there's pain and my hand started to tingle. I still didn't turn around and look at them, because I didn't want to know what their looks would be like. Their looks from this morning was still fresh on my mind.

"You won't be. I remember how you reacted when you realized you'd killed someone. You had a complete freak out." Don said. I sighed, closing my eyes. I leaned back, against Leo's hand, which was still holding me tightly.

"Watch you regret saying those words," I muttered under my breath, and then wondered if they heard that.

"We're family. We'll figure it out together." Mikey said. Ok, they didn't hear me.

"Just please, next time let someone go with you. We don't want to lose you too," Leo said.

Lose me too. Lose me... too. They don't want to lose me along with Raph. What if they got Raph back? What if I was the one to plunge the cliff to save Raph and they got him back? Would it be better for them?

They'd still miss me, I already knew that. I was an ingrained piece in their lives one way or another. Still, it's debatable, for that suicide mission we'll apparently talk about. Out of the four of us, I wasn't exactly the most needed. It was the four ninja turtles, not the three turtles and one human female. I'd known them for five years, just about. The longest they'd been apart was probably this entire month with Raph gone. And seriously, without one of them, the rest would fall apart. Without Don, there'd be no level head or brain, and Leo and Raph would probably try to kill each other. With Leo, I saw how that one happened. The rest of the brothers fell apart slowly. No leader, no team. They needed him as a guide. If Mikey was gone, there went the one who kept the team light and positive. They'd each fall into their own form of depression, and there'd be a lot more fights, some would break the team. With Raph gone, they would be lost. A lot of their decision making, and fight team, would disappear. They wouldn't have a protector. Without me, they'd lose a level head, but that was Don. They already had a hot head, and a fighter. I was the expendable in this scenario, out of all of us. I wonder if that was supposed to hurt.

"Ok." I whispered, feeling a twinge in the corner of my eyes.


	23. Three Pieces to Fix

Chapter 23 Three Pieces to Fix

"We need help," Don murmured, entering the kitchen in the middle night. I was already sitting down with a cooling cup of coffee. I had come here to contemplate what next to do. I should have guessed Don would be up. He rubbed at his eyes tiredly, yawning hugely as he went to the coffee I had brewed. He was void all gear and mask, and dully I noted that that technically meant he was naked.

I kept my eyes ahead, looking at the chair across from me. On instinct more than actually thinking about it I tensed up at the sight of Donnie. I knew he wouldn't do anything towards me, and if anything were to happen it would be because I initiated it. He would go with whatever I did, though I had a feeling he really wanted me to fight him.

"On what front?" I asked, keeping my eyes off him as he made his rounds to get coffee. I tightened my hand around the cup of coffee, the glass just on the verge of too hot. The bitter feeling of anger climbed my throat, and I wanted to throw my dagger at him and cause a scratch in his thigh, or maybe a knife wound in the soft spot where his skin met scute. The violent nature was hard and easy to calm down, and I took note that I should probably find a healthy way to release the anger.

"I'm guessing all of them," He sighed, sitting across from me. My focus on the chair diminished, and I was left staring at his chest plates.

"Starting to wonder if it's worth it. What have we done to fix the previous ones?" I asked, tracing the lines on his scutes, all the little scars from some time or another.

Don was silent, because he knew the answer. We'd tried to fix it the first time, and as soon as we did, the second one came and knocked us back farther. We didn't try to fix that one, and it piled. Now we were on our third one, and I daresay it was the worst. At least this time there was a lie, and not someone making the assumption that someone else cheated.

"How do we fix the first one?" He asked.

"I don't think there's a way anymore. Or we've gotten over it. I have. I think the only thing left for that one is for you to let it go." I murmured, moving my eyes up just a hint, to look at his collarbone.

"I should get over you trying to kill my family. Our family now. It's been so many years, and you've proved time and time again just how much you love us, and how loyal you are." He answered, but his voice sounded a little distant, reminiscing.

"We both know that had Raph not done what he did, I would have killed all four of you without remorse." I said back, knowing it was going before it already went there. We'd had the conversation to often for me not too.

"Maybe it's time for me to realize you aren't the same person. I know you aren't. I can't hold you now accountable for you then." He supplied. I looked up a little higher, staring at his chin.

"Yes you can, because that Liz and I are still the same person." I answered.

"If you back then was sitting in front of me now, she'd probably have blood on her hands and be trying to fight me. If you now was sent back then, you'd try to hear us out before killing us." He said right back. He had a point, and I knew what he was trying to do. Fix the first problem as quick as possible.

"I still made a conscious thought, Donnie. I knew what I was doing, I knew what I wanted, and I was going to get it."

He stayed silent, sipping his coffee while he thought. For some reason that action annoyed me, and I felt my arms bunch. The dagger at my side felt colder now, and I was more aware of it.

"Do you really think it's something worth holding on too?" He asked. "Are you feeling guilty for what happened?"

"You know I do Donnie. I hurt you guys. I hurt Leo. Four years later the mark across his entire front side is a reminder of what could have happened, what would have happened. Raph's arm still has the little scratch, and I can make it out past all the others."

Don stayed quiet, and I moved my eyes up to look at his. They were quiet like he was, not burning or questioning or sad or happy. They were empty. Partly, I felt better about that. The other part, I wish I could see what he was feeling.

"Is it worth holding on too?" He asked. I paused, looking at him carefully.

"No. It isn't. In the end I can't change it, and neither can you. After four years, it's caused nothing but pain and fights between us. Everyone else has already forgiven and forgotten... Perhaps it's time we do too."

"Easier said than done." He murmured.

"Better start now than. We've got two more rounds to fix." I muttered, finally taking a sip of my coffee. Don's eyes watched me, and I could feel the tell tale signs of his nervousness as his leg started to bounce under the table.

"The second problem," He said quietly. "That one is my fault. I should have listened to you. Or took notes about the exponential rate you were growing, or how it was killing you..."

I could almost see the memory through his eyes. Finding out about it, and while I was bouncing with joy at the prospect, he locked me in his lab. Later that day he let me out and interrogated me. My honest replies did nothing to break his hard surface of scientific improbability, and then it was a six month spiral down the tube of distrust that we never came back from. Don saw me deteriorating rate because of constant need for nutrition and my body's near constant attempt at rejecting the kids; he saw the babies growing faster than they should, saw all the science that backed me up on my improbability, and still didn't believe me. All the way up to when I went under the knife, unconscious, and he found the first semi-translucent egg with a fetal baby inside it. It was a wonder my body tried to reject them.

"Yeah, you should have. It didn't fix our relationship at all. I'm pretty sure you still think I did cheat, and the combination of Raph's and mystery man's sperm made it possible. Who knows what you're brain has tried to come up with over the last year about that." I said, not really trying to disguise my bitterness about it.

"I will admit... I've tried to find answers as to why," He started slowly. I tightened my hand around the cup, suddenly fighting the urge to chuck myself over the table at him. "I think I finally just decided that chromosome wise, we do each have 23 egg/sperm chromosome, and I guess Raph is a bit more human in the reproduction department."

"Maybe we'll have a round two of that show if Haley ever kicks into gear and kisses Leo," I grumbled.

"If Leo responds on a similar level, at least. If he does, I'm setting him aside and telling him to wait ten years." Don chuckled out. I smiled back at him, relaxing a little.

"So how does the second one get fixed?" I asked. Don got serious again, and he looked down at his mug. "I don't think it'll be as easily fixed as the first one. This one... I was hurt, Donnie. Hurt you didn't believe me. I'm still hurt."

"What would you have me do to fix it? I felt immeasurable guilt when I learned... When I held the first egg. I wanted to change things, I wanted to get you through it, and then I was going to apologize. I still want too. You never lied to us before that, and you haven't since." He said.

I really wanted to say 'Unlike you', but I held my tongue. Don flinched though, so I knew he thought it too. He looked up at me for a fraction of a second, and I saw some of the pain he felt. He was still taking it personally. He deserved it as much as he didn't, which left me very conflicted on what to tell him.

"I don't know what I'd have you do. This isn't one of those things where you can be my slave for a day, or we can fight for a few days and then get over it. How do others get over it?" I asked.

"They talk about it, and usually the one who feels guilty tries to help as much as possible. It's a time thing that will heal this. It'll take years." He answered.

"Than let it take years, we have the time." I murmured. I agreed with that one, it would take years for this to get better. It's a time thing, unlike the first one, where it's just forgiving.

"Do we have years?" He asked. I looked at him confused, wondering why he asked that. Of course we had years, it wasn't like one of us was going to die-

"Oh," I breathed, remembering what Karai had said. The death of someone he loved. That's how we get him back. "I..."

"Your hesitance speaks volumes," He murmured. I heard his foot shuffle under the table, and the side of his foot touched mine. "Who do you think it'll be?"

"Master Splinter?" I asked, turning my eyes to look over his shoulder. I didn't believe that, it wouldn't be Master Splinter. It wouldn't be enough of a shock factor, both Raph and Shredder would expect it to be him. He'd laid his life down for his son's several times over now, any more times it's almost expected.

"Do you really think he's the right one?" Don asked.

"Would you rather it be one of us?" I asked, not putting any force in my question.

Don was quiet, calculating me. "You don't want it to be Master Splinter. You're already planning on it being you."

"So what," I snapped immediately, anger leaking in my voice. I focused on Don, and glowered though I tried not too. "I'm the expendable."

"Do you really believe that?" He asked softly. He leaned forwards, reaching his arm across the table. I pulled back, keeping my arms out of his reach. His fingers landed on the table, missing me.

"Yes. It's the four turtles. The four of you. There's no any one of you without the other three of you. You'd fall apart. Raph might as well go bye bye now if that's the case." I said. Don's eyes gleamed with a memory, and I had to wonder what he was remembering. He shook his head as soon as it appeared, and he frowned.

"You're... I've seen a world where I disappeared," He murmured. I looked at him curiously, wondering if he'd continue. His jaw quivered a little.

"Without me, my brothers fell apart."

"Well that knocks you out of the ballpark," I whispered. "Leaves three of us."

"We could have avoided this had I said something sooner, or told Raph to tell someone," He whimpered, laying his head on the table.

"Yes, we could have," I said steely. "Too bad."

Don said something into the table, and I leaned forwards to try to hear him better. His shoulders tensed, and he moved his arm and leg away from me like he was preparing to move. I saw him take a big breath, and then suddenly he was silent and breathing too shallowly to really see. I knew those movements, he was going ninja mode. Why?

"What?" I asked, feeling my stomach muscles tighten even though I didn't know why.

Don stood up without a sound, and suddenly he was standing beside me, facing me. I jumped minutely, using it to slide me out of my chair and to the other side of the table. I faced him, watching his face flit with emotions. I reached for my dagger, wondering what he was going to try to do.

"I said, fight me." He murmured. "I know you want too, and it'd be better than this forced calm you're doing to yourself."

"What if I don't want to fight you?" I asked, inching for the door. Don didn't move, and his eyes fell to the floor.

"I can tell you do. Would it be better if it weren't in the kitchen?" He asked.

"You never striked me as someone who wanted to fight, Don. Your level head makes you the least likely out of all us to fight. You're less likely to fight than Leo is."

Don sighed, rolling his head into his bridge and staring at the ceiling. He turned his body towards the door, and quietly walked out. I floundered a little after him, wondering if he was going to walk to the dojo and wait for me. As I left the kitchen, I looked up the stairs to Leo's room, where Haley was. Who's watching her next, and how long before the switch off?

"I've been waiting months for this secret to come out and have you fight me. I'm so wound up, I feel like Mikey without anything to do." Don told me, drawing my attention back to him in the open space of the living room, a safe distance from the TV's and couches.

"So you want me to beat you up because... You've managed to wind yourself up that bad?" I asked, stepping closer to him.

Don sighed, relaxing his body a little. He lifted his hands up, showing me his palms. His towering height didn't look menacing, which was a feat actually. He managed to line his body up into a position that was both relaxed, calculating, deadly, and docile. Which, really, was all things Don.

"Yes. You have no idea." He murmured.

I circled a little, getting farther from the door and maintaining a distance from Don. Sure I wanted to fight him, but was I set to just fight, or would I try hurting him? I was actually pretty sure I wouldn't, but he might try to make me. I didn't know how far he wanted to go with this.

"Will you fight back?" I asked, standing just a few yards from him. He could cross this distance in two strides. I could cross it in four.

"Yes. I won't just sit there and take it. That's not me." He answered.

I spread my legs a little, testing my weight to find out how my side was. It twinged, as it usually did, but it was good. As soon as the anticipation adrenaline kicks in I won't feel it. I tightened my core muscles, and let my instincts kick in a little. I would need to be fast.

"So how does this start?"

Don crossed the room in two strides, sweeping his body to my right in a motion that resembled a tackle. I wasn't expecting such a bold move from the normally calm turtle, so I was slow on the uptake. When I got the motion in my body, I dove forwards, sweeping by him. I got my dagger in hand and was moving in an upwards cutting motion before I realized Don hadn't gone for an attack, though he'd had all the time in the world. I hadn't been fast to move. It was as his arm swung up, his wrist hooking under mine to hold the assault off his body that I realized what he'd done. He'd only charged, feigned an attack, and waited for me. Now that I had made the move, he was going to fight back.

He brought his arm around, grabbing my wrist and pulling my arm back over my head. In an attempt to keep myself up and not have my shoulder dislocated, I jumped up, kicking my legs up high to wrap them around his bicep. I twisted my body, bring my body down and his arm with me. Don stumbled, taking the fall part way before he caught himself. To catch himself though, he had to let go of my wrist. I took the release and let go of his arm, falling to the ground and spinning away just enough to give space between us. I didn't let Don retain his balance though. I spun in a large arc, kicking my legs out and catching the front of his ankles. Don tumbled, falling onto his hands.

I completed my arc, getting ground beneath my feet and bunching my legs to lunge. Don had other thoughts, and he kicked his legs high in the air. I paused, wondering what he was trying to do. Don raised his legs out above him, adjusting his arms so he could hold his body up on his hands. Don looked over at me, and I saw the little lift of his lips before he spun his body on his hands. I splayed his legs out, sweeping them out low enough to get me. I lifted my arm up, catching the brunt of his kick in it. It knocked me off my equilibrium, and I went tumbling to my back.

I stared at the ceiling, a little dazed from the blow. Don finished his circuit beside me, coming to a kneeling position. I could feel the smugness coming him, and while I didn't know if he actually felt smug from the move (because Don didn't feel smug about fighting usually) or if he was toying with me, but that feeling caused the slow burn anger to come back.

I sat up abruptly, throwing my one dagger at him. Don ducked the weapon with ease, and the offending piece of metal dug into the couch several feet past him. Don looked behind him, eyes a little wide as he stared at the dagger. I took that split second to jump him, pressing against his shoulders and toppling him over. Don went down with an "Oof!", bringing his arms up to try to grab me. I pressed my knees against his biceps, keeping myself planted my pressing my weight on his chest and hooking my feet into the grooves of his side. With my arms free, I started hitting him.

Don abandoned trying to grab me, instead opting to work at covering his face from my blows. The punches to the strong bones did hurt my knuckles, but I was more concentrated on causing a bruise on him or splitting something than my own pain. With every punch, the feelings of betrayal and anger rose up, and the adrenaline started blocking out the pain. Don reached for his face, covering it with one hand and his other tried to grab at my fists. I got several swings in before he caught one fist, and I adjusted my weight to get more force on the free hand. By adjusting, I mean I lifted my body up and pressing down on the grip he had on me. The position allowed me to turn my body and put more swing into it, and I heard Don take an intake of breath at the next blow.

He reached his hand up blindly, grasping for my still free fist. With his face free from obscuring, I saw what little damage I had done had actually been more than I thought. I wasn't sure where I hit his bottom lip, but I saw a split down the middle, like I'd smashed his lip into a sharp spot on his teeth. Beyond that, I couldn't see any other lasting damage, but I knew if I'd punched hard enough to cause a split lip, then I'd punched hard enough to cause bruising. Knowing this slowed my hand down, and Don caught it.

In an instant, he kicked his leg up, bringing his foot around my front and kicking me off. I nearly flew with force of his kick, but the ground found me faster than the air. Back on my back, I assessed my body. How were the wounds doing. Stomach aching, shoulder tingling, I can deal.

Don appeared above me, a once again towering mass of bottle green skin and lean muscle that wouldn't move. He pressed his forearm into my neck, cutting off my airway. I gaped a little at the sudden lack of air, and the started moving as fast as I could to get it. I grappled at his shoulders and shell, trying to find a weak spot. My legs moved to kick him in the crotch before I realized there wouldn't be anything to kick. All his stuff is on the inside, the lucky bastard.

Don relaxed on my neck, allowing me room to breathe but not get up. I took a deep breath of air, glaring at Don as I caught it. I paused, thinking of a way to get out from under his arm.

"You are so lucky you don't have exterior genitals," I coughed out. Don's eyes bugged a moment, and then he smiled.

"I wasn't aware we were playing dirty." He remarked. I curled my lip back, glaring at him. I swung my leg up, kneeing the soft spot in his side. Don twitched and keened from the sudden blow, and I used the move to press my arms against his scutes and lift him just enough to hook my legs in and kick him off. Don tumbled beside me, rocking on his shell.

"You never said we had to play nice," I said, kicking the bridge of his shell to spin him to his stomach. I grabbed the arm closest to me and brought it under and up, locking his arm at an awkward angle on his shell. Don puffed out a breath, his free hand grasping for something to do.

I took a survey of the area in those few seconds before Don moved. This wasn't really much of a fight, it was more of a scuffle. We were rolling a lot, and I found us close to the dojo door. I eyed it and then Don, wondering if we should take this to the dojo where it should be.

"I'll remember that for when I get out of this," Don muttered. He planted his hand firmly on the ground and pushed, turning his body into his arm. I knew such a move would hurt him, because he'd be rocking into his shoulder, which wasn't at a good angle in this position, and I realized he didn't care. He wanted out.

In a move that I hope was fast enough from his body, I jumped back, backing my way into the dojo before he was fully on his feet. I made sure he saw which way I went before I walked farther into the room. I did a quick check on the weapons, and grabbed a bo and katana. I turned around as Don walked in, and tossed him his weapon. His arm flashed out to grab it before he realized he'd even done it, and he looked at the long staff.

"You really want to fight with weapons? I saw that move with the dagger." He said, changing his body position now that he had a bo.

I shrugged, spreading my legs out and turning my body, holding the bladed weapon with one hand while I used the other to check my side. "That rolling around out there isn't much of a fight. Now we've got reason to move fast."

"And play dirty?" He asked, lining his body parallel to me and gripping the bo tightly. I noticed subtly that his lip was looking a little swollen, and while part of me felt a gratification, the other half of me wanted to make sure he was ok.

"Only if you can," I murmured. Don furrowed his brow at me, hearing something in my voice. He lowered his bo a few centimeters, and I copied him.

"What was that tone I just heard in your voice?" He asked, stepping towards me. I watched his moves, wondering if he was tricking me to get close, but getting close didn't benefit him, he can't fight up close with a bo.

"I want to fight you but I don't want to hurt you but I do want to hurt you." I answered. Don walked a few more steps towards me, and he was officially to close to use his bo. I on the other hand could still use my katana.

"I see," He said, looking down at me. "Try thinking about all the reasons you are mad. Let it fester. I'll do the same, but for different reasons. I don't have a reason to be mad."

"You know, letting the feelings fester isn't a good thing." I murmured. Don shrugged, and looked back at the door. For a second I wonder what he heard.

"We're going to let it out immediately afterwards anyway," He said, sounding distracted. A few seconds later Mikey walked into the dojo, his eyes trained on us. He took notes on our exteriors, from my almost sweating appearance to Don's hurt lip and sighed.

"Fighting? Really?" He asked, going over to the bench and sitting down. Don and I looked at each other, and then at Mikey.

"It wasn't too bad yet. Want to be our cheerleader?" I asked. Mikey looked up, eyes a little tired but he was awake.

"Sure, keep you two from killing each other, especially if you're going to do what Don said and let the feelings fester until you're angry enough to fight." He answered.

Don nodded to the door and asked, "Who's watching Haley? How is she?"

"Leo is, he asked too, and she said her stomach feels like it was burning, like something is trying to eat it from the outside in. Everything else is numb though." Mikey answered. Don frowned deeply, looking torn as his thoughts went everywhere.

"That shouldn't be happening... Not unless something was externally causing pain." He said.

"Want to take a break and figure it out?" I asked. Don turned towards me, watching me carefully.

"I'll think about it while we do this fight. Maybe you'll finally have a chance to hold me down." He responded.

I slashed my katana out, and Don stumbled to get away. He was on instant alert then, watching me careful as he spun his bo. I saw his jaw set as he thought about stuff to get him worked up, and the fire started rising in his eyes.

"I'm not the one with a bleeding lip, Don," I mumbled, trying to follow his lead. It wasn't hard, all I had to do was think about Raph, Shredder inside him, and Haley hurt, and how it could have been avoided had Donnie just said something.

"It's a flesh wound." He muttered.


	24. Pale Eyes

Chapter 24 Pale Eyes

Leo's POV

I took spot after Mikey, walking by him and into my room after he told me how she was doing. While the drugs were working, she was in a constant state of pain. Her stomach didn't give up on annoying her, and it was stopping her from keeping things down. It had only been day since she came in, but if she couldn't get water down, she won't be alive long enough to heal. She won't be alive to see next week and all of us knew it.

Her pale green eyes held no malice or humor as I walked in, and no hatred or love as she looked at me. Her eyes held the emotions of a girl far older than her actual age, and it clashed two emotions which should never be together. The idea of acceptance and pain had never seemed so daunting. They should never be on the face of a nineteen year old who knew she could die, and I didn't know how to make that look go away. So I did what I did best.

"How do you feel?"

Her pale eyes watched me, a soft smile on her face. Her hand was over the bandage across her stomach, a ticking time bomb of possible agony. Her eyes looked distant, but she stared at me with clarity. "I'm... I'm good."

I walk over to her, sitting down next to her on my bed. She makes room for me, shuffling her legs under herself slowly. She smiles with confidence, and I wondered how she did it. How was she so confident? Her risk of death was highest now, and she smiled.

"Are you really?" I asked. Haley smiles a little more, and she opens her palm up to me. I understood what she meant after a moment, and I took her hand carefully in mine. She spread her fingers in that weird thing Liz did, and she lined them into mine. I stared at our hands, turning them this way and that to figure out why Liz did it. Haley's fingers were squeezed together in a position that didn't look comfortable, but she looked content; and the longer I held her warm hand, the more I was okay with it.

"I don't know." Haley murmurs, staring at our hands. "I feel... numb. Emotionally I mean. I'm sure it's the shock, because I didn't think this would be the danger when I picked up where Liz left off. I never thought about having the lining of my stomach cut, and now my stomach acids could possibly eat the rest of the way out of me." She chuckles brokenly, and I squeezed her hand in mine.

"Do you... Do you want anything?" I asked. I turned my body to move to the door, but I wasn't planning to move. Haley shakes her head viciously, her hair flying around her head.

"No, I just want company. I want you," She murmurs, her cheeks blushing faintly. "As my company."

I smiled at her, looking down at our hands again. "Ok."

Haley smiles back, and her other hand comes around. She rubs the back of my hand with hers, rubbing between my knuckles and across the expansion of my hand to my wrist. It was peaceful to me, a comfort stretching from my hand and up my body to calm my mind. It was refreshing not being the one to comfort someone, but I felt weird that it was the one who needed comfort that was giving it.

"How are you so okay with this?" I asked, feeling a shiver of sadness down my spine. "How are you able to sit there, knowing you could die, and comfort me? Why aren't you crying or screaming?" Haley reached her free hand up and placed it softly over my mouth, silencing me even though I could talk around her hand. It was smaller than my mouth.

Haley's pale eyes were glistening, but she had a small smile. Around her hand, I said, "Like that! How do you smile? I'm about ready to cry for you."

"Because I think I've lived enough. I've done more in 19 years than many have done in a lifetime. I've fought the bad guy, won a possible war, I've met fantastic people, I've made discoveries, I've faced heartache, betrayal, friendship, loyalty, love. I've fallen in love and I've stayed in love. I've survived High School, I can fight."

"...Do you regret anything?"

Haley deflates, dropping her hand from my mouth. She smiles again though, and looks up to think. "No. At least, nothing I can change."

I look at our hands, watching her unconsciously rub my hand. It was really comforting, and I had a theory that it was comforting to more than just one of us.

"What about something you could change? Given the time?" I asked. Haley huffs, a single lined laugh. She stops afterwards, and things went silent. I could feel her toes starting to fidget under the covers, a sign that she was nervous. Her hand moved in my peripheral vision, and Haley reached up to her throat. Around her neck was a single gold chain with a square locket on it. It could hold a picture or two if she wanted it too. When I'd gotten back from the Amazon I had wondered what it was. Why she had it, and who got it for her.

She pulled the locket out from under her shirt, and stared down at it longingly. Her bottom lip trembled, and her eyes got a little misty. She fingers the plain gold cover, and she snaps it open. I fought the urge to look inside, because Haley had never opened it before. At least, not in my presence.

She smiled at whatever was inside, little tears starting to well into her eyes. I could feel her pulse quicken in my grip, and she runs her thumb over one side of the locket. She looked up at me with her pale green eyes, and blunk the tears away a little. She closes the locket, and shuffles closer to me.

I followed her with my eyes, ready to catch her should she need my help. She didn't though, she managed to prop herself onto her knees, and she squeezed my hand to steady herself. She sits across from me, staring into my eyes. I didn't want to move, because I didn't know what she was going to do.

"If there's something I could change..." She breathed, hiding the hic in her voice. Her eyes roved my face, and I felt like I was burning under her stare.

Haley fell forwards, and my hands shot up to catch her. She stopped inches from me, and I could feel her breath over my face. I hesitated, watching her closely. Her eyes moved between both of mine, and then they move down. I thought she was looking down in apologies, but I could feel my mouth burn under her gaze.

Haley tilted herself forwards, reaching her hand around my head to grab the nape of my neck. I was powerless under her hands, and her lips pressed against mine softly. It was almost not even a kiss with how careful she was. I felt the realization of what she meant shoot through me, and my hands went on her shoulders. I gently push her back, and my lips felt like lead as I did so.

"Hal-" I started. Haley presses a finger to my lips, cutting me off. I stare at her, watching her pale eyes fill up with tears. Her breathing shakes as she exhales, and under my hands I could feel her chest hitch several times.

"You said, if I could change one thing." She murmurs, her voice a little shaky. "I tried forgetting, I tried not to think about you. On the day you were supposed to come back, I was there with your family. We stood in front of the door, trading the kids around in circles. We stood there for hours..." Her lower lip quivered. I felt my chest constrict, and my mouth felt dry.

"When you never walked through that door, I felt this intense crushing sensation. I had no idea how much I was looking forwards to you returning, and I didn't know what to think while holding up in my flat. I thought I missed you, and truly I did. I did so much I asked Don for a picture of you..." Haley laughs, looking up towards the ceiling. I open my mouth, wetting my lips.

"Haley..." I whisper. I curled my hands around her biceps, unable to say anything.

"If I could change one thing, it was knowing what you would have done if I said I'm in love with you," Haley laughs, looking back down at me. My stomachs started knotting, and I tried imagining it. "And what would I give if you would look at me like Raph does with Liz. With this smile of pure adoration, and this loving look..."

She curls her lips into her mouth, biting on them. She closes her eyes, and the tears fell. I stare at the face of the half American female, and I tried to imagine what Liz and Raph had for us. Had I arrived the day I was supposed to, how much would have changed?

I tugged Haley forward, wrapping my arms around her. She leans into my chest, wrapping her arms around me tightly as her body started shaking. I set her in my lap, which made it harder for her to hug back, and tucked her head under my chin, blanketing her almost. She felt small there, and I felt the urge to protect her rise. I could feel some of her tears slip down my chest, and it pained me to hear her trying to keep quiet.

I closed my eyes, breathing in Haley. She smelled like Japanese Cherry Blossom, and that was mixed with the smell of her white ferret, and candles. Unscented candles she probably kept lit when training or meditating, or maybe she used them for the pleasure of her own relaxation. Something underneath all that reminded me of ink and metal.

I could picture something, and as I got used to the idea that this female, who I had been friends with for four years, loves me, I could see something of what could have happened. I came walking through the door when I was supposed to, and I was bombarded by hugs. I was passed from one to the other, I was shown the kids one by one, I was asked to hold one, and then Liz and Raph would have taken them upstairs to sleep. Master Splinter would have shared a few words of wisdom with me, and then Haley would come up to me. We would awkwardly say hi like we used to as teens, and she'd hug me, and we would rejoice with the family for my return.

Over the next few weeks, Haley and I would get talking. We would go back to training together, joking, talking, and somewhere in all that fun and games and happy times, one of us would say or do something. I had a guess it would be during training, say we were sparring and she got the upper hand on me. She landed on top of me, we'd laugh and then stare at each other. That moment could have been torn out of a cheesy romance movie. We would be confused, maybe Haley would be a little repulsed. I would go talk to Master Splinter and Raph about what it meant, and Haley would have gone to Master Splinter and Liz for the same thing. We'd meet in the middle, and perhaps we wouldn't be here right now. We'd be off in la la land, doing what we always did in public.

Things would linger longer though, a hand on my shoulder, a position during a fight, awkward moments when one of us tried sneaking up on the other and got too close, and the others would tease us like we did with Raph and Liz way back when.

"Leo?" Haley asked, her shaking slowing down. I opened my eyes slowly, blinking away the tears. I could feel a few sliding down my face, and Haley probably felt them on her head. "Why are you crying?"

"Because I can picture it too." I whispered, the image gone but still burned into my memory. They were happy thoughts I wanted to happen, but if Haley died, they would always be haunting ideas. What-if's that were happy but laced with depression.

Haley looks up at me with questioning eyes. I stared back at her, trying to keep my eyes at least a little clear. I said, "I can see what could have happened if I had appeared a year ago. How things would have played out."

It was bittersweet looking down at Haley, close enough our noses nearly touched. Her eyes were still leaking, and I didn't think they would slow down. I knew mine wouldn't, because the images wouldn't stop coming. "We would spar, chat, have fun... And things would have fallen into place..."

Haley presses her head to my chest, breathing deeply. I wrapped her tighter in my arms, not wanting to let her go as much as the future that may not happen. Who knew, maybe we weren't compatible anymore. I'd been away for two years, and I came back wiser and with a heavy load on my hands, and still so many things to fix from my disappearance. Haley had lost her home to a last raid attempt with the Purple Dragons, and her father to a car accident. She had her own flat, she had a night job. She'd come here as often as possible, usually everyday. We were so much more different than when we were sixteen and seventeen.

"Leo..." Haley murmurs. I stared at the white wall behind her, my stomach feeling heavier and heavier with each passing second. I was blind to my own feelings, and to Haley's.

"Yes?" I asked, my voice kinda scratchy. Haley takes a slow breath, and she relaxes a little more against me.

"Could you... kiss me?" She asked. I pause, carefully rolling the damage it would do to me if I said yes and she didn't make it. It would be painful, and it would leave me blind and my mouth dry from the tears for who knows how long. There would be more pain if I said no though, because then I would always have the what-if, and I don't want a what if right now.

"Yeah," I breathe, and Haley went still against my chest. Her sniffling stopped, as did her breathing. From anxiety that she'd died right there, I pulled back to look down at her. She stared back, blinking rapidly at me. I nearly smacked myself with what I'd thought, because what had happened from the stab wound was going slow, and she was fixed and stitched up. If something happened to her, it wouldn't be from the stomach wound. At least we hope. We don't know what the acids were doing, they could be breaking down the lining of her stomach wall, which changed the if she died to when she died.

Haley's hand, which had been curled into her chest when I hugged her, released itself. She lifted her arm high, her thumb just barely brushing over my chin. It was feather light, like she was scared it was a dream. The heat from her hand creeped through my skin, and I felt an aching in my chest when I realized that that warmth could be gone by the end of the week if we couldn't get her to keep water down to dilute the acids.

I didn't know how to go about this. I'd watched Raph and Liz's first kiss, and it was anything but soft, and so was their second. Any other time I'd had the displeasure of seeing them kiss was long after they had gotten used to each other. I had no idea what to do with Haley, or how I was supposed to press my lips to hers. My lips were hard, and over the last couple years, while losing whatever we had equivalent to baby fat, my face had gotten more narrow. Obviously it didn't hurt humans, but our mouths were a bit more beak like, just softer and more in form. How did you go about something with that?

Hesitantly, though with some force, I leaned down. Her nose slid along the outer curve of me, both an awkward and comfortable placement. Awkward because it was new, and comfortable because it was a near even fit that just worked. Better than bumping noses I guess, that wouldn't probably hurt her.

There wasn't much I could screw up with pressing my mouth to Haley's softly. She was as content with this as I was. Her feather-light touch on my chin changing to her sliding her hand along my jaw, and I'm sure she could feel my heartbeat going a mile a minute. I pressed down just a little harder, testing the boundaries of how much force I could use before I risked hurting her. Then I moved back, far enough to stare into Haley's eyes, but not any farther than that.

Where did I go from this? Do I say something? Do I go for another? Do I pull away?

"Hey," Haley breathed, and her breath fanned over my face. The heat of the wind set a trigger in my body, and I felt blood rushing to my cheeks faster than my head could adjust. My head wobbled and I swayed a little as the blood filled my cheeks, and Haley got a full view of it all.

"Hey," I said back, pursing my lips to hold a smile. Haley studied me for a moment, her eyes going from my lip to my reddish cheeks and to the look in my eye. I don't know what it told her, but she started laughing quietly, mindful not to laugh to hard. I watched her for a moment, and then started chuckling with her.

We started in a fit of laughter, the feeling of euphoria heavy in the air. The change from what the mood had just been was tremendous, and I was happy for it.

Haley leaned up and placed her lips on my cheek, kissing it suddenly and carefully. I paused, not expecting the sudden show of affection, and partly I wondered how long she wanted to do that. The mood changed again, and I was caught staring at her, wondering what I was to do with that.

A loud crashing noise came from outside and downstairs, and I fought to keep from jumping up and checking, because I still had Haley in my lap. Instead, both of us listened, or rather, I listened and Haley watched me to see if it was bad.

Seconds after the crash, we could clearly hear Mikey laughing.

"Have fun explaining that one to Leo!" He laughed out. Liz said a curse word, which made me flinch, and Haley saw that.

"Something wrong?" She ask, making a move to remove herself so I could check. Almost in a move that could be called desperate, I grabbed her and pulled her carefully to me. Haley's head landed on my chest, and she paused.

"No. I'm guessing they crashed into something. Liz just cursed." I answered, maybe a little faster than normal. I was just keen on making sure Haley was close enough I could feel her heartbeat as much as I could hear it.

Haley hummed, knowing how we reacted to cursing. She didn't move away again, instead she got comfortable in my lap. As much as I liked sitting on the edge of my bed, I did want to lean against something. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders, the other under her legs, and lifted her up high enough I could scoot across my bed and against the wall. There I settled her down, letting her situation herself as I got comfortable against the wall. She turned her back to me, leaning against me and sitting in the crease of my closed legs. She scooched closer to me, and her head was close enough I could til my forwards and rest my lips on her crown. She grabbed my wrists, pulling them up and around herself, laying my arms carefully around her stomach and holding them in place.

Here she made a small sigh, and she melted a little, relaxing against me. Her head turned a little against the ridge in my scute, and I noticed it was a little resting spot for her. We didn't talk from there. The noises made were breathing, a little shuffle from her now and again, whenever I unconsciously kissed the top of her head, and her stomach making noises I could feel sometimes. When her stomach made noises I remembered why I was really here, and that while the situation was calm and, dare I say, peaceful, there was the underlying pain. Haley still couldn't eat or drink, and we needed to know why.


	25. Suicide Mission Plan Part 1

Chapter 25 Suicide Mission Plan Part 1

I'd come downstairs several hours after watching Haley. Master Splinter had come in while Haley was lying on my chest sleeping, and I teetered between awake and dozing, making sure she was still breathing and her heart still beating. He had taken one look at us and smiled, which told me a lot. He'd known Haley had feelings, and he already was ok with it.

After trading places with Master Splinter, I went downstairs to find Don, Liz, and Mikey eating different forms of breakfast. Don and Liz were fine, glaring and grinning at each other, and a few times Liz shoved Don with her foot. Whenever she did that, Mikey laughed like there was an inside joked. After I'd asked what was going up, they said they fought, and while it had gotten violent, the worst any of them had gotten was a small cut on Don's arm from Liz's katana, and Liz had a bruise from shoulder blade to shoulder blade the width and length of Don's bo. Mikey had then started the tale of how Don fell into the weapons rack, and it become a banter that sounded like they'd done it already.

"So let me get this straight, you somehow managed to chuck Donnie into the weapons rack?" I asked Liz.

"It was more like he tripped than I chucked him," Liz mumbled, head a little ducked. I laughed a little and looked over at Donnie, who looked between embarrassed and amused himself.

"It was a rather forceful push at an unexpected time," Don said as an excuse.

"It was less of a push and more of a hand on your chest." Mikey cut in, grinning from ear to ear as he said it. Donnie turned to glare at him and Liz laughed.

"See. Mikey backs me up." She said, looking proud that Mikey had sided with her.

"You two are nuts. I didn't trip." Don said, looking away from the two grinning idiots.

"Whatever you say, Donnie-boy." Mikey said, reaching over to pat Don's shoulder. I waited a few moments to see if they'd continue bantering, but that seemed to be the end of it.

"So," I started up, making the three of them look at me. "Who knew Haley liked me?"

All of their hands shot up instantly, and Mikey's face broke out into a grin.

"How long have you guys known?" I asked, incredulous at their responses.

"Well I've known since she told me outright. About a year ago." Liz grinned.

"I figured it out when she asked me for a picture of you. So two weeks after you were supposed to come home." Don answered.

Mikey pointed at Liz and Don. "They told me."

"And none of you thought to tell me?" I asked.

Don shrugged, "Wasn't our secret to tell."

"I've been trying to get Haley to tell you since you got home." Liz said before she shook her head. "She finally did, not really the way I expected."

There was a silence, and the air shifted to be a bit more subdued.

"She's hurting." I said, keeping the quake out of my voice by letting my hand shake. "Donnie it's not getting better."

"I know." Don said. "It's not her stomach. There's something else wrong with her."

"What if it's a poison?" Mikey asked. We looked at him, watching him think. "It's Shredder we're talking about here, what if he poisoned her."

"We'd have to find him and ask, and he doesn't get found unless he wants to be." Liz said.

"It's not like we have time to discuss it. Haley's dying. The only people who know are Shredder and Raph."

"Do you really think he'll let us find him just so he can tell us the antidote?" Mikey asked. There was a moment of silence.

"Yeah." Liz said, sounding surprised herself. My head snapped to her so quickly I almost got whiplash.

"What?" I asked. "You can't really think he'll just-"

"Yes he will. He wants to draw us out. He wants us to know he's there. Why would he not kill Haley? If it wasn't for the poison -if it is a poison- she would have been fine in two months. She would have lived knowing who he is. He wants us to know. He wants us to go after him."

"He's setting a trap?" Don asked, body moving like he was going to run out to find Shredder now.

"I don't know. It's not a good trap if it is. Mikey could have figured it out." Liz said, and grinned a wry grin for a moment.

"Hey!" Mikey said almost instantly. Liz laughed, and I admit I grinned.

"So what? We go hunting for Shredder? What do we do if we find him? He's in Raph's body and Raph is still in there. We can't hurt him." Don said. Liz flinched when he said Raph, and he looked momentarily guilty.

Silence settled again, and it spoke way too much about how out of depth we are. We were saying what we knew, making theories. We could go out, but we had all of New York City to search, and it was one man who hid for years from everyone. If we went out, chances of finding him were slim. Haley was dying though, and whatever was wrong was eating her from the inside out, and it's not getting better. What did he gain out of this? What did he gain letting Haley live, but dying. He wanted us to find him. Why.

If we did find Shredder, there's no telling what he'd do. He'd tried raping and killing Liz, and tried killing Haley. He didn't have familial bonds with us, so he didn't have a boundary, and what would we do when we find him, we didn't have a place to hold him yet.

"We're not going to get anywhere by standing here." Don murmured.

"You think we should go out blind?" I asked, a little incredulous.

He shrugged. "Why not? We don't know what we're doing, where we're going, and Haley is dying. We're as good as with a plan as we are without right now. I say why not?"

"Why not because he could try to kill us the moment he sees us. It would be a battle trying to get out alive, let alone talking to him." I said, a little anger in my tone. I paused, realizing my heartbeat was increasing in tempo. I needed to calm down again.

"Then we find out who's talking to him when we find him." Liz said, her eyes dragged to the ground.

"That's suicide, Liz." I said. Her eyes flickered up and at Don for a moment, and I looked between the two of them for a moment. "You guys aren't planning suicide are you?"

"Not... quite." Don started. "This whole thing is a suicide mission, just like every other instance we purposely faced Shredder. Karai said that to get Raph back, he'd have to watch the death of someone he loved."

Oh. They're preparing for that. The two (Mikey looked a bit too confused to be part of it) of them had already decided that someone was going to commit suicide in front of Shredder to get Raph back.

"Who's it going to be than?" I asked, voice stiff. Whoever it was, I wasn't going to let them do it.

"Don's out, Master Splinter is out, that leaves three of us. We just don't know who yet." Liz said, looking up at me. I took a shaky breath, feeling some relief they hadn't picked someone out. They had eliminated two people though.

"Why isn't Master Splinter part of the bidding?" Mikey asked, finally saying something about this. "And Donnie?"

"Remember that dimension I traveled to when the Ultimate Drako appeared? I was gone for thirty years, and you guys fell apart?" Don asked, looking over at Mikey. Mikey nodded slowly, connection the pieces. His face lit up when he realized what Don meant.

"You mean that could still happen?" He asked.

"I don't know, but I don't want too. You guys need me, Shredder or no Shredder..." He trailed off, looking downtrodden again.

"Don, it never happened." I murmured.

"Not in this dimension, Leo." He replied.

Before we could try to continue that train of thought, Liz cut in, answering Mikey's other half of a question.

"For Splinter, his age already holds a grip that he might pass soon. Plus both Shredder and Raph would expect him to come for his son makes the surprise not very high. Raph might have enough emotion to kick Shredder out, but if he's expecting Splinter's death anytime soon, it might not be enough." She paused, sucking her lips in.

"So Mikey, you, and I are left?" I asked. Liz looked up at me and nodded once.

We would all fight for that title, even if dying was the last thing we wanted. Because getting Raph back was what was wanted. Don probably felt both guilt and relief he wasn't the one to be it, and I could see Liz sneaking out in the middle of the night to do it. She'd accepted she wasn't going to see an old age when she was fifteen, and I don't think that mentality went away with age. Mikey would do it in a heartbeat to save his family, and he had the connection with Raph that it would be a hurting blow.

"Can we not talk about it tonight? I mean, it hasn't come down to that yet, has it?" Mikey asked. All our eyes drew over to Mikey, and he looked mildly terrified at the idea that to get Raph back, one of us may have to die. Liz's eyes flickered to me and Don, and she flickered her eyes at me again when Don raised his brow at her. He looked back at me and I saw realization in his eyes. He looked back at Liz and shrugged, and she looked at me again. I furrowed my brows at her, silently questioning what she meant. Subtly, her head tilted towards Mikey and she dropped her head. I realized what she meant then, and looked at Mikey's face again. He can't be the one. I felt some mild agreement pass between Don, Liz, and I as we looked back at Mikey.

"Not tonight at least. We do need to go out and find him and make him talk though." Don said.

"Alright. We need a tentative plan at least, who's going to talk to him?" I asked. Another moment of silence rang out. We shuffled our feet before Liz said something.

"Well, we know who can't, Don. So why not three of us talk to him when we find him, and Don stays above watching for people. It also raises our chance of survival, and maybe if a fight breaks out, we'll learn more about who Raph's weakness is."

"You know in order for us to find out who Raph's weakness is, Shredder would need to hurt each of us." I said, raising my eye ridge at her.

"He's already hurt me." She said both defensively and amusingly. "Besides, I've got big blue bruise and big orange sunshine over there to help me out."

There was a moment of confusion that rippled through us. Big blue bruise and big orange sunshine? Who? I looked over at Mikey and was actually surprised he was struggling not to laugh. I looked at Don and I found he wasn't, so it wasn't a joke on me. Don did look just as confused as me, but he glanced at my mask and I saw he understood what she meant. He pursed his lips, hiding a small smile.

"That was a terrible representation of Leo and Mikey and you know it Liz," Don said, shaking his head. "That doesn't even sound like something you'd say. Bad nicknames are Mikey's thing."

Mikey snorted once and then covered his mouth, hiding his laughs. Liz face planted into her hand, her shoulders shaking.

"Way to ruin the joke, Liz," Mikey said, leaning over the large distance to shove her shoulder lightly.

"I told you, Mikey, I should not have been the one to say them." She replied, swatting his large hand away. I watched the two a little closer, trying to see if it was a bet or a dare they'd done.

"They were Mikey's?" Don asked, incredulous. "Ok Mikey, terrible nicknames, and Liz, terrible delivery." Don said. That made me chuckle a little.

"So what were Don's and Raph's?" I asked. Mikey stood up, looking me and the eye seriously.

"Big bloody and Big cool head." Mikey said happily, emphasizing Don's. My head fell and tapped my topmost scutes, and there I shook my head.

"No Mikey. Just, no." Don said, voicing my thoughts.

"Oh come on, they're great representations!" He said, and if I had to guess he threw his arms up for more dramatics.

"Leo, can you give sunshine over here a big blue bruise please?" Liz asked, her voice cracking a little around her suppressed laughter.

"I would love too," I said, looking at Mikey and I started popping my first knuckle. His face froze up and momentarily he looked terrified. Before the air could release from the joint I continued, "After we go out and attempt to find Raph."

Mikey sighed in exaggerated relief and Liz chuckled. A moment later she was standing and looking battle ready, save for a weapon. At her shift in attitude Mikey stood up straight, and his hands went to his belt where his nun-chucks were. Donnie moved quietly from the space, going up to his room to grab things. We waited a few minutes for him before he returned with a med kit, his bo, and a shell cell for tracking and contact.

"May I... use your katana, Leo?" Liz asked, looking up at me. I started for a moment, staring down at her. Use a weapon, when wasn't she allowed too? "Just, after Karai..."

"Oh, yeah, sure. Just don't kill anyone with them." I said, surprised she'd even asked. Liz slipped by me easily, going for wherever she'd left them. Instead of staying in the kitchen we trailed out after her, standing in the main room and waiting for her. It didn't take her long, she appeared moments later with a resolve she hadn't left with. She looked steely, and like she was ready for whatever we decided to throw at her.

"Alright, let's go." She said.


	26. Finding Raph

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whelp, crap, I accidentally mixed up my chapters. Lord knows how long those chapters were like that. I'm sorry everyone!

**I am immensely sorry to all my readers for my long disappearance, inspiration for writing SS2 was long and slow in coming as well as a lot of stuff has been happening with my life... As some retribution, I'm uploading the next two chapters, instead of one. I am terribly sorry.**  
  
Chapter 26 Finding Raph

”Are we sure we’re going the right direction?” Mikey asked.

“We aren’t sure of anything Mikey, why would we know we were going the right direction?” I asked him, sounding loud to my own ears even as I tried to keep quiet as we went along the rooftops.

We needed to search every angle, every direction, and I needed to be on alert while the other three risked their lives for something I should as well. Instead, I had to stay behind, watch the angles, make sure they weren’t ambushed, because we went out without a plan to find a man who always has a plan to save someone who’s going to die because we don’t know what’s killing her. Mikey’s assumption on poison might not be that far off, the problem was; what poison was was? You can fix some with an antidote, some can never be fixed, some you need to wash off, so you just need to get rid of the offending thing it’s on. In Haley’s case, it’s going to be dangerous to get rid of it. There’s not much stomach to shave, and if the poison is something that can never be off, we’re back to counting days.

“It’s just, something feels off.” Mikey answered, pausing where he stood. Leo and Liz skidded before they jumped, turning to look at our youngest brother. They walked back the several feet they’d manage to put when Mikey stopped, and Leo placed a hand on his shoulder.

“What feels off?” Leo asked.

Liz’s eyes darted around, and I could almost see her ears move as she listened to every sound. The way she was crouched, and the resolve in her brow made me think she was prepared for anything, prepared to do anything. Her moves weren’t practiced, but they were measured, and it resembled someone prepared to attack at a single glance. Her eyes spared me a glance, and I saw her hand twitch towards me, like she wanted to reach for me. I took it as a sign to get closer, and walked over to Liz’s side. Her body turned slightly like she was facing me, but her focus was on Mikey.

“It feels like... it’s stupid,” Mikey said, shoving it off. Leo didn’t let him shove it off though, and tightened his grip on Mikey’s shoulder when he tried to move.

“Mikey, nothing is stupid in this situation. All things need to be looked at.”

Mikey scuffed his feet a little and said, “It feels like we're being watched.”

The air went silent for a few seconds, and the tension in the atmosphere went from nervous to high alert. Leo went still, and Liz's body tightened. Mikey looked sheepish, and he looked over at Leo.

“How long ago?” Leo asked stiffly.

“Several blocks ago. Right after we went around Shredder’s old tower.” Mikey answered. Leo looked at him hard, and then over at me.

“Do you think he's here?” He asked.

“I mean, statistically, he's got as much of a chance of being here as being anywhere else. We don't know what he wants, or where he goes, or why. If Mikey says he feels like we're being watched, it's as good of a chance as we aren't.” I answered, feeling useless at not being able to give all the info needed. I always had answers, why was Shredder difficult this time.

“So we've got a 50/50 chance?” Leo asked. I felt Liz's hand on my elbow, and I took a breath.

“With what we do and don't know, and we don't know a lot, it's as good as anything.” I answered. Leo nodded, and his eyes went to the ledge of the building.

“Liz, Mikey, we're dropping down. See if we can draw him out. Don, stay up here and look out for anything.” Just as he said it, the sound of someone moving down in the alley happened. His jaw tightened. “Move.”

Liz and Mikey took off, jumping over the edge of the building with ease. I clenched my fist, wishing I could jump over with them, but I had to stay up here. All because of the freaking future idea of my death and them falling apart.

“It's ok Don,” Leo said, taking a step forward and laying a hand on my shoulder. I took a deep breath, letting it out as a sigh. Leo waited for me to nod at him before he jumped over the building, where the sounds of the beginning of a fight was happening.

I stood alone on the roof for a moment, fighting conflicting feelings of staying, helping them, and trying to find another way to help. There had to be another way. Something I was missing. It seemed a little dumb he'd be in the alley, and make a noise just as Leo said let's go down. This entire time Shredder’s been one step ahead, never caught off guard, and could play us like fiddles. What if Mikey’s idea of him watching us wasn't off, but he wasn't down in the alley? That would mean he's... still up here.

The skin on the back of my neck pinched up, and I listened carefully for anything. Was he up here? Where would he be?

A chuckle appeared over my shoulder, way closer than it should have been. Maybe he was that quiet, because from the sound of it, he couldn't be farther than a few steps away. I didn't have a chance to move that fast to catch him. I could try though.

I kept myself from itching for my bo, counting down before I moved. 3, 2...

I reached over my shoulder, grabbing my bo in the same move I turned around to face him. Shredder ducked my bo, most likely because he was expecting it out of Raph's memories. I could have made the next move, but seeing Raph made my mind stop. It was Raph, all Raph, every scale and scar. He looked taller, though that may have been because of how imposing Shredder was with his body. His eyes though, his bright blue, electric eyes, was what made me halt. I paused just long enough that Shredder had the upper hand for a second longer. He charged me, and grabbed my wrist, ripping the bo out of my hands. I stumbled as he spun me in as circle, slamming me against the wall and getting close enough that with our large bodies, movement was going to be hard.

He grabbed my wrists, holding them tightly in a grip that couldn't be natural. I tried budging my arms, moving any way at all, but he was way stronger than I was. Raph was already stronger than myself, but Shredder was insane. And I thought Alternate Future Utrom Shredder was over powered...

“Donnie!” Shredder said, his voice a false pleasant sound. He flexed his fingers around my wrists, looking at me with a nasty smile that I didn't know Raph's face could contort too. The sound of the actual fighting from in the alley rang out, and I wanted to look, but I didn't dare look away from his electric blue eyes. Liz wasn't kidding when she said it. They glowed brightly, so brightly I could see them clearly in the dark of night.

“How’s what’s-her-name... Haley! That’s it. How’s Haley?” Shredder asked, and the way he said it made me think he already knew the answer.

“Alive.” I murmured, itching a little. Raph was shorter than me by several inches, so why did Shredder in Raph's body reach my height? I glanced down, trying to see what it was that made him so tall. All I could see though was that he wasn't standing on anything.

“But dying.” He said knowingly, easily.

“You know why,” I said, adjusting myself. The fighting was getting less and less, they were going to come up here soon. Shredder knew that as well.

“Yes.” He said.

I breathed softly, licking my lips. “What did you do?”

Shredder tilted his head a little, and sighed. He stood there for a few seconds, juggling ideas in his head. I looked around while he did that, and wondered if there was something I could do to get out. The noise of the fighting was done, and I heard Liz shout my name.

Shredder moved faster than I could, and I didn't know if it was his inhuman self that made him move fast, or I was rusty on my speed (which I need to work on), but in the time it took me to realize he'd let go of me, he'd reached down for his Sai and had sliced my arm. I yelped and reached up for the cut as Shredder jumped back. Was he going to fight me?

“Figure it out,” He told me, before he looked at the side of the building where the others were coming up. He turned and ran, leaving me at the top of the rooftop.

I looked at my bicep, moving my fingers to look at the cut. It was clean, thorough, a simple bandage would probably save it. I just needed to put some antiseptic on. It seemed redundant Shredder would just cut my arm and then run though. Compared to what he did to Liz and Haley, I was given a needle.

“Donnie?” Liz asked, and I looked over asked her. I covered my arm again, trying to stop the bleeding some.

“Are you guys ok?” I asked them. Leo nodded, looking at my arm.

“Foot Ninjas. I guess he still has some connections. Are you?” He asked, pointing at my arm.

“It's a clean cut. Nothing more.” I answered.

“Did he say anything?” Mikey asked.

“I tried to get what he did to Haley out of him. Instead he just... cut my arm.” I answered, feeling kinda dumbfounded. Why did he only cut my arm? In comparison to the last meetings, mine was so simple. Was he trying to say something? Was it actually Raph? Why did he just cut me?

“Head back?” Leo questioned.

“Was this mission a bust?” Mikey asked, turning his body towards the nearest manhole two alleys down.

“Maybe not, but I don't think we're going to get anywhere else from here.” Liz said.

We didn’t move at first. We were reluctant to move after the failed attempt, but eventually we did. We made it home and went our separate ways; Leo to tell Master Splinter and Haley, Mikey to the living room, myself to my room to clean my arm, and Liz was headed to the kids room. I stopped her before she left my sight though.

“Hey Liz,” I started, walking up the stairs to where she had already reached the top. She stopped to look at me. I gestured to my arm duly. “I could use help fixing my arm.”

She sighed, a small smile tugging at her lips as she looked towards the kids room and back at me.

“Fine, ya big baby. Let’s go to your room. Yours is the only one with supplies.” She muttered, making a shooing motion to my room. I finished my flight up the stairs and made a dash for my room. A soft laugh followed behind me as Liz trailed along.


	27. Burning

Chapter 27 Burning

_I was back on the roof, watching Shredder in Raph’s body walk in front of me. It was more daunting, more heartbreaking, seeing him like that. Thinking about it, it wasn’t that bad, it could almost be imagined as abstract. This though, I had to face the truth, I had to face Shredder in the body of someone I’ve known longer than I had memories. I had to watch my greatest enemy in my strongest brother, and he couldn’t fight Shredder off. If Raph couldn’t, how was any of us supposed too?_

_“How’s what’s-her-name... Haley! That’s it. How’s Haley?” Shredder asked, holding his sai up and admiring the blade. I kept my safe distance, watching the samurai in sheepskin from a distance._

_“Alive.” I murmured. Shredder looked over at me._

_“But dying.” He said knowingly. I held the bo across my chest, watching him closely._

_“You know why,” I said, feeling the pieces click. Shredder’s dangerous smile filled my head even though I couldn’t see it._

_“Yes.” He said._

_I breathed softly, licking my lips. “What did you do?”_

_The bo was gone from my hand as Shredder charged me. I jumped back, crashing against the wall behind me. Shredder pressed me against the wall, and I closed my eyes waiting for impact. It didn’t happen though._

_I opened my eyes, looking into Raph’s blue eyes. Wait, his eyes weren’t blue..._   
  
_“This,” He growled out. I felt a blade go through my stomach, and I choked on my breath at the sudden, foreign intrusion. I looked down, looked at Raph’s sai buried in me, all the way to the side prongs. I looked back up, and I was looking at Raph’s hazel eyes._

_“There’s a burn,” He murmured, fear in his eyes as he looked at what his own hand did._

_“Raph,” I breathed out. He looked up, his eyes shaky._

_“It burns.”_

I shook awake, one hand grabbing my blanket, trying to get at the phantom pain in my stomach, and the other at my shoulder, which was actually burning. I looked up at my ceiling, taking a moment just to breathe deeply, and calm the adrenaline running through me. I waited for the pain in my shoulder to recede, and even moved my body farther off the offending wound to see if it was just pressure causing pain, but it didn’t stop hurting. It didn’t get worse either, it was just a constant biting feeling.

I swung my body over the bed, cupping my bandaged shoulder as I walked over to my desk to drink the coffee that was left. I sighed as I sat down at my desk, turning on the light I used usually for machines, and put the bandage under the light. I peeled it back carefully, mindful of where the cut was as I peeled it off. I blinked at the wound, and even took a moment to rub my eyes before I looked again.

It was puffy and red, like it was recently cut and not a few hours old. If anything, it almost looked like the wounded flesh was… wider. I looked away from the cut for gloves, sliding those on as I looked for a pair of tweezers. I grabbed at the skin that was puffy, holding a microscope glass in my other hand. I grabbed at the puffy skin, trying to get a thin strand sample without having to cut at the already annoyed skin. I’d only need what was on the cut, not the skin itself. At least I think. The burn felt very superficial.

I took off several layers of the uppermost skin, placing them delicately on the distilled water in the glass frame. I reached over for the other half of the glass, placing it gently on top and checked it for air bubbles. Happy to see there wasn’t any, I reached over for my microscope and placed the slide into place and held down. I made sure all the pieces of the microscope were ready and set, and plugged in, before I placed my eye to the eyepiece and looked.

I focused in on the sample, looking around carefully, looking for something outside of the normal skin tissue. Something parasitic, maybe acidic, something that might have been on the blade when he cut me, or maybe it was a bacterium that we hadn’t managed to kill with antiseptic. Some bacterias managed to get through the antiseptic, and we did walk through a sewer. Even if nothing touched me, there’s stuff in the air.

I found though, as I watched the samples, that something was _eating_ the tissue. It wasn’t quick, it was breaking down the molecules at a slow rate. Slow enough that if my arm wasn’t burning, I might have just thought my arm was taking forever to heal, until it’d gotten deep enough to start damaging muscle. I knew it wasn’t bacteria just watching it, because bacteria multiplied, this was just eating. It could be parasitic, or it could be acidic with how it destroyed the tissue.

I jumped to the next magnification, adjusting the slide so I could see the sample again, and leaned in. At this magnification, I could easily rule out parasitic. There was no live things under this microscope, so whatever it was fell into acid. I felt my heart rate pick up as I watched the acid, running different acids running through my mind, trying to peg down which one it was. This had to be a diluted form, because any acid above 3 on the pH scale was only enough to cause discomfort. I could rule out battery acid, the effects of it would have been immediate on an open wound, and Haley and I were still alive.

Haley.

I pushed away from the table, turning off the microscope and lamp lights’ and submerging myself in darkness again. Only training and memory kept me from falling over as I went for the lights in my room. I made it halfway out my door before I skidded back in the room, moving over to my cupboard for what was left of my syringes and pain medication. I left again with the bag, making my way down the hall, knocking on Liz’s (where Leo was sleeping at the moment) and Mikey’s door before I got to Leo’s.

I paused outside his room for a moment, taking a deep breath before knocking softly. I heard Leo and Mikey shuffle in their rooms, awoken abruptly by my urgency. I could hear Leo moving with speed to get out, and Mikey just opened his door to look.

“What is it?” Mikey asked tiredly as Liz’s voice said, “Come in.”

I opened the door carefully to the lit room of Leo, and on the bed Haley sat. Liz sat next to her, holding one of her hands in her own and a book in the other. They looked at me expectantly, and Liz’s eyes sparked when she saw the gloves I hadn’t taken off and the bag I was carrying.

It’s acid, I wanted to say. We just needed to put sodium bicarbonate on the affected area, and rinse it with water, make sure all the acid was off, and then just watch her the next few days to make sure she was ok and everything was safe. Instead, I just said, “I think I have an answer.”

Liz moved out of the way, letting me at Haley. Haley looked between the two of us, and then at Leo and Mikey as the shrouded the door.

“Don, what’s going on?” Leo asked.

“It’s acid,” I answered on auto, taking the seat Liz had given up. I brought the bag around and set about administering the dosage to numb her first. “The burning she’s feeling is acid eating at her stomach lining from the outside.”

“How did you figure it out?” Liz asked, her voice bordering on hope.

Haley watched me stick the needle in her arm, and I’m sure if she had more energy she’d be joining the conversation.

“My arm was burning when I woke up. I took a sample of the skin tissue and put it under the microscope. The skin is being eaten by something acidic. The way to get rid of the acid is a simple wash off with baking soda. The acid is diluted, Shredder wanted her to be hurting before it killed her, so it’s slow working and not up to full speed.”  
“I don’t get it, he intended for it to kill her, so why did he give you the answer?” Leo asked. I paused as I administered the knock-out drug, looking at Haley carefully.

“Because she’s on her last leg. It’s a race against time.” I turned back to Leo. “I don’t think we can move her without causing damage. I’m sorry about the bed.”

“You can use it. We can just go find another somewhere. Just… Do you think you can save her?” Leo asked.

I took a moment to look at him, and Mikey behind him, and at Leo, and last at Haley.

“If I’m in time, yes.” I answered truthfully. “Frankly, with how long the acids been in her system, she’s probably holding on by the seams. Any wrong move could disrupt her, and we’d be dealing with an open stomach wound. Whatever acid we’ve been dealing with now will have nothing on gastric acid.”

“What do you need?” Mikey asked.

“Water, any temperature though we don’t want to burn her, we need to wash it, so a rag, and baking soda. It neutrals the acid. I also need a scalpel, and antiseptic to sterilize the external area. I need someone to keep an eye on her pulse and breathing while I do this.” The three of them moved without a word, leaving the room to get the things.

I helped Haley into a laying position, and she watched me with wide eyes. I kept my eyes off hers as I put away the needles, and put the used one in a hazard pocket with its syringe so I didn’t accidentally reuse them. I paused when Haley placed her hand on mine, though I didn’t look at her.

“Thank you, Donnie.” She murmured.

I looked at her eyes fleetingly, and I noticed she was getting sleepy.

“I haven’t saved you yet,” I answered quietly.

“I know you will.” She answered with conviction. I looked at her again, this time training my eyes on her. I placed my other hand on hers gingerly.

“I don’t think this one is up to me.” I answered. “But thanks for the encouragement.”

Haley stayed quiet, and it was a little daunting not seeing the same spitfire she usually had. She was too calm, too prepared, and maybe she’s just tired and physically exhausted, or maybe it was the numbing medicine, but the playfulness in her eyes was lacking too much.

“I got the tools, Don, and the antiseptic.” Liz said, breaking me from staring at the wilting flower called Haley.  
Liz had on gloves of her own as she handled the tools carefully, keeping them sterile in the towel they had. Under her arm was the antiseptic, which I took when she offered it. She placed the tools down on Leo’s table, placing them in respective and separate places. Next came Mikey with a tub of water (cold, to reduce possibilities of germs), and Leo came in after him with the baking soda and a clean washcloth. I gave up my chair to stand over Haley (as she slipped into drug induced sleep), fingering at her stomach gingerly to see if she felt anything.

“Ok, now we need to be careful.” I started as I smeared the antiseptic covered cotton over the previous incision on her abdomen. “No harsh movements, and her vitals are important. I need to move her liver to get to her stomach, and I may need to cut a portion of it off if the scarring or damage is too much, so we need something for the acid if or when it spills.”

Mikey left the room to get a bowl for if that happened, and I waited for the antiseptic to dry. Leo came around me, up by Haley’s head, where he placed his fingers at her jugular, watching her heartbeat and breathing. Liz waited for her orders, watching me like a nurse to her doctor.

“Ok,” I murmured, feeling my heart speed up. “Lix, scalpel.”

Liz handed over a scalpel carefully, watching me as braced one hand against Haley’s stomach, and the other dragged the scalpel carefully over the antiseptic. Blood moved out from the cut, and Liz was there following my cutting with gauze, wiping away the blood. I pressed my finger against the incision, testing the width of it, and if I could get my hands in easily. Where I felt strain, I cut open slowly, wanting ease of access but little damage. Liz was on top of me the entire time, wiping away any blood that would make holding difficult.

Mikey came in with a steaming bowl, like he’d washed it with boiling water. He kept it wrapped in a towel, protecting his fingers from the steaming glass. He walked over to the table and set it down carefully, away from the tools. I didn’t look away from what I was doing, checking all directions; muscles, tissue, and skin all getting careful treatment. It was easier to get inside this time than when I first went in, because there was previous stitching that I just had to follow.

“Liz, I need forceps to keep it open. Mikey, you’ll need to hold them because I’ll need Liz.” I murmured, looking up only momentarily at Liz as she did as was told. Mikey moved away from the bowl and onto my other side, moving on to the bed gingerly so to not move Haley. He got his hands ready, kept his arms out of the way, as Liz and I put the forceps into place. Mikey grabbed each one as I let them go, holding his body tense and not moving his muscles once he had them in solid grips.

With everything now safely out of the way, I looked over the organs, running names through my head, and which ones could be moved safest. I moved in once I found the stomach, and the offending wound on the curve of it, right above the large intestines. Really, it was a lucky place, because if he’d hit in any other spot, we’d of had more damage. Though maybe that’s what Shredder wanted.

I grabbed the stomach carefully, telling Liz to move the liver with one hand and put the bowl under the stomach with her other. Liz did as was told, touching the liver as if it’d shatter (which was really the only way to touch organs), and slipping the cool bowl under where I was holding the stomach up carefully.

The stomach, which I’d only looked at long enough to place a single stitch over the small cut on it, now looked inflamed. The acid hadn’t gotten deep in the short days it’d been there, which I could only be relieved to see. Though maybe that was what I was seeing over the stitch, and not under it.

“Liz, lister scissors. The ones usually used for bandages.” I said, reaching to take the bowl from her so she could reach for them. Leo got them before I could grab the bowl, and handed them over to me.

“I can help,” He said simply, putting the scissors in my free hand. I adjusted them carefully, looking away from Leo -who hadn’t even looked away from Haley when he grabbed the scissors- and back down to the single stitch.

I cut it gently, carefully letting the Great Curvature open. The new skin, which should have been healing under normal circumstances, was red and puffy, and a thin crust of yellow was on areas that should be healing without undue trauma. I noticed, as I wiped at the cut with gauze, that it was bigger. Deeper. The acid had eaten its way into her circular layer, eating away at the important muscle there. Suddenly, her pain made a lot more sense, and thing got easier. It hadn’t eaten any deeper yet. There wasn’t a worry about her stomach splitting open if we washed it, so long as we’re careful.

I let out a sigh of relief, handing the scissors back over to Leo when he wordlessly asked for them. Leo came back with the baking soda, and I took the box of sodium bicarbonate from his hand, pouring some into my hand before handing the box back to Leo. I tilted the stomach so the wound was facing up, and with my cupped hand I sprinkled the neutralizer on the wound.

The reaction was immediate, and showed all the places the acid was on the wound as bubbles started showing up, the bicarbonate working its magic on the acid. The majority of the cut lit up with bubbles, as did the skin around the cut. The rest of her stomach though, was just sprinkled with white powder. The entire diameter of the affected area couldn’t be more than an inch, and I was struck by how _mortal_ she was. I felt my shoulders tense without my telling them too, wondering if the reaction would break the delicate muscle of her stomach, and bring her closer to danger.

Liz watched with me, her hand holding the bowl at an angle so that if it did rip, the acid would not touch any of Haley’s other organs. Mikey watched with bated breath, his forearms flexing with nerves as he waited to see if the stomach would hold. Leo made sure his eyes stayed on Haley’s face, watching her breathe, and fingers staying at her jugular. His other hand moved for the water and rag, moving them over to me for when I needed them.

I grabbed the rag, getting it wet with water (not enough it was dripping though) before I brought it over to her stomach. The bowl, which was originally supposed to be used to catch any acid that appeared, now served as a bowl to catch the water as I squeezed the rag over the wound. The leftover solution, sodium chloride, rinsed off with it, and with every squeeze I did with fresh water, I felt better about the cut. And about Haley. She’d be ok. Her stomach held out, the immediate danger was gone.

I ran the wound over with sodium bicarbonate one more time before I replaced the stitch with a new one, just in case. Near the end, when I was stitching together her muscle and skin, Leo looked over at me. I didn’t look back at him as I stitched Haley up, but I did nod to him, letting him know she was safe. Anything that happened now wouldn’t be because of the acid. I saw Leo’s body relax, and I couldn’t help but smile.

Liz and Mikey moved away, cleaning up the station now that they were free. Mikey took all the used tools and bowls out and downstairs, and Liz walked over to me quietly. I didn’t notice she had something her hand until I felt something shiver down my arm. I stopped for a moment, looking over at what Liz was doing, prepared to berate her need be.

She brushed at my cut arm, rubbing baking soda into it. A second later my arm started to bubble, and the feeling was similar to hydrogen peroxide on an unclean cut. I grunted under the sudden feeling, and I glared at Liz. She raised her hands in apologies, and stepped away from me. I shook my arm out, moving away from Haley so none of it got on her. I turned away from the human and ignored my arm, going back to completing the last stitches in Haley’s stomach.

Leo came over with bandages, secure in his knowledge that Haley wouldn’t stop breathing now. I reached for them on instinct, but Leo moved them away from 

“You need your arm cleaned, and your gloves are bloody. Go, I’ll do the bandaging.” He said, giving me a little wry smile. I looked between him and Liz for a moment and then shrugged.

“Just shout if you need anything.” I said, removing the gloves carefully before I put them in the trash next to his bed. Leo took over where I was, setting about wrapping Haley up.

I left the room quietly, suddenly really tired. I walked towards my room and only made it a few steps past the stairs before I felt Liz’s hand around my wrist, jerking me back. I stumbled backwards, but Liz was there to catch me.

“Woah there, Doc. I gotcha,” Liz murmured, catching my weight and wrapping her arm around my shell. “We need to clean your arm before you go to bed.”

I adjusted my weight, getting it off her. She took my wrist and dragged me down the stairs. She shoved me into a chair in the kitchen, getting a rag and dousing it with water. She came over with the soaked rag, and grabbed my lower bicep to lift my arm up. She placed my arm on her hip, and on reaction I grabbed her shirt to keep it in place. She squeezed water onto my white covered wound, rinsing off the left of solution. I noticed, as she wiped around the wound with the rag, my arm felt infinitely better. It felt like a normal cut that would be scabbed in the next two days, and healed in the next two weeks, and not something delicate and needing a bandage. If I was lucky, I’d wake up with it having early stages of scabbing.

“Thank you,” I murmured, looking up at Liz.

She glanced at me for a second before she looked down at what she was doing.

“I should say the same. You saved Haley.” She replied. She moved my arm off her, and I released her shirt. She went over to the sink, rinsing the rag off. She grabbed some paper towels before she came back. Without prompt I lifted my arm again, wrapping it around her and holding her shirt again. She set about wiping the water off.

“I would have done it anyway.” I answered, but I smiled. “You’re welcome though.”

“I guess we need to give Leo the Talk now, don’t we?” She asked, grinning at me. The endorphin that rushed me made me laugh, and I was suddenly hit with cloud 

“Yeah, I guess we do.” I answered, still 

Liz lowered my arm after she was done wiping it dry. She took the seat next to me, playing with the towels. I sat silently with her for only a moment before I stood up.

“I need sleep.” I murmured, the smile still tugging my lips. Even while on the high, I was still very tired. I’d woken up after a few hours of sleep just to do surgery. I needed more sleep, and maybe time to realize what we’d done.

Liz looked up at me, her eyes a new kind of soft as she watched me. “Goodnight Don.”

“Night, Liz."


	28. Suicide Mission Plan Part 2

Chapter 28 Suicide Mission Plan Part 2 

I followed Don to sleepy land after Leo refused to let me continue my shift of watching Haley. I fell asleep wondering if that was how Raph and I were together, or if because of the circumstances, their relationship was one of care and protection. It then made me wonder if, with how they got together, Leo was always going to protective and hovering over Haley. If I had to guess, Haley would put her foot down around the time he decided to start carrying her everywhere. 

I woke up thinking about making food for my kids, and hopped out of the bed when I saw the time. Time enough that if I made it downstairs, I could catch exactly that, though it was possible Mikey beat me to making the food. 

I skidded into the kitchen moments later, ducking under Leo's arm as he lifted it to let me through, and twirled around Hitoshi's chair, pulling his bandana out of his cereal as I moved deeper into the kitchen. Mikey was farther in the kitchen, making toast in the toaster Leo has broken at least three times now. He tapped at the counter as he waited, looking impatient as ever for the bread to pop out. 

I leaned on the counter next to him, watching him momentarily before he realized I was there. He only glanced at me before he grinned. 

"Incoming." He whispered cheekily, and I only was only able to lift my eyebrow at him before three small bodies crashed into my legs. If I wasn't leaning against the counter already, I would have been toppled to the ground. 

I looked down at my three kids, who were trying to hug me equally with only two legs. 

"Wha…" I looked up at Mikey and Leo, asking silently for an explanation. 

"Thank you, momma." Kat said, clear as bells. 

"...Thank me? Leo, what did I do?" I hissed at him. Leo curled his lips in momentarily, hiding his smile before he walked over and picked up Hitoshi. It struck me, for only a second, that Leo had adapted to the kids with ease. He held Hitoshi against the ridges in his side, and curled his fingers around his thigh to keep it from scraping against his plates. There was no awkwardness with the move for either of them, even though Leo couldn't have been back for longer than a month. 

"They are thanking us for saving Haley's life." He answered. I blink my eyes at him a few times, letting that settle in. 

"Oh," I said intelligently. I then wiggled my body down to their level, and the two left standing wrapped their arms around my neck. "You're very welcome." 

"You need to finish eating though," Mikey cut in, shooing them off me. I glared at him, taking their hands away from him and bringing them over the table. They took their seats again, but instead of moving away from them, I crouched between their seats, sitting with them. I looked over at the product of my and Raph's coupling, watching Kat as she switched the spoon between her left and right hand, trying to use them evenly; and then at Ozzy, who was eating like it was a military form, making sure nothing dripped or spilled. I then looked over at Hitoshi, who was held by Leo, and who ate from the elevated bowl because Leo was holding it. He offered Leo food every now and again, like when Mikey put down toast. Leo declined each time, and said he'd eat once they were finished. 

"So how’s Haley?" I asked to anyone listening. Leo looked up at her name, like I'd called his own, before he looked back down to watch Hitoshi. 

"Already feeling better. Don lowered her dosage of pain medication, and he's getting her to sip at water. He thinks she'll be able to drink blended foods in a day or three." Leo murmured, and I couldn't help but hear the little spike of hope in his voice. 

I pressed my forehead against the edge of the table, smiling at the ground. It was definitely a relief to see Haley was going to survive. I don't know how close we were to the end, only Donnie would know that one, but I knew that she wouldn't have made it to the end of the week. The acid that had been eating her from outside her stomach would have killed her before dehydration did, and it would have been far more painful. It had been far more painful. 

"And how is Don's arm?" I asked, looking up again. Leo shrugged on that one. 

"He said it was fine and no longer burned him. I had him check it before he checked Haley, and he said it just needed some neosporin and it'd be good." He answered. 

Mikey sat down at the chair I'd decided not to take, tucking himself in to eat quickly. 

"Can we order pizza for celebration? We haven't had pizza in a while." Mikey asked, exuberant. Ozzy perked up at the mention of pizza, and his blue eyes matched Mikey's in excitement at the prospect. 

"We had pizza just a few days ago, Mikey." Leo groaned, letting Hitoshi have the bowl of milk so he could drink it. 

"Yes, a few days is too long," Mikey said, his tone that of a judge prosecuting a guilty man. He even started to slam his fist to the table like a mallet, but stopped right before he hit it. He looked at the three kids at the table, smiling at them as they stared at him. He stuck one finger out, and tapped the table. "Who's with me?" 

I laughed as all three of them shot their hands up, and I even raised my hand. Mikey pointed at me theatrically, his eyes lighting up. 

"That's five votes yes to none! We win." Mikey said easily. I looked up for a moment, counting how many many people were in the house at the moment. Nine. Yeah, we win. 

Hitoshi finished his milk and set the bowl down on the table. He wiggled his way out of Leo's lap (well, Leo placed his wiggling form onto the ground), and he grabbed the bowl and spoon to put it in the sink. He disappeared out of the room just as soon after, and I fought the urge to get up and make sure he stayed safe. As young as he was in human years, he was older in turtle years. He knew right from wrong, even if it was in his most basic senses, and he was smart. Plus… 

I looked over at Kat just as she slipped from her seat, and saw her jaw was set to go look for her brother. She took her bowl to the sink and poured the milk out before she left, but not before she hugged me and patted Leo on his arm in a way I was sure she meant to be nonchalant but just looked funny. 

"We make a vote to have pizza, and they leave." Mikey grumbled, taking a large bite out of his toast. 

"It's because we want ta play, Uncle Mikey," Ozzy answered, sliding out of his own chair to put his stuff up. With Ozzy now leaving, I took Kat's seat, and grabbed some of the pieces of toast Mikey had made. They were colder now, but I wasn't one to be picky. 

"Don't get into trouble if you want to play," Mikey called after Ozzy as he left. 

Silence rang between the three of us as I made my toast to my liking, Mikey finished his pieces, and Leo sat there watching us. I felt the hairs on my neck raise as the silence continued, and I looked between them. Mikey had that look on his face like he was trying to feign ease, but really he wanted to say something. Leo looked irritated, had his head resting on his folded hands, eyes staring across at the empty table. 

"What?" I hissed, looking at them. Mikey jumped like he hadn't expected me to say something, looking at me with wide eyes before he looked over at Leo. 

"Leo raised a point…" Mikey started. 

"It's between me and Liz, Mikey. I was waiting for you to leave." Leo said, laying his arms on the table as he looked over at Mikey. Mikey furrowed his brow, pointing at himself. 

"It's between the three of us. There's three of us left to decide who faces Raph. We never decided I was out." Mikey replied. 

"No, Mikey," I said, knowing what he was talking about now. "We did decide: Don, Leo and I. We just never told you." 

Mikey blanched at us before he pulled it in, making a fist on the table. 

"Why wasn't I told? Better yet, why did you guys decide for me?" Mikey asked. 

"You're needed. If or when one of us… dies," I said, swallowing on the word. "We need you there to help the others." 

"That's not why we decided it." Leo responded sharply, like it was a secret, looking at me with something close to a glare. 

"It's still a valid point though. Without him, the three of you wouldn't be so light or laugh as much." I hissed. 

"What about when I need help? If anyone dies, I'm not going to be happy all the time." Mikey pointed out, leaning forwards like he needed to keep his voice low. 

"You four have always been able to keep each other afloat, even when something devastating happened. Like when Master Splinter disappeared the second time you guys fought Shredder, you four were sad, and got on each others nerves, but you were better together than apart. Exact same thing when Master Splinter disappeared any of the other times. Or when Leo got hurt so bad he went into a coma, you guys turned to each other for help. Or any other times, there's literally a list of them. You don't need to be happy, and I guess you aren't expected too, but the four of you survive better together, and you are the one that has kept your brothers afloat for just about twenty years." 

"What about you? You don't think someone doesn't need you?" Leo asked me. I glanced at him for a second before my eyes moved down to my food. 

"I'm needed, I'll admit it, but not as much as you are. Either of you. You've heard the future if Don disappears, and we lived what happened when you disappeared. Both ways, the team falls apart. Maybe you, Don, and Raph will survive without Mikey, but none of you would come back from it. You'd always be depressed, and all the dumb things he did and that you yelled at him for would come back and haunt you. The little things you expect to happen won't because he's not there. You'd start trying to avoid everything that involved Mikey, and eventually you guys would fall apart. Maybe you'd get back together after a while, but you wouldn't be the same." 

Silence spread after what I said, and I only chanced a peek at Leo and Mikey before I looked at my food again. I knew that cycle, that loss of life. I didn't remember a lot after the train crash and before nearly killing the four of them two years ago, but I had remembered enough bits and pieces of Hitoshi, the man who traveled with me, to know there had been certain activities I avoided because I'd always done them with my brother. After he died, even trying to do them caused pain, and I had to leave it all. That was me after living with him for twelve years, and we had been normal kids. I couldn't imagine the impact losing Mikey would cause to the three brothers after they had fought and lived and nearly died side by side for twenty years. 

"What if it was Raph? Instead of one of us." Mikey asked suddenly. 

I looked up at Mikey, surprise flitting across my face before I hid it. Raph instead of us? I could see the merit of it. Get rid of Shredder from the inside, instead of trying to separate him from Raph by one of us dying. At least if Raph died, we’d know Shredder was gone. It was a gamble if one of us did, because then we were betting that Raph’s feelings would be enough to overpower Shredder. Raph would self sacrifice himself, and I knew he had tried before. I saw the sai in Shredder's hand shake, like Raph was trying to plug himself on the blade. He wasn't strong enough though. 

"Raph isn't strong enough to kill himself. He's tried. Shredder has too strong of a grasp on Raph's body for Raph to do much else except take a few steps or drop his arms." I answered, shuffling myself. "The only way to get Raph dead, as far as I know, is for one of us to kill him." 

Leo laughed humorlessly, surprising Mikey and I. We both looked over at him as he stopped himself just as he started. 

"So we've got just as much a chance to kill him as we are to save Raph." Leo said humorlessly. I hesitated in saying anything, though really, I knew it was true. 

"Yeah," I shrugged. 

"So, let's recap this real quick. Don, Master Splinter, and I are out of the equation?" Mikey asked. I looked at Mikey, watching him wipe the crumbs off his hands. 

"I don't know, are you out of the equation?" I asked. Mikey glanced at me before he looked at his hands again. 

"...I don't want to die. If I have too, I guess I have too, but I don't want too. I think… I need to stay here though. I'm gonna be needed, no matter how this outcome comes too." Mikey answered, wringing his hands as he replied. 

"And then there were two," I murmured, looking over at Leo. Leo raised an eye ridge at me. 

"I think there's only one." He answered, looking at me pointedly. 

"Wait what? You're not going to fight for the title?" I asked, surprised he'd given in. He hadn't really even fought, he just laid down and showed his stomach. That wasn't  _ Leo  _ though. He'd never just lay down and let things happen, especially when someone was going to get hurt or  _ die _ . 

"I think you've made it clear that I am needed, and that you think the four of us need to be together; and while I'd rather you didn't, do we have another choice?" He asked. I bit my tongue, looking at him like he'd grown two heads. 

"Ok." I said, for lack of better words. 

"Ok." Leo said back before he grabbed one of my pieces of toast. I made a noise as he bit it, but he just raised his eye ridge at me. 

"So that's it? It's Liz?" Mikey asked, sounding as surprised as I felt. Leo looked over at Mikey, chewing his food carefully. 

"Yeah." Leo answered, showing his nonchalance about the situation in the casual phrase. I saw his throat constrict as he said it though, and that was the info I needed to know he wasn't happy, or accepted it, but he knew it was the only thing that could happen right now. 

"Well, that Pizza Party needs to happen soon then," Mikey said, pushing himself away from the table. 

"I don't think so Mikey. We don't know where Shredder is, for one, and Liz is still hurt, as much as her side and shoulder aren't seeming to hurt her anymore." Don said as he moved into the kitchen with a glass of water and a dropper. He paused halfway in, looking at us. "Who left a dumbbell out for Ozzy to start playing with?" 

Mikey cursed and bolted out of the room, and we could hear him skidding across the room. Donnie shook his head, a soft smile on his mouth. 

"How's your arm?" I asked, turning around to face him. I picked up my second piece of toast and started eating it as I watched Don.

"Just as normal as any other cut now, thanks," Don answered, nodding his head to me. "So, it's official? It's going to be you?"

"Yeah, apparently. I thought Leo would give up more of a fight, but I guess not. So, it's gonna be me that fights Shredder." I answered. 

"Are you going to kill Shredder or are you going to have him kill you?" Leo asked me. I shrugged. 

"I don't know. We'll see when we get there." I answered. 

"Tell me, Liz, are you ok to die?" Don asked. 

I looked up at him, chewing on my bread for a moment. 

"I'm ok to die. I'm ready too. Just maybe I'm not ready to leave everything behind, but I'm ready to die."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: Back from the dead again! I just wanted to let you know these chapters are not beta'd, and I'm too afraid to ask someone to beta them, so if you see a mistake, please let me know and I'll fix it.


	29. Children

Chapter 29 Children

"So, I never did ask, but how was the delivery? Were they born like human children, or were they in eggs?" I asked Liz. She glanced over at me, raising her eyebrow. She sighed and shook her head in a way that I could only describe as affectionate. She turned away from me and headed over to the dojo, where she opened the door quietly, and peeked inside.

"For the delivery, I was unconscious, there was a lot blood, and I got a scar and three kids out of it. Though, they were actually born in thin, translucent membranes hard enough to be called eggs. Don figures that was why my body was rejecting them, because there wasn't an umbilical cord, but the placenta was still trying to give nutrients." She said as she looked around the corner into the dojo. She looked around the room, and looked for any of the toddlers that had been clumsy and left a part of them out. Once she decided they hadn't, we went in and took two different parts of the dojo, combing our way through where they could have hidden.

"That doesn't sound… pleasant." I responded, not able to keep the crinkle out of my snout, because really, it didn't. "And I meant after you were unconscious. Do you know what Don saw, or what he did? Were there… other eggs?" I asked, suddenly realizing, and remembering, that turtles had batches of eggs. Not a few kids like with humans.

I heard Liz go silent on her side of the room, and it was only a few seconds after that that I realized a possible reason why. No way... I turned around to face Liz, staring at her to see what her reaction was. She was surprised and… hurt? I furrowed my brows down before they shot up.

"Were there?" I asked, surprised. What could that even mean? How many were there?

"I'm not supposed to know," She mumbled, turning away from me to feign searching. She continued,"Mikey told me a few months after they were born, but Don and Master Splinter didn't want me to know."

"Know what? How many were there?" I asked, unable to stop myself.

She didn't answer, and moved over to where a stack of mats were. She climbed the mats, checking the top of them to see if any of the kids were there. Despite the fact that I wouldn't even know how they'd get there, I could see the top of them just fine, and she knew I could. Which meant she was likely ignoring more.

I walked over to her quietly, and stopped only when at I was the wall, and there was just enough space that Liz could get down comfortably. She settled herself back down on the ground, and I knew she noticed I was there when she froze. Her fingers twitched like she was prepared to bolt.

"Liz?" I asked softly, and I reached forwards to grip her elbow carefully. She sighed, and turned around to face me.

"There was sixteen eggs total." She started, watching my reaction. I couldn't stop my eyes widening, and my jaw dropped minutely. That was a lot...

"Twelve of them never grew, they were just useless eggs taking up space in my abdomen." She continued, and looked down at her hands, which she wringed together. I didn't stop her from sliding out of the space when she decided to move, and she headed towards the door.

"Twelve…" I murmured quietly, turning my body around to follow her on autopilot. There were sixteen eggs, and only three got out. Twelve of them never grew fully. What if all sixteen had grown? Would Liz have ever survived it? Three nearly got her, I couldn't imagine even four, but _sixteen_.

That was when math kicked in and I saw the missing number. Twelve, three, _sixteen_. There was one egg she didn't account for. Why was there one egg not accounted for? Did she forget the one? It was unlikely, she was a mother, and even though it was a lot, I don't think she'd forget one egg. Curiosity burned, and before I could think to be nicer about asking, I shouted after her, "Wait! What about the sixteenth egg?"

She continued exiting the dojo, and turned sharply towards the kitchen. I bolted after her, using my larger frame to catch up to her before she disappeared from my sight. I didn't need to though, she stopped outside the kitchen door, and waited for me.

"It…" She started, and I heard her voice crack. "Mikey says it was half grown, half the size of the other three, fully formed eggs, and that it was semi-translucent enough they could see a baby inside. But not much else…" She stopped talking, taking a moment to breathe. I felt a sinking feeling fall through me, starting from my stomach and ending at my feet. When she continued to remain silent, I started to worry. Had I reminded her of something that sent her back into a Post-Pregnancy Depression?

"Liz?" I asked hesitantly, feeling the need to reach out for the brunette but not knowing if I should. She shook herself out of her thoughts and looked over at me.

"They were a stillborn. None of us bring it up because it's… painful, to say in easiest terms." She answered. I paused, thinking it over.

"I'm… sorry _I_ brought it up," I said, feeling sincerely sorry I'd even asked the question. I wish I could take it back. There was a reason I wasn't told, and I asked the worst person to explain it.

"It's fine. I realize you would be curious. It's the same curiosity that drove me to ask Mikey. It's just one of those truths that you never want to know once you do know." She shrugged. Oh how true that statement was...

She moved into the kitchen, letting me trail along after her. I thought the air would be somber after that admission, but it was like a light switched for her. It was something I'd only ever seen Mikey do, and I realized it was her moving on from the subject. And then I wondered how often she'd had to do it to do it so flawlessly.

She walked deeper into the kitchen, heading for the very back in a purposeful way.

"Now, I wonder where Ozzy could be." She said loudly, louder than needed. I raised an eye ridge at her, silently asking what the shell she was doing.

"Lets check the cabinets," She said, but made a hand motion towards to fridge. My eye ridge made an even further crease in my face, and I was even more lost as to what she meant. "You check the _upper_ cabinets. I'll get the lower."

She then turned away from me and dropped to her knees, making it very obvious she was checking the lower cabinets. I turned away from her and walked over to the cabinets by the fridge, and started opening the top ones. I stared at plates and glasses for a few seconds, trying to figure out why Liz had directed me towards the _fridge_. It wasn't even a space around the fridge, or the cabinets by it, it was very clear she meant the _fridge_. What, was one of the kids hiding in the freezer? Wasn't that a bit unsafe, and if they were hiding in the fridge or freezer, and Liz knew, why was she allowing it? Maybe they weren't hiding in the cold compartments, but behind the fridge. I took a moment between switching cabinets to look at the space behind the fridge. No, definitely not. Not even Kat, who can hide under the couch, could hide behind a space that small.

" _Oh_ ," I breathed, once it clicked. My eyes traveled up to the top of the fridge, in the dark crook of it, and realized one of them could hide there. Ozzy could climb really well, perhaps he was there.

I walked over to the fridge quietly, keeping my head down so any of the kids possibly hiding there couldn't see me. Once at the fridge, I reached over the top and stretched my hand out, and grabbed something scaly.

A second later a childish shriek pierced the air as I pulled Ozzy out from on top of the fridge, tussling him under my arm.

"How did ya catch me?" Ozzy asked, looking up at me in wonder. "No one has been able ta see me over the fridge." 

"Uh, lucky guess." I answered, looking over at a smug Liz. She walked over to us and took Ozzy from my arms, putting him on her hip before tickling him. Ozzy's laughter pealed through the air and he squirmed, trying to get away from her onslaught.

"Uncle Leo is just amazing like that." Liz said one she finished. Ozzy twitched every time she moved her hands, prepared to try to defend himself if she tried to go for him.

I raised an eye ridge at her, questioning her reasoning for saying that. She practically told me where he was.

Ozzy looked over at me with a speculating look that looked too much like Donnie for me to keep a straight face. I laughed at the mini-Donnie look he gave me, which broke away to him grinning as well.

"Ok momma." Ozzy said, and raised his arms in a motion that I had learned meant he wanted put down.

"Go sit on the couch until the other two are found." Liz said as she set him down. She took an extra second to place her lips against the top of his head before he went running.

"Seems a bit unfair I get the credit for you knowing he was there. Which reminds me, how _did_ you know he was there?" I asked. Liz hummed at me for a moment before she realized I'd asked a question.

"Hmm, oh I've always know. I like to think it contributes to my mother senses tingling." She answers before flashing me a grin. "I've never brought him out of the hiding spot though, because really it's quite a feat that he can climb that high, all thirty two inches of him. I figured giving him some time to gloat in the perfect hiding spot couldn't do any harm."

"And why did you let me take the credit?" I asked, letting her by me as she makes her way to leave the kitchen.

"Well, he needs someone to look up too when I'm gone." She answers almost quietly, like she didn't want me to hear her.

I'd moved before I'd even given the signal too. Within the blink of the eye, I'd gone from staring at her back to having her pressed against the nearest wall and holding her higher than me by her arms. Liz's head hit the wall, and the air from her lungs rushed out from the force of my pushing her. Her legs thrashed for a moment before she got her immediate barings, and then she was staring down at me with somber eyes.

"I need to work on my reaction time," She murmured. "I almost got whiplash from that."

"Don't talk like that." I hissed at her, pressing her harder against the wall. Liz didn't even try to fight me off, even though my grip had to be bruising her.

"Or what?" She asked. "There's nothing you can say that'll change it, Leo."

"There's gotta be another way. We don't even know if you dying would save Raph. Why would we risk losing you just to have Shredder still there?" I asked.

Liz relaxed her back a little, leaning her upper body forwards. One of her hands came up and she managed to brush my arm with her fingers in the minimal movement she could do.

"How about I go in with the plan to kill Shredder, and if I learn that I can save Raph, I'll do that?" She asked.

"What if we go with you and come in if you need help?" I asked back.

"You know Shredder, he isn't going to let us gang up on him. The second he sees more than one of us he's going to book it and wait for another time to attack."

"There's got to be another way. A better way," I shot at her, just about ready to shake her.

"Why won't you let me do this?" She asked me, her tone that of someone talking to a child.

"Because we need you!" I exclaimed. Liz's eyes fluttered a few times, caught surprised at my admission. I took the moment to breathe, and I took deep breaths.

"You need Raph more, Leo." She responded softly. She extended her arm out, and I moved my hand to the wall, under her armpit, so she hung there. She stretched her arm out the distance between us, and I felt her fingertips brush my cheek.

"The kids need you." I said back, much softer. The corners of her eyes crinkled.

"They'll… They won't miss me. They're too young to remembered me enough to miss me. Maybe they'll miss the idea of me…" She said it casually, but I could see it in her eyes how much the idea hurt her. "Besides, they're past the breast-feeding phase. Teething isn't good for the breasts you know."

"Liz…"

"What more could you say Leo?" She asked, though not harshly.

I sighed, lowering her off the wall and back on her feet. Her hand didn't move from my face, and I noticed out of my eye she was standing on her toes a little.

"Let us help you prepare?" I asked.

Liz grinned at me.

"Sure. Looks like I need all the help I can get. Now, we still have little Hitoshi to find, which is a new one, because usually he's usually the first to get caught."

"I may of had a hand in that. He's used to giving himself up to let his siblings last longer in the game. I told him to try to last out the longest for the next few games, and he gets a chocolate bar." I said sheepishly. Liz looked surprised for a moment before squinting at me.

"Yeah, they'll be fine with you." She muttered before turning towards the door and leaving.

I followed after her, watching her stalk around the lower portion of the home for Hitoshi. Kat and Ozzy sat on the couch, swinging their legs and talking to each other animatedly. They're eyes followed their mom as she walked towards the weight room before they looked at each other and grinned. Kat saw me staring and straightened out immediately, and smacked Ozzy's shoulder to keep him from talking. Ozzy hit her arm back on instinct before he realized she hadn't hit him for no reason. He turned around, saw me, and swung back around to whisper to Kat.

"He knew where I was hidin'," He whispered, thinking I couldn't hear him. Kat's eyes stayed on me, watching me closely. She leaned into her brother.

"Don't say anything about Hitoshi." She said. I raised an eyebrow at her, and she tried to raise one back at me. It ended up coming out as her wiggling her eyebrows as she tried to control one of them.

Liz came out of the weight room and stopped before me. She opened her mouth to make a comment until she saw I was staring at her daughter. She looked between the two of us before she grinned.

"Kat knows where he is?" She asked. I looked away from Kat and down at Liz.

"They both do. Kat just gave orders not to say anything about where he is." I answered cheerily, actually kinda proud of her. Liz raised her eyebrow at me, and then turned her gaze on the two tots. Both straightened up instantly, watching her. Liz walked over to them, towering over them in a manner that was playful, but was probably intimidating to them.

"Where is your brother?" She asked them. I laughed, and barely stifled the noise with my hand before Liz looked at me with a glare. She looked back at the two of them. "Is he on this floor?"

That was the rule, for now at least. Talk was going around to let them expand to the upper floor as well, as they were running out of hiding spots. Until then, they had to stay on the first level.

Kat's jaw worked, and she squinted her eyes as she thought.

"Tech-i-ni...call-ee." Kat said, sounding the word out as her tongue floundered for the right syllables.

"What do you mean 'Technically'?" Liz asked, her playful posture moving on to one called confusion.

I moved my eyes to Ozzy, who was tilting his head side to side rhythmically, like he was shaking his head. It took me a moment longer to realize he was. He was shaking his head no to Hitoshi. Which meant Hitoshi could see him. I started looking around, looking for some nook or cranny Hitoshi could be in. Feasibly, there was no place he could hide where he could still see Ozzy and Kat that wasn't blocked by some machine or Liz.

On impulse, I looked up, looking up the twenty feet to the roof. And just about had a heart attack finding Hitoshi laying on the rafters. He had his body parallel to the rafter, and had his hands and feet hooked to hold him up. His eyes were trained on us, and he knew when I'd seen him. The little monkey had the nerve to _grin_ , twenty feet off the ground, hanging from the rafters.

" _Holy_ -" I started before I cut myself off. No cursing in front of the children.

Liz turned around to look at me, but I wasn't looking at her. I was still looking at Hitoshi. I saw her look up as well out of the corner of my eye, and she had about as hard of a reaction not to curse as I did.

"Hitoshi!" She admonished immediately. I looked down at her then, and jumped forwards to grab her arm and stop her from letting her concern overweight the fact that he should be praised on such a hiding spot.

"Liz," I started immediately, making her eyes look at me. I saw in her eyes the fear of a mother, and I took a breath. "Him finding such a hiding spot should be praised. Don't make him feel bad for picking such a high spot."

"Don't make him feel- Leo, he is on the ceiling! A fall like that could hurt you, let alone a _sixteen month old child_." She hissed at me.

"I know, I get that, but that doesn't mean it's at least impressive he picked such a place. Like how did he get there, what made him choose it-"

"Leo, how he got there isn't the worry. The worry is that he could hurt himself." She whisper-hissed at me.

"Let him take pride about this one thing. The first time I saw them play hide-n-seek, he said Kat was good at hiding, Ozzy was good at climbing, and that he was good at _nothing_. That mentality is not something he should be raised on. You yelling at him for this, the first time he's tried to actually _hide_ instead of throwing himself under the bus to let his siblings continue the game, will not help him. It will make it worse for him." I hissed back, looking over at the two kids on the couch to make sure they weren't hearing too much of this.

Liz bristled for a moment, but kept quiet. I looked up at the ceiling, only to find Hitoshi wasn't there anymore. He was sliding down the piping to the floor, taking care to stand on the parts of the pipes bolted together, and thus had bigger circumferences. He had a big grin on his face, proud he'd done something that made his mom shout. He considered it an achievement. I looked back over at Liz, pleading with my eyes for her to let it slide. Liz tensed, and a shiver went down her body. She tightened her jaw for a moment, gave me one last glare, and promptly dropped to her knees as Hitoshi came over.

"Hey Hitoshi, how did you get up there?" She asked, grabbing his hands carefully.

"Kat helped me climb tha firs' few pipes, and the' I conti'ued up. I used tha' thin' dad does where he b… braces hi'self on things." Hitoshi said, sounding a little breathless and exuberant. I tensed up, watching Liz. I knew I couldn't stop her from saying anything, and I couldn't restrain her either, but I felt better thinking I could at least try.

"That is… amazing Hitoshi. I had no idea you could climb so well. We would have never known you were there." Liz said, smiling at her youngest. She tilted forwards, hugging him tightly. "Were you safe at least? Didn't strain any muscles or hurt yourself?"

"Nope," Hitoshi said, popping his P. He wrapped his arms around his mom, grabbing at her hair for leverage. "I was safe, and protec'ed myself with tha pipes. My mus'cles are also safe!" He said, proud.

"Ok. I'm proud of you Hitoshi, just remember to be safe. All right?" She asked. Hitoshi nodded enthusiastically against her shoulder, and she moved back to let him go.

"Alright, now go find Uncle Don and make him help you guys reach the sink." She said, patting his back towards his siblings. The three of them took off for the stairs, walking up the steps like gorillas.

Liz stood up with a sigh, standing next to me.

"Thank you," I murmured, nudging her with my shoulder. Liz looked over at me, her eyes disappointing but a mild smile on her lips.

"If he gets hurt, it's officially on you Leonardo." She said. I put a hand on my chest and looked affronted.

"Leonardo! You haven't called me that since you hated me." I admonished her. Liz looked at me a moment longer, and then laugh.

"You're an ass." She said, shoving my shoulder before walking over to the kitchen. I didn't leave her alone, and she ended up making tea for both of us.

**A/n: I do apologize for how long this story has taken to get out. If it's any consolation, this update took so long to write because I decided to finish the story before I started updating again. Which means that, yes, it's all written. Thirty-five chapters. Well, thirty-four, and an epilogue. So updates will now be regular.**


	30. Training

Chapter 30 Training

“In order for us to know what to help you on, we first must need to know what happened.” Master Splinter said. “Who, out of the brothers, would fit your needs for this reenactment fight?”

“Master Splinter, there wasn’t even a fight to begin with.” I said, keeping my eyes on the brothers as they stood across from me. Leo was here to study what went down and help me with what I needed, Don was here to keep an eye on the situation and be a second pair of logical eyes for Leo, and Mikey was here for whatever was needed, from comfort to fighting. The three of the had varying degrees of seriousness, and really it was as intimidating now as it was four years ago when I watched them train.

“For what there was of an interaction, we must know.” He answered, and then lent me comforting eyes. “No matter how small it may seem.”

I fought off a shiver in my neck and nodded at Splinter. I looked at the brothers, trying to figure out how to start it.

“So... Who’s most comfortable getting intimately close to me?” I asked, partly joking. Truth be told, one of them definitely needed to get very close for some of this to work. “And isn’t afraid of a little force.”

A silence ushered over the air, and I looked between the brothers as they talked with their eyes.

“Don and Leo need to see what’s happening, so I’ll be the one,” Mikey answered, stepping up and on to the mat. He looked at me for a second longer before his face cracked into a grin, and he clapped his hands together.

“So, what do I do first?” He asked me.

“It’s not going to be pleasant,” I murmured, getting closer to a wall. Mikey walked with me, getting closer as well.

“It’s Shredder, when is he ever?” Mikey asked. I decided not to tell him that when you're working for Shredder, and get something right, it is very pleasant to be with him.

“Alright. How it started... We talked, and at one point I closed my eyes.” I did it then, closed my eyes. “And Shredder, Mikey that’s your cue, got close to me. Once I realized he was getting closer, I jumped, but he moved faster than I could, and grabbed my wrists, and I was left hanging.”

Mikey stormed closer, probably putting more force in his feet because it felt like he was stomping. Once he got close enough he could grab me, I jumped back, trying to get away from him. Mikey said ‘ _woah_ ’, and grappled for my wrists. He managed to grab them, and held them above me. I cracked an eye open at him.

“Literally, Mikey. I was literally hanging.” I said. Mikey made an _oh_ face and lifted me off the ground. I shook my head, and opened my eyes.

“Now Mikey, I’m about to kick you in the chest. When I do, you need to stumble, and spin me around and slam me against the wall. When you do, hold my hands above me with one of yours, and use your other to get your body between my legs, like I’m straddling you. Oh, and whatever I do, don’t let go of my wrists.” I said. Mikey’s eye ridge darkened, and his body tensed. He nodded at me when he was ready.

I swung my body back, getting space between our bodies so I could lift my legs up high enough to reach Mikey’s chest. I saw Mikey’s shoulders tense for the impact, but he still stumbled under the blow. By my orders, he did spin around, and he crashed me against the wall. He moved both of my hands into one of his, holding on as tightly as he dared as his other hand moved down and forced my legs apart. He moved closer, got between them, and I saw in his eyes how much this made him feel. Angered and hurt and uncomfortable.

I moved my body in the motions of a struggle, and I felt Mikey’s hands tighten on my wrists when I almost slipped free.

“The next part is…” I bit my bottom lip for a moment, looking at Mikey, and his blue eyes… “Grab my chin, and lean in close like you’re kissing my mouth. When I cave my body backwards, move your mouth down to where her bit me. His hand… grabbed the other side of my neck at that time, and he brushed one of the scars he’d given me.”

“How are you managing to reenact this? I’m having trouble simply trying to play my role.” Mikey asked as he grabbed my chin. He held it softly, unlike how Shredder had, and I twisted my arms to keep him tight.

“I’m ignoring the panic, and it’s you, Mikey. I’m safe with you guys.” I responded. Mikey looked for at me for a moment longer before he moved forwards.

He pressed his lips against my nose, and I felt the tremble of his mouth as he fought to smile. I caved my body backwards, pressing against his chest with mine, and Mikey’s mouth left my nose completely. He moved his head down until his mouth was on my shoulder, and then he widened his mouth to represent the bite. The hand he’d used to hold my chin moved down as well, and I felt his thumb move around a bit, trying to find the scars on my throat.

I turned my head against his, trying to both squeeze his head and bite him, though I knew I couldn’t. Mikey stayed stellar and let me move.

“So, next up, free hand slides down my chest, to the bottom of my shirt, and he moved it upwards. He stopped at the surgery scar, made a comment about it, and then continued upwards. I had tried to get out of his grip then, and he used his teeth to create the marks you now see on my shoulder. His thumb... brushed under my bra, which was when I’d managed to hook my feet in his shell and push him away from me.” I said, moving my head away from Mikey’s a bit.

“Oh thank shell,” Mikey whispered, hand already moving down my chest. I grinned at his shoulder, butting the side of his head with my cheek.

“No nudity here, Mikey,” I said as his hand got to my hip. He moved the shirt aside hesitantly, and retraced his steps back up my stomach, trying hard not to actually touch me.

He paused on the scar across my abdomen, and I took it as a cue to twist my wrists again. Mikey bit down harder on my shoulder, not hard enough to be painful, but enough it felt like a pinch. I continued twisting my wrists, and Mikey continued to tighten his grip so I couldn’t escape, until my wrist popped. Mikey, listening to what I had said previously, did not let go.

Mikey’s hand stopped at my bra, and he refused to go farther than sticking the extreme tip of his thumb under the wire. I brought my feet up to push him back, and scrambled for a moment to find the right place to push him. Once I had it, I pushed Mikey back, and his mouth slipped from my shoulder. He went back with the movement, and Mikey stared at me, waiting for the next scene. I moved my legs from his side to his chest, bracing my legs against his chest.

“Good... We’re almost done with the wall scene.” I said, feeling partly out of breath.

“You mean there’s more than this?” Don asked, making a comment for the first time since we entered the room. I glanced over at him before looking back at Mikey.

“Of course, there was two to five seconds of fighting.” I answered. I smiled wryly for a moment, and then thought over what happened next.

“Mikey, you’re going to need a sai.” I said, gesturing with my head to Leo. Leo headed over to the weapons rack and grabbed a wooden sai before making his way over to Mikey and I. Mikey took the offered sai hesitantly, adjusting it in his grasp.

“Ok, what do I do with this?” He asked.

“Well, he dug it into the wound he created in my shoulder, and then sucked on it-” I got varying sounds from the brothers at that, from Leo’s mildly disturbed grunt to Don’s ‘Ew’ to Mikey’s body shiver complete with the noise. Master Splinter, given the info, maintained silence and gave a just barely there lip curl. “While he had he mouth on my shoulder, he used the sai to cut my arm, and then... He pressed up against my legs and used the sai to cut the bottoms of my pants.”

“Jeez,” Mikey murmured, pulled the sai up and pressing it falsely against my shoulder. He tugged it to the side, and then leaned forwards, pressing his mouth against my shoulder like a kiss. I felt the wooden sai slide down my arm, retracing the new scar there, and then Mikey leaned back. He pressed his stomach forwards, pressing my legs tighter against my body. I remembered what happened immediately after this, and jumped to say it.

“Oh, and I should say, I got my arms free after this, and used my dagger to get him off of me.” I said, adjusting my wrists. Mikey looked up at me for a second, and then back down at my shoulder.

“Yay,” He mumbled, and I felt him awkwardly slide the sai along my pants.

“And here we go,” I mumbled, twisting my arms in other directions. Mikey released my wrists, and I brought my arm down and grabbed my dagger. I turned the dagger blunt side out before I slashed out at Mikey. Mikey jumped back, dropping me in the process. I fell to my knees and I stayed there, because I hadn’t said the next scene yet. Mikey froze where he landed when he noticed I froze, watching me. I took a deep breath.

“Alright, here we go. I rolled into a standing position and raised my arm up to catch his downwards blow. I caught his arm, and then rolled into him, trying to cut him. Shredder, instead of letting me near him, tossed me over his shoulder. I landed on the ground, and before I could get up, he was on top of me, holding the sai to my neck and my torso down with his other arm.”

I looked up at Mikey, waiting for his nod.

I tossed myself over with enough force to get a roll on my shoulder, and jumped up and lifted my arm up as Mikey swung his down. The wooden sai he was holding came close to my face, and I dodged my head to the side a little to avoid the wooden tip.

“Ok, I don’t get how he _tossed_ you over his shoulder,” Mikey said breathlessly, looking down at me. I sighed, adjusting the blunt end of the dagger to face him again.

“Improvise,” I said, and spun my body in towards him.

“Woah, woah, woah,” Mikey said rapidly, dropping his arms and wrapping them around my waist. He lifted me awkwardly, and I noticed his split second of hesitation as he figured out how to throw me over his shell before he tossed me up and over, much like one would do a sack of flour, except I fell off of him. When I fell to the floor and landed on my back, I didn’t have to play the part of whiplash.

I got my focus back when Mikey had the sai against my neck and his arm across my torso. I groaned, lifting one of my arms around him and rubbing my eyes.

“Speed and whiplash are a thing I'm going to need to work on,” I said to them, and I felt Mikey shift in concern. I opened my eyes and looked up at Mikey, watching him spin for a few seconds. “A lot of work on.”

“You ok?” Leo asked. I waved my hand at him, saying yes with that movement.

“And we are done. Shredder pressed the sai against my neck, made the little amounts of blood Don got to see, and Raph took over. He flung himself back shouting no, and then told me to run.”

“Michelangelo, Elizabeth, stand.” Splinter said. Mikey and I glanced at each other. He stood up, grabbing my arm to help me up.

We stood facing Splinter, watching him as he went over what he saw in his head.

“Leonardo, you will help her on her speed and whiplash, get her fast and quick. If she's going to face Shredder, she needs to be able to hold her own against him long enough to get Raphael out and get her killed.” Mikey tensed next to me as his last statement, but Splinter didn't seem phased by it.

“Elizabeth,” Splinter said, walking over to me. He placed his hand on my shoulder, and under the weight of his grasp, I relaxed. Suddenly, dying for Raph was a lot less daunting, and Splinter was there on my side. I relaxed my stance, spreading my legs and returning to a position I had known well for a long time. A soldier's stance. Master Splinter noticed it too.

“While you're training, while you do this, don't lose who you are. Don't become a soldier to fight Shredder, and don't become a warrior and forget you are limited in the time you have with your family.” He paused, and raised his hand from my shoulder to my cheek, where he brushed one finger over my cheekbone. “I would have done anything to trade places with you.”

“We... know it won't be painful enough.” I answered, trying to keep steady eyes with the rat turned master. “You're too old and-”

“I know, Elizabeth.” He said, letting out the barest hints of a chuckle at my _too old_ comment. He looked over my shoulder at Don and Leo, changing his attention to them. I released my breath, and Mikey shuffled beside me, reaching his hand down to hold mine. I gripped his hand back tightly, running my finger over the scales of his thumb.

“Run her through training, as often as she can handle it. We don't know when she's going to face him, she needs to be ready.” Splinter said. He walked by me, his hand leaving a lingering touch on my arm. I turned around with him, looking over at Leo, who looked every bit the leader he was trained to be. Don stood over his left shoulder, looking every bit the intelligent and skillful turtle he'd always been.

Splinter placed his hand on Leo’s and Don’s arms as he passed before he stopped at the door, turned around, and watched us. Leo looked at his father before facing me. He rolled his shoulders, loosening those muscles.

“Mikey, Liz, go through the fight scene again, quicker this time so I can see what Liz might have been thinking when she reacted.” Leo quipped.

“I wasn’t thinking, I was reacting on memory. Shredder likes to go for downwards blows when his enemy is down to keep them down. I _remembered_ that and acted on the memory.” I said as Mikey released my hand and took a few steps away from me. I looked over at Leo and continued, “You should remember that. I did a similar move with you that first fight we had after you saw me again.”

“You did it while I was still standing,” Leo interjected loudly, like he was defending himself.

“You were almost on your knees,” I waved off, and then grinned at him. He shook his head at me.

“You’re a child.” He said to me, and then turned back to the group of us. “I also want to know more about Shredder tossing you over his shoulder, because that could be used again.” He dictated.

“You know, tossing her over my shoulder isn’t as easy as I made it look. Perhaps you should try it out.” Mikey grumbled, turning to face me again. He widened his stance, lifting his arms up and getting ready to do his downwards blow again.

“I’ll try later, right now, we need to see everything again and try and work with it,” Leo said. He lifted his hand up, and I dropped to my knees, watching Mikey.

“Hai!”


	31. Take Over

Chapter 31 Take Over

Try as I might to never think it and never show him, Shredder eventually learned about where my home was. I wish I could say he'd decided to go in and kill everyone, because then at least I'd know that they could fight back. We'd been ambushed in our home before, and always got out. Instead, Shredder had _laughed_ , because where we'd taken up home had been a lab of his years prior, and he admired the ingenuousness of staying there once we knew it'd been his. Because he wouldn't have looked. But now he knew, and he'd written a note. We were coming down to the last few weeks, I was getting weaker, Shredder stronger, and the first part of his plan would come out. Kill Liz.

She was soft, warm in a sense I hadn't felt for the longest time. Shredder didn't dare get closer than to lean over her as she slept, and watch her. Her brown hair laid in the crease her head made with the pillow, and her lips were open to let out puffs of air. Her pale eyelids flickered back and forth with a dream she was having, and I hoped it was a good dream. She cupped her hand under her jaw, and I felt Shredder subconsciously rub the ring on his -my- finger as he found hers.

She had bruises on her arms and one on her cheek, and where her shirt rode up, I got to see a patchy scar on her side that I couldn't explain how she got. Below that was the surgery incision from when she'd been pregnant, and I knew Shredder had figured out what it was really for when he saw the stretch marks. He didn't make a comment, though, but everything felt distinctly smug suddenly.

"She's trainin'," I mumbled, wishing I could reach out and touch her.

"She won't beat me," Shredder said, sure of himself.

"Maybe not her alone, but with my brothers, ya haven't been able ta beat us for years," I said, some pride in my voice. Shredder made a noncommittal noise.

"I've been dead for two years, you haven't had the chance."

Shredder turned away from Liz in her bed and walked out of the room. A large part of me screamed to go back and lay down, or at least touch her, but I wouldn't be able too. I was saving my strength, I knew Shredder's plan, and if I had any hope of getting out long enough to relay the info to any of my family, I needed to rest. It was getting harder, I was getting anxious, and patience had _never_ been a strong suit of mine, but this was for family, so for family, I would.

Shredder walked down the hall silently, so silently Master Splinter could never hope to hear him. He ticked off doors as he walked, his voice resounding in the black space around me.

"Donatello at the corner, Leonardo next to him, Mikey next to that, and finally, the last door on this floor..." He paused outside the kid's doors, and I tightened my resolve not to jump and try and take control.

He placed his hand on the doorknob and twisted, pushing it quickly -like how I do- to get it past the squeaking spot so it didn't squeak. He slipped into the room, pressing the door closed behind him.

"The kid's room," He breathed aloud, in false comfort.

"Don'... touch them," I said, angered and broken that he knew one of my hardest kept secrets now.

"I would never hurt a hair on their heads," He said so sharply I almost believed him. "After I kill your family, I will raise them as my own, to become what you and your brothers could have been to me."

I shivered where I stood, feeling hot and cold at the same time as he walked over to Hitoshi's bed. He looked down in the crib at my youngest, and I felt a tremble in my right hand as I saw my son. I noticed seconds later that Shredder's right hand had a similar tremor, and when I moved my index finger, it moved too.

I froze where I stood, not going to let on to the fact that I could do that. Shredder didn't notice me or my new found ability. He stood at the edge of the crib and watched Hitoshi for a few moments.

"He has hair," Shredder said, and I saw his hand twitch to touch my kid.

"He's ta only one who does," I answered stiffly. "Donnie says as he gets older an' his skin hardens, ta hair should stop growin'."

"What's his name?" He asked.

"Hitoshi," I breathed, feeling my eyes tickle.

"Hitoshi? Wasn't that Liz's master as she traveled across America?" He didn't wait for a reply before he snorted. "Bit sentimental isn't she?"

"She wasn't the one ta name him. Mikey was, he thought it'd be nice." I answered.

"Still sentimental," Shredder said again and turned away from Hitoshi. I breathed a little better as he turned away from him, and he turned towards the black crib.

He hummed as he walked over to Kat, staring down at my only daughter. His head tilted as he looked down at her.

"Looks a bit like your leader, perhaps you aren't the father?" He teased. He jostled as I laughed, taking a step away from the crib and turning to see me, though I wasn't there.

"Positive. Leo was in ta amazon at the time of conception an' birth." I answered, still laughing. He humphed at my glee, and brushed away from Kat, moving on to Ozzy.

"And who is this one?" He asked. He tilted his head. "It lacks a shell, more human perhaps?"

"Ozzy. Tha's his name. An' they're all a little human, though Kat is more turtle than human. Ozzy an' Hitoshi have four fingers, Kat has three. Hitoshi an' Kat have almost complete shells an' plastrons, Ozzy doesn'. Ozzy an' Kat don' have hair, Hitoshi does." I answered, watching my oldest son breathe for just a few moments before Shredder turned his head and looked around.

"It's like one, happy, mutated family." He said. I gnashed my teeth. "I thought there'd be four of them. Balance out the legacy and all that."

Air rushed out of my metaphysical lungs, and I collapsed to my knees. Shredder noticed my immediate reaction, and after freezing for a moment to think, he started chuckling. It was cruel, biting, and vicious in a way I knew to be completely Shredder.

"So there was four. What happened to the fourth? Stillborn? Half the size of the rest and too weak to carry on? Perhaps the lung burst when they took their first breath?"

"Shut up." I gasped.

"Tell me, Raphael. What happened to the fourth?" Shredder purred, the blackness pressing in on me. I covered my head, trying to block out Shredder, not let him see the memory. As happy as it was, it was painful to remember as well. There was more than four, but only three survived, only three grew. "Let me in."

"No," I ground out, trying to stop him.

Like a rush, the memory came forwards. The painful gruel of the labor, and Donnie said that the scars in her uterus had torn when the contractions started. The need to get in, Liz collapsing from pain, and then Don held the first egg. His surprise, and his marvel at holding the semi-translucent egg the size of his ginormous hand. The little green body just barely being seen through the egg, curled up and nestled against the soft shell. Master Splinter took the egg from Don, wrapping it in a blanket and setting it in the basket we'd put aside. Don pulled out two more eggs of the same size, and Mikey and I took them from Don.

Don froze when he turned to look inside again, and he reached shaky hands inside to pull a much smaller, half the size of the original three, and a less transparent egg out. This one felt weak when I grabbed it, and when I turned around after placing it next to the other three eggs, Don's hands were shaking too bad for him to successfully reach in again. His eyes were stuck on what he saw, and I feared the worse. Too much blood, damage to the organs, a _fifth_ egg. Something that would make Don freeze and unable to do his job.

Master Splinter said Don's voice in a loud tone and bumped him out of the way. Master Splinter worked deftly, holding in one hand a towel, and with the other, he reached into Liz's abdomen and started pulling out little eggs. Eggs that had to be what normal turtle eggs were in size. There was at least a dozen of them...

"Ah, I see, there _was_ more than three. Way more. Do you think, perhaps had you nourished your pet better, the fourth one would have lived." Shredder asked.

"No, now fuck ya and everythin' yer tryin' ta accomplish! Who gave ya the _right_ ta go diggin' in my head an'-an' torture me!" I shouted. I sat up abruptly, getting to my feet charging forwards. I didn't know what I was doing, or where I'd go, but I stepped forwards to do something. As I stepped forwards, I could suddenly _feel_. I felt my feet hit the floor as I stomped, and my hands grabbing the crib bars too tightly, and smell the nursery. I gasped, and I could breathe real air.

I was out.

I froze, because as soon as I'd thought it, I could feel it. Shredder surging back up and taking control. Trying too, but I was still too strung on emotions for him to get close. I looked down at the note in my hands, and then around for one of the crayons that were always in the room. I grabbed a red one and, being delicate not to break the wax tool, wrote down what I needed to say before shoving my hand in the crib and sliding the paper underneath Ozzy.

As Ozzy started to grumble at the sudden movement, I turned and left the room, making banging noises as I went down the stairs and to the door. Shredder fought the entire time, though what he'd do differently from what I was doing now I had no clue. Besides be quiet.

As soon as I'd made it out the doors, and they'd closed behind me, Shredder got back in control. He stopped the movement I'd been making, and ended up falling to his knees. I was injected back into this black nothingness so violently I skidded on the black floor.

"What did you just do? What did you write?" Shredder growled at me, and the sound was an angry vibration all around me. I was still too high on the fact that I _did that_ to care that I was in pain where I was. I did it. I don't know how, but I did it.

"What did you say?" Shredder growled at me, sounding calmer. He stood up abruptly, running down the sewer system to get away from the door. The banging I'd done would have woken the family, and that was the point, so he couldn't go back in and rip the paper up.

"I can still go in and get it." He hissed.

"Ya wouldn't dare face all of 'em. They're prepared for ya, trainin' for ya, an' yer still runnin' so it's clearly not in yer mind ta go back an' face them!" I crowed, still gleed I'd done it.

He stopped abruptly, thinking himself safe.

"What did you say?" He hissed once more. I sobered, but still grinned so wide it felt like my face was about to crack.

"He's goin' after Liz firs', an' then the family," I said smugly. Anger boiled up in Shredder before he fought it down. He continued walking, his muscles coiled to attack anything that came near him.

"How did you do that?" He asked.

"I don' know," I answered honestly. I felt the black around me creep in on me before it backed off.

"You're telling the truth," He said, surprised.

"Duh. Ya think if I _knew_ how ta to that, I wouldn't have done it sooner?" I asked. Shredder was silent.

"I think... I should keep you out of my business from now on. Clearly, you're stronger than you let on, and with that letter now planted, and no doubt read because of what you just did, I need to make some changes." He said.

"Ya mean yer not going to go ta the abandoned highway overpass? Because I bet ya Liz is gonna now that she knows that's where ya were gonna go." I answered.

"No, I'm still going there, my plans will not change, you just won't see it when she gets there. Your emotions are not going to get in the way." He grumbled out, leaving the sewer system and the no doubt panic back at my home.


	32. Countdown

Chapter 32 Countdown

** Day One **

_When you're ready, come face me. I'll be on the abandoned highway you and Raphael chose to spend your little anniversary on. Come alone, or I won't show up. The date is yours._

I flipped the note over, reading the scratchy crayon writing Raph had done on the back. _He's going after Liz first, and then the family_.

Fear rolled through me, and this time I had no idea why. Fear of what, what was left to be afraid of? I was gonna die. I was going to die sometime within the next week, Raph was losing, Shredder knew the location of our home, how to get in, and now about the kids. There was no last saving grace, though Leo had tried to find a new angle after the latest chapter of our story.

"Shredder wants a showdown, it'll be easier for Liz to get to Raph now. Think about it, an abandoned highway they have _history_ on, Shredder wants to kill Liz first, and he wants it to be a showdown. Liz has all the opportunity to get to Raph, and if that was Raph who tore out of here from seeing his kids, maybe it doesn't need to be Liz who dies. Maybe no one does! He just needs to feel strong enough. Think she's dying." Leo said, sounding more enthused about this than he had about else in a while.

"If it's not enough though, I could still die Leo," I said, sobering him up. "He needs to feel something intense enough to kick Shredder out. They've seen me, Shredder tried to... rape me. The only time Raph got out was when Shredder nearly killed me. _Nearly_ killing me didn't get Shredder out back then, why would it _now_?"

"Why can't you see the positives of this? I'm trying to find a positive in this." He said.

"Because this isn't a storybook, Leo. We're not living some fantasy story, this is real life, and news flash, Leo, people die."

It wasn't exactly a nice fight. Leo even made a split second decision to go with me and wait in the shadows until I was fighting Shredder. I only barely managed to counter it by telling him Shredder would probably figure it out, and if he came out, Shredder would run and not fight, _and_ in an even bigger chance, Leo could die instead of me. The point of me dying was that the brothers would stay together, because I saw what happened when Leo left, Don knows what'd happen if he left, we saw how fast they devolved when Raph disappeared, and I couldn't imagine Mikey dying. I was the next best thing to all of the brothers, and I wasn't needed as much.

"Ok look, if you're on the battlefield and see a way to save him other than dying, will you take that route instead?" Leo asked as he entered the weights room.

I glanced up at Leo as he walked over. He held a two cups of something steaming, and one of them had a post-it note with the word "Sorry" written on it in his handwriting. I grinned at the cup, and took it when he offered me the hot liquid.

"Apology accepted," I said softly, taking off the post it note and slapping it on his plastron when he sat down. I looked at the coffee he gave me, and then the tea in his cup. "Anyways, yeah, if I see another route, any other route, I will take it. I'm prepared to die, I don't want to die. That'd make me suicidal, and then I really shouldn't be going out on the playing pitch."

He grinned, despite the grim topic. I leaned back with him and leaned against the wall. I rolled my eyes over the bench press machine and the large amount of weights that I'd put on it. Leo sat next to me, and waited for me to say something else. I didn't want to say anything, and I had nothing to say, so I didn't. I felt my eyes get warm as I watched the machine do nothing.

He sighed, and changed topics. "I know you're a fighter, and were trained in many different forms of fighting from Hitoshi, Shredder, and then Master Splinter, and do keep your body in shape, but since when could you bench press six hundred pounds?"

I laughed, and turned misty eyes to him. He grinned back at me until he noticed the tears, and sobered up.

"I can't. It was Raph's start weight two years ago." I answered, and looked at the machine again. "Don, Mikey, and Master Splinter left with April and Casey for about a month after you went to the amazon, gave Raph and I that little honeymoon phase we never got to live. You should remember that, I sent some letters to you during the time."

He nodded, and I saw his eyes go out of focus for a second as he remembered what I sent. He shivered back into reality, and it made me laugh.

"We spent some time in here, and Raph liked to try and impress me with how much he could lift. At one point he decided to have me dangle from the curl bar as he pressed his normal weight just to have a little fun, and I made a game out of it. Anytime I got close to his body, I'd kiss the spot. It eventually became a two way game, and I don't think you want to know the rest of those stories." I sighed, and sipped my coffee. Leo watched me somberly, and I could see the question in his eyes.

"This is one of the least painful reminders I have of him." I answered his silent question. I waved at the bench press. "He can lift way more than this now. Mikey can lift more than this. It's... the weight is of something so far back, it's almost safe to remember."

Leo watched me for a couple seconds.

"I don't think anyone's asked this of you in a while, but how are you feeling?" He asked. It sounded so sincere I laughed again, bitterly. It burned the back of my throat like acid.

"Absolutely miserable, thanks for asking." I said bitterly. "How do you... _die_ for someone? It's always seen everywhere: Books, movies, in the news, on websites. Everyone practically preaches it, but no one mentions those who are left behind after the preaching... And it's so messy, and it's going to destroy more people in the end than help. It's always going to destroy people. I'm going to die for the one I love, and he'll get out scarred, memory burned forever, but alive at least partly. You know who that reminds me of? My mom. I'm going to die like my mom, protecting someone I love, because all other options are out the window."

I spent a split second debating continuing, and decided I should just go through with it. Not like I'll feel regret in a week.

"She... used her body as a meatshield for me on that train." I said, and glanced at Leo. "It didn't work of course, she was thrown off of me, but it's more the thought that counts. She decided that instead of buckling me down and sitting with me, she'd buckle me down and die trying to shelter me and it's so... messed up. It's messy, it's messed up, it's so fucked up..."

I sniffled, and clenched my eyes closed. I felt warmth slid down my cheeks, and my breath cracked as I took a breath.

"I always wondered what she thought. I always wondered why she decided to save me and not her _and_ me. When I eventually told Hitoshi, he said something I now believe is true. He said... When it's a situation of them and me, and they're a loved one, you're going to do everything, _everything_ to save that person. Because you don't matter. A mother will die for her child long before she tries to save herself and her child. A father will die for his child long before he thinks to save himself as well. Most lovers, most sibling relationships, it's always going to be like that. And I thought it was bullshit. Because there is always a way to save everyone. 'I'm not gonna die, you're not going to die, there is always this third clause no one hears or sees, but it'll be there. You just have to look.'"

I set the cup down beside me and rubbed my eyes. I leaned forwards and rested my elbows on my knees. I looked down at the floor, because it was easier than looking at memories. Leo's hand pressed down on my shoulder blade, and I sniffle laughed.

"I hate this. This, dying, god damn Raph." A couple more tears slipped down my nose as I remembered him again. "It's just pain. This, Leo, this was what I fought to do when I was SS. Maybe I didn't do it right, the me or them thing where I had to kill the perpetrator, perhaps killing wasn't right, but the reason behind it, I always imagined that was correct. Ugh, was I even right? For doing any of this, was any of it right?"

I didn't know if it was rhetorical or not, and Leo was silent long enough I thought it was rhetorical.

"You did do right, Liz. Not what everyone would agree on as right, but you did right." Leo answered, his voice thick.

"It feels right." I sniffled. "Anyways, I feel miserable. I'm afraid, fucking all sorts of terrified, and I'm not sure why anymore. I look at these pieces of memories I have with Raph, and wonder what is he going to feel when he sees it all. I'm a little worried his muscles will atrophy because he won't work out," I half way joked. Leo didn't laugh.

I sighed.

"I'm becoming my mother, but I have more time to think. She didn't have time too, she just acted, and it saved my life. As a mother now, I can see why she did what she did. If ever put in a similar situation, I would do the exact same thing in a heartbeat. Because those sleeping darling angels in their cribs upstairs, they pretty much everything to me. I hated my mom for it, and now I don't... I admire her bravery for dying _for_ me so I could have even a chance to live... Why don't I have that bravery when put in a similar situation? I'm even choosing to die!" I stopped, and my shoulders shook. I felt Leo lean forwards, and his hand pressed more weight into my shoulder.

"She was terrified, and you are brave. Just because you have more time to think doesn't mean you're any less brave; and just because she died as quickly as she did doesn't mean she wasn't terrified to die. I think, when you're out there, and you finally have to do what you're scared of doing now, you aren't going to care. You're going to be happy to have done it this way. I think, in your own strange way, you're going to die peacefully. Saving the one you love." He said.

I looked over my shoulder at him, looking at Leo's knowing face through my tears. I leaned back up and sideways, leaning against him. He wrapped his arm around me and curled me into his side without hesitation, and held me.

"You know from experience don't you," I asked, or more like stated.

"Not specifically. I've nearly died a measure of times, all for something I believed in, but it was never me versus a loved one with a problem between us. I just know that when I thought I'd die for something I believed in, near the end, I felt some sense of calm." He answered.

"You know, I felt that near the end of my conscious period the last time we faced Shredder. I think it's called blood loss." I said, sarcastically. He pinched his face like he tasted something sour.

"Look, I don't think you're going to be so afraid in the end. You will see yourself, the goal, the prize, and go for it without hesitation. This is the nerves before the game." He pep rallied with false cheer.

"Huh, and what's the game?" I asked, settling into his side. I picked up my coffee mug with one hand, and sniffled into it.

"The game of life and death," He said bitterly.

I looked up at him curiously, surprised at his anger towards it. Well, his outwardly show of anger. He felt intensely, but had learned to curb it and work with it.

"Life's just an asshole in the end." I responded. He hummed in agreement, and picked up his tea again.

** Day Two **

Mikey came and woke me up at six in the morning the next day. Well, he bounced on my bed, I don't know if he knew I was still asleep.

"Get up get up get up!" He chanted, bouncing in time to his words.

"Fuck off Mikey," I grumbled, trying to turn my body to my side. Problem was, Mikey was straddling me and bouncing. Not easy to turn around in.

"Wanna train?" Mikey asked. I opened one of my eyes and zeroed in on his arm. I could totally bite him. I mean I really could.

"Why would I want to train? Who even likes training?" I asked instead.

"Well, Leo does, and to prepare you for battle." Mikey said, and squared his chest out like he was puffing up. I glanced up at his face, an sighed. I reached an arm up and pulled off his mask. "Hey!"

"Look at that, you aren't ready for the day. Lay down with me, it's _six in the morning_ , there's no way you're actually this awake. You have never been this awake in the morning since I met you." I grumbled. Mikey blinked down at me owlishly, then at the door, and then shrugged. He fell besides me, bouncing the bed again, but hey at least he wasn't trying to get me up.

"Leo's going to notice we aren't downstairs." He giggled, getting comfortable in the bed.

"We will cross that road when we get there." I answered. "Shush."

Mikey didn't shush, he hummed. Thirty minutes later, Don came knocking on the door.

"Is Mikey in- Mikey! You were supposed to get her up, not join her." Don said as greeting.

"Shush Donnie, we're becoming one with the bed," Mikey bullshitted. I fought a snicker.

"You should join us, it makes training easier." I said, grinning in the darkness. I heard Don close the door, and I opened an eye to see if he'd left. Nope.

"Been there, tried that, doesn't work," He said, amused.

"You obviously did it wrong. The article I read last night says you have to do it with other people. The more the merrier. Did you do it with someone?" I asked.

He walked closer, close enough my side light illuminated the teasing grin he had on his face.

"No, and I'm calling cheese on that article. Where did you read it?" He asked. He looked down beside him. "And why is Mikey's mask on the floor?"

"On my phone last night. And lean down and I'll tell you why it's on the floor. I don't want to sit up." I answered. Mikey snickered next to me.

"Now I'm really calling cheese on it. You don't own a phone, let alone one that has internet." Donnie said as he leaned down. I grinned at him as he got closer. I leaned up enough I could grab his mask, tossing it the same direction as Mikey's. Donnie spluttered, and stood up straight.

"That's how he lost his. Now join us." I answered, and lifted my legs for him to lay at the bottom of the bed. Mikey looked over at what I was doing, and lifted his as well for Don.

"Why?" Don asked as he went and sat down at the foot of the bed. I placed my feet on his lap, effectively trapping him. He muttered to himself, "Why am I going along with this is a better question."

"Because who wants to train at six in the morning," Mikey bemoaned. Don shook under my legs.

"Really Don, just lay down, we don't want to train, we all know that. I doubt you got more than two hours of sleep anyways." I persuaded.

"Three hours, thank you very much, and Leo is going to know something's up if _I_ don't come downstairs with you two." He answered, but fell back on the bed. Mikey lowered his legs to rest on Don's lower stomach, right above mine. I heard Don sigh exasperatedly.

"He was lazy enough to send you two up first. If he sends anyone else, they'll join us. I'll convince them." I answered, snuggling lower into the bed. Don and Mikey shook with laughter, which shook the bed.

"This is sounding more and more like a cult," Don said, sounding concerned.

"I like this cult," Mikey muttered, sounding halfway to being asleep.

Ten minutes later, Leo came knocking.

"Guys?" He called through the door. "Training was supposed to be forty minutes ago, is something wrong?"

"No!" Don shouted, causing Mikey and I to laugh. If Leo would believe anyone, it would be Don. Our laughing probably made that impossible though.

I heard my door open, and the light flicked on.

"Ugh," I groaned, turning to hide my face in the pillows. The pain of light was kinda worth it when Leo sputtered.

"Wha- You guys were supposed to get her up, not _join her_ \- Why are your masks on the ground?" He sputtered.

"The bed's a cult!" Mikey shouted blindly.

"Losing the masks was the inauguration," Don seconded. I laughed into the bed.

**Day 3**

"Leo talks about what you have to do," Haley whispered, half asleep. I opened my eyes from the edge of the bed, and looked down at her. She wiggled her feet when I stopped rubbing them.

"I guess I figured he talked to someone about it," I answered, not asking the questions I want. Haley was blunt, if she wanted to say something she was going to say it.

She opened her eyes for the first time in the last 30 minutes, and I noticed they were red rimmed. Now that they were open, her pale green eyes welled with tears. She sniffled, and sighed heavily through her mouth.

"He's grateful, that you're doing it," She sniffles, and laughs a little. "He's too afraid to say thank you or tell you how he feels, so he tells me. He's got so much going on up there, it goes from self hate to hating you to hating Donnie to guilt to sadness to being grateful to wanting to smash things. It's a wild trip. He wants to tell you so bad, but he's worried it'll make you want to die more. To prove him worthwhile or something. It's kind of dumb."

"So why are you telling me?" I asked gently, running my fingers through her toes and stretching them a little. She moves her foot away for a second as it tickles her.

"Because I know you better than him. I know it's the thing you want to hear." She sniffled. She pinched her eyes closed as the tears got a little heavier.

"It does make me feel better to know he's grateful. Something positive amidst the sadness. It makes me feel... better about dying, like it's actually for a tangible cause." I answered honestly. She nodded, her voice probably gone from tears.

"I have to ask," She gasped out. She opened her eyes. "What about the kids?"

I didn't ask her to elaborate, I knew what she meant. I wouldn't beat around the bush with her.

I turned back to her foot, pressing my thumb down and rubbing the sole of it.

"I'm trying not to think about them. I did in the beginning, when it was becoming more known that I'd be the one to die, and it's more pain than it's worth. They won't need me. They're out of breastfeeding, already talking, using the restroom, can practically eat on their own. Hitoshi climbed the rafters and hid in the pipes during a game of hide-n-seek." I sighed, and my shoulders shook a little. "I want them to miss me more than they actually will. They're so young, they're going to forget me, I know it. And so many kids grow up without moms with only one or no parents. These three, they've got their dad, three uncles, one of which is pretty much another mom. They have you, and April, and Master Splinter, and just... Whenever it does come to mind, I realize that in the end, most likely, they'd probably have an identity crisis having a human mom and mutant dad. Being a part of both worlds, but only able to live one. I don't know, it's comforting to think that."

"Promise me something?" I asked Haley, looking back over at her.

"Yeah?" She questioned.

"Promise you'll be there? For them I mean." I asked.

Haley was silent for a moment, and then removed her feet from my lap. She bunched her arms underneath herself, and pushed up slowly into a sitting position. She curled her legs gently into a lotus position, and faced me with a steady expression.

"I will. As long as I'm allowed in this home, and can see them, I'll make sure I take care of them. If I can't come in or see them for some reason, I'll probably find a way to take care of them. They're all our kids, after all." She swore. I grinned at her, and felt my eyes burn.

"Thank you," I said. Haley gave me a soft smile. She turned her body sideways carefully, and leaned back against me. I adjusted myself to not fall over and be comfortable, and let her do the same.

"Hey, I know that this is probably really really _really_ far down the road for Leo and I, assuming we ever get that far and he isn't too... turtle for it. Would you recommend kids?" She asked. She tilted her head back and looked at me. "I wouldn't normally ask, like ever, but you're not going to be here when the topic comes up, and it's not like we have any other experience with other hybrids."

"You're my pupil, I'll try and teach you anything before I leave," I answered with a grin. She smiled back, and placed her head on my shoulder again.

"Assuming your uterus isn't as heavily scarred to hell and back like mine was, I don't think you'll have nearly as much of a problem as I did. Besides that, make Don get an ultrasound the second you miss a period." She laughed. "And if your body tries to reject them, it isn't going to feel pretty. Plus, recovering from it sucks, but I imagine pregnancy just feels like that. I hear C-Sections are bitches."

"When did your body start rejecting them?" She asked.

"I don't know. Whenever the eggs grew over the fetuses, trapping them inside instead of letting my normal human body do what it was supposed to do. We think I either had a normal nine month pregnancy and didn't know for a couple months, or had a shorter pregnancy and it was a few weeks. We never did an ultrasound and I wasn't watching my period until it'd been a few months, and by that time, I already had morning sickness."

"Hence the ultrasound the second I miss a period, got it," She answered like she understood everything about crossbreed pregnancy now. I laughed a little.

"Yeah, that's why. If Leo and Raph has similar reproductive genes, then we'd then know how long my pregnancy was. If not, have fun figuring it out." I answered.

Haley chuckled, but sobered quickly. She sighed, and grabbed my arm. She wrapped it tighter around herself, and hugged it to her chest.

"I'm going to miss you, Sugar." She whispered, curling her body in. I looked down at her sadly, and tightened my arm minutely. I couldn't say anything.

**Day 4**

"Elizabeth, come here." Master Splinter called out. I groaned loudly, dragging my tired body off the bench.

Everything hurt, everything smelled like sweat, and usually I'd be pleased with such a nice session, but I was up all night playing Clue with the brothers. Not like we meant to stay up all night, none of us remembered to bring a watch, and we thought the first game was short so we played a second. And then a third because Leo got the second one within what we thought was a few minutes, and then we heard Leo's five o'clock alarm go off halfway through the third. We decided to finish up the game and _then_ sleep. We finished right when Master Splinter got up.

"Stop groaning, have you seen what he's made Don and I do," Leo panted from where he stood.

"No, I wasn't looking at you guys sweat, and three words; Mutants. Strong. Tired." I pointed to myself on the last one. I dredged up to Splinter, and paused when I saw his feet. I collapsed to my knees, half out of politeness, half out of sheer exhaustion.

"I bequeath thee these sabers," I heard Splinter say. What?

"Ok, there's no way you just said what I think you just said," I muttered, looking up. Splinter was in front of me, and presenting me weapons. My... original katana, which I'd put up years ago. I felt the fog in my brain disappear as I looked at them, and blinked a few times again.

"What..." I said quietly.

"Master Splinter didn't say anything," I heard in Splinter's voice, but Splinter didn't talk. I looked around, and found Don wearing a headset. He waved. "I did."

It took me a moment to remember where that headset had come from, and then I flushed.

"When did you even find the time to tune that to Splinter's voice? We've been training all morning!" I asked, wanting to stand up, but I didn't. Splinter was still technically in front of me, albeit with a smile, and he hadn't let me stand yet.

"Easy, we did it last night before we played Clue." He answered in Splinter's voice. Let me tell you, hearing Splinter's voice in Don's tone of casual was _very_ strange. "Though staying up all night playing Clue wasn't part of the plan."

"That is your own fault, my son." The real Splinter said, turning his head to give his attention to Don. Don grinned sheepishly behind the headset, and reached up to remove it. Splinter turned back to me, and I gave him my much more focused attention.

"I'm giving you your katana back to fight with. A warrior is not complete without their weapon, and I would not send a warrior to battle without them." He told me. He leaned the katana towards me, and I reached up with shaky fingers for the blades I hadn't touched in years.

I ran my hand softly over the hilt, feeling the leather under my palm, still as smooth as when I first put it on. I wrapped my other hand around the sheath, and lifted the blades from his hands. Splinter stepped back once I had them in my grasp, and I took it as my sign to rise. I stood up almost shakily, looking over the twin katana carefully, checking it for anything new.

"You will fight Leo with them this morning, get used to their feel again, and then will practice more this evening once you've rested," Splinter told me.

I grabbed the grip tightly in my right hand, and pulled the twin katana out of their sheath. They came out like oil, and vibrated like they'd been sharpened recently. As I looked over the blades, I realized they _had_ been sharpened recently, and looked over to Master Splinter. He shook his head, and tilted it to Leo. I turned my head to face Leo, and I hoped the thanks was clear on my face.

"You're welcome, Liz," He murmured, pulling himself upright. He sighed heavily and reached over his shoulder for his katana. I found I couldn't care that I was going to be doing another training session, because I had my once beloved weapons back in my hands. I tossed the sheath to the side, and flexed my hands over the grip.

"They feel lighter," I said, spinning them around in a circle I'd seen my original master Hitoshi do before. Leo copied the movement. I raised the blade parallel to my face and looked it over. I ran my thumb over the split between the two, and parted it gently.

"I sharpened them to thinner curves," Leo explained, spreading his legs into a crouch. "Made them a little faster."

"Nice job," I praised, noticing the work he'd done. I bent my knees a little, placing the two blades back together. Leo grinned at me.

"Thank you," He said, and looked at Splinter.

"Hai!"

**Day 5**

There's nothing like waking up -sore, mind you- to your kids -and Donnie- jumping on your bed. Don at least had the decency to bounce near the end of the bed. The kids though, were light enough they could jump on me and it was just annoying.

"Wha..." I asked as my body was jostled. Peeling laughter registered in my ears, and I felt an instinctual grin. I turned around while Ozzy jumped on me and caught him, trapping him against me.

"No! Turtle down, turtle down," Ozzy wailed. Like backup ambushes, Kat and Hitoshi were on my instantly, pulling at my arms like chains.

"Let go of our brother, villain!" Kat shouted, pulling at my wrists with all her might.

"Villain?" I asked, and narrowed my eyes at Don when he grinned. "You called me a villain!?"

"It's true, right now you are the villain. You have poor Ozzy trapped." He grinned.

"Uncle Don-nee, help!" Hitoshi pleaded. He wrapped his hands around my forearm and pulled. My forearm, _surprisingly_ , lifted several inches. I paused to stare, and then tugged at my arm to get it in tighter. Hitoshi kept my arm in the air for several seconds, and then let go to breathe.

Kat climbed over me to get to Hitoshi, and they both grabbed my arm. At the same time they lifted, Donnie tickled my feet.

"Ah, no! Donnie!" I gasped, jerking my feet away from him. Hitoshi and Kat tore my arm up and off after that, and Ozzy managed to roll out from my grasp.

"Freedom!" He shouted, and then took a dive for my leg.

"No! Cruel wenches!" I called out, struggling lightly as Kat and Hitoshi dog piled me. I saw Don's shadow before I saw him, and he fell on top of all of us. He kept his weight off where the kids were, thankfully. "What cruel fate I have been bestowed! Why so cruel?" I asked.

"You didn't get up in time for breakfast," Don answered, his face pressed into the pillow next to me. I deflated under them, and turned my head to look at the clock.

"It's _ten_. I think I can sleep in a little while, guys." I complained.

I felt wiggling against my torso, and before I could push Don he lifted himself off me to let the kids out. They tried to fall on top of him once they were free, but he didn't fall back on me. He stayed leaned over, two feet over me.

"What's wrong?" Ozzy asked. Don's brows furrowed, but he didn't say anything.

"Don?" I asked. Don looked up at me, and them over his shoulder at the kids.

"Oh, sorry," he said, and promptly fell on me.

"Oof! Little. Warning. Next time." I breathed. Don chuckled into the pillow, and wiggled his torso when the kids started climbing on his shell like a rock.

"What was that?" I whispered, because his ear was pretty much right next to me.

"You reminded me of one of my older experiments, and a possible answer. I got lost in thought," He answered.

"Oh, well, what experiment?" I asked.

The kids sat on his shell victoriously and made yipping noises.

"A time travel device. I got the idea when we went to the future, but never completed it." He answered. Oh... Impressive.

"I hope you have fun? How do I respond to you making a time travel device?" I answered.

"If I could get it to work, I could go back in time and possibly stop all this from happening. We will see, I guess." He answered.

"If you get it to work, wouldn't something have already changed by now?" I asked. He turned his head the other direction, and gasped for air.

"Kids, breathing is a thing," He said theatrically. Like clockwork, the kids fell off of him as fast as possible, and he was able to get up.

"I like to think something along the lines of, 'things can't change until the thing that could cause the change is present. Once the machine is made, something should happen." He answered one he was standing.

"Oh. Well, that makes it simple. I like that better than a headache." I answered, and grinned. He shook his head at me. I offered my hand to him. "Help me up?"

And he does something different.

"Get her! She's got a gun!" Donnie shouted, setting the three little ones off again.


	33. Goodbye

Chapter 33 Goodbye

The night before I was set to face Shredder, I found I couldn't sleep. The pressure of the last week, knowing what I was going to do, pressed in on me like a vacuum in the wee early morning. It was nearly hyperventilating inducing.

I was going to see Raph tomorrow. I was going to face Shredder. I was going to see my baby... and hurt him. I couldn't imagine a worse way to reunite, or to save him. "Hey, it's your girlfriend. Let's fight, oh you see that cliff we're next too? I'm going to jump to save you."

I turned to press my face into the pillow. I couldn't breathe against it, but for the few seconds I was here I stared at the darkness. This was comforting, this darkness. I wonder if I could suffocate. What if instead of dying we tell him I'm dead? Would that be enough? I couldn't imagine it, I feel like Shredder has that door covered.

I turned my head when my lungs were burning, and I took a gulp of air like I was... dying for my last breath. Everything gets morbidly humorous when you're about to die. Why doesn't anyone ever write this feeling?

Oh yeah, because they're all _dead_.

I hope that, however I die, it's quick, quicker than suffocating. Or maybe the affects of being shot, without the pain. That ended up being... peaceful. And pretty in the end. It'd be... painful if I landed at the bottom of the drop and had to die slowly from broken everything. Would that hurt Raph enough, if I fell, and while probably mortally wounded, Shredder left him, and I was still alive. Maybe. Depended on how long. I think dying immediately was better than him watching me in agony as our last moments.

"Up we're going," I told myself, swinging my body over the bed and standing up. I adjusted my weight back and forth, and had a brief flashback to the tail end of the pregnancy. Tottering my weight carefully as I got out of bed. Raph would be behind me immediately and steady me with his hands on my hips. It was actually the start of me sleeping on the outside.

I sighed, rubbed at my eyes, and aimed to leave the room. In a single step, I had a flash of earlier on in our relationship, one of the first nights I stayed here. He pulled my mask up and kissed me. In the next step, it was gone.

I left the room and looked around, wondering where I should go. I didn't want to be alone... Leo was probably still with Haley until three, where he traded with Master Splinter so he could sleep, so that counted those two out. I could go see Don, but I almost didn't want too. I could see him trying to fix things a little more than they are now, and I wanted right now was... someone warm.

I wanted to see Mikey as him and me before I said goodbye and left forever.

I turned on my foot slowly, digging my heel into the ground as I did it. I walked over to his door as quietly as I could so none of their super hearing heard me, and stopped outside Mikey's door. I raised my hand, hesitated for only a split second, and knocked.

I realized rather soon after that it was entirely possible he didn't wake up. If that happened, I'd have to go to Don or bother Master Splinter until he traded with Leo.

I raised my hand to knock again, because I was going to push off going to someone else for as long as possible. Before my knuckles touched the door though, it cracked up, and a maskless Mikey appeared in the doorway. He blinked at me a couple times, like he couldn't figure out why I was there.

"Hey," He said.

"Hey, Mikey... I just... I wanted to see you one last time… Before I'm gone." I whispered, and watched Mikey in his partially sleepy form. He rubbed his eyes for a moment, looking at me.

"You see me," He said, oddly mature, and split his door wider for me. I crept in quietly, overstepping comic books and a pile of clothing I hadn't even been aware he owned. It was peaceful… Domestic. It breathed life back into my lungs, which had refused to feel anything but aching since the week started.

"You know," Mikey started, coming up behind me to steer me safely through his room by my arm. "I am the last person I expected you to want to spend your last night with."

"You're the only one that makes it easier to breathe." I gasped out truthfully, the sudden feeling of being able to _breathe_ overwhelming me. I sat down on the bed, and half expected Mikey to sit down next to me. Instead, he crouched down in front of me.

"You're afraid?" He asked, though it almost sounded like a statement. He grabbed one of my hands, dwarfing it in his. I choked on my breath, looking away from his _understanding_ blue eyes, and down at the bullet scar on my right forearm.

"No actually. I'm… terrified. Unstead. I can't sleep. I'm… I don't want to see the others; Don, Leo, Splinter, Hitoshi, Ozzy, Kat, or Haley. I can't see them..." I paused, afraid I'd start crying if I did.

"What do you want right now?" Mikey asked, unnaturally subdued.

I could think of a million things I should want, from one more day to just having Raph back. A time machine to go back, and maybe save us some pain. Ice cream even. Maybe it should be to fix every problem I have with the brothers, so that if and when I die, it's in peace and on good terms. Really, though I just wanted one thing.

"Hug me?" I asked.

Mikey moved, standing up slowly like we had all the time in the world for one last hug.

I moved back on his twin bed, sequestering myself against the wall. Mikey sat down on the bed, and he lifted his arm for me. I ducked under his arm, and wrapped my arms around his torso and pressing my head against his stomach. Mikey's arm came down, wrapping around my back and rested on my shoulder. His other hand came around, wrapped around my shoulders and over to lay on my side. He pulled me tighter against him, moving my head so it was higher up. His head dropped, and he pressed his nose against my hair.

There were a few seconds of just holding before his shoulders started to shake, and I heard him sniffle.

"I don't think any of us said it, but what you're doing- Thank you." He murmured.

I kept my shoulders tense for a second longer before I deflated.

What could I say to that?

"You're welcome."

_It's the least I could do._

Mikey leaned back against the wall, getting us comfortable. I ground my teeth momentarily, holding my breath.

"What is it you want to say?" Mikey asked, a little lilt in his voice that sounded humored. I looked up at him and noticed the tilt in his lips.

I smiled back at him.

"You're never brought down, are you?" I asked. Mikey continued to look at me, but with the change of his smile getting bigger. I snuggled deeper into his hard pectoral plates, long used to what should have been uncomfortable, but now isn't.

"It's quite nice, you're... Kind of like that meth dose I had a few weeks ago. Except safer."

Mikey barked out a laugh, and his body shook the bed.

"You flatter." He laughed out.

"Thank you," I said back.

I looked away from his face and laid my cheek on his pectorals again. Mikey didn't say anything after that, and I found myself falling asleep to his even breathing and firm hand on my arm very soon afterward.

I woke up to the sound of insistent knocking at Mikey's door.

"Mikey! Mikey, Liz disappeared." Don called through the door, sounding panicked. Mikey shook awake when I moved, and looked at me groggily.

"I don't know how Raph sleeps in the same bed as you, you can't move around at all." He grumbled, turning on his side and cocooning me in his arms.

"We have a bigger bed, Mikey. We don't sleep in a twin." I answered, feeling small curled up in the youngest turtle's arms. It was actually kinda nice to feel small...

"We should have gone to your room, who's idea was it to sleep in my bed." Mikey grouched.

"Mikey!" Don shouted, jostling Mikey into a sitting up position. "I'm coming in, we have to find Liz. She's missing."

"She's in here," Mikey answered just as Don opened the door. Don froze in the doorway, looking at the two of us in surprise and confusion, and I saw a flicker like the quickest of lightning in his eyes. Suspicion. I turned startlingly cold inside.

In an instant, the mood changed.

"Before you mention anything, they aren't his kids." I spat out, falling back into the bed. "Good cover up story, though. They aren't Raph's, they're his _brother's_. Oh my god Don."

"I didn't say anythi-" He started to say.

"You didn't have too! I saw it in your eyes. That same suspicion as when we found out I was pregnant and you assumed I was cheating. Do a fucking fraternity test after I die for all I fucking care. Maybe you'll finally stop assuming shit."

Poor Mikey, caught literally in the middle. I felt like hugging him, but I seriously didn't want to touch it with a ten-foot pole with Don. He looked between the two of us in confusion for several seconds, he befuddled brain processing what just happened.

"Wait you mean he- Dude!" Mikey shouted at Don.

"I'm sorry! It just sprung into my mind as a stray thought, I didn't actually think you guys did anything." Don shot back.

"Fuck off, Don," I shouted. "You clearly thought something enough that I saw it. You know where I am, now go fix a toaster. I'm not fucking dead _yet_."

There were several seconds of silence, and then Don closed the door. I sighed and turned around to face away from Mikey.

"I am so sorry that happened, Mikey," I said, suddenly extremely... subdued. I felt Mikey move around behind me and laid down in bed. His hand came up and rest on my shoulder.

"I'm Raph's brother, why would Donnie..." He questioned. Oh. Oh shit.

I turned around immediately, facing Mikey. His face was long, almost forlorn, and he looked as subdued as I felt.

"It's not Donnie who thought that Mikey. It's the suspicion of science and assumption before a conclusion. It really was a split second spur of the moment thought because what he saw connected mentally before the logic of the situation could. Once he understood the situation, he would have never thought it." I murmured.

"He still thought it," Mikey shot back, glaring at the wall behind me. I sighed.

"If you walked in on any girl or boy cuddling together in the morning after one of them went missing, wouldn't your initial reaction to be they did something?" I asked. Mikey looked at me for a second before back at the wall. He nodded stiffly.

"And then you took in the situation and realized they were eating s'mores or are sleeping or were comforting each other the eve before a fight." I continued. Mikey focused on me, and I saw his eyes quiver. "That's what happened with Don. Your brother is intelligent, but his initial reaction is going to be the same as everyone else. It was my fault, I saw the immediate reaction, the initial and reactionary suspicion of the situation, and blew it up."

"You've experienced it before. You know how to handle it." He answered.

"I clearly don't, I cursed your brother out into leaving your room when all he'd been was worried for my safety," I answered. He smiled for a second and sighed.

"How'd you get past it?" He asked.

"I technically didn't. I got used to it, understood it as a flaw, and we scraped it behind us. We never 'fixed it'." I answered truthfully. Mikey's mouth opened a little in slack jaw.

"You guys never fixed it and are still... all this? You trust each other, lean on each other, are alone together, and you never fixed that?" He asked, leaning up on his arm to face me better.

"No, we really didn't. The way we, or I because I don't know how he feels completely, see it, these bumps in our road are just bumps. They're big, and when we hit them, they're ugly, but other than that, we can still trust each other." I answered.

"That's a really messed up relationship, you know," Mikey said, his spirits bouncing back. I shrugged.

"It is, but in the end, it's the best we got."

"So what are you going to do when we leave?" He asked.

"I'm going to find Don and apologize, because that was out of line in my case," I answered. "Can you let me out?"

"Naw, I was thinking we should stay here for a couple hours." He said, laying back. He moved his arm over and laid it on top of me when I tried to get up, pinning me to the bed.

"Mikey! Ugh, the sooner I apologize the better our relationship?" I tried. Mikey looked over at me sharply.

"Really?" He asked.

"Yes," I said, sure of myself. Mikey lifted his arm off of me immediately, only to wrap it under me and pretty much toss me out of his bed.

"Go forth, pilgrim!" He said, saluting me. I paused for a second. Pilgrim?

"Do you even know where that reference is from?" I asked.

"Nope." He said cheerily. I was seriously tempted to explain it to him, but... I just really wanted to leave as well.

"Alright, thanks, John Wayne," I answered. I turned around and navigated Mikey's bedroom carefully. There was a lot more that littered the floor than I'd originally thought, and I'd like not to name half of it.

Once I got to the door, I was out of there as fast as I could be. I checked the entire top floor for Don, and once I knew he wasn't on the top floor, I jumped the railing to find him on the bottom floor. I checked the living room, Dojo, weight room, and was tempted to see if he left before I went to the kitchen.

As soon as I stepped into the kitchen, I saw Leo, Splinter, and Don in there talking and having tea (well, coffee for Don). They went silent when they saw me, and I saw Don freeze up on sight.

I debated for a moment going through with it. It's what I'd always wanted to do, but never did because I figured it wouldn't do good in the end. Now though, I guess wasn't time for regrets. If it worked, it worked. If it didn't, it didn't. But at least I didn't have this what if in the end.

I took a deep breath, steadied myself, and walked briskly over to Don. I saw his body tense up, and he set his coffee down before I crashed into him. He crouched his body like he was ready for an attack, and I saw his eyes dart around looking for a way to get us both out of this safely. His lowered body made it easy for me to reach up, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging his torso to me.

There were several long seconds of silence before Don wrapped his arms around me carefully.

"I am sorry, Don. I blew up on you. I took something at face value and didn't think, and you got hurt in the end." I said, saying mostly what felt right and hoping it sounded correct.

Don deflated against me, and he adjusted his grip so he could stand up again but still hug me. My feet dangled a couple feet in the air, but now, I almost didn't care.

"I'm sorry I even thought it. I know you, and I know Mikey, you guys would never do anything like that, let alone think too." His arms tightened around me perceptively. "Mikey was probably really hurt, wasn't he?"

"He was, but I helped it out. He thinks better of you now. I would still talk to him just in case, though." I answered.

"I will. Thank you," He said, and I could tell he was saying thanks for more than just helping him with Mikey.

"You're welcome, Donnie. And thank you."

0o0

The goodbye, as was expected, was bittersweet. I left at noon so I had daylight on my side, time to fight, and enough time for Raph to get home without being blinded by the dark. It was a perfect time, except the fact it felt too short with the family.

I had six hours with the brothers, and four with my kids by the time they got up. I wanted everything to be as normal as possible for my children, so we spent breakfast with them. Throughout the ordeal it became, I have three legs touching me at all times under the table, passing comfort without verbal command.

It really... wasn't fun.

"Where is mom going?" Kat asked as I geared up in the last hour I had. Leo tossed me a glance as I tightened the katana strap over my chest.

"To see your dad." He answered, not lying, but not completely telling the truth.

Hitoshi piped in, "Will dad be co'ming back?"

I turned around softly, and crouched down to see eye level with him.

"Yes baby, I'm going to bring daddy back home," I answered, stretching my hand out for him. He took it without hesitation, and I drew him forwards in my last hug.

I squeezed him to me as tightly as I dared, and pressed my eyes closed as the tears I'd been fighting all day came up.

"Mom, are ya ok?" Ozzy asked. I opened my eyes to look at him, and then looked at the brothers behind him. I smiled.

"I'm bringing your dad home. I'm... happy I get to be the one to do it," I answered, keeping steady eyes with the brothers.

Don turned around at my admission, and I saw his knee shake. He covered his face fully with both hands and sighed into them shakily. Mikey's face crumbled before me, but I could see the thanks in his eyes. Leo... looked so sad, and watched me like he was still trying to find another way out of it.

"Come here," I said to Kat and Ozzy. They fell forwards into my arms, and I got to be hugged tightly around the neck by three sets of arms.

I couldn't tell them how they'd grow up to be incredible, or that I adored their strengths, or that they were all capable of more than they could ever see, because that would make them more suspicious in this teary eyed moment than they probably already were. I couldn't tell them that is see them soon, because that was a lie. In the end, I couldn't tell them anything, and it was another hit to the heart.

"I love you guys, more than you will ever know," I murmured to them, because I _could_ say that, and had before.

I love you's were murmured back to me, and all three of them tightened their hold just a little more on me, and then let go.

I smiled at them each, and then they stepped back. Kat's eyes were trusting, because lie had never been told to her, and lies shouldn't be. Technically, no lie was told. I'd be bringing Raph back. I just wasn't coming back with him. Most likely. Hitoshi's eyes were worried, which made sense. Raph had been missing for a while, and now as I got him back, I was in tears. Ozzy's eyes were apprehensive. He could see something underneath what we were telling, but he couldn't figure out why. I wondered if he'd talk to Splinter and see if he could get an answer.

"Give us a moment," Leo asked of them. The kids looked at him with wide eyes, then at the back turned Don and the sad Mikey. I saw Ozzy tense imperceptibly. He was the one to grab his siblings wrists and drag them away, towards the stairs to do what, I don't know. Most likely visit Haley and Master Splinter, who I'd said goodbye too before heading downstairs.

As soon as they were gone from all our sights, Mikey rushed forwards and had me in a hug. I wrapped my arms as tight as I could around his shoulders, knowing no matter how hard I squeezed I couldn't hurt him. He shook like a leaf the longer held me, and I heard him sniffle back his tears.

"Ooooooh, I'm going to miss you," He sniffled. I had to laugh, even if just a little. I felt Mikey's watery grin against my shoulder, and he held on just a bit tighter. I felt my ribs started to ache, but I didn't care right about now.

"I'd say the same, but uh, you know," I answered, my voice a little breathless from the squeeze. Mikey relaxed his grip on me, and I fought back saying hug me tighter again.

"Thank you." He said, parroting what he'd said the night before.

"You're welcome," I answered.

Mikey set me down with a pained sigh, and walked around to stand behind Don and Leo. Leo looked rooted to where he stood, frozen and unable to move. Don still had his back turned, but I could see him fighting to turn around.

"Ok, move," Don hissed at himself. He turned around on his heel, to two strides towards me, and stopped. I could see his brain stutter, and he opened his mouth to talk.

Nothing came out, nothing happened.

"Dammit," He grumbled. "I don't know what to say, I'm sorry Liz."

"It's ok, Don," I whispered. He watched me with sorrowful eyes.

He took the last step and hugged me. It felt simple, something you'd give someone halfway through the day when you saw them in the hallway, but he fell apart after within seconds and hugged me infinitely tighter, and there I could feel what he couldn't say. I'm sorry, thank you, why did it end this way, please forgive me.

"It's ok, Don," I said again, reaching around him and curling my arms into his sides. There was no way I was reaching all the way around him. He took a deep breath, and I felt him relax.

He separated from me, but didn't leave. He held my shoulders in his much larger hands, and stared down at me.

"I will get you back. I'll find a way," He answered, his resolve forming as he said it. I smiled up at him, and placed a hand on his forearm.

"I will see you then, Donnie," I answered softly. He smiled back at me, looking sure in this. And let me go.

Leo traded with him instantly, and had a raised eyebrow on me. He pointed his thumb at Donnie in silent question.

"What was that about?" He asked.

"He's thinking of trying to get the time travel device he was working on a long time ago to work?" I answered, but it came out like a question. Leo's eyes tightened. "I don't know entirely what he's doing, I just know the time travel device is a thing."

"I'll make sure he remembers to eat then," He responded.

"Hey, Liz, you remem- no, wait, you don't... Sorry," He said, and smiled awkwardly. I tilted my head a little. "When we met, I said some things that I later learned weren't true. Well, they were, but that difference wasn't a bad thing. One of the things I said was that I had a family, and you didn't."

"Oh, ow, you really didn't like me back then," I answered. Leo gave me a little glare.

"No, I didn't. What I want to say is that I... consider you family. Even though I'm a mutant and you're a human, and I'm a ninja and you're an -ahem- _ex_ -killer, I consider you a part of this family." He said. I was forced to assume the mutant/human and ninja/killer were also things he'd said, and yeah, I could picture Leo saying that to take a jab at me and get me angry.

"This would probably mean a lot more to me if I remembered, but thank you, Leo," I answered. His shoulders sagged for a moment, and then he sighed.

"Can't expect them all to be winners." He shrugged. "Come here."

I tipped forwards, and Leo lowered his body so we were closer to eye level, and we hugged. It was a comforting hug, something you'd get from a friend after a problematic experience, or something you'd get from a parent after you were bullied. It stopped time, and for a split second, I could breathe, and I could see the goal I was aiming for. I could see what I was going to do and why I was doing it. It was what I needed. One last glimpse of why I was doing this.

"Ok, I'm ready," I said against his shoulder. Silence rang out with my admission, and Leo dropped to his knees.

"Thank you, Liz. You can't imagine how much it means to me you're doing this for us, for our family. I was so wrong about you in the beginning, and I don't think I've seen the bottom of the well with you." Leo cracked out. I placed a comforting hand on the back of his head, and rubbed the vertebrae that stuck on right above their shells. It was a comforting spot for Raph and my kids, I could only imagine it did the same for Leo.

Leo collapsed under my hand, and let out a shuddering breath.

"I would do anything for family. Even die for them," I answered, looking over at Mikey and Don as I said it. "Thank you for giving me one to die for."

I let go of Leo and turned around. I walked carefully towards the door, waiting for my vision to narrow or for something to stop. Nothing happened, I was perfectly fine with all this.

I left the lair I called home for years now for the last time.

**A/n: Not gone yet.**


	34. Say Something

**A/n: The last chapter! All that is left is the epilogue.**

Chapter 34 Say Something

The abandoned highway was a beautiful disarray of colors amongst the broken ground; gray asphalt, rusted rebar, bottle green and clear glass, green weeds coming out of the broken asphalt, and brown and green leaves. It seemed ages ago I had been here, a forest green arm around my waist. I had worn shorts that day, and a red long sleeve. This time I came alone, dressed in my SS outfit, with the belt for my katana around me.

I brought my arm over my shoulder, brushing the twin katanas I had, blessed by Master Splinter. My cheeks stung from unshed tears, and my chest constricted from hugs, the faces of my kids flashing through my eyes as I walked out into the open.

 _"Will dad be co'ming back?"_ I shivered as I remembered the last moments I had with them. Yes, I was going to get him back.

I brushed glass away with my foot, and rubbed the toe of my shoe on the grass. I strained my ears to hear. Something, anything. Where was he?

A soft breeze, barely noticeable, came from my left, and I smelled metal. I smiled sadly, feeling my eyes burn. I punctured the thoughts of anything meaningful from my mind. It was Shredder, not Raph. Blue eyes, remember the blue eyes that only Mikey and Ozzy should have. I turned slowly, facing the towering figure of my boyfriend. I looked over his figure, studying him.

"You came." He said.

He'd removed anything that gave Raph identity. Mask, belt, knees and elbow pads. He had a new, black belt around his waist, buckled down, and the sais were tucked into it. I looked at his hand to see if the ring Raph wore was gone. It was. I felt my hand for my own and found it was too. I'd forgotten it in my room. Probably for the best.

"Your ring is missing." I noted, staring at his left hand. It was balled into a fist, bits of light green showing with how tight his hands were. I looked up, red bandana gone, anything related to Raph gone, and blue eyes shining forcefully. He really was just a giant mutant turtle now.

"So is your faith in Raph." He states, opening his left palm. The ring was there, gleaming innocently against his large hand, and Raph's hand shook, like he was trying to do something. "You probably have questions."

I swallowed, glancing back up at Raph's face.

"Why him? Why not Karai? Or Hun. Or Leo. Or Donnie... Or me." I asked.

Shredder smiled, not in a way that was cruel, but endearing. He flipped the ring up like a coin, and grabbed the ring from midair with his right hand, which placed the ring in its respectful place.

"I like the ring. Very... mutating. What size was it? 15? 20?" He glances at my face, waiting for a reply. He sighed when I didn't humor him. "It's because he is the only one you would slow down on from laying the final strike. Today won't end with your sword at his throat. It'll be the other way around. Or one of us could take the tumble over the cliff. Those shattered rocks and rebar at the bottom look very promising."

I swallowed stiffly and caged any emotion that floated, unwilling to give in. Really, it was easier than it should have been to block everything and give in to a side I hadn't used for so long. Though maybe knowing that it was either him or me that died helped.

"You're right. I won't lay my sword at his throat, but at yours, and believe me, I will enjoy causing you the most insufferable pain possible. And after you, it's Karai," Shredder twitched his eye at Karai, and his hand flexed. "And then Hun. I'm going to work down the scale, starting with you."

I reached over my shoulder, unleashing the double blade with my thumb. Shredder grabbed the sais at his hips, moving them into solid grips. He adjusted his body in a move I knew from Raph that meant he was getting ready to lunge.

"You speak big. Can you imitate it?" He asked just before he charged. I flung myself sideways, out of the way he moved towards like a bull. He turned his body on a dime, and swung his sais in a fluid downwards motion. I swung my weapons up to catch the sais, spreading the weight on my arms carefully. An inhuman weight that shouldn't be there pressed down on me. Slowly, carefully, I hooked the sais onto one sword and swung the other at Shredder's stomach. He jumped back, just the very tip of my blade scraping the upper edge of his plastron.

"Yes. I can." I stood up, swinging the hilt of the blade over the back of my hand. It seemed right, an imitation Hitoshi had done and I had copied. Learning from your first master. Shredder smiled cruelly, spinning his weapons in his hands in a practiced move that didn't look like anything Master Splinter or Raph had done before.

"So children have not eased your murderous tendency?" He asked smugly. I stopped moving, catching the sword again.

"How did you know about them?" I asked, almost curious. He smiled, pointing the sai at himself.

"Memories." He answered. The sai shook again, inching towards his chest. Shredder threw it out, the movement so sudden I barely moved before it had my throat. I ducked, dropping stomach flat to the ground to avoid the tool. I rolled immediately, on instinct, remembering this move from training with him, and brought the sword up to catch Shredder as he tried stepping on me. He looked briefly surprised I'd stopped him.

"Oh yes, Shredder. I remember a lot about what you taught me." I growled at his surprised face before swinging my leg out and catching Shredder's other. He tumbled down, the ground vibrating with the weight. I rolled three times away from him, grabbing the sai that he had thrown. With blind faith, I threw the dagger over my shoulder.

There was a moment of absolute silence, long enough for me to think I'd done something I didn't mean too, and then I heard a dark chuckle. I felt my heart cripple a little at the sound, just as my arms tensed to move. I stood up, turning around to face him. I would have hit true, despite my hope of not doing that, because the sai was over his breast bone. Shredder had grabbed the blade before it could hit though.

"You have retained your aim. This might not actually be a short fight." He complimented, looking at the weapon his hand. It was shaking again, inching towards himself. Shredder wasn't doing it, which meant only one other person could be. Raph was still fighting. I could fight with Raph, help him fight from the inside.

"Raph," I whispered. Shredder looked up at me, his blue eyes shining with the malice of a dead army. His whole body racked with a shiver, but his eyes didn't change color.

"Your beast isn't in at the moment. Perhaps another day." Shredder snarled. He charged me, swinging the sais from two different directions, trying to stick me on one of them. I raised my weapons up, forming an X over my body to take the brunt from above. Shredder aimed from above me and below me, and since I'd only covered from above, I had to move my body to protect my lower. To do that, I swung my body in, getting close to his.

Shredder's arm went around me like clockwork, picking me up and attempting to throw me over his shoulder. This was something I'd trained for, and I grabbed the top of the shell as I went over his shoulder, the force of him throwing me topping him backwards as well. Shredder grunted as he hit the ground, and I scrambled to get on top of him. I angled my sword downwards, aiming for the softer flesh of his left shoulder, but not for the muscle. Wound not incapacitate.

Shredder saw what I was doing and dropped his sais to grab the blade and keep it from going through his shoulder. His hands shook around the blade, and his palms pressed into the blade hard enough I saw red seeping through his fingers. If it wasn't for the blade, I think he would have already had me off, but the sharp end of the blade was causing his grip to be too shallow, and I was too high on his long body for him to buck me off without allowing the blade closer to his skin.

"Raphael, fight him," I ground out, lifting my body a little to put more force on it. Shredder's eyes caught mine, and he bared his teeth.

"You don't get it. He's gone. He couldn't fight me in his own body. Your sex toy is dead, and no amount of sappy words will get him back."

"Karai told me something before I detached her head from her body," I grumbled. Shredder's arms shook, and I saw a flicker of emotion. I got another two inches down on him and I was just barely scraping the top of his skin. "We could get Raph back if he experienced something so strong it crippled him. Like a death of someone he loved. Is it the same for you?"

"You are so naive," Shredder chuckled. His grip tightened on the blade, but his arms were starting to shake. Bad. I knew Raph was strong enough to take most of Mikey's weight on one arm, and he never slacked from training. Arm shaking was something that never happened, unless he was fighting someone difficult. "It doesn't work like that."

I ignored Shredder, trying to reach Raph farther inside. "Raph, the only way to get you back is for me to die."

"No," Shredder whispered softly. His blue eyes slowly turned hazel, and I could see the struggle as he fought Raph. Raph had something worth fighting for though. Then again, so did Shredder.

My arms went down, and for a moment I thought my grip had slacked. The man below my groaned loudly in pain though, and my sword was now two inches deep in the ground below him. I'd gotten his shoulder, and Shredder was staring at me in disbelief. I was also really surprised, I didn't actually think I would get him.

A bloody fist came up and clipped my jaw. The sheer force of the blow caused something in my mouth to crack, and radiating pain went through my ear and jaw. I rolled off of Shredder, and he was instantly in motion, trying to get the sword out of his shoulder. I reached for the hilt of the weapon, intent on causing as much damage as I could before he got out. I pulled the hilt towards me, and the sword followed after straining through the ground and through Raph's shoulder. What was once just a hole through his arm was now a three inch gash up his shell, splitting it in the corner, and I had, miraculously, avoided a large portion of his muscle. It tore the flesh in Raph's left arm, and the uppermost part of his trapezius. Shredder might be unnaturally strong, but that wound crippled his left arm.

"Huh, looks like I was right," I told him, standing up slowly. There was something wrong with my jaw; it hurt to talk, and things felt sideways, my jaw couldn't _close_.

Shredder stood up, cupping his bleeding shoulder fragilely. He looked at the damage and moved his arm. He could still move it, but it was obvious it caused him intense pain. Shredder looked at me sharply and I tightened my stance. He gave up on using his sais, he charged me with fists alone. I almost dropped my katanas to fist fight him but I stopped myself at the last second and kept them up.

Shredder balled into me with his good shoulder, pushing me back who knows how much before I spun and pushed him off of me. I took a survey of our surroundings and took a quick note on how close we are on to the cliff. He was going to push me over it. That was his plan. It was my plan too.

"You're jaw looks dislocated. Did I do that?" Shredder asked in mock sympathy. I looked at Shredder again, his blue eyes shining mirthfully at my sideways jaw. I glared at him, putting one katana back in the sheath.

"I can still use it. Pain is the last thing I'm worried about." I got out. It hurt to talk, by god did it hurt. It felt like where the hinge of my jaw should be was grinding into my ear. Talking made it pinch everything all over again, but I wasn't going to show weakness.

Shredder stood up calmly, flexing his fists. I stayed at the ready because Shredder could move like lightning. If I wasn't ready he would have me on my back.

With blurry movements, Shredder charged me, and I crossed the sword over my stomach with one hand. The other hand I raised to the punch he threw at me. I had to get to the edge of the cliff. I'd seen it, the mere mention of me dying had Raph fighting to the front. My death meant Raph definitely had a chance. I knew this before Shredder had even chosen the place. The fact he picked it for memory reasons helped me. I knew when I walked on here I would be the one to die here, and now I knew Raph would live.

I covered Shredders hand with mine, swinging yet again into his body. The sword I had crossed over my stomach did a job at scratching across his plastron, giving it a nice long cut across where his belly button would be if he was human. The cut splintered outwards as his body moved in, and the plastron cracked under the forces. Once again in the crook of his arm, I expected him to toss me over his shoulder, but Shredder had better ideas.

He brought his other hand up to where I was grabbing him. He grabbed my wrist, pulling it away from his hand before he wrapped his now free hand around my fist. Before I could process what he was doing he squeezed. I felt and heard the bones grind together, and there were several pops all along my hand. I cried out in pain and shock, and his onslaught stopped.

Shredder's body shook again, and then a very weak, "Liz," was heard.

"Raph?" I asked, scrambling out of the crook of his arm to see his face. Hazel eyes stared back at me, pained well beyond measure, but they were hazel. "Raph."

"I... I'm sorry," He got out, his eyes shimmering a little with moisture. I grabbed his hand with my good hand and wrapped my fingers around his thumb, letting him do the same in the Soul Brother Handshake. "I hurt ya."

"Raph," I reached my broken hand up, wrapping it around his neck and pulling his face forward. His forehead rested softly against mine, and I took a breather in the little rest we had. His hazel eyes never left mine, but I could see the blue quivering just around the edges. I placed a small kiss on his mouth, but I didn't have the heart to do anymore. Raph responded only halfway, but I was ok with that.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm sorry, so sorry for what I am about to do." Raph looked at me confused, and then he looked down at the sword under my arm. His eyes widened as he thought I was going to kill him, and he sighs deeply.

"Don' be. It has ta happen. Jus' be quick." He murmured. I felt my eyes sting with tears, and suddenly all the pain I was facing didn't matter. I was about to hurt Raph, I was about to destroy him inside and out. And I wouldn't be able to make up for it afterward.

Raph pulled back, standing up straight. His shoulders shook and his hand released mine. I felt empty without him touching me, and I had never wanted to hug him more than I did right now. There was a job to be done though, and Raph was losing the fight inside him.

I angled the sword up, holding it evenly at my eye level. Raph didn't flinch, and he looked at me calmly. He was ready to die, truly he was, to save his family. Raph had always been like that, ready to fight or die for what he believed in and for his family. I'd never had that feeling because I never had a family until Raph and his. When I had his, I didn't have to worry about them dying. They were like the strongest pieces of metal back then, and it was only over time when I got to personally know each in turn that I realized they were softer than clouds. The kids solidified that idea, because there were 7 billion of me, but there were only 8 of them. I now had a reason to die, a family to die for. His brothers needed him more than me. The kids need him more than they need me. I'd said my goodbye to my family, but Raph wasn't going to say goodbye. He was going to say hi.

With one fluid motion, I dropped the sword and took a dive for the edge of the platform. I rolled over the edge and closed my eyes, accepting my death. Something grabbed me from above before I could get far though, stopping my fall. I looked up, and Raph stared down at me with surprise on his face. Like he hadn't expected to actually catch me. Maybe he hadn't even been aware he'd moved.

"Let go of me," I commanded him. Raph shook his head, trying to pull me up. The cut in his shoulder officially crippled him, combined with how exhausted he was from fighting Shredder constantly stopped him. On top of that, I was using my other hand to keep me down, pressing downwards on the wall I was next too.

"No. I die, not ya. Ya were never even an option." He said, trying to pull me up. "Stop fightin' me!"

"No, Raph, stop and look at me."

"No, dammit. Ya don' die. I die. My brothers don' need me half as much as they need ya." He said, but he stopped trying to pull me up. I reached my broken hand up, cradling Raph's jaw carefully, like he was glass.

"They need you more than they need me. They need their brother, not his girlfriend. I'm weak compared to you. I might be quick, but I'm not strong. It was always the four teenage mutant ninja turtles. I'm just a girlfriend." Raph closed his eyes, leaning into my hand.

"We aren't teens anymore."

"Mikey still is," I answered, and smiled, but I could feel my hand starting to slip. The blood from his hand was causing a slip, I was about to fall. "They all need you. I've already said my goodbye's. They know the plan, that I die. You need to live because they need you. The kids need you."

Raph's choked on his breath, shaking his head in denial. I grabbed the edge of the platform for something to hold, because the longer I was here, the more panicked I got when I thought of falling. There was no way we could go back, Raph was too weak fighting everything and I didn't have enough strength to try and save myself.

"They need a mom."

"They have surrogates. April, Haley, and Mikey. I don't need to be there. Give it two years and they won't even remember me."

"They have too. They only get one mother, they have three of me." Raph countered, opening his eyes to look at me. His eyes looked to the ground below me and his jaw tightened. I felt his grip tighten on my wrist, and he tried to pull me up again. I fought against him once again, and Raph cursed at me. "Stop fuckin' fightin' it, Liz."

"No. I am dying. I never meant to make it to twenty years old, and you gave me much more than two decades of life. I've lived my life, but you haven't. I will die today whether you want me to or not. You will live, because you've got a lifetime to live. Go to Canada, fight for mutant rights, raise the kids."

"Liz..." Raph whimpered, his hand gripping tighter, but there was too little to hold now for him to pull me up. He knew it too. I gave us a couple seconds of silence, letting him come to terms with everything. He took a deep breath, but he didn't open his eyes.

"Raph..."

"No, no. Don't, not now. Don't leave me yet." Raph pleaded, trying to pull me up again. I didn't stop him, I just kept talking. I could say all the things I've wanted to say for months now, right here and now.

"Raph... My Raph. I love you..." He squeezed his eyes shut, the tears falling freely from his eyes and onto my cheeks.

"I know... I know. I love ya too. More than ya will ever know." I felt my hand on his wrist, slipping to his palm. "I'm sorry. So so sorry."

"Raph. Look at me, just once more. Let me see your beautiful eyes once more." Raph didn't do it for several seconds, but eventually he did.

"All I ever wanted," I started, "was a family, and you gave to me. Freely, willingly, and lovingly. You helped me live again, and in return, I want you to live. Promise me this last thing." I felt his palm slipping faster, and I grew panicked. I needed his promise.

He nodded once, his eyes showing the reluctance he had for doing such a thing, "I promise. I promise ya I'll try. Every wakin' and sleepin' moment I will."

I smiled, tears finally falling down my face. The panic in me left and I was able to relax my grip on his hand. Now I was ready to die, knowing that Raph would try to live. Raph never broke his promises, that I knew. Over time he would heal. The wound would never heal completely, but the kids and his brother would help him.

"Now let me go." He shook his head violently, grasping at my fingers as they slipped. I couldn't stop the sob that came out, and I covered my mouth to stop from doing it again. "Let me go."

Raph's face got farther and farther away as I fell the thirty-foot drop. His hand reached for me still, but he held himself back. His tears followed me, as did his scream.

Underneath me were broken cars, pipes, rebar, and large rocks from the bridge crumbling in places. I didn't know where I landed, but I felt something tear through my leg before my head hit something sharp.


	35. Epilogue Dark on Me

**A/n:** **Something I noticed as I completed this story -for those of you that have been here since book one- the books are parallel. To give an example, the last chapter of this book (chapter 34) ended with Raph dropping Liz (too soon?). The second chapter ever of SS had Raph lifting Liz up. Yeah, that was a personal physical pain of mine when I discovered that.**

**Secondly, a thank you to Shehawah, who without, book two would have never been put out there, and who encouraged me to keep writing. You are an awesome woman.**

**This is the end. Farewell my readers.** **It took a year to write it, but SS2 is finally finished. I hope you all enjoyed it, and here is the epilogue. (Is it too much to ask you not to kill me?)**

Epilogue Dark On Me

Raph's POV

I made it home. At least, what was my home. Is my home. I made it back to where I had lived for the last... seven years. Since I was thirteen, with my brothers and father. My family wasn't happy to see me. Well, they were I guess, as their brother they were. They were apprehensive, which I could get. What if Shredder was still in me?

He wasn't, I could feel it. What Liz did... did its job. He leaked from me like a bad sweat, fell off of me like cold water. It was painful. But the physical pain I was subjected to was nothing to mental scars I now had. Seeing Liz at the bottom of the bridge. Her leg was torn on a sharp piece of the crumbled bridge, her head was impaled on a rebar...

"Open your hands, I need to see the damage." Damage, right. Some cuts and scratches were the least of my problems. Doesn't matter how deep they went into my body, or that there was a hole in my shoulder and a splintering crack in my stomach. I had had worse.

"Mikey, get warm water, I need to wash the blood off to see the damage."

I wonder what I look like. Probably like a broken man. What would Leo say when he came back from the Amazon? Dead Liz, broken brother, three kids. He might go into shock.

"Raph. Raph." Don snapped his fingers in front of my face, calling my attention to him. "How do you feel?"

I almost laughed. How was I supposed to feel? Daisies and rainbows? Don's face told me he didn't mean mentally, but physically. I didn't know, I was physically numb. I hadn't been able to feel my body for over a month, and now that I could I was numb. I was surprised I had even gotten home. I didn't feel sick, I didn't feel dizzy from blood loss. I didn't feel the pain of my plastron being cracked, or my shell having a big tear in it. "I... I don' know."

"Leo, get my med kit. These cuts need stitches."

Leo was back. When did this happen? "Shell Raph, what did you do to cause these?"

Yeah, that was Leo. Leo was home. Back from playing Tarzan. I guess that was good. At least Don and Mikey would have someone to lean on.

"From grabbing something sharp, a sword probably," Don noted, dipping a rag in the water Mikey had brought. He started to rub my hands gently. It stung, and the longer he rubbed the worse it got, but it was good. I could still use them.

"A katana. Li..." I stopped, unable to say her name. They glanced at each other uncomfortably. "Aren't ya guys even goin' ta ask what happened?"

"We sort of know. We had it all planned before she left." Don shuffled away to get something ready for me. A stitching needle probably. I fought the urge to ball my fists at what they were saying. They knew, and they didn't try to stop her...

"Why didn't ya try ta stop her? Keep her back? One of ya coulda gone with her."

"Liz-" I flinched at her name, the image of her body, lifeless and with blood dripping from her skull, forced its way down my throat. "Didn't want us too. We tried, we really did. We all threw every other plan we could think of out there. Nothing else would have worked."

"Follow her. Trail her, an' then surprise jump in the fight." I snapped, curling my hands in. "Ya shouldn't have jus' let her walk out alone."

"Raph, your hands-"

"I don' care about my hands. Liz is dead!" Don stuck something in my arm and injected the toxin in me before I could react. I flinched from the stab of the needle in my arm, cupping the spot with my bleeding hand as soon as Don had the metal pin out. "Wha' did ya jus' stick me with?"

"Morphine." He said calmly, waiting for me to react. Morphine; Body numbing, pain reducing, sleep inducing. He drugged me.

My eyes started growing heavy as the morphine worked its poison through me. I glared at Don with as much venom as I could as I felt my body fall forwards. Two pairs of arms wrapped around me, and the last thing I felt was a stabbing pain in my hurt shoulder from being moved too hard.

I woke up later in bed. I was aware my hands were bandaged shut; my entire left shoulder, shell and all, was in a bandage, and I had a tightly wrapped bandage around my stomach. I wasn't in pain from the amount of drugs Don hyped me on. I wanted to beat him to a pulp for pulling the dirty trick of drugging me, but I couldn't do it. I was numb, my entire body. I couldn't even feel myself breathing, but I knew I was. I wouldn't be alive if I wasn't.

I was placed on my stomach, under the covers of my bed. My arms were folded under my pillow, much like they usually were when I slept on my stomach. I had to think what time it was, how long had I been out? Couple hours? Couple days? Couple weeks? I felt well rested, but so tired I wanted to sleep another hundred years.

I fought to open my eyes, a heavy weight on my chest growing heavier and heavier as my eyes opened. Which way was I facing? What would I see? Had anything changed?

My eyes opened to an empty bed. It took me a moment to realize it was empty, and I was staring at red sheets without brown hair or pale skin. I blinked a couple time, staring at the empty bed. Slowly, and with incredible hesitance, I reached across the bed, rubbing my hand on the side Liz slept on.

It was cold like ice, and so perfectly made I didn't want to move. It was like touching a memory almost, and that memory stabbed through me with a viciousness I could only compare to a hot knife being stabbed repetitively into your gut. Evenings of laughter, mornings of whispers. Retiring early for privacy, cuddling into her in the winter, and trying to avoid her in the summer.

I closed my eyes, turning my head into the bed to try and not see the memories. I took a shaky breath, and my eyes prickled painfully with tears. I could remember everything, too much of everything. Waking up in the middle of the night and hearing her breathing or holding my arm in her sleep. Laying across my chest or shell in the morning as she waited for me to wake up, or waking me up either by tickling me or by kissing me.

I wiggled my hand around, trying to see if the ring was still on my finger. Feeling it helped me somewhat, but it also finally made the tears fall. I tried to stay quiet, really I did, but I don't know how much I succeeded. It was agony knowing that I could smell her in the bed right now, but that smell would eventually fade. It tore through me knowing that the memories I had of her would slowly change, because the brain was faulty like that. It killed me to know that I would have to act like nothing was wrong in front of my kids. And while we could tell them the news, they wouldn't understand completely what it meant. Not at this age, and by the time they're old enough to know, they won't have a mother to put the name too. All they'll know is that their mother's name was Liz... And that Liz is dead.

Liz is dead...


End file.
